***Lion Cub Mommies-Back In Action!***

[cleckner04]

Shiv- Weigh ins are on fridays.

 

[Pippin]

Jelr are you ok hon???????

 

[cleckner04]

Today was her appointment. I hope she's okay.

 

[Pippin]

Still no news from Jelr? Hope your ok hon thinking of you. xxx

 

[Shiv]

yep been thinking of you too hon

 

[cleckner04]

jelr- thinking of you hun. I hope you update soon. Starting to worry about you.

 

[jelr]

Sorry girls

Well appointment went as I thought it would - still no hb or growth and baby the actual sac and baby are starting to disintigrate so it is definitely all over and our little angel has grown its wings.

They gave me a choice of waiting for it to happen naturally or to do for a d&c - so I opted for the d&c seeing as the bleeding is still only spotting and the last mmc was only discovered at 16 weeks and I'm only 10 now so I dont want to take the chance of waiting around for another month of being housebound as I will have gone stir crazy plus I will be off work for 3 weeks - and I dont want to push it by being off even longer with DH being laid off too. Also I think this way I think it will be less traumatic as I really dont think I could face my little baby going down the toilet or for maybe Natasha to see me bleed through my clothes. They dont have any free theatre until Thursday so I'm booked in then.

I'm really sorry I worried you all I was just completely emotionally and physically exhausted yesterday and I actually felt really sick as they had told me that I was having an internal scan so I hadn't drank any water and then they told me that they always do abdominal scans first so I had to drink water and in the mean time the doctor was called back up to the clinic so I was bursting and had to empty my bladder and had to refil and this happened twice by the time she came back down so all in all I ended up drinking 4 litres of water in the space of an hour and was actually shaking with the cold with all that ice cold water going through me.

so between that and all my family and friends that know ringing to see how it went I was shattered and didn't even go on the laptop last night in fact I sat down and had a couple of glasses of wine and smoked like a trouper out in the back garden (as we dont smoke in the house or car since Natasha was born) - They are my two big de-stressers and I would have killed for both over the last few weeks but wouldn't chance it in case the baby was still alive and had been off both since I found out I was pregnant and I think it did me the world of good as I cryed solid for about an hour after the wine but I think I really needed that to get it all out.

I'm just so angry today as it is so unfair that we have to go through this not once but twice, but then that is life I guess. Hopefully after thursday we can really start to grieve and heal.

So today I just relaxed and DH left me lie in until lunch time and we did lazed around the house and played with Natasha, although I'm still shattered. Anybody know what is good to give you a boost after something like this. I got DH to run to the chemist today to get some Vit B as I know it is good for energy levels and evening primrose and I think it is meant to be good for pmt so I'm hoping it might help with all these hormones going on at the moment. Any other suggestions to help me stop feeling like I have been trampled on would be greatly appreciated. Xx

 

[cleckner04]

Oh hun. The only way I start feeling better is watching a million sad movies and getting all the tears out. Than when I can't cry anymore, I start to heal. Take lots of nice warm baths and relax as much as you can hun.

I opted for a D&C too when I lost mine. It seems to be the best for the situation so you don't sit around wondering and waiting. I hope the op goes smoothly. I wish I had some magical words that could take it all away right now for you.

 

[jelr]

Thanks Sam - yeah the hysterical crying for an hour last night non stop definitely helped - I wish I had some magic to take it away myself but unfortunately there is nothing anybody can do not even myself - I will unfortunately just have to go through the motions and eventually I know I will get there. At least we have our beautiful daughter this time and know that we can have children so I think she will help with most of the healing.

Thanks for everything you lot - I dont know what I would have done over the last few weeks without you all.

 

[spidey]

jelr thanks for the update, I've been thinking about you alot I hope things go smoothly on Thursday and you and your DH can begin to heal

If I'm feeling down I force myself to go outside. Sitting on the grass and watching the birds and squirrels always re-connects me to the world. Getting sun and fresh air always helps my energy and mood. Even in the winter I will bundle up and lay on the grass and let the sun hit my face. Then at the end of the day I stop for some icecream covered in fudge syrup! Cleckner- I would turn into a depressed mess if I let myself cry too much! LOL

 

[cleckner04]

Oh crying is like therapy to me. Sometimes when I am really missing DH I was a sad love movie than cry. Than cry even more because I think of DH and I end up hysterical. Than after that I'm fine like nothing ever happened.

 

[Pippin]

Thanks for the update hon and sorry you are going through this. I wish I had a magic wand and make you feel better. Just cry when you need to, hug when you feel like it and eventually time will heal. I can now look back on mine objectively and it seems like it barely happened and I don't get upset anymore, but at the time my world broke apart. All I can say is that you will get to that point but slowly, take time to grieve and don't force yourself to do anything. Thursday isn't too far away now and then it'll be all over. I hope it goes well for you and remember that we are all with you in spirit.

.....and just like you I had a good old glass of wine or two in the evening and did quite often if I remember, helped loads!!! You enjoy it hon you deserve a bucket full and a few smokes on the side! Sending you heaps on love hon. xxx

 

[jelr]

Thanks girls - yeah spidey that sounds like a good idea the sun always cheers me up - hopefully we will have some over the next week or so as the weather hasn't been good the last few days.

Cleck: yeah crying is like therapy to me too - although I always find i'm exhausted afterwards.

Pippin: Yep the vino and smokes definitely helped - I have missed them so much over the past 6 weeks. I know I should have probably stayed off the smokes once I was off them again - but then I think I need every crutch I can get at the moment and i'm going to give myself a little while and think I will get tablets from the doc and quit before ttc again as I do always miss them so much when pregnant and it think its because it is just completely cold turkey and am terrified that the extra stress of this doesn't do Lo any good. I'm the same about my mmc before Natasha - It still hurts but I dont get upset anymore as I wouldnt have Natasha and she is my whole world so I know that I will get through it again and just pray I dont ever have to go through it again.

I will let you all know how I get on thurs - they have changed things in the hospital and due to bed shortage you only are in the day ward now and are not kept in over night unless the surgery is done too late in the day, so hopefully I should be home where I think I will get more rest and being honest the last time was horrible staying overnight as again because of bed shortage there were 2 pregnanty ladies in the same ward as me as maternity was full and one went into labour in the middle of the night and I found it very upsetting - mind you I dont know if it would bother me as much now having my own LO where as last time I was convinced I would never have any.

I dont know if I'll be much good to get on here on the thurs as anesthesia and me dont usually mix well but I will hopefully be up to it on friday and will let you know how it all went. I know you will be all thinking of me and really appreciate that. xx

 

[Pippin]

Will be nice if you get home thursday hon, I managed to get home by 4pm with mine but I was one of the first in thankfully hope it's the same for you. Big hugs hon and really hoping it goes well for you will be thinking of you lots and lots. xxx

 

[Shiv]

Will be thinking of you tomorrow Jean, I hope it all goes smoothly and you can get back home for some cuddles and rest. I don't blame you for being angry and asking "why me?". This is one of the things regarding religion that I don't get, if there is a God then why does he do crap stuff to good people (but hey that is another ramble we can have on facebook ).

As for me if i were you I would be getting rip roaringly drunk, you deserve a drink! Oh and my mum is on Champix at the moment (assuming that is what you meant?) and she hasn't smoked since Nov 15th (having smoked for over 40 years!) - she is finding it hard but she has never lasted this long when giving up (usually about 2 days!) so it must be helping her.

Anyway, take care of yourself and Jim tomorrow

 

[spidey]

jelr- I'll be thinking of you tomorrow I hope everything goes smoothly and your back home by nighttime.


My nipples are still sore which is expected, BUT if they're still sore this weekend then I'm pregnant (according to my theory, LOL). Which will be 1 week before AF is due, so it's going to be more accurate than a pregnancy test!!

How is everyone else doing?

 

[cleckner04]

Spidey. Can your nipples predict the weather too?

Nothing new here. I'm somewhat ready to weigh in this week. I've done well but tonight just made a massive omelet with salmon and cheese. It was SOOO yummy though. I think I may have to work out a bit extra tonight though. I'm hoping AF stays away until at LEAST monday. That would give me a 12 day luteal phase. Which is the minimum that I want to have. It's supposed to be between 12-16.

But anyways..I'm pretty boring here. Only 3 months 1 week before DH gets home! And I have at the most only 16 lbs to lose in that time to reach my main goal.

 

[Shiv]

The midwife came to my house today to do my booking in appointment. She sent me off to the loo to wee in a pot and on a stick, it was a disaster, i dropped the pot in the loo and then didn't have any wee left to pee on the stick

 

[cleckner04]

Shiv. What'd you do after that? Have to tell her you dropped the wee?


Well I mysteriously gained 2 lbs. over night again. Awesome!

 

[spidey]

Shiv- how embarrassing!!! I like how the midwife comes to your house. Thats convenient especially with having to look after Sophia too.

Cleckner- It's probably just water weight from being a few days before AF arrives. Don't freak yourself out about it!! Your omelette sounds super yummy and healthy too. I bet you were craving protein to help you build all those new muscles I can't believe that it's 3 months until Corey returns!! He will be here before you know it

My nipples CAN predict the weather, LOL! They get hard when it's cold outside

So my nipples are less sore today, so even though I still have hope that this is my month, I'm starting to think that it's not. Of course, it is waaaay too early to test and this is all based on my nipple theory Lets see how my nipples are this weekend and then I will be more certain.