Long Term WTTer's

[flump1]

royal python - I reckon rvc would take you with your animal care course though, escpecially if you've done work experience and things.

My OH used to say he didnt want kids EVER, we nearly split up a couple of times over that because i obviously deff wanted to have kids. but then suddenly he changed his mind and was like lets just do it or lets just have an 'accident' lol and now we had agreed to try from august but now its getting nearer hes changed his mind and sais we should wait longer lol soooo confused! deep down i think he'd rather it just happened than him have to actively make the decision to do it
xxx
xxx

 

[4magpies]

Hi flump at one point my OH said he would leave me if I ever got pregnant. They do come round... we are gonna start TTC in Decemeber (apparently if he doesnt change his mind again!! grrr!!).

xxx

 

[wtt :)]

deep down i think he'd rather it just happened than him have to actively make the decision to do it
xxx
xxx

yeah.... I think the same about my DH

 

[wtt :)]

I find it really it difficult but he has no idea because I pretend I don't care!

Don't pretend you don't care. Don't freak out if he wants to wait but at least tell him how you really feel, just be emotionally prepared for his reaction. To be honest, I don't think there is a "softer" way of telling a man you want his kids! LOL I try to see what mood he's in first, then "test" a little if at that moment he even wants to hear about future kids
We always knew we are going to have a family, even before we got married but we also knew that 5 yrs ago it would have been too early - emotionally too early since we still enjoyed being newlyweds and financially nearly impossible. Still, even back then I did make sure he still wanted kids with me but apart from the past couple of years, we hadn't talked about kids much.
I don't know. I guess it depends on how "fragile" you OH is with being direct. Good Luck!

 

[4magpies]

I just tell my OH. At the end of the day its what relationships are for. To procreate. Well in my eyes anyway. Its the meaning of life! Lol.

I cant wait to have a lil bit of my OH inside me growing making a gorgeous baby.

Men are so pig headed sometimes. I was talking to him yesterday and I was like well we are having a baby soon... he was like no not soon.. well I was like you said you would start trying with me in decemeber... he was like yeah maybe january thats ages away.

Pffttt!

xxx

 

[wtt :)]

I was talking to him yesterday and I was like well we are having a baby soon... he was like no not soon.. well I was like you said you would start trying with me in decemeber... he was like yeah maybe january thats ages away.

Pffttt!

xxx

LOL they're ready when they're ready.

 

[RoyalPython]

Flump - might consider it but im SO sick of study study study. Just want to get into the industry or set up a pet shop or something.

and haha OHs are SO annoying. One min he want one sooner the next 2012 is WAY too soon. I dont think he realises that just because we TTC does not mean i will straight away!!!!

 

[flump1]

royal python- i totally understand being sick of study lol it feels like its never ending sometimes. the course i did was good cause it was all out on placement just went back every few months for three weekly blocks of theory. just the not being paid was crappy and frustrating!.


and men say women are complicated!! at least we know what we want

 

[mandaa1220]

My OH our entire relationship was completely paranoid about me becoming pregnant... to the point that he sometimes wouldn't have sex in fear. He has always been all for abortion and felt that if you get pregnant young, you just get rid.

Since our relationship has developed, he's definately slowly changed. We've been together 3 1/2 years and he can now tell you about the benefits of breastfeeding and asks every pregnant woman if they intend to. He also is all for a natural, home-birth just as I am. He watched "The Business of Being Born" with me and actually enjoyed it a little... he felt like he learned a lot of information.

We both agree that it's not the right time for a baby right now, but he's at the point where he talks about it with me on a regular basis. He's definately slowly changed in the direction of having babies and has decided that he'll have 3 at most, whereas before he only wanted 1.

I think that when you and your partner express your desires and share your goals for the future together, your priorities start to make sense together. It's all slow of course in my case.

I am now at the point in our relationship where I don't feel like if I got pregnant he would leave. I know we would work together and make things work as a family.

 

[4magpies]

Me and OH had a big argument last night. We havent had sex in like.... 5 days! So Im getting frustrated and start coming on to him and hes like no. I am like why? He goes that your not on the pill or anything. I went well I know that yes. He goes I need to buy some condoms. Why hasnt he bought and before? He is such an idiot. So back to square one for me.

I ended up in tears, getting really mad and basically he said yes we are okay for decemeber and I was like you change your mind and I will leave you. You cant be stringing me along. Then tried to tell me I am not ready to be a mum!!! Which made me fume even more. I KNOW I am ready. How dare he tell me I am not?!? Fool.

So he is in the dog house!!!

 

[BButterflies]

Me and OH had a big argument last night. We havent had sex in like.... 5 days! So Im getting frustrated and start coming on to him and hes like no. I am like why? He goes that your not on the pill or anything. I went well I know that yes. He goes I need to buy some condoms. Why hasnt he bought and before? He is such an idiot. So back to square one for me.

I ended up in tears, getting really mad and basically he said yes we are okay for decemeber and I was like you change your mind and I will leave you. You cant be stringing me along. Then tried to tell me I am not ready to be a mum!!! Which made me fume even more. I KNOW I am ready. How dare he tell me I am not?!? Fool.

So he is in the dog house!!!

Aww sorry to hear you are arguing about it still! It must all get so stressful I'm sure he isn't doing it on purpose to upset you. He sounds like he isn't ready but he knows how much it means to you so he has agreed to TTC to make you happier, but still, he doesn't feel ready.

I hope you find it easier to have patients with him and maybe see that it is a MASSIVE decision to make, that he is likely to be uncertain of especially if he isn't sure he is ready and feels as though you are going to leave him if you don't start trying for a baby soon!

I think he just still needs a bit of time and less pressure

I am really sorry if that sounded patronising! I didn't mean it to be, I just know how easy it is to get caught up in overwhelming broodiness. I burst into tears the other day because I said to OH can you give me a baby (I wasn't being serious because we are waiting atm) but he said 'no' in a really offhandish sort of way (normally he is affectionate and says in a few years) and it really hurt!

 

[BButterflies]

My OH our entire relationship was completely paranoid about me becoming pregnant... to the point that he sometimes wouldn't have sex in fear. He has always been all for abortion and felt that if you get pregnant young, you just get rid.

Since our relationship has developed, he's definately slowly changed. We've been together 3 1/2 years and he can now tell you about the benefits of breastfeeding and asks every pregnant woman if they intend to. He also is all for a natural, home-birth just as I am. He watched "The Business of Being Born" with me and actually enjoyed it a little... he felt like he learned a lot of information.

We both agree that it's not the right time for a baby right now, but he's at the point where he talks about it with me on a regular basis. He's definately slowly changed in the direction of having babies and has decided that he'll have 3 at most, whereas before he only wanted 1.

I think that when you and your partner express your desires and share your goals for the future together, your priorities start to make sense together. It's all slow of course in my case.

I am now at the point in our relationship where I don't feel like if I got pregnant he would leave. I know we would work together and make things work as a family.

Its a lovely point to be at isn't it. Me and OH know we both want children together and I can talk about it to him, and he has said it would be fine if I got pregnant now, and that we could deal with it. (I had a preg. scare and he was amazing) But we also know we have to wait. Less than a year of our degree left now and then we will be that one step closer!

It makes my broodiness a bit worse though! If OH would be okay with having a baby if it happened then why can't we just do it!!

 

[4magpies]

After my MC its all I can think about and its not fair on me. Its like a switch has been flicked.

If he just told me he wasnt ready full stop I would be okay. Its the stringing me along that does my head in. Why tell me december then change his mind? Id rather him be straight with me. If he cant be straight with me then I dont want to be with someone like that.

He will never be fully ready and I am not waiting for forever and the perfectly right time cause it will never come. I know he would be happy if I actually got pregnant. Its just getting there that is the problem.

You didnt sound patronising honey!

xxx

 

[BButterflies]

After my MC its all I can think about and its not fair on me. Its like a switch has been flicked.

If he just told me he wasnt ready full stop I would be okay. Its the stringing me along that does my head in. Why tell me december then change his mind? Id rather him be straight with me. If he cant be straight with me then I dont want to be with someone like that.

He will never be fully ready and I am not waiting for forever and the perfectly right time cause it will never come. I know he would be happy if I actually got pregnant. Its just getting there that is the problem.

You didnt sound patronising honey!

xxx

Yeah, I can't imagine how much harder a misscarriage would make it My OH strings me along sometimes, just to keep me happy, even though it makes me more unhappy in the end, but he is slowly learning that it doesn't work (not about things as half as important mind) but I am sure yours will too.

FX that it gets easier for you xxx

 

[4magpies]

I've just had enough.

I dont want fancy holidays or expensive things. I just want to be a mum and he cant seem to understand how important it is to me.

xxx

 

[RoyalPython]

Me and OH had a big argument last night. We havent had sex in like.... 5 days! So Im getting frustrated and start coming on to him and hes like no. I am like why? He goes that your not on the pill or anything. I went well I know that yes. He goes I need to buy some condoms. Why hasnt he bought and before? He is such an idiot. So back to square one for me.

I ended up in tears, getting really mad and basically he said yes we are okay for decemeber and I was like you change your mind and I will leave you. You cant be stringing me along. Then tried to tell me I am not ready to be a mum!!! Which made me fume even more. I KNOW I am ready. How dare he tell me I am not?!? Fool.

So he is in the dog house!!!

Sorry to hear that men are SO insensitive sometimes and so immature. I mean like you said before your doing the Pull out, its funny how before it did not bother him but now it does!!! Men men men!

 

[wtt :)]

I've just had enough.

I dont want fancy holidays or expensive things. I just want to be a mum and he cant seem to understand how important it is to me.

xxx

I can't even begin to imagine how hard it would be for me after a MC

Is your OH older or younger than you? Do you both feel you have secure jobs? (well as secure as a job can be right now anyway)

 

[4magpies]

He's older than me. He's 24 I am 22. We have stable well paid jobs.

We have savings, no debt (except for an overdraft).

A car and we have just bought our first house but have lived together for a year.

Feel like banging my head against a wall some days.

Thanks for the kind words girlies.

And as for my MC... its 2 years at the end of the month. There isnt one day that I havent longed to be pregnant or thought about babies. Its killing me!

xxx

 

[wtt :)]

What if you tell him you're on the pill and get pregnant? LOL Would all hell break loose

 

[4magpies]

What if you tell him you're on the pill and get pregnant? LOL Would all hell break loose

If I am honest I have thought about it but I could never do that to him.

I dont want to bring a baby into the world like that. I would feel guilty for like forever!!

xxx