What are the consequences if he doesn't listen? If it's just you're trying to talk to him and he seems to be ignoring you, I would pull him aside and sit down somewhere where he can't be so easily distracted and talk. If you're asking him to do something specific, I would set firm, clear consequences if he doesn't listen and follow through with what you've asked and stick to them. With us, we have a window by the steps that we go sit by when we need to calm down in order to listen (some people use a 'naughty step' but it's not really that, it's more just like an out of the way quiet place for calming down and talking when doing it elsewhere isn't working rather than a punishment). I usually give a warning, like we're going to tidy up and then come in and sit at the table for dinner in 5 minutes, so she knows what's going to happen soon. And then I actually ask her to do it. If that doesn't work and she doesn't acknowledge what I've asked her to do, I often use counting, so I repeat what I've asked her to do and tell her that I'm going to count to 10 and then she needs to listen and be ready to do it, or she's going to need to sit on the steps and wait until she's ready. That often works. I do it very calmly and it's not a threat, but just gives her time to react and do what it is I asked. When it doesn't work and she still doesn't listen, we sit together on the steps by the window so she has some time to calm down and think about it (usually she's angry if she isn't listening and this helps to give her time to calm herself down). I stay with her until she says she's calm and is ready to listen. Then we talk about why it was important that she did what I was asking, she says sorry, and then I ask her if she is ready to go do it now (she is at this point, or if not, we wait a bit longer until she is), then she gets down off the steps and goes and does it. I think sometimes just taking them out of the situation where there are no distractions and giving them time to cool down and then talk to you is really effective and it works for us. But I think it will take time. We've been doing it this way for probably 2 years now and it didn't work right away. I would say it took about 6 months of being consistent with it to see real results, though that may have had more to do with her age at the time (2) than anything. I would expect a 4 year old would be a bit more responsive and adaptable.
