Just couldnt face it this month :( lost the will.

[ponyparade]

Hi everyone. This is my 2nd month of TTC after a break due to having surgery. We have been TTC for 18 months.

Last month we made sure we when i was ovulating etc etc, we used concieve plus- jumped through all the hoops. To be honest, while we were baby dancing i couldnt help but think how futile and pointless it all felt (i have damaged tubes). It sucked out any romance and i felt like a machine and that i was wasting my time. Safe to say i didnt get pregnant that month. I didnt cry when AF came like i normally would. I just felt dead to it all.

This is month 2 and i am ovulating this week. I cant bring myself to have sex even though my DH really wanted to (not so much for the sake of TTC but because he wanted to!). I have no sex drive this week- its like my brain has shut it down to protect my emotions. If i dont have sex, then i dont have the mind games of the 2WW and then the disapointment when AF turns up to remind me of how broken my insides are.

A part of me is kicking myself because i feel like ive wasted a month, a chance. But the rest of me just thinks, why bother. Im scared i have lost the will to try anymore. I know 18 months in the grand scheme of things is hardly any time at all, but due to the surgery i had a few months back, i know whats wrong with me and my doctor has told me my chances are slim.

Oh for a body that works. Where can i find the strength again?

 

[dozydormouse]

Can't say much to help, but we're with you. Why not try to view
Bd as rightly deserved comforting for the both of you next time after all the pain you've been through? Xxx

 

[ebony2010]

I think even without the medical stuff it feels like hell after that long... maybe you need a break from it all??? Are you being put on the ivf waiting list? x

 

[ponyparade]

I think even without the medical stuff it feels like hell after that long... maybe you need a break from it all??? Are you being put on the ivf waiting list? x

Ebony- ive had about a 5 month break due to my surgery- a few months prior due to pain, then recovery afterwards. The doctors discovered my damaged tubes during that surgery and have advised us to TTC for another year before being put forward for IVF. i think hes pinning his hopes on me being youngish (25) but knows in the back of his head i will probably be back in his office in 10 months time. My left tube is totally blocked and the other damaged.

Part of me wants to stay on a longer break but realistically we are on the doctors watch now- if i want IVF in a year i need to be able to say yes, we have been trying for 12 months like you told us.

Before having IVF they will have to run all the other tests- even though ive already had most of them, and despite the fact they already know the main reason im not getting pregnant- just to see if there are any other factors at work.

Its all such a drama- i cant help but feel incredibly jealous of those women who BD all month and get a BFP a few weeks later. no problems.

 

[ebony2010]

I'm sorry... I didn't realise you'd had such a break.

It is hard to see other posters come on here and get their bfp's straight away. I usually lurk around ltttc for that reason.

I'm sorry you had such odds against you... I don't know what to suggest but I hope you get the support you need here to get you through it. x

 

[sc81]

Hi,
I am in the same boat as u r. I also had surgery due to cyst before 7 months n then again now I am havin cyst doc has also told me to conceive ASAP but till date no luck I also have blocked tubes n an immobile uterus n a very slim chance to conceive naturally but still there is HOPE I guess. I am on a break TTC due to treatment of cyst. Well hope everything turns out good n u get ur BFP this month. Try to relax n BD during ur peek days I know how it hurts to get a BFN everytime hope u get ur 2 pink lines soon.