Kids going to ex this Christmas :(

[kell]

This will be the first Christmas without them and I'm dreading it

We made a deal that I had them last year and he could this year. I really want to say no but of course this would be unfair to him. I just can't get excited about Christmas knowing they'll be there on Christmas morning.

How can i still make it special if they will be doing the fun bit with him 50 miles away? Do i do it before? After? I don't know. I just feel so sad

 

[toptrump]

aww that sucks

Have you thought about telling them that Santa is going to come twice as they are special and doing Christmas Eve on Christmas night and Christmas Day on Boxing Day, that way you get o have a proper Christmas Day with them

 

[kell]

Thank you

I have thought about that but will they be less excited after doing it all already on Christmas eve and morning with him? Like the magic has already happened? I'm sure they will love having two though lol

 

[toptrump]

I would to have thought so, if you planted the seed now. Get the elves to send them a letter through the post saying that Santa is working extra hard this year and if they are very very good he has said that they can have two Christmases and that he will work extra night just for them. If they know this is happening it will keep the suspense with them. You can then spend Christmas Day getting excited and getting everything ready as it is only a date, you can make it just as special

 

[lauracindy]

Hello, newish here as mainly lurk. I became a single parent this year but we have agreed to still have Christmas day together, is that a possibility for you? I know you said it's quite a distance away.

Failing that I would have 2 christmas', you said about them having already done it, but I know that I would of loved to had to Christmas day's so I'm sure they will be absolutely thrilled and think themselves very lucky x

 

[Eve]

Two years ago my son spent Christmas with his dad and he will this year too... Thankfully, they are only 10 minutes away so he can spend some of Christmas Eve with us and we pick him up Christmas day around supper time (depending on our dinner plans and theirs). It's hard but we get through it.

 

[kell]

Thank you Toptrump that's a really lovely idea, my youngest especially will love the whole letter thing. It would make it even more exciting

Hi Lauracindy When we first split we did do Christmas day together for the children's sake but now he is with a new partner and it would likely cause no end of trouble so it's not possible anymore. But as you say, they will feel lucky to have two Christmas days hopefully. Thanks you x

Hi Eve, it's really good that you see it that way and live near to your ex. My ex does unfortunately live a fair distance away but he does drive so I guess we can come to some kind of fair arrangement. Thanks

I guess I just need to stop feeling sorry for myself and be fair. I did have them last year and he had to wait until boxing day. I just put this year out of my mind until recently. We can still have fun, like you say it is just a date, we can do Christmas any day!

 

[leoniebabey]

oh god it would break my heart to have to send harvey on xmas! so glad his dads not massively interested.
I would do what others have said.x

 

[meldmac]

When I was young after my parents split we had two Christmases and I always loved it. Im sure you will make it special for them!

 

[SmartieMeUp]

Me and OH split Christmases when we were living apart. But I was with DD each time so a little different.

First Christmas DD was with me at my parents on Christmas day in 2011, then to OH parents for New Years for their Christmas with DD.

We spent Christmas day at his/his parents house in 2012 & 2013 then went to mine/mums on 27th Dec for her "second Christmas" each time.

So her real Christmas was on Christmas day then had one afterwards.

My niece on the other hand has limited contact with her dad (his choice) and goes to his on Christmas Day at 12pm then back home at 3-4pm.

 

[kell]

Thanks everyone. I'll just make it special for when they come back. Although the ex has now told me not to make any plans for Christmas day and we'll see what we're doing about the kids nearer the time. What does that mean? Talk about confusing.

 

[SmartieMeUp]

Can mean one of two things.

He either wants you to spend it with him and the kids, or, he might use you as back up if something arises for him? It'll more than likely be the first.

 

[kell]

I would like to think he's being considerate and it's the first but I have a sneaking suspicion it means if he and his girlfriend are rowing at Christmas then he will come here but if they are getting on then he wants the kids there. Not very fair. I would rather know the plan now so I can prepare myself. MEN!

 

[DanielleM]

Not very fair at all I see you are pregnant and will be quite heavily pregnant at Christmas, not fair on you or the kids. Are all five of your kids going to him?

 

[mummyfin]

I would say that because you've agreed he can have them this year, you can't really back out, however I don't think that applies if he's being unreasonable by not letting you know what the plans are, that's a bit cheeky! He has a right to his own life obviously, but surely he should put the kids' interests first and let them know what's happening too!

Hope it all works out ​

 

[Mummy May]

Yeah I would a also say that if he isn't open for planning anything then stuff him lol! My daughter was gonna go to her Dads last Christmas but he fucked her around so much I said no in the end. We halve Christmas Day! She stays here til after our dinner then goes to his til Boxing Day xx

 

[JessdueJan]

I agree if he can't make plans then you should put your foot down and say you are keeping them. Then depending on your plans and how you and he get on you could always offer to let him call round to yours to watch them open presents.
Last year DS1 spent Christmas Day with his dad for the first time although he did sleep here Xmas eve and open presents with us first then went. This year, he will sleep as his dad's and do presents with them then come Jons at around 10am and have the day with us. I wish I could keep him all day every year but like you I'm aware it wouldn't be fair so this arrangement works for us.
Hope you can sort something your all happy with

 

[Tattoo]

My BIL step-kids do two Christmas, alternating between their mum and their dad each year. They have Christmas number one on Christmas day, then Christmas number two on New Years Day. It seems to work for them.