IVF or FET November/December 2015 - chat thread

[Wish2BMom]

and thank you for the note on the boys - I'm not really sure how we've done it either but they are certainly thriving, I think! I think daycare has helped immensely too. They have a wonderful curriculum at our center.

 

[klik]

Wish, I did think a lot about how I'd feel about DE--I have therapy myself so I used it to try to prepare myself for it... I was becoming quite comfortable with it but I knew sometimes these aspects would get to me and I'd just have to live with them... In fact, we want 2, and if we manage, our second one has a pretty high chance of being from DE, so these niggling insecurities may well still be in my future... But of course in every way that really matters, that would be my baby, just like your babies are your babies!

I'm glad you found a good daycare place! This is the sort of thing we need to start thinking about now--viability day is behind us and it's time to start doing some serious shopping and planning!

 

[Wish2BMom]

I have read and reread your response so many times - thank you so much for sending such insightful thoughts. You've already helped me, even if validating that therapy will be a good thing for me. I'm trying to be more authentic with myself about my feelings about things and stop hiding them or making excuses if they seem like they 'shouldn't' be what I should be feeling. Yanno? I know these boys are completely mine but I need to stop feeling like 'there's just this ONE thing that's not...'. That needs to go away.

YES!! Time to shop!!! I can't remember exactly when it was that we nailed down our daycare but I think it was fairly early only b/c we had two and I had heard horror stories of long waiting periods. We have quite a few in the area that range from hoity-toity (my town is pretty hoity-toity but we aren't) to older and potentially smaller and unkempt (but affordable). We only visited 2 actually - one of the HT ones here in town - gorgeous but damn expensive. And the one they are at now which is about middle-to-high, we get a discount through work, they have a full day's menu and LOTS of families go here. They are nationally accredited too and so far we just love them. Helps that their primary caretaker since they've been there just ADORES them and we've become somewhat friends. I know she has their best interest in mind at all time. They are actually moving up to the toddler room next Monday and she's devastated. She told me she wants to write up a chart of their own special needs or quirks so they will be understood by the next room as much as they are with her. I just love her!

 

[klik]

Hey, Wish! I think it's really admirable that you're working to own your feelings rather than disown them... I really believe that's healthier for you and will turn out to be healthier for your DH and the boys, too... Actually, thank you for mentioning them in the first place, because I was really wondering if my slowness to come to terms with DE meant something's wrong with me... I mean, sure, maybe I was slower than most people, but knowing that my worries are not unique to me is somewhat comforting...

I guess one thing I have to say about therapy is, the feelings never really go away--you just learn to live with them and accept they are part of you (and/or to tell off whatever part of yourself is unreasonably beating you up or putting you down).

I admire you so much--you've embraced this endeavor with your whole heart, and it's beyond obvious that your kids have a wonderful mother. They are incredibly lucky... I know you enjoy them, but hopefully most of the time you can also give yourself credit for being so in tune with their needs, and for meeting them with so much love and dedication... I'm amazed that this is even possible with twins, but you've shown it is... Massive hugs to you...

Re. our side of planning/shopping, it's all a bit on hold as I have a major deadline a week from tomorrow... and also Brexit is making things very hard to plan. In the worst of cases, which is incredibly still on the table, even at this late stage, we might end up leaving the country... so there's a lot we've put on hold, like buying a car (DP's car is this sporty two-door that, sure, can fit a child seat, but come on--a two-door with a child seat?!) Fun times!

 

[Wish2BMom]

wow thank you I'm completely humbled by your note. Really, it's all so natural - you'll get it when your nugget is born. I don't even have to try.
My sister said something key this weekend and I loved her for it (and I never solicit advice from my family!) - she said 'they wouldn't even be on this earth if it wasn't for you'. Simple and obvious but it took me aback a bit - regardless of where their genetic composition comes from, they were wanted SO MUCH that we took alternate routes to get here and yes, if I can say so myself - MUCH of the legwork was done by me and me only. The shots, the research, the testing, the SHOTS, etc. Clearly DH had a hand as well but the majority of it all - even picking the donor and presenting the options to DH - all me. So... you're GD right these are my kids!!

Ok - Brexit - so explain it like I'm a 5yo. What will this do if it happens and what will it do if it doesn't? And in which case would you leave the country? Do you know where you'd want to go? And yeah - no 2-doors with a carseat!! That's just asking for insanity!

How are you feeling lately? Is he starting to kick up a storm?

I have to take a pregnancy test b/c we had unprotected sex before I got my IUD in. I'm going to do that today. Could you imagine???

 

[klik]

Wish, what your sister said was brilliant! It's so true--they definitely, absolutely, 100% wouldn't be on this earth without all your incredibly hard work! (I also like the turn of phrase about your DH having a hand in it, but that's surely just me being crass). They ARE your kids!!!

Re. Brexit, part of the problem is that it's not even binary... The most extreme possibilities are, somehow the UK just stays in the EU and nothing changes; or we crash out completely, without any sort of trade or immigration deal, and then all hell breaks loose because suddenly every single truck, plane, train, ship going from the UK to the EU or vice-versa needs to be inspected to make sure it complies with EU or UK regulations (which are, currently, aligned, but without any sort of deal, that alignment is no longer guaranteed). Also, EU citizens (like me!) may no longer be able to get into the UK without a visa, and vice-versa. And there are real worries about medication being stuck at the border--world trade is super-efficient right now, so nobody has big stocks of anything... we all depend on trade just flowing and flowing... So yes, medication, fresh fruit and vegetables, toilet paper, and even the chemicals that are needed to treat water--just some examples of things that could be stuck at the border for days, and in the meantime run out (or spoil, in the case of fresh food or refrigerated medication).

And then there's the border between Northern Ireland and the Republic of Ireland... That engendered much violence until the 90s, when a major fudge (the Good Friday Agreement) settled things... and this fudge is truly amazing, in that it allows people in Northern Ireland to consider themselves UK citizens or Irish or both, as they wish. So they can be simultaneously UK and Irish... but if you make that border a hard border, that illusion disappears--Northern Irish people are then no longer Irish if they so wish, and that's an invitation for the IRA to start bombing again...

But we could also leave with some sort of deal, which would at least ensure that a hard border doesn't get implemented without massive preparations ahead of time (or, ideally, never gets implemented at all).

And in the meantime, people and businesses need to plan their futures under tremendous uncertainty... I asked my doctor if hospitals would have enough medication and he said, as best as could be established, it seems like in the worst-case scenario, hospitals would be able to find substitute medication for anything that might run out. Not very reassuring when you're thinking about having a baby, and all the complications that might (hopefully not!) come of it...

I'm not sure any of that made any sense--sorry... But it now seems like the status quo has an extension until the end of October, and I should have given birth long before then, so hopefully we'll be ok... Even that extension is not guaranteed, but still, we could have crashed out today, or two weeks ago, so I'm grateful at least those possibilities were avoided.

Apart from that, all good here--I've been suuuuper busy with work, but it's now a bit better... My belly has recently transitioned from looking like it's maybe all flab to definitely looking like it's pregnant. I feel tremendously lucky that after my terrifying bleeds stopped, several weeks ago now, nothing of note has happened--it's been pretty easy... If I sit for too long, my back starts hurting, but that's usually quite easy to avoid or get around...

And in a week, we should be in Spain, for our last proper holiday ever in our lives! What have we gotten ourselves into??

 

[klik]

p.s.: what did that pregnancy test say??????

 

[Wish2BMom]

That made perfect sense, thank you for taking the time to type all of that! I get it now. I guess this might be a similar case if California ever decides to break out of our union. That's been a running joke for some time now.
I do hope that things stay status quo until your son is born. Less things to worry about. But then, there are always things to worry about with medication and such. I'll be keeping a closer eye on everything now that I understand it.

HA! the pregnancy test was negative, as expected, and the day after I got AF. I could have saved $18 and waited a day! Also, this IUD, I was told, may cause me to have heavier or longer AFs before they eventually fade away. AND someone just told me my sex drive would also fade. AND my chin completely broke out. So now I'm rethinking this - maybe it's not worth it if my chances of ever getting pregnant naturally are so low - I'm back to 'why am I putting more hormones in my body now?' Especially when my sex drive was just coming back!! But the cyst in my chin is going away as of this morning and I'm finally just down to spotting after a 2 week AF. So we'll see - I may give it 6 months or so and see how I feel.

I love the proper belly. What week are you now? It's getting close!! I'm so glad you're still feeling so good. Definitely try to keep moving - I think it just helps so much. I even got moving a bit sooner than the Drs wanted me to after my c-section but I think it just helps keep the blood flowing and overall healing going faster.
Do you have names picked out yet?

 

[Wish2BMom]

how's everyone doing?? gone quiet - I hope everyone is ok!

 

[klik]

Hi, Wish! You've been on my mind but I've been too distracted on holiday! Last couple of days though, sadly--ho, hum!

Yeah, Brexit is a lot like one of the United States deciding it wants to secede, especially if some crazy people decide they want to disentangle the state as much as possible and create a hard border between themselves and the remaining US. It would be nuts! For now we have the right to an extension til October 31st, so hopefully the birth will happen before any massive disruptions start...

I think it's a shame about the pregnancy test, though I imagine if it was positive you'd have some wild emotions going everywhere at the same time--what did you decide about the IUD in the end?! Or are you in your 6-month waiting period?

Now I'm at 31 weeks. It's a great place to be--even premies at this stage tend to thrive... But hopefully this little guy will stay put for another 9 weeks. We've used some of our holiday to do some research/online shopping (and we even bought some adorable little newborn clothes that we're taking back with us). It's all getting very real, and we're in this shopping/getting physically ready stage now... 2 months to go!

We've come up with a "short list" of names which has 20 names in it! It's DP's turn to get rid of some names... We want to have some 3-5 for when he's born, and then choose based on what he looks like... My favourite name is Damian--everyone in our generation seems to associate that with The Omen, but I think other kids his age wouldn't know anything about that and so couldn't tease him about it. DP doesn't hate it but he doesn't love it either... We'll see!

How are you? How are the boys and your DH???

 

[Wish2BMom]

So happy to hear everything is still going well with you! Sounds like you're nesting! Glad you are getting in a proper holiday beforehand too. These 9 weeks will fly right by! I was still white-knuckling my way to 34 weeks, just b/c they were twins. Are you feeling good? Have you gained the 'right' weight and feeling ok? Any swelling yet? did you ever get any cravings?

I'm doing pretty well! Spring is finally here this week I think - it's been so cold and rainy for a couple of weeks. DH and I are finally taking some actual vacation time in a couple of weeks, we have a couple concerts coming up and may take some day trips with the boys to a zoo or a park. I just need to STOP working for a bit. Between my FT job and my network marketing gig, I'm toast. I'm backing off of that a little bit too - I don't have it in me to do the hustle like I have been for the past year. And I want to enjoy my summer. They say to do the work in the 'nooks & crannies' of your life but those are literally being filled with getting in a sweep of the floor, maybe a dust of the foyer, 5 dishes washed out of the 20 in the sink...I don't have much time for anything else.

The boys are good!! SO insane and getting funnier by the day. Timothy's latest funny is that he'll 'scold' Malcolm if he thinks he's doing something wrong. The kid can't talk yet but he says 'NAH! NAH! NAH!' and even points/waves his finger at him. It's hysterical. I'm trying to get them to start talking - it's an interesting thing to have to be cognizant of - like slowing down your speech and pointing out everything slowly. They watch my mouth form the word so it has to be deliberate. They KNOW a ton, but saying it is a different story. So far, I think Malcolm is getting 'socks', 'tissue' and 'please. Which are more like 'ox', 'tshh' and 'eezzzzz'. it's adorable!

DH is doing well too, thank you for asking! He's always status quo. We seem to be in a decent place lately but it's always on delicate ground. It sucks but it is what it is.

 

[klik]

32 weeks now... I'm feeling fine! I have a scan tomorrow, which I'm looking forward to, though I don't need scans for reassurance as much as I used to, now that I feel baby moving around several times a day... I never really got cravings apart from "I need to eat RIGHT NOW, I don't care what or why or how, but it has to be now now now!" As for swelling, I noticed my hands swelling once and my feet once, but it didn't last very long... I'm watching out for it, but it hasn't started to happen systematically yet.

I think in London there's been similar weather to yours... cold and rainy... It's still a bit chilly now, but today the sun was shining all day, which was amazing! And it's supposed to be like that all week. It makes a huge difference!

I can see how busy you are! Wow, I can't believe you've been managing a full-time job plus twins plus a network marketing gig plus housework! How?!?! I am really glad you're going on holiday soon! That sounds very, very necessary. So, is it a staycation with lots of activities planned? Or are you going somewhere? Enjoy it!!!

I love that the boys can't quite speak yet but Timothy still manages to tell Malcolm off! Such a special time when they're learning to speak!!! It's just utterly adorable!

I hope in your vacation, you manage to spend lots of quality time with your DH... At the beginning of our holiday, my DP was like a zombie, and I thought it would be the worst holiday ever... But spending time together ended up being really good--I think these occasional bonding times are really necessary... Of course I don't know what it's like with kids around! But I hope all four of you enjoy spending time with each other...

 

[Wish2BMom]

You sound like you're doing so well, I'm so happy you've had an enjoyable pregnancy. I really feel for those that suffer through the entire thing. It's such a beautiful moment in time and our bodies are doing SO MUCH. It's unfortunate that there are so many women that feel sick or whatnot through the whole thing. Or worse.
HAHA I was like you with the eating - it would come out of nowhere but it needed to be done ASAP!

Yeah, we are maybe going to hit a zoo or something with the kids. The first day we have off, next Monday, we are sending them to school and we are going to relax and move their cribs into their room FINALLY! It's about that time. And I have an appt for the vet for my kitty, I've been putting that off since Feb. She's not doing great so we'll see what that brings.
But Thurs/Fri of next week we may keep them out and do stuff with them. I'm sure we'll have fun whatever we do! And it's Memorial Day weekend next weekend so it'll be a straight 5 days off for me. YA!
I"m glad you got to connect with DP on your trip. We are going to Vegas at the end of June, just US, plus friends. So that should be a good time to reconnect, hopefully, too. When we're home, we just think if 'home' things that need to be done. Drag!

Are you ready with names? I think I asked that already. 8 more weeks!!! YEEEEE!!!

Timothy goes in for tubes tomorrow morning! I hope he's a champ like Malcolm was!

 

[klik]

Hey, Wish!

How did the holiday go? Sorry I've disappeared--I've cut down on pretty much everything that I do--I think the enormity of parenthood is starting to set in!

Oh, I feel really bad for pregnant women who have a terrible time of it... Apart from the terrifying bleeds and the really annoying cold that wouldn't go away, this pregnancy has been quite easy! It's gotten harder to sleep through the night now, so I am tired a lot, but I'm really happy I seem to be skipping most symptoms!

Vegas trip coming soon! Woohoo!

Wowww, moving the kids to their own room... That's a huge deal! Did it go ok?

And how is the kitty? You are clearly worried about her...

Was Timothy ok with the tubes??

Re. names, we have a "short list" of 20. It's DP's turn to cross out 5, but he's taking his sweet time!

My fave is "Damian" but practically everyone in our generation associates that with "The Omen"... still, kids his age won't know about it (unless that's a remake) so I think that should be ok...

xx!

 

[Wish2BMom]

Oh I'm so glad you checked in!! 5 more weeks or so right?? Yeah - I remember the last month just being about needing all the sleep and getting very little. I would be up 4x/night to pee and could only sleep in one position for about an hour. Then it was hell rolling over. I moved into our spare room the last month and a half b/c I needed, like, 9 pillows and the whole bed.
Damian yes that's the first thing I think of, of course. But stepping away from that, it's a great name!
Is the nursery or baby's area set up yet?
I'm sure you'll float right into parenthood - you're totally made for this. It just happens, like putting on a new favorite coat and never wanting to take it off. Remember no question is too dumb in the hospital! I'd never changed a baby boy's diaper before so I had to watch what they did.

The boys are great! Timothy did really well with tubes - he's talking up a storm now, or trying to. I don't know if it's just coincidence or if it's b/c he's hearing better. Malcolm saw that same Dr for a follow up (he had his tubes done by the other Dr in the office) and he's going to have his redone and his adenoids out. About the same length of time for the procedure but a longer recoup time. He'll have them done on 7/3, so I just took the extended holiday weekend to be with him. HOPEFULLY this gives him the relief he needs. Poor bug can't get a runny nose without it ending up in his ear too.

Kitty is fine! Arthritis, the Dr thinks. Her bloodwork came back great, no difference from the last time so her kidneys are hanging in there! So I've started putting fish oil on her food to hopefully help with the aches and pains.

Oh and the move to their own room went GREAT! Most nights one of them still awakens around 2 or 3 and has a bit of a fussing fest but they usually get back down on their own. They did that in our room too but wouldn't go down on their own b/c we were right there and they knew it. So I think they are learning to self-soothe quite well now. Meanwhile I feel like I can do cartwheels in our room b/c there's so much room now! plus we can watch TV in bed before we turn the lights out!! YAY!

Hello to the other girls as well!

klik - please post as long as you can on here and keep sharing! I cannot wait for all the details of the birth!!!

 

[Wish2BMom]

HOME STRETCH, KLIK!!!

 

[klik]

Hi, Wish! Hi, everyone who eventually checks in!

Sorry I disappeared again--I guess as birth approaches I'm becoming more and more introspective...

But I can't sleep, so it's a good opportunity to catch up!

I've been pretty lucky with the physical stuff--I only need to wake up twice a night to pee, and rolling over in bed is pretty easy. Then again, I'm only expecting one child! Wow, Wish, I can't believe you had to move into your spare bedroom!

Re. names, Damian has finally been eliminated altogether--we're down to Alexander (Alex), Dominic (Dom), and Hugo... Shame--I really like Damian!

The nursery is sort of ready. There's a big sofa in it that will eventually be sold or go to charity, when baby needs more space, but while he's not at all mobile it can just stay there. It's not the best place to breastfeed as it invites lounging, but I really like this sofa so I'm holding onto it for a bit longer.

You'd never changed a diaper before! Woooow! I mean, I did, but it was a long long long time ago, when I was in college and I was babysitting for my ex-English teacher and my ex-softball coach who'd coincidentally become administrators in the college I attended. So I don't exactly remember it well...

How are the boys?? Is the babbling becoming more talking-like? Are Timothy's tubes still working out ok? Oh, I just realised Malcolm is about to have his tubes redone and his adenoids out--good luck to him, and I hope everything goes smoothly for your extended holiday weekend!

I'm glad your cat is doing well, apart from the probably arthritis! Does the fish oil help? My dog gets a fish oil supplement because he tends to have some mild allergic skin reactions (coincidentally, those seem to end up causing him ear infections, too!) and apparently fish oil helps with that somehow.

Ah, it must be a huge relief that they can now self-soothe back to sleep! What a change for them, and for you!

I'll be 39 weeks on Friday and it's looking quite likely that I'll be induced then. Doc was concerned that at my 35w5d scan, baby's abdomen was 95th percentile--if that's an indication of broad shoulders (hard to tell from a scan, apparently, but it could be the case) then he could get into this horrible state where the head comes out of the birth canal but the shoulders get stuck. It's really a nightmare scenario, and it's very rare, but when it does happen it tends to happen to women who have gestational diabetes. Not my case, but the big abdomen puts him at risk, so doc reckons inducing a week early would help prevent that. I'd rather go into labor spontaneously, but just thinking about this possibility makes me want to get him out safely before it's too late!

I did have a scan yesterday, and though the abdomen is now something like 85th percentile, the truth is the scanning doctor couldn't get a good angle on it, partly because baby is so squished in there (how do two ever fit????) So I think the induction plan will probably remain--I'll find out tonight.

So yeah, birth may be very imminent... I've heard mostly very painful stories of induction, though there was one good one that I've heard, but I'm not the totally-natural-no-pain-relief type of gal, so as soon as the pain starts to become unbearable I'll ask for the drugs

Apart from that, DP seems to be overwhelmed, and he's unable to be in touch with the enormity of the situation--he told me he'd be stuck at work on Friday at least until noon, and I had to snap him out of that ridiculous state of mind. I mean, all going as planned, that should be fine, because inductions are usually ridiculously slow, but I'm so close to term I could go into labor right now and it wouldn't be remotely odd or surprising, and if that happens then that becomes his priority whether or not he realizes it ahead of time. Poor thing--but I guess staying in touch is more optional for the partner who is not the one carrying the baby and not the one who has to somehow give birth to him!

I hope you and DH and Timothy and Malcolm are all thriving!!! I'll update as soon as I can after birth (or before if it turns out not to be this week after all.)

xx!

 

[Wish2BMom]

omg you could have a baby in your arms right now!!!! I can't wait to hear!!!

and yes I had changed a baby GIRL'S diaper before (I have 2 nieces)!! but never a boy's!

OMG OMG OMG OMG!!!! GOOD LUCK!!!!!

 

[Disneyfan88]

Hi ladies - work has been crazy busy, but I wanted to check in and see how Klik is doing. I will do a proper check in a little later, but sending lots of good thoughts and well wishes! I’m so excited for baby Klik!

 

[Disneyfan88]

Hi Wish!