Looking for people TTC after miscarriage

Discussion in 'TTC After A Loss' started by MrsFruitie, Sep 14, 2018.

  1. Chickybaby

    Chickybaby Well-Known Member

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    Sallyanne so sorry to hear about your SIL and MIL I can never quite believe how self involved some people can be and insensitive. That comment from your MIL was quite shocking, people try their best to offer words of comfort but more often than not their words just hurt. Even my own mother (who has had a mc) was shocked that I was still crying most nights a few weeks later. Maybe because outwardly I was doing fine. And you definitely get a lot of 'you can try again' comments.

    Glad to hear you are coming through the fog though despite it all and glad you ate hopefully on the road to getting some answers. Thyroid seems to be an issue for a fair few women so worth a look for sure!

    AFM, small amounts of spotting yesterday but nothing now, still cramping a bit. Will see what the day brings xx
     
  2. kiki1234

    kiki1234 Mother of 1

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    Thanks everyone! I am very cautiously excited. Tested again today - continuing to darken up so hopefully this works out.

    Sal: I definitely recommend getting your thyroid checked out. After my 2nd mc, I requested to have my checked and it was 2.42 - which is not ridiculously high but also not prime. I think that maybe all the hormones from the pregnancy had made it go a little haywire. When I rechecked my tsh in September it was 1.8, and then down to 1.4 in Nov. I am much more comfortable at this level. So definitely worth investigating! I'm sorry to hear about what your MIL said. I get that it's hard to know what to say to people - but maybe then you should say nothing at all?... I hope that doesn't sound harsh to your MIL - I'm sure she did mean well.

    Fingers crossed for you Chicky! Hopeful the spotting was implantation?
     
  3. lesondemavie

    lesondemavie Mama to my rainbow & 4 (maybe 5) Angels

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    Ah Sally my in-laws are the same. My SIL followed me out my car while I was trying to get some space and then stretched sticking out her bump even further right in front of me, and my MIL basically told me to get over it and just be positive. My thyroid and Prolactin were issues, so definitely an advocate for getting those checked.

    So the bloat from growing and probably ovulating 2 follicles is insane. I can’t drink enough licorice tea! They checked my P today at 3 DPO and it’s 12.6 without supplements. I’ve never had an unmedicated number that high, but my only other check was at 7 DPO and we think that number was low bc my CL fails early, so onto hormones I go just in case. I wonder though, with the 14 day LP last cycle maybe I ovulated 2 then too and that helped boost my hormones.
     
  4. Chickybaby

    Chickybaby Well-Known Member

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    CD 1 feel OK about it. Have had a hectic few weeks so looking forward to slowing down a bit, getting back into a goof routine and enjoy my family of 3. We hopefully will grow to a family of four some day so I will try to make the most of this time, I let TTC ruin a big chunk of our first year of marriage I think and bow wish I had just enjoyed that special time together, don't want to let TTC take over my life again.... I say this now... Watch me pee on opks and time sex in.a few weeks! Haha oh well' will do my best to love in the now.

    Oh and another note my disappointment on not being pregnant was soon followed by relief that at least that means I won't have another loss... Is that weird?

    Interesting thought lesonde, will be interesting to see how this cycle pans out for you. Will have to look up the licorice tea for bloating! Great tip

    ETA also just worked out my cycle was only about 31 days. That's pretty good for me but think my luteal phase was short. Not 100 percent on O date though... Had severe ovary pain followed by two days of positive opks then spotting the next day... And here I go obsessing again blah
     
    #204 Chickybaby, Nov 17, 2018
    Last edited: Nov 17, 2018
  5. MrsFruitie

    MrsFruitie Well-Known Member

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    Oh my word just popped on here after a busy couple of week and CONGRATULATIONS KIKI!!! Very happy for you, and you have helped spread some hope for myself!

    I finally got AF after 7 weeks but she was very very light and spotting constantly rather than a flow as such. Plus she lasted nearly 2 weeks...

    Think I am currently ovulating, do my poor husband best be prepared

    I’m actually excited about trying again now, and feeling a lot more positive.

    I thought AF would upset me, when actually it was a weight off knowing my body was back to normal for the moment.

    Hope all you ladies are are ok! We are a bunch of amazing strong warrior women, even if we do not feel like it after these sad times. We will all have our little rainbow babies soon xxx
     
    kiki1234 likes this.
  6. 2Baby2

    2Baby2 Well-Known Member

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    It’s been 34 days since my MC so i guess its still a little early for AF, but I just wish she would damn show up!

    The next part of this post may upset,I’m sorry, but I was so hurt by this experience and no one understands like you ladies

    A woman I work with just found out she’s pregnant and is debating termination. I Almost burst out crying as soon as she told me this and SHE KNOWS ABOUT MY MC, I know I shouldn’t judge but.....I just feel like that’s not something you share with someone recently had a lost! She said her husband and her are going through a bad time and she doesn’t want to be stuck with him bc they have a child. I was like mmmmm weird soooo many different ways you can prevent it. But whatever.

    I don’t understand why we all experience so many insensitive people!
     
  7. Shorty88

    Shorty88 Mummy to 2. Pregnant with #3 rainbow baby

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    2 dpo today.. don't know how I feel about this month.. I'm feeling good and hopeful.. well I'm sick with a cough at the min but it is a good distraction of what is happening.

    This is our last month of "trying" I need a break my mental state is taking a bad knocking.. I don't think I have grieved properly over my miscarriage.. if I am not pregnant this month im giving my self till the new year to relax and enjoy christmas and New year's.

    X
     
  8. lesondemavie

    lesondemavie Mama to my rainbow & 4 (maybe 5) Angels

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    Chicky - I’m always really down the day that AF arrives and then hope starts to bubble up with O and a new chance and now I just try to check the f out during the 2ww. Putting the focus back on family definitely helps. I also try to plan a treat for myself if/when AF arrives. I think this time we’ll go check out a local brewery that’s been on my list for a while. And yes licorice tea has been a lifesaver!

    2baby - I think people are quite egocentric sometimes and they don’t really think things through. I’m sorry she decided to open up to you about her situation. My little sister had an oopsie pregnancy while on BCP (she’s super woo woo and on meds for bipolar disorder and said meds can make BCP less effective but still she chose to ask her ob for a lower dose BCP and lo and behold 3 months later oops). The meds are known to cause birth defects and she also self-medicates quite excessively with alcohol and sometimes party drugs, so the odds that the baby was not well by the time she found out were high. She chose to take a high dose of vitamins known to cause abortion and then told our whole family that she miscarried. This all happened just a few months after my mmc at 8+1 with my first pregnancy that happened after 5 months of trying with OPKs and BBT, and she knew what I had been through. I get that it was a tough situation for her and she needed support and our father who had us out on pro-life picket lines as kids would not understand, but ugh the timing of it all while I was still grieving and ttc was awful and gut-wrenching.

    Shorty - kmfx for you and that’s exactly my thoughts if this is a bfn...but now I’m super worried about my FSH and how much time I have left so ugh I’m torn.

    AFM: I went to my happy place and baked all morning yesterday for a Friendsgiving with DH’s friends. Really happy with how everything turned out <3

     
    Shorty88 likes this.
  9. 2Baby2

    2Baby2 Well-Known Member

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    Les- those look amazing!
     
  10. Chickybaby

    Chickybaby Well-Known Member

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    MrsFruitie glad AF arrived and has passed and you are feeling refreshed to start again on this journey. Excited to see more bfps in here.

    2baby2 sorry to hear about your colleague sharing such sensitive information with you, it never ceases to amaze me how self involved and insensitive people can be. Also agree with what lesonde said about people not thinking things through the want support for their problems without thinking about yours.

    Shorty good luck this cycle, great idea taking a break if no pregnancy this month. Great time of the year to take a break and just enjoy the good food and wine and re-group in the new year. Hoping for you that this cycle will however do the trick!

    Lesonde, exactly it's such a rollercoaster of hope, anxiety and a lot of the time disappointment and fear. I will allow myself to feel these emotions but then move on. Life is for the most part really good, I don't want to waste this time with my boy worrying or being removed from the now. I feel good now, it is what it is. Love the macarons! Super cute, I've never actually tries them. Hope they are as yummy as they look. We don't do thanksgiving here but my family has all our birthdays over the next two months starting with Mums this week so a busy few months none the less.

    AFM, have had a few crazy busy weeks working towards a huge event for our new business. It was a huge success, but I really missed my son who spent the majority of the time with Dad or grandad. Back to normal today and loving it, think we will head to the zoo later in the week so that will be neat.

    In terms of TTC just waiting for AF to end then will start opks at some stage and get back to sex every other day. Hopefully this month will be the one, should be testing around Christmas time if this cycle is similar to the last. Bfn and AF around Christmas will be a drag but at least there will be plenty to distract me if that's the case. This part of the cycle is so uneventful and I find it quite a calm time somehow. No stressing about timing sex and questioning every 'symptom' its nice to have my mind somewhat quite for a bit if you no what I mean.

    Hope you're all well!
     
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  11. kiki1234

    kiki1234 Mother of 1

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    2baby: that story just breaks my heart - some people just never think. :hugs:

    Chicky baby: I was the same way - I did not want to waste time with my girl dwelling on what wasn't happening. Happy thoughts for you!

    Les: yum! :) Can you mail some to us? :lol:

    Question for you ladies - At the time of my 2nd miscarriage my doctor mentioned being open to testing out betas if I wanted too. Well now that we are at the point of doing that - I'm not sure I want to? All I can think of is if they turn out low and bad - then I'm going to sit and dwell on that for the next WK.. Right now it's kind of nice to just live in the unknown. My doctor will see me right around 6 wks so I will be seen early regardless and earlier if I have issues. What would you guys do? Are you beta testers? Have your doctor's mentioned anything to you about testing them out when you have another pregnancy? I'm sorry if this is a stupid ? I just feel torn and don't have anyone else to ask... :shrug:.
     
  12. Chickybaby

    Chickybaby Well-Known Member

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    Thanks kiki, I had betas run with my boy to ensure they were doubling etc because I was spotting and had some pain so they wanted to rule out ectopic etc. They rose appropriately so they did provide some reassurance and comfort. My mc my doctor had one done just to confirm and see what the starting point was etc they were pretty high this time so never had any more done, I was waaay more relaxed. I don't think I would ask for them next time because it didn't matter last time, they didn't indicate that we would lose that baby at all so don't think they would provide comfort or reassurance really. If they were low I would freak out and if they were high I would most likely do the same... I say this now but feelings may change when the time comes. I guess it depends on how they will make you feel. Will good numbers provide some reassurance for you? I think you need to ask your self if having them run and having more information will help you feel more in control and aware or whether they may cause undue stress. Sorry if that's not a lot of help! Let us know what you decide xxx
     
  13. lesondemavie

    lesondemavie Mama to my rainbow & 4 (maybe 5) Angels

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    Kiki - With this last mmc, I had betas every other day up until 5 weeks and then we switched to ultrasound. I still had my P and E2 levels checked every week after that. Everything looked good and was increasing right up until the day before baby stopped growing. If there is a next time, I’ll let my doctor do what she needs to do but I don’t really want to know the numbers as we go. That experience taught me that the reassurance I got from those good numbers and good early ultrasounds was really overstretch ng. All it means is that up to that point and in that moment things are still progressing as they should.
     
  14. lesondemavie

    lesondemavie Mama to my rainbow & 4 (maybe 5) Angels

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    And thanks all! I had a lot of fun making those macarons. Would send you all some if I could!
     
  15. kiki1234

    kiki1234 Mother of 1

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    Thanks ladies - I really appreciate the input. I think I am just going to hold off. Knowing that I will be seen on the early side regardless makes me feel better. I just don't want to sit and dwell if the numbers don't come back good OR feel false security if they do. I have such an IF attitude on this pregnancy that I think waiting til 6 wks to even figure out if things are working right may just be the best idea for me. Less anxiety! I haven't had a positive ultrasound since my sweet girl - so it's not hard to not get my hopes up. Lol. I feel terrible saying that, but oh well - at least I know you girls understand.

    A positive tho - my progression on my tests has been really good, it is as dark as the control line on my cheapo tests @ 15dpo.

    Thanks again for your input ladies!
     
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  16. Chickybaby

    Chickybaby Well-Known Member

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    Sounds like the right decision for you kiki, sounds as though betas would add more stress rather than ease it. Glad you have made a decision and can sit back now and wait for the next stage. The progressing online is a great indicator that at this point all is going as it should! Totally understandable not wanting to get your hopes up, doesn't mean you don't want or love this babe, just guarding your heart xx
     
    kiki1234 likes this.
  17. Weebles

    Weebles Well-Known Member

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    AF came and went as usual. I ended up deciding not to use my clomid just yet. My fertile window is this week which works out really well as my husband and I both have time off from work for Thanksgiving. We won't have to worry about finding the time to bd which is almost always a concern these days.

    Outwardly it seems like I'm doing really well but I've been dealing with some strong emotions that swell up when I'm not actively doing something. It's a process.

    Since my husband's cousin is pregnant and our LO's are around the same age I'm nervous that his family might ask us if we are going to have another. I'm pretty sure i'll just end up telling them about our loss.

    Hope everyone is doing well.
     
  18. Brendaleeane

    Brendaleeane Active Member

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    Hello there.

    I came to give a piece of mind and advice. First let me say me and my husband have been TTC for 13 months and in February 2018 we finally had those 2 pink lines. Unfortunately in April we lossed the baby at I weeks and also didn't grow past 6 weeks.

    It was hard. I chose to go the natural route and pass the baby at home. But after 2 weeks of nothing happening but pain and bleeding I went with the surgery. It was hard and devastating. A lot of people don't see how truly difficult it is to lose a baby.

    But after that we started trying right away. Nothing happened for months. Then 4 months I got pregnant but had a chemical pregnancy before the line on the test could get past "faint" . I then had 2 more chemical pregnancies the next 2 cycles after that. And I had thought something messed up my uterus from the miscarriage and now I cant implants. Well 7 months later and I have string positive lines and I'm very confined this is a sticky bean and will make it the 9 months.

    I havent told my husband as of yet. Waiting to get my blood results back today. But what I guess I'm trying to say is DON'T give up. It is a very emotional process. But if I can fight through the fear of the unknown then you can too.
    It will happen. Just guve your body time to repair itself and get stronger for a healthy pregnancy.

    One thing my mother in lae told me when we loss the baby was don't think of it as a life gone. Think of it as the baby decided to wait for a healthier body and egg to come back to. It helped me.

    Baby dust to you. Good luck love.
     
  19. Weebles

    Weebles Well-Known Member

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    Brendaleeane-
    My heart goes out to you for your losses. We had all agreed that we would love to know when the members of this thread get a bfp so while you have my congratulations this is also the first time I've seen you post in this thread. You'll have to forgive me as that makes me feel a bit sore but h&h anyway. It's a tough journey for all of us and I wish you the best.

    As far as what your mother in law said, I have mixed feelings about that. I have to honor the soul of my angle and the soul of any baby I may someday have. To me that means accepting that they may not be the same. I believe it's possible but wouldn't want to take comfort in that unless I knew for sure. There are stories of people's young children saying things along those lines, things they would have no way of knowing, but until that happens to me I will love them as individuals.
     
  20. 2Baby2

    2Baby2 Well-Known Member

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    Weebles and Brenda

    I have mixed feelings too, even tho i never got an ultrasound I loved those two little lines. I’ve gotten similar advice from a friend who has had multiple losses that it wasn’t the right egg or the right sperm. I think I kinda sit in both camps. Everyone feels differently and grieves differently. I love how supportive and understanding this group is (I think I say that at least everyother post lol)

    Good news for me! 37 days of waiting and AF finally showed up!! I’ve never been so happy to see her lol I feel like it’s a fresh start. I’m trying not to get ahead of myself but I’m just so emotional hopefully that we will conceive quickly, logically I know it could take some time. I’ve heard it both ways that after MC you conceive quickly or it takes some time. I’ll just have to wait, at least for now I know I ovulated so that’s good news
     

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