Jessie's Journey

[jessieles]

Im feeling really anxious today. i always get like this just before af arrives, i think its because im absolutely terrified of not getting a bfp again. i really thought clomid would be the answer to everything and i cannot believe that im goin to be starting my last cycle within a week and im not pregnant!

Im really feeling sorry for myself today, it is so frustrating when there is nothing you can do about it, dh was kissin my belly las night saying pleeeeease be in there. we dont smoke, we dont drink very often, we have a solid relationship, i made sure we got married first and still nothing, yet other ppl get pregnant at the drop of a hat. the thought of this surgery and ivf whilst more ppl around me announce their pregnancies is terryfing.

aaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrgggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh. rant over.

 

[Teeny Weeny]

Try not to stress. Easier said than done. How many DPO are you? Testing must be soon and you may get a pleasant surprise. Don't write this cycle off just yet honey.
You know the Clomid is doing its job... You are ovulating well. There is evidence to suggest that the after effects of clomid can help you ovulate too even after finishing the tablets so all is not lost.
Thinking of you. Xx

 

[TinyLynne]

Teeny is right. You know the meds are working! Hold on to hope, even if there is only a thread of it right now.

You just made me tear up that DH did and said that. Mine has done that too and it's so sweet.

 

[fairyy]

Your DH being so sweet Jess. Don't get upset. The outcome will be so good this time around. I totally agree with what Teeny Weeny said. See your numbers are amazing this time.

 

[jessieles]

I always get like this just before af, i think its because during your fertile time you can take control about how many times you bd etc but at this point ther is nothing you can do but wait. No spotting or bad af pains yet, just slight cramps. roll on friday!

 

[Teeny Weeny]

Is AF due Friday or is that testing day? Xx

 

[jessieles]

af is due sunday, i got my bfp when i was preggers on cd29 and that will be friday

 

[fairyy]

Good luck for testing on Friday

You don't have to worry in this TWW. I agree you don't have any control over TWW but you have done your very best in the fertile period. You have had plenty of swimmers in there to fertilize the egg or eggs in fact.

 

[Pickletilly]

Come on Friday!!!!

 

[jessieles]

So i had a really strong dream of a bfp las night and woke up thinking, wot diff can 1 day make and stupidly took my only good test. big fat negative! im cd26 today, af due in 4 days according to my app, even tho that wud be cd29 and i usually have 31 day cycles. so now im half thinking its too early and half thinking af will arrive.

my pros:

progesterone levels 128
no af pains or spotting
inseminated most days

my cons:
im clearly infertile!


so now im feeling mega sorry for myself today, i may not test again now until sunday as its a total waste otherwise. with my bfp i got that on cd29 so ill wait until then.

i actually cant wait to finish clomid now and stop ttc!

 

[Teeny Weeny]

Day 26 of a 31 cycle is still really early Jessie. It's definately not over yet.
Every month as AF approaches we all feel sad, angry and upset. It feels like all our hard work was for nothing and it will never happen.
The point is, it will happen... We just don't know when. As you say, in the 2WW there is no control and that is hard to accept.

Please don't count yourself out yet.
If this wasn't your month (which I'm still convinced it is!) then next month is a brand new and exciting opportunity. A new cycle, a new egg, a new chance.

Thinking of you. Xx

 

[jessieles]

Thanks hun, i am really strugglin this month.

 

[Teeny Weeny]

I think we all do every month. But this month if you don't get that BFP, you know you only have one more shot with clomid.
Please try not to stress and worry too much. Hormones are raging at this time every month too... Albeit pregnancy or AF.
Keeping my FX'd for this month. Xx

 

[TinyLynne]

What is most important is how many DPO you are. Do you know what day you ovulated? And just because you got a bfp on a certain day once doesn't mean the next pregnancy will be the same. My first I got a bfp at 9 DPO, the second wasn't until 11 or 12. Keep your chin up girl!

 

[jessieles]

Thanks girls!

i havent a clue, i didnt opk. I know i had o pains on sat 1st, which is 13 days ago, im not sure if that means i o'd that day or after or what. ill just hang on til sunday. the only odd thing for me is im not spotting and i dont have af pains but that may be me clinging!

 

[Pickletilly]

Hun I tested on cd30 of a 33 day cycle, and it was so faint, and that's with double hormones.. I think that shows you how unpredictable the results can be. Everyone is different. Fx xxxxx

 

[fairyy]

You aren't out sweetie

You might have ovulated little late this time and this is early for that BFP to show up. I am still hopeful for you.

I know what you are going through. But this time will pass and pain will fade away once you get your sticky BFP. I am sure you aren't that far from this beautiful feeling.

 

[jessieles]

So I started spotting las night, looks like its just not meant to be.
Yesterday I had a melt down and told dh im not taking clomid anymore and that i wanted to stop ttc but he said what is the point in not taking the last cycle.

So my plan now, is one last cycle of clomid and just carry on as usual.

Then if no bfp, take a break for a month, my ovarian drilling should be within 6-8 weeks and then weve decided to book a holiday of a lifetime. Then i suppose its just seeing what happens after the surgery and go on the ivf waiting list. I need to get my head around the fact it may not be right now.

Im just struggling with the fact that all i wanted was clomid, every1 told me 'oooh when ur on clomid ull b preggers in no time' but now im taking my last cycle. Why did i have to catch and lose it the first month?

Im also going to book an appt with my obgyn to discuss the fact its not working, my progersterone being so high and id like her to have a good look at dh sa.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[fairyy]

Oh no hunni.

I don't understand why clomid isn't working it's magic for you when it did on the first cycle. Your numbers show that you are ovulating well. You are covering your fertile window perfectly with plenty and plenty of swimmers. Seriously WTH

But why they want you to go for IVF, why no IUI before that ?

Hope clomid works for you this last cycle as it did on the first cycle!

 

[jessieles]

I have no clue as to why its not working, I seem to be ovulating really well but something is getting in the way! No af yet just still spotting, so will just wait it out.

They haven't mentioned iui, my ovarian drilling will be first, my pre op assessment in 24th aug so thatll be about 6 weeks away then.

Teeny- Can I just ask, my obgyn hasn't really given me much info about this ovarian drilling but I know you've had it b4, is it because we don't ovulate without help? like even tho I ovulate well on clomid like u do. im jus concernd as she sed I don't have pcos and obv I don't ovulate alone so I don't really get was this will do?