hey girls
Well our internet is back up and running so i said I would fill you all in.
Well d&c went as planned, we were in about 9.30 and they admitted me straight away and gave me the pessery to soften my cervix around 11 and I went down to theatre around 2 and was home at 7. It went a lot better than last time as last time after the pessery - the cramps I had were really severe, where as this time I barely even felt them so I'm hoping if I do ever have another baby that because my stomach muscles have loosened since having Natasha that means that labour will be much easier.
I'm slowly but surely getting there, I had stopped bleeding by saturday but it actually started again yesterday but it is only really light so physically I am fine except I'm extremely exhausted but then anesthetic tends to do that to me.
Emotionally is still a bit hit and miss, but I dont feel completely overwhelmed by the whole thing like I did last week and each day is getting a little easier. We have had some great days with Natasha so that is what I'm focusing on.
I am dreading going to work next week as only my boss knows, so it will be a little weird for everything to be back to normal if you know what I mean, but then that is life and it does carry on and it will the first time ever that I have been going to work while DH stays is at home with Natasha or even been at home before she came along, so I know I will feel like I'm missing out on the fun, but sure it has to be done.
There is a little angels grave nearby that we had looked into the last time as they explained that if the fetus is found when they do the d&c, that they give it back to you and we had decided to bury it there if we did - but both times little bean had deteriorated too much and there was only tissue so we didn't need to do that - but I did bury a little box with my pregnancy tests and it did give me some closure - just a way to say goodbye if that makes sense so I think we will do the same again - even changing my signature today helped me a little - silly really as it was only writing the dates down, but it is just some sort of closure if that makes sense.
I have gotten an appointment for gyne in June - but I'm hoping that I might get a sooner date as the nurse that was looking after me was going to try and make an appointment for 6 weeks time - but they had already sent me one in the post as I had also asked the nurse from the early pregnancy unit - so fingers crossed I get the earlier one too and can cancel this one. We are going to wait and not ttc until after the appointment.
I did speak a little to the doctor that was on and according to her there isn't any increase of mc with pcos, where as I was always told there was, so not sure if she or I are wrong on that one, she did explain though that there is an increased risk of mc with autoimmune diseases which my type of arthritis is so it may be that. She said that just as my body rejects my immune system causing my arthritis that sometimes it can reject a baby too as it thinks its an allergy. she does'nt reckon they will do much more with me as usually they dont do more tests unless you have had 3 concecutive mc - which is a bit mad as it would mean I would have to go through this again another 2 times, which I just couldn't cope with. She did suggest talking to the doc I see about low doses of asprin - so hopefully I will get some answers and suggestions. I know I probably wont and that will drive me nuts as I'm a real fixer and have to know the hows and whys and try and fix them so it is already driving me nuts not knowing what caused this and I know I will never know unless the results of the d&c show something genetic or a molar pregnancy which they didn't the last time. Load of people have said that maybe I can't carry boys, which I know they just dont know what to say and are trying to make me feel better, but they dont realise that I would have loved a little boy this time and had a feeling that it was a boy. So I'm hoping they are wrong, again I'm going to talk to the hospital about this, the doc I did see said though that it was too early to know the sex so I will probably be in the dark about that too.
Anyway enough about me - time for a catch up.
Cleck: boo on the 10 days, fingers crossed the b6 helps to lenghen it as it is only 2 extra days that you need. Well done on the 5 inches, that is amazing - just goes to show you that you shouldn't rely on the scales. I'll be joining you as I had put on 5lbs over christmas and another 8lbs in the pregnancy and I had 2lbs left to get back to pre pregnancy weight so I have just over a stone and that will probably be a stone and a half by the time this week is up and I have finished stuffing my face. by the way you dont have anything to be envious about when it comes to education, I left school early and went back and got my qualifications so it is always something you can do in the future when Emma and your children to be are older and you dont need to be educated to be smart and you are smart so if you do decide to ever go back, you will fly through it all. You are a hero so dont sell yourself short - I would love to be at home full time but would never last without dh and my family, I would go nuts and would be a basket case.
Spidey: I love your nipples lol (that sounds so wrong) - I would go and get the machine cleck has as the opks sound much harder to read, go on you know you want too lol - Sorry about your job - I really hope something else comes up for you, the economy sucks everywhere.
Pippin: I hope that cold is gone or it didn't turn into one, there is nothing as bad when you can't take anything and even if you never usually take anything for a cold like me, it drives you nuts knowing you can't have anything if you wanted too. Work sounds crazy for you at the moment, I would be wiped working until 8.30 also without being pregnant. Best of luck with the hydrotherapy tomorrow.
Shiv: Boo for the tonsillitis - I hope you are feeling better now, I know what you mean about having a rest though without Sophia. I dont know what I woud have done if DH was working this week, I think I would have just fell in a heap. It really is a 24 hour job minding a toddler and so hard when you are sick. I think you definitely have to tell David how you feel as you both need to make the decision together and you dont want to resent him for taking it later on if you haven't both discussed it to death and decided what is best. It is definitely a hard one as I would be like you and would become a total recluse if DH wasn't around and my family and friends weren't near and this week has brought it so much to home how important everyone is to me and how much they have all helped me get through this. I would have said the same as the girls that maybe he should take it and look for something else at first as the main thing is to keep a roof over your head and food on the table but I think that if you can last a year and a half - maybe it might be best to wait - but then do you definitely think he will get something in this time, that is the main question and I think the main thing is to talk to him and see exactly how he feels about it all and be honest about how you feel, but then that is just me - I probably a bit selfish as I couldn't keep something as big as that from Dh and I'm always terrified that if you dont communicate and say exactly what is going on - it will come back to bite you later if resentment starts to come into it. But everybody's relationship is different.
Anyway I have just realised how much better I must be feeling than the last few weeks as I'm back to my mammoth posts lol - No thankfully today has been a good day as we spent the day with one of DH's work mates at the playzone with the children as they have a little boy who is 3 months older than Natasha and also my brother made a surprise visit from London to cheer me up (I didn't expect to see him again until July) so it has been a busy and fun day so my mind has been occupied which is good.
Thanks again for helping me through everything the last few weeks and I hope you dont mind me popping in here every now and again - I know I'm not ttc but I am waiting to ttc.
to all.
I had a slight urge to test this morning, but I'm determined to wait and trust my nipples!
They don't have the budget to keep me and September is when the federal government's financial year starts.
Or maybe I just had shitty grandparents 
Sometimes I wish I had my babies young (haha, I guess I'm not quite an old hag, YET), and then get them off to school and then study nursing or something more hands on. But as they say... the grass is always greener on the other side. 
At first I said "go ahead, whatever makes you happy" but after a few days I had to tell him how I really felt. I needed him to be home in the evenings and to be on a reliable schedule. I told him that in a few years he could re-visit his dream of having an exciting job with a gun, but for now he had to keep his boring low paid job. I'm not good being a full time mom 100% of the time. I NEED my breaks in the evenings and I need to know that I'll have a break. Once I lose my job, my mom will probably still take Kira 1-2 days a week. So if I was alone and away from my parents I would probably go crazy! But thats just me- obviously it can be done because thats what Cleckner is doing- but I honestly don't have it in me. (Cleckner- you really are my hero, LOL!). Sorry- probably not much of a help and certainly not very encouraging. I'm also on the rag, so I'm not feeling very energenic at the moment 
I just think with you being pregnant and neither of you having work, you don't really have room to be picky. Something that will keep a roof over your head and keep food on the table is all you need for now and he can keep looking in the meantime. 
to you all and I have read everything but bit too tired and in bed to respond to you all now. Will do tomorrow. Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx 
His ship is powered by nuclear reactors. I just found that little rumor interesting.
for 12 weeks. Can't wait to see pictures on tuesday. Are you going to be telling everyone then?? Just think we'll be in 2nd tri together for four (or five weeks if you count 12 weeks as 2nd tri) weeks before I move on. How weird is that 
