IVF or FET November/December 2015 - chat thread

Discussion in 'Assisted Conception' started by Mrs W 11, Oct 2, 2015.

  1. Wish2BMom

    Wish2BMom Well-Known Member

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    and thank you for the note on the boys - I'm not really sure how we've done it either but they are certainly thriving, I think! I think daycare has helped immensely too. They have a wonderful curriculum at our center.
     
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  2. klik

    klik Well-Known Member

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    Wish, I did think a lot about how I'd feel about DE--I have therapy myself so I used it to try to prepare myself for it... I was becoming quite comfortable with it but I knew sometimes these aspects would get to me and I'd just have to live with them... In fact, we want 2, and if we manage, our second one has a pretty high chance of being from DE, so these niggling insecurities may well still be in my future... But of course in every way that really matters, that would be my baby, just like your babies are your babies! <3

    I'm glad you found a good daycare place! This is the sort of thing we need to start thinking about now--viability day is behind us and it's time to start doing some serious shopping and planning! :-k
     
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  3. Wish2BMom

    Wish2BMom Well-Known Member

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    I have read and reread your response so many times - thank you so much for sending such insightful thoughts. You've already helped me, even if validating that therapy will be a good thing for me. I'm trying to be more authentic with myself about my feelings about things and stop hiding them or making excuses if they seem like they 'shouldn't' be what I should be feeling. Yanno? I know these boys are completely mine but I need to stop feeling like 'there's just this ONE thing that's not...'. That needs to go away.

    YES!! Time to shop!!! I can't remember exactly when it was that we nailed down our daycare but I think it was fairly early only b/c we had two and I had heard horror stories of long waiting periods. We have quite a few in the area that range from hoity-toity (my town is pretty hoity-toity but we aren't) to older and potentially smaller and unkempt (but affordable). We only visited 2 actually - one of the HT ones here in town - gorgeous but damn expensive. And the one they are at now which is about middle-to-high, we get a discount through work, they have a full day's menu and LOTS of families go here. They are nationally accredited too and so far we just love them. Helps that their primary caretaker since they've been there just ADORES them and we've become somewhat friends. I know she has their best interest in mind at all time. They are actually moving up to the toddler room next Monday and she's devastated. She told me she wants to write up a chart of their own special needs or quirks so they will be understood by the next room as much as they are with her. I just love her!
     
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  4. klik

    klik Well-Known Member

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    Hey, Wish! I think it's really admirable that you're working to own your feelings rather than disown them... I really believe that's healthier for you and will turn out to be healthier for your DH and the boys, too... Actually, thank you for mentioning them in the first place, because I was really wondering if my slowness to come to terms with DE meant something's wrong with me... I mean, sure, maybe I was slower than most people, but knowing that my worries are not unique to me is somewhat comforting...

    I guess one thing I have to say about therapy is, the feelings never really go away--you just learn to live with them and accept they are part of you (and/or to tell off whatever part of yourself is unreasonably beating you up or putting you down).

    I admire you so much--you've embraced this endeavor with your whole heart, and it's beyond obvious that your kids have a wonderful mother. They are incredibly lucky... I know you enjoy them, but hopefully most of the time you can also give yourself credit for being so in tune with their needs, and for meeting them with so much love and dedication... I'm amazed that this is even possible with twins, but you've shown it is... Massive hugs to you...

    Re. our side of planning/shopping, it's all a bit on hold as I have a major deadline a week from tomorrow... and also Brexit is making things very hard to plan. In the worst of cases, which is incredibly still on the table, even at this late stage, we might end up leaving the country... so there's a lot we've put on hold, like buying a car (DP's car is this sporty two-door that, sure, can fit a child seat, but come on--a two-door with a child seat?!) Fun times!
     
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  5. Wish2BMom

    Wish2BMom Well-Known Member

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    wow thank you :friends: I'm completely humbled by your note. Really, it's all so natural - you'll get it when your nugget is born. I don't even have to try.
    My sister said something key this weekend and I loved her for it (and I never solicit advice from my family!) - she said 'they wouldn't even be on this earth if it wasn't for you'. Simple and obvious but it took me aback a bit - regardless of where their genetic composition comes from, they were wanted SO MUCH that we took alternate routes to get here and yes, if I can say so myself - MUCH of the legwork was done by me and me only. The shots, the research, the testing, the SHOTS, etc. Clearly DH had a hand as well but the majority of it all - even picking the donor and presenting the options to DH - all me. So... you're GD right these are my kids!! :rofl:

    Ok - Brexit - so explain it like I'm a 5yo. What will this do if it happens and what will it do if it doesn't? And in which case would you leave the country? Do you know where you'd want to go? And yeah - no 2-doors with a carseat!! That's just asking for insanity!

    How are you feeling lately? Is he starting to kick up a storm?

    I have to take a pregnancy test b/c we had unprotected sex before I got my IUD in. I'm going to do that today. Could you imagine??? :haha:
     
  6. klik

    klik Well-Known Member

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    Wish, what your sister said was brilliant! It's so true--they definitely, absolutely, 100% wouldn't be on this earth without all your incredibly hard work! (I also like the turn of phrase about your DH having a hand in it, but that's surely just me being crass). They ARE your kids!!! :twinboys::hugs:<3

    Re. Brexit, part of the problem is that it's not even binary... The most extreme possibilities are, somehow the UK just stays in the EU and nothing changes; or we crash out completely, without any sort of trade or immigration deal, and then all hell breaks loose because suddenly every single truck, plane, train, ship going from the UK to the EU or vice-versa needs to be inspected to make sure it complies with EU or UK regulations (which are, currently, aligned, but without any sort of deal, that alignment is no longer guaranteed). Also, EU citizens (like me!) may no longer be able to get into the UK without a visa, and vice-versa. And there are real worries about medication being stuck at the border--world trade is super-efficient right now, so nobody has big stocks of anything... we all depend on trade just flowing and flowing... So yes, medication, fresh fruit and vegetables, toilet paper, and even the chemicals that are needed to treat water--just some examples of things that could be stuck at the border for days, and in the meantime run out (or spoil, in the case of fresh food or refrigerated medication).

    And then there's the border between Northern Ireland and the Republic of Ireland... That engendered much violence until the 90s, when a major fudge (the Good Friday Agreement) settled things... and this fudge is truly amazing, in that it allows people in Northern Ireland to consider themselves UK citizens or Irish or both, as they wish. So they can be simultaneously UK and Irish... but if you make that border a hard border, that illusion disappears--Northern Irish people are then no longer Irish if they so wish, and that's an invitation for the IRA to start bombing again...

    But we could also leave with some sort of deal, which would at least ensure that a hard border doesn't get implemented without massive preparations ahead of time (or, ideally, never gets implemented at all).

    And in the meantime, people and businesses need to plan their futures under tremendous uncertainty... I asked my doctor if hospitals would have enough medication and he said, as best as could be established, it seems like in the worst-case scenario, hospitals would be able to find substitute medication for anything that might run out. Not very reassuring when you're thinking about having a baby, and all the complications that might (hopefully not!) come of it...

    I'm not sure any of that made any sense--sorry... But it now seems like the status quo has an extension until the end of October, and I should have given birth long before then, so hopefully we'll be ok... Even that extension is not guaranteed, but still, we could have crashed out today, or two weeks ago, so I'm grateful at least those possibilities were avoided.

    Apart from that, all good here--I've been suuuuper busy with work, but it's now a bit better... My belly has recently transitioned from looking like it's maybe all flab to definitely looking like it's pregnant. I feel tremendously lucky that after my terrifying bleeds stopped, several weeks ago now, nothing of note has happened--it's been pretty easy... If I sit for too long, my back starts hurting, but that's usually quite easy to avoid or get around...

    And in a week, we should be in Spain, for our last proper holiday ever in our lives! What have we gotten ourselves into?? :haha:
     
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  7. klik

    klik Well-Known Member

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    p.s.: what did that pregnancy test say??????
     
  8. Wish2BMom

    Wish2BMom Well-Known Member

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    That made perfect sense, thank you for taking the time to type all of that! I get it now. I guess this might be a similar case if California ever decides to break out of our union. That's been a running joke for some time now.
    I do hope that things stay status quo until your son is born. Less things to worry about. But then, there are always things to worry about with medication and such. I'll be keeping a closer eye on everything now that I understand it.

    HA! the pregnancy test was negative, as expected, and the day after I got AF. I could have saved $18 and waited a day! Also, this IUD, I was told, may cause me to have heavier or longer AFs before they eventually fade away. AND someone just told me my sex drive would also fade. AND my chin completely broke out. So now I'm rethinking this - maybe it's not worth it if my chances of ever getting pregnant naturally are so low - I'm back to 'why am I putting more hormones in my body now?' Especially when my sex drive was just coming back!! But the cyst in my chin is going away as of this morning and I'm finally just down to spotting after a 2 week AF. So we'll see - I may give it 6 months or so and see how I feel.

    I love the proper belly. :) What week are you now? It's getting close!! I'm so glad you're still feeling so good. Definitely try to keep moving - I think it just helps so much. I even got moving a bit sooner than the Drs wanted me to after my c-section but I think it just helps keep the blood flowing and overall healing going faster.
    Do you have names picked out yet?
     

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