I know exactly what you mean. I've done that song and dance before and had to make myself stop. After a few years of nothing, I came to accept that I'm not going to make myself pregnant by pretending there's a line. In fact, when I did get a positive test I threw it away because I convinced myself I was just searching for a line again. It's been harder lately, especially after those two early m/c. I find myself doing the same thing: hold it this way, bend it that way, take a picture of it and photoshop the everloving crap out of it to see if MAYBE I somehow missed a line with my own two eyes. I'm on CD31ish and keep getting negatives, but I'm still doing the same thing because I'm so ticked that I'm not only late but haven't gotten a positive test yet either.