IVF or FET November/December 2015 - chat thread

[scoobybeans]

Disney- Thanks! We celebrated with my stepson on Finn's actual birthday (presents, balloons, cake) but next Sunday we're having my sister and niece plus some friends and their kids over. Very small, only 10 people. Unfortunately I don't know anyone with kids his age and since we just moved I don't know anyone in our area yet. But it should be fun! It's about 20 minutes to work and a beautiful commute past lakes and reservoirs, so I can't complain Wow that school situation sounds pretty awful. I hope you guys get into the private school, although I still think it's really messed up that you're forced into trying to get your daughter into a better situation. I was just reading about all of these areas of the Bronx that are getting rezoned and the new housing that's going up, and I guarantee you that school crowding will be an issue there too. Honestly I think it just comes down to greed, and no one caring enough to consider the consequences.

klik- It sounds like it's time to tell people soon! I was really hesitant to do it, but people were so supportive and excited for us when we did tell them. I wasn't expecting that for some reason, but it was nice! I'm sure everyone will be excited for you guys!!! I looked back at my pregnancy journal and I started feeling flutters at around 17 weeks and being sure that I was feeling him at 18 weeks. A few days would pass without feeling him and I'd worry but that's normal in the beginning. One of the nice things about an anterior placenta is when he gets bigger and he kicks you've got a little cushion there

We're having this crazy weather right now that the media is calling a "polar vortex". It was -2 degrees Fahrenheit this morning when I woke up and the wind chill was -15. Not fun walking the dogs, especially Lola who is picky about finding the perfect place to poop lol. (Say that 5x fast.)

 

[Wish2BMom]

YES this cold!! We're relatively neighbors and we're feeling it too. It can go straight to hell. But 50's this weekend so that'll be nice! And weird!

have fun at bday celebration #2 this weekend!

disney - is work slowing at all? I'm going to assume no since you haven't made it back on for a bit. My work isn't crazy but I'm still in learning mode which just rides my last nerve. I hate not knowing.

klik - what week are we in? I can't wait for you to feel kicks. Absolutely the best part of it. Though towards the end when you're trying to sleep and baby has opinions about the position you should be laying in...

So the boys are CRAZY developing now! Timothy is so close to talking - he definitely says 'Yes', 'Yuck', 'Yeah' (he has a firm grasp of the Y sound! ), 'No' and then babbles other things that sound like words. But he has facial expressions with them, proper pauses when he talks, different inflections. It's sooooo crazy. I love watching it.
They are 'brushing their teeth' now too, almost running, we are OFF bottles and formula, except for the bedtime bottle and middle of the night bottle - but those are still milk. The big formula bill is GONE! What else...they HATE getting their diapers changed. I think they just hate laying down on the changing table but it's muy impossible to change them standing up. So that's a fun struggle.
Oh and I guess at daycare they are doing new things like trying to help the other babies when they drop a pacifier - trying to give it back to them in their mouths! They help pick up toys around the room (i'm probably making them OCD but I'm constantly tidying up their play area b/c it's just a hazard for them toddling around to step on stuff).

that's it! I thought their development pace so far was fast!! That was nothing! Before it was like something new each week. Now I feel like it's almost daily or every other day they come home with something new. Oh, they can hold those puree pouches themselves and suck out of those now too! Breakfast just took a turn! I still give them tons of fruits and an english muffin but I don't have to finish with spoon-feeding them a yogurt or the puree every time now. Just pop one of those in their hands and it's a full nutritious, organic meal! Heck yeah!

 

[klik]

Hey, gals!

Disney, I hope you're ok, with school-hunting and work stress...

Scooby, happy birthday party to Finn tomorrow! Your commute sounds lovely! Oh, I'm sorry you're caught in the polar vortex... It is cold here, but nothing in comparison! Re. telling people, I do expect them to be very excited, but in a way that's just the problem--I don't want to be in the position of having to give them bad news later on, if things do sour... Still, my mother is in town for a week so I think I'll tell my relatives about it while she's here... And if there are bad news, oh well--everyone will just have to cope... Re. the placenta, my doc said yesterday that he thinks I'll only be able to feel movement in about a month--maybe 3 weeks. Not sure why, exactly--I guess the placenta does look thick and pretty much entirely anterior? Ho, hum, I can live without feeling him, as long as he's all right. Excellent point, though, about having a cushion for the future!

Wish, oooh, I'm sorry you're having to live through this cold, too! I just completed 18 weeks yesterday, but yeah, the doc said probably no feeling kicks for another 3 weeks to a month... I love that one of Timothy's first words is "yuck!" That does seem like some amazing development! They're stronger and wilier now, so changing their diapers does sound challenging... OTOH, breakfast sounds easier and it's great to have formula-buying behind you! And it's lovely to know that they're being helpful around daycare!!!

AFM: had a cheeky scan yesterday! I figured since I'm not spotting anymore, if the haematoma was gone I'd be allowed to exercise and BD, you know, before our physical health and sex life completely vanish post-baby! And since my mom is visiting, it was excellent that she could come with and see the little one moving around. She's very happy but also pretty jumpy about it--my brother and sister are both severely learning-disabled, so that's left her with a lot of anxiety regarding my potential children... I'd found it odd that she seemed unphased when I told her we were considering DE, but in this context it makes sense... Anyway, she enjoyed the scan, but as we were walking out, she asked, "so are you doing tests to make sure everything is ok?" I was like, "mom, you just *saw* me do a test to make sure everything is ok!" Oh, well, parental anxiety, what can you do? Anyway, the scan showed the little guy was totally fine (he opened his mouth once, which was cool) but the haematoma is still there, albeit much smaller. I'm allowed to do yoga now, but no BD... Still, the prospect of yoga is helpful--my body wants to do something, at least!

 

[Wish2BMom]

awww your poor mum is so anxious! Rightfully so, she's been through a lot. I'm so glad she could go with you. I wish my mom could have come with me to one scan but she lives too far away.
SO happy the little peanut is looking great and did some fun stuff for you on camera! As we got to the middlish-end of my pregnancy, Timothy wasn't doing anything. He'd keep his arm up over his face so no pictures - nothing! I think he photobombed Malcolm once, though.

Disney - things calming down at all? Ha - now that I type your name..Disney has been my life lately! They are my client at the new job I started back at the end of July. I'm SO HAPPY to have them as my client. I always wanted to work at Disney (as an animator, though) so I guess this is the closest I'll ever get.
How's the school hunting going? I hope you've been able to line some things up and get this off your mind.

scooby - how's little Finn doing? Are you now the proud new owner of your own business?? i'm so happy for everything you have going on in your life! How's DSS doing with everything - the move, the baby, any impact on you taking over the biz? I remember awhile ago he was getting into video games a little too much, right? Has all of that straightened out? Any new plays for him to be in this year?

Not much new here - went to Urgent Care AGAIN last night, this time for Timothy. He had leakage coming out of his ear. He was super upset the night before but we thought it was his molars coming in. Dose of Motrin later and he was fine, so we didn't think it was more than that. Turns out he's got a pretty good ear infection and his canal was so swollen, the doc couldn't see the entire ear drum to confirm there was no rupture, so we'll have to go back to his pedi tomorrow to see, after the antibiotics kick in. Poor love. Maybe he's next for tubes!

 

[klik]

hey, Wish! yeah, it was my mom's 70th birthday so I convinced her to come over as I'm still self-banned from Brazil due to Zika. So it was a good coincidence that I was pregnant when she came! Funny that Timothy was camera-shy until one day he decided to photobomb his brother! Ugh, I'm sorry he's now the one with an ear infection--poor thing... How's he doing?! I really hope the eardrum didn't rupture!

I've had the most annoying cold... first I was afraid it was Listeria because it started as gassiness and nausea... But then I developed a temperature and a sore throat. And I've been having the worst coughing fits--I lose control of my whole body, it's extremely unpleasant. Still, I'm getting better--last night I managed to sleep a half-decent number of hours and today I managed to eat a decent amount. I hope/think the little guy won't be affected, but I was concerned because I actually lost some weight over the past few days... I think he's all right, but I'm looking forward to this illness ending and then to next Friday's scan!

 

[Wish2BMom]

oh that's wonderful!! happy birthday to mom!

ugh, being sick while preg is the pits!! I had a 24 hr flu early on and of course, the first thing that comes up on Google (as we were figuring out what I could take) was that high fevers have been suspected to cause autism. And this was like week 9!! I was so freaked. But the Dr said everything was fine, I had taken one thing of Thermaflu and that was it, so it was all good. I'm sure your peanut is doing just fine, if not enjoying the massage every time you have a coughing fit!

so you have a scan in 2 days? or NEXT Fri? oooooh, I'm so excited for you! I loved scan days!!

Timothy is better - no rupture in his ear drum but we were referred to the ENT for him now. Probably tubes in his future too. And this week, Malcolm's cold got so bad that HE got another ear infection! One of his tubes actually got blocked/crusted over and he had some bloody leakage coming out of his ear (and his nose - related) so he's on antibiotics and ear drops AGAIN. Glad those tubes are doing their job!! But I'm glad this is it so far. I can't wait for Hand, Foot & Mouth to come to our house!

 

[scoobybeans]

klik- Aww, I love that your mom got to be there for your scan. That's such a special thing to share with her on her birthday. How did your scan go on Friday? Any kicks yet?

wish- Finn is awesome! I'm loving this age, how about you? He's so fun and interactive. He's doing this thing where he runs at me and launches himself into my arms. It's the sweetest. DSS is doing great! He's got the lead again this year, although they're doing Cinderella so that means he's Prince Charming... he's not super jazzed about that lol. My in-laws are coming down for his play next month. He likes his new loft-style room and he's WONDERFUL with Finn. You should see the way he looks at his big brother, it warms my little heart. That's seriously awful about M & T's ear infections. How did your ENT visit go? I feel so bad for these kids when they get sick. They're so little still, it must be such a bummer to be ill all of the time! It's the same with Finn, he's got another cold and he's teething like crazy so he's in pain a lot. It makes him whiny and clingy but then he feels better and he's back to his smiley little self again. How are you doing on food these days? It's so hard not to be lazy and just give him PB&J all the time lol.

AFM, I still don't have the reins to the business BUT I did get my big fat raise last week, retroactive to the beginning of the year. Woot! DH and I celebrated by going to see our first concert in FOREVER and having a nice dinner out. It was wonderful. I also splurged on a couple of girlie things I never treat myself to- salt scrub, new eye shadow, etc.

 

[Wish2BMom]

yes klik - updates please!! It's been awhile!!

scoob - awwww, everything sounds so incredible!! DSS sounds like he's in a really good place. I'm sure he subconsciously is just so safe and secure with you guys and now with this little guy to look up to him...SWOON! I'm sure your cup runneth over often!
The boys are amazing - yes!! we have the launching hugs, random 'kisses', just being total goofballs for a laugh. They are just SO silly, we are constantly cracking up. Timothy will do this thing where he does Downward Dog but on his head, and then he pushes himself around the room in this position! such a weirdo!

How's talking going with Finn? Timothy says a few words, or tries, but Malcolm is still just really babbling or grunting. He understands a lot and gets his point across but the actual words aren't formulating yet.

Foods are going fine - just have a picky eater in Malcolm. He doesn't like to try new things that are put in front of him. Or I have to figure out how to be more strategic. Like if I put watermelon down before carrots, he won't touch the carrots. So I have to put those down first as the only option and see if he'll eat them. And even then, it's a crap shoot. So if all (and I mean like 7 different food options) fail, then I give them a pouch and they suck that down. At least they are getting veggies and vitamins and minerals with those.
I actually still haven't given them actual peanut butter yet!! I've been nervous b/c I read that it can be too sticky and choke them. But I'm going to try it soon. They have jelly on their english muffin in the morning and love that (who wouldn't).
Oh and my least favorite sound of all time for the time being is food being thrown on to the floor. When they are done, everything is ejected.

T's ENT visit isn't until April but Malcolm went back for his post-op the other day and still had fluids in there. So back on ANOTHER antibiotic and ear drops. I guess the first month after getting tubes can still be tough. Hopefully we'll see some improvement soon. And hopefully once spring finally gets here, we'll be rid of colds for a little bit!!

 

[Wish2BMom]

oh and CONGRATS on the fat raise!!! who did you see in concert?? If I recall, we also had the same taste in TV - have you been watching anything fun? My current fave (and really b/c we are still only awake for an hour after the boys go down) is True Detective on HBO. We didn't like the last season but this season is good. At least I hope it ends up being good - the suspense so far is great, but I can see it going either way. We've been watching The Gifted since the beginning too (we are super hero show/movie people) and Gotham.

 

[klik]

Wish, all was indeed fine with the little guy and maybe he was actually enjoying the ride every time I coughed! It's inevitable that we worry about every little thing, isn't it?! Aw, I'm so sorry the boys both have been having ear infections! Poor dears... Yes, here's hoping Spring comes and helps out soon! I'm so glad they're being goofballs--it's lovely to see toddlers feel safe to explore and get to know themselves and the world... It's a wonderful phase!

Scooby, no kicks as yet--or maybe? I mean, sometimes I feel little somethings but it may be nothing, still.. On Friday the doc who was scanning said, "he's kicking you" and I couldn't feel anything, so I guess it will still be a while. Your life sounds like it's going so well, it's wonderful to hear! Well, teething aside--growing pains and all that--home and work life seem wonderful--may that continue for you!

So yeah, little guy seemed totally fine in the scan--moving around, and everything is measuring bang on target, which was a great relief! I did think he'd be fine but it's always good to get reassurance... And DP was suuuuper relieved--he'd been so worried while i was ill (well, I still am, but only the tail end of it now)--he kept asking me if I had tuberculosis, or if I was exposed to some poisonous mold--it would have been funny if I hadn't felt so crummy! I'm 21 weeks tomorrow, getting ever-closer to viability--hurray! Only real complaint now is, if I sit for too long (which I do), my back hurts. I'm allowed to exercise again, but the yoga class I went to was an hour of very light exercise and half an hour of lying on our left sides. The only nice thing about it was thinking about the baby as we breathed--the physical side of it was nil, though! I need to build up these muscles as my belly gets huge!

 

[scoobybeans]

Sorry for the novel below! (Wish you're one of the few people I know with kids almost exactly Finn's age so it's so great comparing notes with you.)

Wish- It's such a relief to us that DSS is doing so well. His mom is pretty messed up (alcoholic, ultra right-wing conspiracy nut, definitely some mental health issues there- possible manic depressive, etc). DH and I had resigned ourselves to him having some major issues (esp. drug/alcohol related, maybe behavioral problems too) by the time he was a teenager. He'll be 17 in a couple of months and I'm happy to say that he's growing up to be a really kind, considerate, funny, all-around great kid. He is very anti-alcohol and states he has no interest in drinking. Maybe having a mom who is so screwed up actually made him never want to be like that, so silver lining I guess? Saturday night we asked him what he wanted to do and he wanted to play rummy with us by the fire. Not too many teenagers who'd want to hang out with their dad & step-mom playing cards on a Saturday night, so we count ourselves very lucky. And we all had a blast! He also said he wants to spend his birthday with us this year.

As for the little guys, the affection is just the sweetest right now isn't it? Finn tried to kiss me the other day and it was just a wet mouth on my chin lol. He's super goofy like yours too, he cracks us up constantly! He used to say "mama mama" over and over but hasn't said it in like 2 or 3 months. Now it's "daddy" or "etty" (for Betty, from daycare), he says "oddy" which I think might be doggie? He sings recognizable tunes (like the ABC song but with the wrong sounds lol) or "E-I-E-I-O" (like Old McDonald). And he seems to understand what I'm saying a lot of the time but doesn't repeat it to me yet. But he babbles constantly and "talks" to his stuffed animals so I think we're on the right track. He also knows the sign for "more" but he's inconsistent about using it.

I know what you mean about strategic feeding! He always wants what we have, so when he's being cranky about eating sometimes I makes something for him but put it on a plate for myself. Once he sees me take a bite he wants it, so then I start breaking off pieces for him. Other times we just need to eat a piece of what he's eating (and we have to really eat it, he can tell if we fake it!) and that's enough to convince him. His tastes change constantly. He loved ravioli & chicken nuggets last week, now he won't eat either. He's crazy about bananas and spinach/mushroom/onion egg cups at the moment. He likes mango but mostly wants to suck on it and then he throws it. He also LOVES to feed the dogs. Which is sweet but can be a problem when we need him to feed himself!

As for peanut butter, I was nervous too. But he's been eating it for about a month with no problems at all. What I do is spread a super think layer of PB on 2 pieces of whole wheat, then a thin layer of jelly in between. I cut off the crusts and cut the sandwich into bite size pieces. I make sure to offer plenty of water or milk while he's eating.

We still do pouches too sometimes when we're on the go, but I've noticed they just never seem to fill him up as much as solid food. We started using the Happy Tot smoothies lately instead of just fruit/veggie pouches. They're higher calorie and thicker and he seems to love them. Also Sprout makes some that have chicken and turkey and lentils and aren't gross. Always trying to sneak protein in where I can!

Thank you on the raise. It feels great to finally be making what I should. We're anxiously awaiting our "profit share" from 2018 and still don't know how much it will be for or when we're getting it. Desperately need a French drain installed and a fence, and need to pay off moving expenses. We went to see Railroad Earth (bluegrass), it was so fun! We're also into True detective this year. I recommend umbrella academy & Russian doll, both on Netflix.

klik- So glad you had a good scan! I bet those kicks are coming any day now. It's cute DP was worried. Do you have access to a pool? Swimming would be wonderful exercise and not too high impact.

 

[Wish2BMom]

klik - wonderful that you had such a good scan!! I'm sure you are feeling flutters now - I had questioned it for a couple of weeks and it really couldn't have been anything else, now that I think back. I'm so excited for you to feel the first wallop! And yes, since I'm posting almost a week after you - now you're almost at week 22!! 2 more weeks until V Day!!

scooby - that's wonderful that DSS is growing up to be so well-adjusted, given his circumstances. Shows even more how you guys providing him with safety and stability is really going a long way. He'll thank you first when he receives his first Oscar!

omigosh - EIEIO! YES! Timothy was saying this before we knew it - we thought he was saying an emphatic 'YEAH YEAH YEAH'! Either way, was so funny. One of the toys started to sing 'Old MacDonald had a farm...' and then out he busts with 'EIEIO!' we were dying!

I tried PB this morning!! I put it on one side of their english muffin, on top of butter, so it was definitely thinned out. They liked it just as well as they liked the jelly side, so there ya go. That's over with! HA! Yeah, I have to get proteins in where I can too. Timothy has actually been pretty great about eating most things but it's getting more than fruits and carbs (same thing??) into Malcolm. Pouches don't fill these guys up anymore either but if I'm out of options and they are still hungry - they get one. I got the yogurt pouches for kids too (not babies) and they love those. Though they both sucked down their own in a matter of minutes this morning! They are already going to start eating us out of house and home! I'm so thankful they love their fruit, though. Blueberries, raspberries, watermelon, bananas, apple, mango (same with the sucking and throwing on the floor...), pears. Supposedly they eat mandarin oranges at daycare but I have yet to witness. I do try to give them what we have too but sometimes they just don't want that or it has too much sodium in it for my taste, for them.
I'm SO glad the stress of the transition to solids is over!! PHEW! That was probably my most stressful time yet!

 

[Disneyfan88]

Hi ladies. Greetings from Walt Disney World! It’s been SOOOO crazy at work lately - I’m definitely glad for the break. I honestly don’t know if I will be staying long term anymore. It’s not an enjoyable environment right now. My parents are here with us for the kids’ first trip to Florida. I’m resting while Sarah naps and everyone else is off having fun. I certainly don’t mind!

I’m glad that everyone seems to be doing well. I’ll try to check in again as soon as I can!

 

[klik]

Scooby, thanks! Yeah, I'm finally feeling him properly moving around now... It's very neat! I do have access to a pool but I have long hair and honestly can't be bothered to try to time the swimming and the hairwashing... Pilates feels ok, and I also found some instructions for how to modify sun salutations for pregnancy--it's only about half as hard work as a normal sun salutation but it still feels nice! And I went jogging a bit today... Anyway, I'm not feeling so deprived anymore in the exercise area!

Your DSS sounds so sweet... Great that Finn is using his first words and exploring the world of food! I think it's great that he's interested in what you're eating--that sounds ideal to me!

Wish, thanks! Yes, two more weeks til V day--looking good! And yes, I'm feeling more than flutters now--it's definitely him bumping up against me in every which way... It's really nice! Super cool that the boys' transition to solids has gone well--sorry it was so stressful--and I'm sure lots of parents would like to have the problem you have with Malcolm, that he's so into fruit!

Disney, hurray that you're finally getting a break--and you made it to Disneyworld this time! Enjoy it! Your work sounds extremely unreasonable--hopefully they'll hire someone else to help, or you'll get a saner job... Unemployment rate in the US is very low but I don't know how that translates to your particular circumstances...

 

[Wish2BMom]

Hooray for proper kicks!! isn't it the best?? my absolute favorite part of being pregnant. I remember laying in bed one night, sometime within a month and a half of them coming b/c I was in the spare bed with ALL the pillows, and they were moving so much that it was rustling the sheets! I got some good videos of that time too - so special.

Happy vacation, Disney! I hope it's fun for you. Yeah, work sounds like a beast for you. Perhaps time to move on if they aren't changing anything for you and there is no light at the end of the tunnel.

 

[klik]

Omg, Wish, they were moving so much the sheets were rustling! That's hilarious!! How did you get any sleep??

yeah, I'm really enjoying the movements--it's quietly, but deeply reassuring!

Viability day is tomorrow. Unbelievable we've gotten this far. I never thought it would happen like this--I mean, early on, sure, I was hoping for a natural freebie, but at 44, not in my wildest dreams...

 

[Wish2BMom]

Happy V Day!!!!

it's all surreal, huh? Especially for you!! You've been through SO MUCH and now this little soul just popped in to spend your life with you.

the rustling was just that one night, though to be fair I wasn't sleeping much by then anyway. I would shine my phone's flashlight on them though to try to get a video and they'd stop! Every single time! So I could only video in the daytime.

 

[Wish2BMom]

it's really weird - I'm getting an IUD installed on Tuesday. It's the actual END of my TTC journey. I'm sad. I don't know why - we definitely aren't looking to have more kids. I was just hoping (really??) that maybe I'd be one of the lucky ones like you to have a surprise addition and maybe confirmation too that my body isn't all broken. And maybe a genetically-linked child to me. I don't know why any of that is important - I am beyond in love with my boys, with our life with them and it doesn't matter that they aren't genetically linked to me. (Though it's super annoying when people study their faces and only see DH and even say they don't look like me. I have to act like 'yup! luck of the draw - I carry them, they look like their dad...what can you do?')
I actually am going to start therapy too - thankfully my first session is right after the installation!

 

[klik]

Heh, I thought babies started moving more when they saw some light, but yours are rebels!

I can relate to the sadness you feel having an IUD installed... Sure, your family is complete, and you utterly adore your boys, but of course you wonder what your body is still capable of, and what it would be like to see yourself physically in a child. I've thought about that a lot as I was getting closer to using DE, and of course while those genetic similarities are not exactly an important thing to have, I think there is a visceral wish to see yourself in your kids. And of course you will, because you are raising them and they're already picking up loads from you... But physically, you won't, and that's very hard to ignore especially as everyone around you is looking for those similarities. We have some friends that I really like, and they're very aware of our struggles, but when they had their baby 15 months ago, they wouldn't stop talking about whom he looks like--it's a deeply-ingrained instinct...

I think it's a bit of what in therapeutic parlance is called a "narcissistic injury" every time someone looks at your babies and doesn't see you--it's almost as if you don't have a role, as if you're erased, as if you don't matter. And you know that's not true--you're their mama and they love you and nothing can take that away from you... But you have one less bit of evidence of that, and not having that when so many others do is really painful... Plus there's that mad fantasy of living forever, as long as there's a bit of us in our kids...

I think therapy is a wonderful idea... The IUD represents a loss, a letting go, of a huge wish, and of thinking of your body as full of possibility. Not that the IUD is permanent, if you don't want it to be, but it's certainly full of meaning... So there's a lot to unpack there, and a good therapist will really help.

FWIW, I'm full of admiration for how you've raised your boys. They honestly seem to me to be at the development level of really well-developed singletons of the same age, which is incredible... I don't know how you've managed to give them each so much attention!

Anyway, I send you loads of hugs... Please be extra kind to yourself!

 

[Wish2BMom]

Wow...you see me! You summed that up so incredibly well, thank you. That's all EXACTLY it.