Just a sleep clinic rant.

[sequeena]

I'm so done with sleep clinic and I have a few weeks left to go.

On the first day they ask about your circumstances and I made it clear why we still co-sleep with Thomas (he becomes violent and distressed when in his own bed. He headbutts the bed posts and/or wall). I also made it clear that whilst I would tackle getting him into his own bed sometime in the future, right now all I wanted to do was get him to sleep more than 4-6 hours a day.

The HV and community nurse were completely fine with that.

Fast forward a few weeks later and now I'm being told that Thomas needs to be in his own bed. He had his own bed which is in our bedroom. Right now our bed is in Thomas' room because next door is being renovated and my OH works nights so during the day he can't sleep. Thomas' room is a separate extension which doesn't connect to next door so you can't hear the work that's going on. Our bed being in his room means there's no room to also put his bed in there. Whatever. It's just a temporary situation.

I've been told to go buy a camp bed to put in our room with Thomas' bed so I can get Thomas to sleep in his own bed.

Just... what? What happened to being fine with the co-sleeping?

It doesn't stop there. Another mum commented that her son never slept with her and he was in his own room at 6 months (she didn't mean anything by it it was just how she did it). The HV and nurse went onto congratulate her like she'd won parent of the year.

I'm sorry but it really shouldn't matter how we get our children to sleep as long as they and we are getting sleep

I'm really angry and feel quite belittled as a parent. I'm not going to stop co-sleeping yet. It's the worst idea ever especially as we are attending a 'ditch the dummy' clinic on December 15th. An SEN child with no dummy is going to be hard enough without trying to put him into his own bed too.

Sorry for the long rant. All I want is for him to sleep a bit more at night

 

[sbl]

Ah hun it sure does sound like allot for Thomas to take on at the same time.
You are doing what is right for him and I can say hand on heart I would Co sleep too if lo was so distressed sleeping alone.
It's alright for someone else to say I had my lo out in their own at x age.
That's their kid not yours, and you must remember that too.

You do what you feel is right.
your doing great xx
Hope Thomas gets a good stretch of sleep tonight!

 

[sequeena]

Oh I'm fine with T co-sleeping I'm really not bothered how other families work. I'm just really annoyed the hv and nurse have done a complete U turn

 

[MiniKiwi]

Did you point that out to them? That they've changed what you initially agreed to and now you're not comfortable with it? You don't have to do this if you think it'll do more harm than good, just walk away.

Is it their idea to ditch the dummy during this sleep training process as well? It sounds like too much for the little guy

 

[sequeena]

Did you point that out to them? That they've changed what you initially agreed to and now you're not comfortable with it? You don't have to do this if you think it'll do more harm than good, just walk away.

Is it their idea to ditch the dummy during this sleep training process as well? It sounds like too much for the little guy

Oh yes I said 'not going to happen'.

They would like me to do sleep clinic, new bed and dummy at the same time. They do honestly believe that SEN children should be treated like a neurotypical child when it comes to bedtime. I've no idea how they came to that conclusion but it's ridiculous.

 

[MummyMana]

Stick to your guns and be firm with them you're the boss here! I bet neither of them have ever been in a situation close to yours, I think you're doing great!

 

[RaspberryK]

That sounds terrible, I'd never do all of those things at once or in close succession for any child, particularly one who has additional needs.
I think they're bonkers.
Xx

 

[MiniKiwi]

Honestly, I've got no idea what's typical for a SEN kid apart from what I've read about your little boy and I don't think it sounds fair on him !

We recently ditched the dummy and my DD woke upwards of 15 times in the first night. Honestly she has been fine since that, but it was tough on her emotionally. Add to that him suddenly not being allowed in your bed anymore? And he is a sensitive little guy? I don't know how much I'd trust people who think that's a good idea. My understanding is that he'd be beside himself

 

[sequeena]

He's a real sensitive soul but also has separation anxiety and sensory processing disorder on top I imagine doing everything at once will be hell on earth for him.

I really don't get why they're suddenly pushing for this change to happen so fast. It's so frustrating.

We briefly talked about his paed offering us a helmet for his head butting (last resort for us). They immediately said oh you can use it for bedtime!!

I'm not entirely sure what company they think they work for... imagine how long getting a helmet from the NHS would take.

 

[superfrizbee]

I feel so angry and your behalf right now! And these people are supposed to be professionals.

Hats off to you for sticking up for the best interests of your little boy, even when your under so much stress yourself. Big hugs x

 

[minties]

Poor Thomas, he's still so young, he needs that comfort! I'm not giving up bed sharing with Sophie until she askes me too. It would be cruel to force her out.

 

[sequeena]

Don't get me wrong I would like him to be in his own bed as he kicks me all night but it just won't happen yet.

They've also said that he (children in general) will never say 'mummy I don't want to sleep in your bed'. Just... yeah I've not really got much faith anymore. They keep quoting different psychologists and such they don't seem particularly interested in doing things from Thomas' point of view.

 

[felix555]

I've had a bad experience with my health visiting team's sleep specialist too.

She kept on trying to talk me into cry it out or controlled crying and I've always said I'd never do it. I only had two sessions and like you say ... this one also kept quoting different sleep methods and one always contradicting the next.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

I had problems with them too. Sounds like they have no SEN training

 

[Zephram]

Honestly, I don't get what people think the big deal is with your child sleeping in your bed with you!! I spend about half the night in my son's bed as he sleeps better when I'm there and I don't have to keep getting up to him, let alone stay awake while he goes back to sleep. My son has always been a bad sleeper, even without having sensory issues like Thomas does. I think people who are so against bed sharing with toddlers really may not have experienced sleep deprivation like I did before we started bed sharing. And not having to get up to a very distressed child is the real bonus. If cuddles help them to sleep better then what exactly is the problem? What exactly is the sleep clinic's problem with bed sharing? I bet they think it's less weird to sleep with a cat or dog than your child! They are out of line to suggest you must stop sleeping with Thomas. It really wouldn't be fair on him to turn his world upside down like that.

Sorry for my rant.

 

[Neko]

I don't understand why they are in such a rush to address every issue at the same time. It seems like so many things to take away from him at once.

IMO you're addressing the things in the correct order. The most important thing is to get him to sleep more than 4-6 hours a night. That's so little sleep for a young child. I wouldn't even bother worrying about a pacifier until he's sleeping more. The least of your worries is having him in your bed. Plenty of people co-sleep until a child is 7-8 years. It's not something I could do, but there's absolutely nothing wrong with co-sleeping until everybody is happy with a change.

Avery is on a sneaky campaign to get my husband out of the bed. Every morning after he gets up, she brings her blankets and puts them on his side of the bed. Then crawls in bed with me.

 

[RaspberryK]

My ds is currently sat in my bed waiting for me to get in it
Xx

 

[Bevziibubble]

I felt angry for you when reading this! I can't believe they've gone back on what they agreed to originally and are now trying to make you get Thomas in his own bed. Surely it's more important for him to get some sleep rather than face the upheaval of being in his own bed. It doesn't seem fair on him the way they are going about it.
Stick to your guns!

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

Plus in other countries it would be the norm. Western world is so detached amd praising mums that have babies in own bed at 6weeks like its the norm. Sad.

 

[Bevziibubble]

Plus in other countries it would be the norm. Western world is so detached amd praising mums that have babies in own bed at 6weeks like its the norm. Sad.

Totally agree!