Looking for people TTC after miscarriage

[Chickybaby]

Thanks for the tips lesonde, I have been eating strawberries after dinner which helps! We eat with my son at 5.30ish before he goes to bed so I'm hungry again by 8, fruit helping to full that void for sure. I have never been into sweet drinks so am lucky with that, focusing on uping my fluid intake at the moment with green smoothies in the morning and plenty of water. The worst thing I drink would be wine... Not buying it at the moment though so only have a glass or two when we go out. My big issue is mid morning and late afternoon, often sneak a snack during nap time but I've done it all before and can do it again! Should make some Bliss balls, they're not low cal at all but at least its a treat with good fats etc. I know that once I get into the groove it will be easy, the less sugar you have the less you want, just the transition that's tough! Do you have any baking planned for Christmas? After those thanksgiving macarons I can't wait to see what you will come up with

Opk was darker, then I took another late afternoon which was lighter. At this rate I will run out by the end of this cycle! You ladies who use opks. Do you wait for a decent hold? Or just do one when you need a wee?

 

[Sallyanne81]

Good luck for the next cycles for those who have had the witch arrive. Don't give up!!

My AF is due in 5/6 days. To be honest I am not really having many symptoms to spot at the moment so that's helping a bit.

I think it's normal if you want something so bad to look for the signs, but then it makes the disappointment so much worse when AF does arrive, I think it's a good idea Yellowmoon to try and focus on something else like health for us and our rainbow babies. Easier said than done though ha ha !!

Yellowmoon if you eat loads of asparagus don't panic it can make your wee smell really funny!

 

[Yellowmoon]

Glad you’re feeling less pain Chicky- sending you positive vibes.

I nearly caved and went to Mcdondalds today but my husband saved me. He’s trying to be good too. I’ve been a crazy hormone lady this past week- it must have been hard for him to deny me food. But I’m glad he did (I wasn’t at the time) I should probably go give him a cuddle haha

I’m glad you’re feeling relieved Les- Hopefully this next cycle will be a good one for everyone.

In the meantime we can have Chrismas (or whatever you’re celebrating)to distract us. I have my work party on Thursday. The theme is Disco glamour and I got some nice new shoes for it. I’ll be drinking champagne too. Wooo!

 

[MrsFruitie]

I’m having a really bizarre AF this month and I’m finding it quite upsetting. I was due on yesterday and after dull craps all day, had a brown one off bleed at about 4pm yesterday afternoon. Then I’ve had a bit of brown when going toilet a few times but period hasn’t kicked in properly. The worst thing is I have constant full cramps which I don’t usually get. Not painful, I’m just aware of them. They’re upsetting as reminding me of feeling of lost pregnancy and the cramps after D&C. Maybe I’m being too sensitive due to AF hormones. It’s not an implant billed as now 16dpo. I just feel like a mess. This is my second AF since MC and last one was normal for me.
Feeling very sad and deflated (and crampy)

 

[Chickybaby]

CD18 opk negative... I hate TTC.

Trying to remind myself that I didn't get a positive till CD 20 with my son. Blah. Having flash backs to the 50+ day cycles I had while TTC him sigh.

Sallyanne, good luck!

Yellowmoon, glad hubby is helping with the clean eating, I ate a pack of biscuits on the way home from the supermarket... Oops.... Haha definitely glad to have Christmas as a distraction. So looking forward to it.

MrsFruitie sorry for the discomfort you are in, no advice here but maybe call your doctor if it continues and doesn't turn into full flow? Sorry you feel so awful, I found the first AF a relief as it meant we could move on but my second was devastating for me, we had tried as hard as we could and I wasn't pregnant. Thinking of you xx

I hate what TTC does to me. Even more so after our loss. I turn in to such a jealous horrible bitch. It consumes all my thoughts and I am on edge around everyone. If someone isn't drinking my heart sinks. My SIL who has a three month old (and 17 month old) was saying on Instagram the other day that her baby is so easy he is going to trick her into having another and how she'd love to have 3 close together.. All I could think was great she'll probably be pregnant before me...

 

[Yellowmoon]

Fingers crossed for you Sally!

It’s such a big change that happens to our bodies during pregnancy Mrs Frutie. I’m sorry that AF is horrible for you. Hormones are probably making it worse too. I think Chicky is right about speaking to your doctor. Sometimes reassurance can help. I hope you feel better soon

I have been quietly explaining to some colleagues where I have been and one really lovely lady said to me ‘conception is a big deal and a massive change in your heart and body and no matter if it’s failed IVF or an early loss it is a big deal’. She said that to me because I was downplaying what had happened and it made me realise that we often feel pressured to move on and be ok about it. But actually, we are permitted to be upset, moan, cry and be jealous!

I just thought I’d share that with you all.

Chicky- when I was in Disney there were so many pregnant women and people with children (obviously) and I would often judge those ladies and compare myself to them (and hate them). But I tried to remind myself that if I were to have a healthy pregnancy I would want people to be happy for me and not hate me! So I tried to stop myself. Not easy to do, especially when they have those maternity tops on that day ‘mini me’ and an arrow pointing to their bellies

 

[LadyStardust4]

Well the results are in!

Had a hospital appointment this morning with the consultant from my ultrasound and my baby was a girl with Edwards Syndrome. Not what I was expecting at all as I had previously been advised they thought it was something called amniotic band syndrome which is random/rare (just unlucky)

But now we know it's a chromosomal thing, it has kind of raised more questions than answers for me. We both had blood tests to check if one of us carries extra chromosomal material - which is apparently unlikely but so was the odds of us conceiving a baby with abnormalities so who knows!

Two weeks to find out - by which time AF will have come and gone if I'm not pregnant this cycle.

Don't even know how to feel about trying now.

I feel blue

 

[lesondemavie]

I totally skipped lunch today but had a decaf flat white and lemon loaf from Starbucks so worth it. It’s a rare, cold, rainy day here and I was feeling snacky. I’ve also had a bit of a cold. Sore throat and post-nasal drip but functioning fine. I thought it was clearing but then the pnd started back up tonight and my head is pounding. Hopefully it’ll pass soon.

AF’s been odd for me too. Day 1 was heavy with an achy bottom when standing. I don’t normally get that symptom. I guess it’s from pressure. I used to get lower back aches but that’s been gone since June. I usually go for about 5 days of light to moderate, and you’d think after a CP it’d be heavier but by day 3 I barely bled and day 4, today, a liner is enough (probably would have been enough yesterday too). I seriously give up on tracking all of this .

I am planning on more macarons Chicky! Probably some peppermint swirl ones with a white chocolate ganache and maybe a gingerbread spice or eggnog version with snowflakes on the top. I saw some cute snowmen and reindeer ideas, but I’m not sure I’ll have the time. This month is pretty busy.

I’ve totally had all of those competitive type thoughts before. After having such a hard time for #1. I thought well it’s always possible #2 will be easier or even though they had babies before me the first time, maybe I won’t have to watch them while I suffer the second time. Yet here I am, watching two of my SILs near the ends of their healthy pregnancies without one of my own to speak of. I have 1 mmc and 1 cp under my belt just like before, but in less time so I guess there’s that at least. At this point, I just have to say f it and accept that it’s not a race...and I say that even though this past weekend I felt relief when I saw DH’s best friend’s wife drinking wine. I guess I’ve just been through so much now that I know it’s out of my hands, that whatever’s going on isn’t something even a specialist can identify and help me fix...ugh I mean us help us fix I really need to stop putting all of the weight of this on my shoulders, and that eventually we might get lucky again.

Ah well, I’ll deal with all of that another day. Plan enjoy the holidays and forget about ttc is in full force for me.

 

[Sallyanne81]

Yellowmoon - allowing myself to feel those feelings was the only way I finally felt better the last time, everyone was being so positive, I felt like my feelings were being belittled. It was only when I read about other women feeling the same as me, that it was normal to feel like that that I started to come through it.

Les - It's so true we put all the responsibility on us to get pregnant, I get feelings like I have let everyone down, my parents may never be grandparents, my husband may never be a dad and I lay all the responsibility at my door when in reality it's not really in our control.

Well after being hopeful, I started spotting yesterday although it seems to have stopped this morning, so I think AF is on it's way earlier than I thought but it's strange I'm only 12 dpo today, so maybe my LP is shorter, I have no idea what's going on! I think this happened last time I kept getting funny AFs with spotting before and I managed to convince myself every time that it was implantation when it wasn't.

 

[Weebles]

You and I are almost at the exact same point in our cycles sallyanne. I used to convince myself that pre af spotting was implantation bleeding but my track record means I'm probably out. I know for many it's a good sign though so fingers crossed.

I've been trying really hard not to get my hopes up. DH texted me while he was at work asking about it though so now it's on my mind more. I didn't think he was thinking about it but it's sweet that he is.

CD 28 for me. I just have to make it through this weekend. It's my weekend to work and I'm also going to be visiting with my niece so at least I will be busy.

 

[2Baby2]

Chicky- im cd17 and still negative opk, I’ve never used them before I bought what I thought was enough but I never got anything remotely close to a positive, so I bought some more today and test this evening. All my apps give me different dates so idk when I’m suppose to O

I’ve felt so crampy the last could days whatever that means

I’ve beeb reading but not keeping up with posting as much.

Sorry for everyone who had AF come this month

Assuming I O soon, we will know by Christmas, my husband wants to tell everyone earlier, which is odd bc he wanted to wait til 12weeks with the one that I lost. My friend who has been struggling with pregnancy told me she prefers to tell early because she has more support if she does MC, somehow that seems very negative and positive advice all at once

My poor husband has now gotten sick too so we are one pathetic couple, it feels almost like a chore that needs to be completed when we BD bc we both want for rest because we’re sick but this is my window so the deed needs to be done (lol)

 

[lesondemavie]

Chicky I forgot I wanted to mention that using opks in the afternoon is better. Your LH is naturally higher in the morning so testing then can lead to false hope or false positives.

2Baby - I don’t think there’s a right or wrong answer. I don’t really feel supported by others when I go through a loss. I feel misunderstood and like others are eager for me to move on before I’m ready. I know plenty of other women who prefer to be public and get that support though. It’s totally up to you, and while I think you should decide with DH I feel like your opinion matters more given all the physical aspects of pregnancy and loss.

 

[Chickybaby]

Yellowmoon, I agree with your colleague and its great to hear you got that support from her, we are constantly trying to play down things to make other people feel less uncomfortable and its crap, of course it's uncomfortable and upsetting to talk about bit it happened to us and we are allowed to grieve for as long as it takes. There are no rules for these things. Thanks for the insight on your experience with other pregnant women and jealousy etc. I find when its family or friends its really hard to not feel jealous but am trying to realise the things I DO have and focus on the good, feeling hateful and jealous really only hurts me at the end of the day... Well mostly, sometimes a bitchy comment comes out... Woops haha. Hard to find that balance of acknowledging my hurt while not falling into that black hole.

Ladystardust, I'm so sorry results like that will always be a blow, im sure its really hard to hear. I hope the blood test gives you some comfort that this was just 'bad luck' and next time things are likely to be different. I don't know what to say as our story's are very different but I am thinking of you and sending hugs your way. Talk through anything you need to here or take a break whatever works XXX

Lesonde, hope you feel better soon, planes macarons sound amazing. I've never tried them and really must, they were popular hear a while back and were piping up everywhere buy haven't seen them for a while. Such pretty dainty little things though, and those flavours sounds yum! Do share pics. I hate the way our bodies go and change everything on us. I have no idea on my 'normal' its been so long since I haven't had something hormonal going on from the bcp, pregnancy and breastfeeding it's been 14 odd years since I was having 'normal' cycles. I think I'm giving up tracking it all too, its too stressful. The competitive thoughts suck, I hate letting this overtake everything and suck the enjoyment from everything, I wish I could relax and just let things happen if they do but I just don't have it in me. Thanks for the opk advice, I test around 2/3 in the afternoon. Just sometimes a but diluted but my line is always pretty dark so doubt it matters.

Sallyanne Sorry about the spotting, my LP is only about 12 too, have also been getting spotting the day before too. It sucks, I somehow got my hopes up last cycle with the 11dpo spotting thinking it might have been a late implanter. Made AF more upsetting for sure.

Weebles, good luck.

2baby2, I'm getting annoyed waiting, with longer/irregular cycles waiting for o is so much worse than the tww I find. Been cramping too, both ovarys twingeing away. Blah, I feel so hormonal my poor body doesn't seem to know how to do anything anymore. Sucks when sex becomes a chore... Remember when you used to have sex because you wanted to not because you were fertile... That was fun. I'm in the same boat i just want to ovulate soon enough to know by Christmas. Hope o happens soon and you get some sessions in!

AFM, cd20 opk... Negative. I am getting so discouraged. Ovary's twingeing, ewcm on and off all month and nothing... We conceived my son around this cycle day but my MC was much later so I'm nervous that the longer it takes the worse my eggs will be... I don't even know if that's a thing but makes me nervous. Will keep peeing and having sex and hope for the best.

I have bee. Trying to reign in the jealousy, its not helpful and hurts me more than anything else. Trying to let go of the negative thoughts... Trying. Was successful today, an old friend announced her pregnancy so I reached out to her to offer congratulations and chat all things baby. I realised I love talking pregnancy, birth and babies. I want to share these things with my friends and family, the pain and initial shock/jealousy will be there buy I hope I can be more supportive than I have been in the past. It will be a work in process.

Have a big weekend with all of my husband's family, that means lots of time with my 3 month old nephew. I haven't held him yet, we lost our baby the day after he was born and I find it painful to look at home and see him being fussed over by DH's family. It hurts. I'm trying but it hurts. I hope to be able to enjoy the weekend though, my boy loges playing with his cousins so I'm going to focus on what I do have rather than focusing on what I don't have.

Have a good weekend girls. Xxx

 

[lesondemavie]

Ugh Chicky. It will hurt. That’s what happened last time when I ugly cried on the floor of a trailer bathroom at a wedding. It was the second time I had met my nephew after my loss. He was just 2 months old and I thought I’d have a 2 week old in my arms by then. I finally worked up the courage to hold him, and I was taking him around showing him all of the lights when a server at the wedding approached me and told me how cute MY baby was and asked how old. I quickly said he’s not mine, and passed him back to his dad. I sat down and tried to compose myself, but then got up and ran to the bathroom before I completely lost it. Whenever I have moments like that I try to remember that it’s just a part of the process and if I’m feeling those things I’m doing ok.

I’m dreading those moments again. I guess they want to induce one SIL on 12/23 bc she has IUGR again, and another has a C-section scheduled for 2/21 (she had a c-sec before and this pregnancy happened less than a year before that one). It’s maybe a bit awful, but I’m thankful I probably won’t have to deal with seeing any of them until May. Hopefully I’ll be in a better place whatever that means this time. I’m not counting on being in second tri with a healthy pregnancy by then though. I thought that I’d have time to be pregnant again last time before meeting my nephew and that didn’t happen but none of that matters now when I get a cute little cuddle and kiss from my daughter. When and how she happened doesn’t matter, all that matters is that she happened and she’s here.

 

[promise07]

Hello everyone! May I join? I'm Pepper, and I just had my second chemical pregnancy this month. Currently taking progesterone 200mg for 10 days to induce my period because I also had a cancelled injectables cycle back in June that resulted in multiple cysts. Since I got pregnant the doc said the hormones fed the cysts and made them large enough to rupture. Anywho, as sad and stressful as this has been, it's been the only 2 times I've ever been pregnant in the 13 years we've been TTC our first baby.

I've read through a few pages and I am amazed at the strength, resilience and complete awesomeness that you women are. You haven't folded, you haven't crumbled, you haven't given up. You're mothers, wives, friends and sisters. You guys rock, and although I hate that we all have this horrible thing in common, I am so grateful that I get to *know* you!

 

[Chickybaby]

Lesonde, thank you for making me feel like a normal person.

Hi pepper! There are some strong resilient women in here for sure. Love these women for providing a place for me to vent and air my thoughts, worries and fears. Having an outlet for that is so helpful, being able to talk to people who can relate has really helped me to grow and accept a few things and not feel so isolated and awful for my sometime ugly thoughts and feelings. Sorry for your losses xxx

 

[Weebles]

Welcome pepper. I'm so sorry for your losses. I find it helpful to talk with other women who understand, it just helps me feel not so alone. These women are all so supportive.

It's cycle day 30 for me. I think I'm going to test tomorrow morning. No spotting. And I haven't sent my husband out for ice cream either which is my usual sign that AF is on her way. We shall see. I hate ttc.

 

[2Baby2]

CD19- still negative on my opk (I hate these things!)

 

[Chickybaby]

Good luck weebles. Yup, right there with you hating TTC.

2baby2, cd 22 negative opk. Also hating them. Waiting to ovulate sucks.

 

[LadyStardust4]

Ooh Weebles, how long are your cycles usually? That’s very exciting!

I am cycle day 26 but I took an early test yesterday (was planning to drink mulled wine) which was negative. So I’m out for this month. So disappointed as really feel like we gave it a good shot! But at the same time - until we receive blood test results (see previous post) maybe it’s better that we don’t get pregnant yet.

Yeah TTC sucks.

Welcome Pepper. Hope you find some comfort in this group at such a challenging time physically and emotionally