IVF or FET November/December 2015 - chat thread

[Asterimou]

So, I just had a fight with my husband. I feel like I have changed so much of my lifestyle and am really trying to make this work. He has had his fair share to deal with but tonight I just felt pissed that he wanted to go for a 'few' drinks. Because I know he will stay out late and it will be more than a few. I asked him to come home around 11.30 and he didn't want to so then we ended up arguing about it. Am I wrong to want him to reign it in a bit more? I know I've been at him since the first round to be healthier but when our embies didn't develop 'optimally' they said it could be sperm related so I just want him to try harder. Need some advice here as I'm not sure if the drugs are doing some of the talking for me.

Amanda: I can imagine how hard it must be for you to relax but please try to.....you are pregnant

 

[Disneyfan88]

Klik - Thanks. I think my doctor did an endometrial scratch before my December transfer (she did it at the time of my saline sonogram in November). I'll be sure to ask about it this time around, too. Did you sleep better last night?

Amanda - Hang in there. Those very early days are rough as the what-iffs run through your mind. I know it isn't easy, but try not to get caught up in the symptom watching. I had minimal symptoms early on with DD. I hope the nausea isn't too bad for you and that you're able to relax a bit this weekend. I'm sending you warm and fuzzy thoughts for your next appointment!

Asterimou - I'm so sorry to hear about the argument with your husband. IVF is a very tiring process - both emotionally and physically. I know that the drugs can have some emotional impact as a side effect, but I don't think your requests are out of line at all. Your request that your DH be home by 11:30 is more forgiving than the time I'd tell my DH if he were the type to want to go out. You're giving so much of yourself in this process that I don't think it's unreasonable to ask DH to cut back for the time being. I assume that he's already been told that alcohol can impact sperm? Communication is pretty important. Perhaps another heart-to-heart conversation about what you're feeling and why it's important to you would be helpful. You can express your concerns about the effect of alcohol on sperm and remind him of some of the side effects that your meds can have on you right now. I'm sending you great big comforting hugs. Good luck!

 

[Wish2BMom]

amanda - I agree with the girls - try to relax and enjoy! so hard, though. I'd be a mess. But i'm a firm believer that morning sickness is GOOD!!! so I'm convinced you'll have another great beta tomorrow. I think it's supposed to come in waves and tease you with hunger, right? not constant sickness, unless you're Princess Kate!

aster - I'm so so sorry for your fight with DH. I don't think it's unreasonable either. You're in this together and yes, alcohol DOES impact sperm. Pretty quickly too!
I've got a DH issue too, though I'm not entirely sure what it is. He's been quiet since we went out with friends last night, so that means that I did or said something that pissed him off and he's not telling me. Ugh. I hate constantly having to ask and then have him explode all over me. So for now, i'm choosing to just ignore it and be nice and he can come out and tell me if it's bothering him so damn much. How adult of me, huh?

disney - how was your donut?? ahhhhh

klik - I'm REALLY hoping for an egg share-type situation. I'd think that would be the least costly option.

boopin - what was your DE process and how did you decide which avenue to take? RE: your wisdom teeth - I'd think your ET would be far enough out as well but definitely let your docs know. You may not need that much pain meds, may depend on if the teeth are impacted or not. I had mine out in high school and I think I was fine in a day or two. I had one abscess but nothing got infected (that was gross, ew - I just remembered that).

re: that voodoo donuts place, Rogue beer came out with a 'voodoo donut' flavor (I think maybe something like a maple/bacon combo) - my DH tried it and said it was ok. Certainly not better than the real thing!

 

[klik]

Asterimou: my DP went on an absolute bender the night before my December ER. I barely said anything because he feels put upon already by having to ejaculate into a cup... but I'm a pushover, and if I'm honest, that was a really nasty thing for him to do. My point is: I'm glad you're not being a pushover. My understanding is, this is the last try the NHS will pay for, so it absolutely needs to count. Your eggs and his sperm need to be in tip-top shape, and he can sacrifice drinking with his buddies for a couple more weeks if it will give you even a marginally better chance of success. The last thing either of you wants, I'm sure, is for you to blame him if this fails. I'm sure he doesn't want to be that guy. I'm sorry, though--conflicts in the couple during this time are really hard to cope with...

Disneyfan: yeah, sleeping better, thanks! Yesterday I found myself scouring the CDC 2014 preliminary fertility clinic results, trying to figure out whether Cornell is really the best place to go next if this attempt fails. It's just that getting an initial consultation often takes ages, so I feel like I need to get my plan B lined up right now. Ugh. Anyway, I should have known your RE would have already done an endometrial scratch for you--she seems super on top of things!

Wish: indeed, it's not your job to read your DH's mind! Ok, so egg sharing is common in the US too--whichever way you get your eggs, I hope they are absolutely golden!

 

[Asterimou]

Thanks for the advice ladies. We had a chat and what it boils down to is that although he is open to the idea of kids, it would not be the end of his world if we didn't have them. He knows how much it means to me and hates seeing me sad so that is why he's doing IVF, but he isn't as invested in it as I am. He did come home when I made it an issue last night and he did say sorry. I can't make him want kids more but I do know when they are here he will love them, he just has no idea what he's missing. He's my best friend and we have so many good times, he just doesn't feel fatherhood is the be all and end all. I guess some guys take a bit of warming up.

Wish: I hate the guessing game! Hope you can sort through it soon.

Klik: going on a bender before EC is not cricket! It's so upsetting for us to see them drunk, I just think instantly of the sperm. You should tell him how it made you feel, maybe he'll make more effort?

Disney: I noticed your status is sad. Sending you lots of hugs, please stay strong. I'm sure the next little frostie will work xx

Amanda: good luck tmrw!

I'm starting stimms tonight

 

[Wish2BMom]

good luck today, Amanda! I can't wait for the awesome beta #!!!

aster - I'm glad you guys got it sorted through.

klik - i'm kind of a pushover too, hence my choosing to not bring this up with DH so far. That upsets me to read that your DP went on a bender the night before your ER. I know someone else whose husband did that and his sperm all turned out inactive the next morning. It was their last try. Needless to say, they didn't talk for, like, a week. They are no longer trying and enjoying their lives as DINKs now (dual income, no kids).

disney - i'm sorry you are sad!

afm - I'm still trying to sort through my feelings about all of this. I think I want a break from thinking about it all, until my mtg with the doc on 5/4. I may take a little hiatus from BnB, but know I'll be back. I want to maybe concentrate on working out and just enjoying spring now that it's here. I just talked with my Mom and she suggested turning my brain off of TTC for a bit. I've been thinking about it monthly for almost 3 yrs now - pulling in all of the mental and physical power that I can put into it. I'm exhausted. I just want my period to be a period and not a notice of another failure/poor decision to wait so long to have kids/reminder of the things we may not ever experience. It's too much for me right now.
It's weird b/c I typically can push this stuff aside and trudge on, but i guess I've been doing that for so long, the pile got pretty big!!

 

[Asterimou]

Wish: I think it sounds like you absolutely need and deserve a break. This journey takes its toll on all of us and sometimes I do think that maybe we're not all meant to be biological parents. There are so many kids that need a home that maybe some of us are supposed to not reproduce so we can give another life a chance. Then there is the idea that if we are focused on being parents we leave other sides of ourselves underdeveloped. If we don't have kids then there are so many other things we can create with the added energy and bank balance we have. Although I think all this I still desperately want to have my own and I know you do to but you either get bitter or better. Sometimes getting torn apart by the things we can't have stops us making the most of what we do. I will miss you on this thread but if you need a rest then I wish you all the best and hope you can come to a decision that's right for you

 

[amanda1235]

Well beta came back at 40, so officially no longer pregnant this is completely devastating. Thanks anyways though for all your positive vibes

 

[Disneyfan88]

No time to properly respond as I'm just quickly checking in from my phone. I wanted to send some major hugs to Amanda. I'm so sorry for your loss.

And extra hugs for Wish, too.

I'll respond to the other posts when work calms down.

 

[Bluebell bun]

So sorry to hear this Amanda. x

 

[klik]

Oh, I'm so sorry, Amanda! I'm really sorry your worries were accurate... Gosh, this process can be so unbelievably cruel. I'm really, really sorry...

Wish: thanks, lovely lady! I'll miss you. I think your mom, and your instincts, are very sensible--take a break, by all means; enjoy the spring, enjoy just doing things that make you happy. I'm a get-right-back-on-the-horse type, too, but at some point everyone needs a break. Also, pushing aside feelings is not really sustainable forever--they catch up to you one way or another. Rest up. I'll be here when you come back.

Asterimou: so glad you talked it out... It's still painful that you're not totally on the same page on this, but you sound like you really care for each other. I hope this works out, and you can extend your love to a baby, too...

My news: 3D SIS (saline sonogram) was rather painful (they forgot to tell me to take painkillers beforehand), but uterus looks clear and ready to go...

Also, quickly: our little frosty is not post-bender: DP was much more responsible in the weeks before we made it. Still a small chance of working, but a little extra hope there...

 

[boopin4baby]

amanda - I'm so sorry for your loss. Take the necessary time to grieve my dear. We're all here for you through the good and bad times.

Wish - I chose DE because I'm dx with severe DOR. It's my only option for pregnancy and childbirth. And it's important for me to experience both. My clinic has their own donor database. Once my donor was chosen and she passed her genetic and afc testing it went quickly. I'd say a couple months from donor clearance to transfer (I can give you specifics if you'd like).

Aster - I'm happy to hear that you and DH chatted and now there's a better understanding between you both. Once your LO is here, he'll then realize the love he's been missing. xx

AFM - I survived oral surgery!! I had general anesthesia and a local. I didn't feel a thing and at the moment I'm experiencing minimal discomfort. The Dentist prescribed me Percocet for the pain. Woo Hoo!!

Also, my Nurse called today with my FET schedule. All of my medications will be delivered by Friday. And I'll start Lupron this Saturday. My FET is tentatively scheduled for Wednesday 5/18. I'm so excited!!

HELLO to all you lovely ladies on this thread. I missed you guys. It seems like I haven't posted in like forever. Even though it's only been 2 days. I've been super busy with work and my emergency oral issues. I didn't mean to neglect my ttc sisters!!

 

[amanda1235]

Thanks everyone, I still can't truly wrap my head around it and have been bawling all afternoon. The hardest part is I had to tell work, since I work with kids, and have not had my immunities tested. But in order to be off with pay, I had to say why. So I've been off since last Thursday, and I'm sure people have figured out the reason I'm gone (it's really the only reason teachers take a leave, especially ones who everyone know are planning on having children). I'm dreading having to go back next week and have people ask me.
We have a dr's appt tomorrow, where we'll find out when we can do an FET and whether anything will be changed.

Wish: I totally get the whole needing a break. I sometimes feel like a break would be good, but I'm so desperate to be a mom, I don't think I could. So good of you though to look after you. You go girl, and we'll miss you!

Aster: I'm glad you and your man talked it out. IF really takes its toll on a relationship!

Boopin, so glad your wisdom teeth surgery went well! Yay for the FET being planned!

Klik, glad the scan went well, but sorry it was so painful! I remember it being pretty sucky, and I DID take the meds.

 

[Asterimou]

Well beta came back at 40, so officially no longer pregnant this is completely devastating. Thanks anyways though for all your positive vibes

Oh Amanda, I really thought this was your time. You still have frosties at least but I know that doesn't help how you must be feeling now. I'm really sorry

 

[Hope16]

So sorry it didn't work out for you this time. Sending you lots of warm hugs Amanda

 

[amanda1235]

So I went to see the Dr today. Was really hard to hold it together, as the nurses all came to give me a hug. Dr's appt went well, and he gave me 3 different options.
1) Chalk it up to bad-luck and just try again
2) Do another sonohystogram/hysteroscopy to check the uterine cavity. This I've already had done once in September, and they found a polyp through the sonohystogram then removed it via hysteroscopy.
3) Do PGD testing. Which, since we only have 3 5-day blasts frozen, we'd have to thaw the day 4's, grow them to day 5, then do PGD and refreeze them, OR do another fresh cycle to get more blasts to test. Either way, all our embryos would have to be thawed, tested, refrozen, then thawed again to transfer. This also costs $5000-$6000, and since I'm under 35, statistically, 1/3 of day 3 embryos are normal, and 2/3 of day 5 embryos are normal.
Dr said there's no harm in just transferring the other embroys and seeing, but that some women prefer to know that the embryo they are transferring is normal to begin with.
We decided to just go ahead and try another transfer, with the best graded embryo we have (1 of our 2 5-day 4AB blasts, where 4AA is considered the best quality).
I really hope we made the right decision, my mind is spinning and I have no idea anymore what the right thing to do is.

Disney, I know you did the PGD testing, (don't know if anyone else did), why did your Dr suggest it and why did you end up doing it? Just curious if you don't mind!

Sorry for the super long post, I'm having a hard time processing all of this, and would love to know if anyone has any advice/thoughts on the matter.

 

[Disneyfan88]

Asterimou - How's stimming going for you?

Klik - I'm sorry that your sonogram was painful. I'm glad everything checked out ok.

Wish - Take all the time you need. It's important to take care of yourself, and a break can do wonders for the stress levels. I'm still posting here, but I can already say that although I'm anxious to get started again, the break from worrying about TTC-related stuff is definitely a good thing for me. Take care, and we'll be here to cheer you on when you are ready to return.

Boopin - I'm glad your oral surgery went well! That's so exciting that you have a preliminary transfer date. that everything goes smoothly between now and then!!

Amanda - We decided to do PGD after the fresh transfer from my first IVF cycle failed. We transferred 2 top grade embryos, and my hcg was only 1 when it was checked on my official test day. My doctor had indicated that when you transfer top grade embryos, and everything else appeared to be optimal, chromosome issues with the embryos could be at play. We had 2 frozen embryos remaining from IVF #1, and we decided to do another cycle in order to preserve my fertility (I'm DOR) and increase the likelihood of more than one child. We ended up with 4 more embryos by day 5 of the second cycle, so those 4 plus the 2 embryos that were previously frozen were biopsied and tested. Of those, 3 of the fresh embryos from IVF # 2 were normal (1 abnormal), and 1 of the two previously frozen ones came back normal (that's the one we transferred last December). All of the embryos were "made" in 2013 when I was 28.

If I was in your shoes, I'd probably consider transferring the embryos that I have and see what happens -- especially knowing that we transferred 2 "normal" embryos, and were weren't successful with them. We were already going to do a second IVF cycle when we decided that we "may as well do the PGD". While we had the option to try and do a fresh transfer on cycle day 6 (rush results), my doctor felt it was better for us to do a frozen transfer as it would give my time to get back to "normal" and allow for the IVF drugs to leave my body before we did the transfer. I will say that I was nervous about the idea of thawing and refreezing the embryos from my first cycle, but my doctor was confident that with current methods for freezing and thawing embryos, we shouldn't be concerned about that. And when we did do our transfer in December, the embryo still "looked great".

Since we are down to our last normal embryo, I've asked my doctor to test me for immune issues as that's another factor I've since discovered when uterine conditions seemed optimal and the embryos had been tested (though I guess PGD only tests for specific chromosome issues and not everything under the sun). I will be getting a hysteroscopy done, and my doctor will be running panels of blood work on me when the timing is right.

Please feel free to ask more questions.

 

[Disneyfan88]

By the way, Amanda - 4AB is a fantastic grade.

 

[amanda1235]

Thanks so much Disney!!! I really appreciate your response!! I'm happy to hear from someone else that the thawing and refreezing process wasn't as big a deal as I was thinking. I think we will just go ahead and transfer the next embryo, and make a decision based on what happens after that. When all is said and done, even a pregnant woman who is NOT going through fertility treatments has a fairly high risk of miscarrying once. Since it's only the first one, I'd rather not shell out 5-6 grand on something that MAY not be necessary....yet.

As for getting your immunology tested, that sounds like a good idea! I had that done after my very first fresh cycle failed, and it came back abnormal with some of my NK cells elevated (normal is between 5-33 and I was 38). My doctor has since ordered Intralipid treatment for it. I know not all Dr's agree with it, as the research is still inconclusive.......but it definitely can't hurt, and those Dr's that DO believe in it, have very strong reasons and arguments on why and how it works. It's completely painless, but it does cost a bit of money, and takes 3 hours each time. I have to do it a week before transfer, the day of transfer, and that at 6 weeks pregnant once it works. I figure anything that can't hurt but that can help is worth it, so I'm ok with it. If you want more info on Immunology testing and how it your immune system works with getting pregnant, my Dr. suggested a book which I found to be extremely helpful. It's called "Is Your Body Baby Friendly" by Alan E. Beer M.D. I found it on amazon for $30 CAD.

I also have to say to everyone, that although it is extremely sad that we are all still here, it's amazing, that even though this thread originally started in Nov/Dec, we're all still here supporting each other. You ladies have been so incredible in helping me go through this process, both the ups and the downs. It's the one place I feel completely comfortable talking about things and asking questions. I really feel that although we only know each other by nicknames, that we all have some special bond and understanding of what everyone is going through. I personally don't know how I'd have gotten through this journey without the help and support of the ladies on here. So thank you!!!!!!!!

 

[Wish2BMom]

amanda - hopped on to see how things went for you. I'm so, so sorry. feel what you need to feel, for sure.
I'm so happy that you get to start up right away with another frostie, though! Know that I would be starting immediately again if I had the option (that made sense) but since I have to wait for the donor egg convo with my doc anyway, I figured a few weeks off would be healthy.

thank you all for understanding. obvi I can't stay too far away, I needed updates!

to you all!