Looking for people TTC after miscarriage

Discussion in 'TTC After A Loss' started by MrsFruitie, Sep 14, 2018.

  1. Weebles

    Weebles Well-Known Member

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    Ugh, lesonde.. I'm sorry your SIL didn't respect the space you asked for. I wanted nothing more than to have two under two and that will never ever happen for me so I would also have a hard time being around someone like that and not being hurt or maybe even bitter myself. Be gentle with yourself and sometimes admitting "ugly" feelings helps to release them. I'm also 36 and really want a sibling close in age for D so even though I don't feel totally emotionally ready to ttc again I can't bring myself to put it off either. So much so I didn't even wait the cycle I was supposed to.

    Sallyanne, I'm so sorry for everything you've been through. And to top it of your BIL sounds like an insensitive piece of work. I'd want to stay far far away too. It does seem like pregnant people are everywhere now. My close friends who live up the road are expecting their first and.. I was so looking forward to play dates and even being on maternity leave at the same time. Now I can hardly like their posts on Facebook even though I know it took them years to conceive and they deserve every ounce of happiness. For the most part I seem to be the opposite of others as overall I found Facebook to be helpful. I joined a couple groups for mc support which helped a little bit. It might be time to leave them now though, just because sometimes it's a reminder I don't want.

    Ladystardust, my anxiety has worsened as well. I haven't had a panic attack in years but I have started to again. They really are quite frightening in and of themselves. I really relate to a lot of what you are feeling as well. Also, there were times when we were ttc that my husband also couldn't perform. It must be difficult to feel so much pressure so it's no wonder. Remember though, it's really an entire window of opportunity and not just s single moment.

    Chickybaby, I hope your busy schedule coming up is something to look forward to and hopefully you get that positive opk soon.

    AFM, I don't know what cycle day I am but I'm officially in the TWW as I can tell I've been in my leutal phase now for at least 2 days now. I feel the same feelings I felt when I conceived before, the ones that had me just knowing I was pregnant and telling my husband long before I tested. But we will have to see. Sometimes when you want something so badly everything seems to be a sign. I took another pregnancy test today. It was negative but the test I used was also less sensitive. And there was an evap that appeared when I finally got out of bed an hour or two later. It's weird actually wanting to see a negative but I'm not worried about having retained anything anymore. It's almost Halloween. I had been wanting to do a Halloween themed announcement.
     
  2. LadyStardust4

    LadyStardust4 Well-Known Member

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    Thanks for your lovely words Chicky. I have been offered some counselling through my work as I got a bit upset last Thursday. But I haven't decided whether to go for it. Not sure I want to open a can of worms! I think I am mostly coping ok. I used to be quite active and haven't really got back into an exercise routing at all since before I was pregnant and that's probably having a negative affect on my mood. I'm planning to go to circuits training tonight which will give me a kick up the butt!! Oh btw - I managed to get a BD in this morning before work. The OPK was negative but at least I've tried!

    Sounds like you're doing everything you can this cycle. OPKs can be so frustrating can't they?! Half the time I never pick up my surge so I would say if you're on it every other day you won't miss it :)

    Lesondemavie - sounds like you're having a really hard time of it at the moment. I think you're doing the right thing keeping that distance whilst you're still grieving. Sometimes you have to be selfish and look after number 1! Can be so frustrating seeing other people in your family or close circle having no problems at all having babies and they don't always appear to appreciate it as much as we feel we would right? My SIL is a few months younger than me - we're both 29. She has three kids which have all been 'accidents' aged 7, 6 and 3. She's an amazing mum and I'm really close with the family and the children. But part of me is like... how is it that she has not even had to try for her children and had absolutely no complications. (Even her labours were easy - all of them less than 2 hours!) and here's me struggling to conceive and hold on to one pregnancy!!

    We're allowed selfish thoughts. This is a safe place and I'm so thankful to all you ladies for sharing your experiences and making me feel less alone. Sending love to all x
     
  3. LadyStardust4

    LadyStardust4 Well-Known Member

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    Sorry Weebles, think we were writing at the same time so I missed you! Funny you should mention Facebook - I came off it a week ago when my anxiety was bad and it has really helped me!

    Keep us updated as you progress through your cycle. I'm sending (BF) positive thoughts your way. x
     
  4. Weebles

    Weebles Well-Known Member

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    Just a vent. My coworker found out she's pregnant. She's in her 40's and she's wanted a baby for a long time but her husband didn't so she just kind of accepted it wasn't in the cards. It turns out she's 17 weeks and had no idea since she's had her period the entire time. Our due dates were only a few weeks apart. She was actually going to the doctor because she thought she had cancer and was dying. Her stomach is as flat as can be. Now I can be happy for her and sad for me at the same time. To me the feelings aren't mutually exclusive so I really am happy for her, I've known it was something she deeply wanted the entire time I've worked with her. But she's high anxiety and what I can't handle is pregnant her giving me her stream of consciousness word vomit about how scared she is going to miscarry. I know she's just clueless. I know she really is worried because of her age. I know her knowing about me just increases her anxiety even more. I get anxiety. But I can't be the one to aleviate those fears for her and get her in a better head space. It was too much for me, to be the person who miscarried telling her not to worry because it's my story not hers. Of course if I do get pregnant again I'll be feeling the exact same way so I guess I even though I understand and can empathize I'm just tired of being the person who has to console everyone. I wish she could just keep that part to herself. I wish I was the one who was worried.
     
  5. LadyStardust4

    LadyStardust4 Well-Known Member

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    Ahh Weebles, I'm sorry :( It's a gut punch hearing people around you are pregnant. Good for you for being happy for her which is not an easy feeling for you right now. You're right, the circumstances are totally different. I understand why you don't feel you can handle her worries on top of your own anxiety and you might have to actually tell her you don't feel in the right head space to be of any help to her right now.

    My best friend of 23 years is pregnant, about 9 weeks I think - she told me on the back of her test at 4 weeks - and she has PCOS. Was not trying for a baby and because of her condition she is worried about miscarrying too. This is what I sent to her...

    "I’m gonna be honest – I’m avoiding saying things like “It’ll be fine” because I was worried too and that’s what people said to me.

    Sometimes it isn’t all fine but you deal with whatever news you get.

    Prepare for the worst and hope for the best is the best advice I can give."

    Hope that helps xx
     
  6. Chickybaby

    Chickybaby Well-Known Member

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    Hi girls. Selfish post from me.

    I'm feeling so tired, it feels like just when you are doing good and moving on with life you hit another wall blah. I just realised I should be coming up to half way and finding out the gender and all that. Realised I should have a baby wriggling around in there instead of nothing. I am going really good and even forget about the loss sometimes (that makes me feel so guilty I'm just so busy at the moment) but TTC is starting to get on top of me again. I'm getting frustrated at not getting a positive opk. I have been having so much abdominal pain or ovary twinges and its starting to freak me out that something's wrong. I'm starting to spiral a but here and there that with the pain and the loss it wasn't just bad luck and something is wrong. It really worries me that I started bleeding before the baby died, I'm worried that means my lining came away while they were alive and that's what killed them. I no that the spotting before was probably unrelated (especially since o spotted my entire pregnancy with my son) but I can't help but worry. I'm going to continue as is for now but I needed to get a bit of the fear out. Everyone just thinks we can try again and have another baby... I have this sinking thought in the back of my head, what if its not that simple? What if we can't.
     
  7. LadyStardust4

    LadyStardust4 Well-Known Member

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    You're not being selfish by having these worries. It's totally normal! I think all of us - even when we do have our BFPs are going to struggle with worries and anxiety our whole pregnancies. It's natural after what we've experienced. But once we do - (and we will!) it will all be worth it. Trust me - I am ALWAYS thinking that last time was a fluke and we won't get pregnant again but you've just got to trust your body and trust that it will happen when it's meant to.

    AFM, I think I mentioned I had EWCM on like day 11 of my cycle and a positive opk. So we DTD the next morning. But then yesterday (cycle day 14) I got more EWCM so I think my ovulation was delayed and I missed my boat after all :(

    I'm going to be 30 in February - the week after I would have been due. So I am starting to think I might wait until then to start trying again. The stress of tracking and disappointment every month it doesn't happen is just too much for me to handle at the moment!
     
  8. Weebles

    Weebles Well-Known Member

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    Ladystardust- expect the worst and hope for the best used to be my motto, lol. I don't know if I could actually say that but fortunately I don't have to work with her too often. That makes it sound like I don't like her though which isn't true. I struggle with ttc too and part of me wishes I could put it off but the worry over my increasing age and the age gap overpowers. Crossing my fingers you'll end up with a bfp though! I think when you dtd should have you covered.

    Babychucky- I don't think that's a selfish post at all, we all need to vent and it's hard not to know why it happened. I bled with my successful pregnancies too but not at all with the one I lost. The way I see it now is that bleeding or not bleeding doesn't really give you any clues as to how things are going. It's not the most reassuring conclusion but I also don't think your lining would just start shedding unless your hormones were already dropping which is basically what happens in a mc. It sounds like you feel your body betrayed you and I feel the same way too sometimes but no matter the reason, it's not your fault.

    I don't know how often you've used positive opk's in the past but I was never able to get a real positive on them. Some women just have a really quick surge. I would consider them positive for me but eventually I just gave up on them and stuck with charting. It's a window and not a moment, I tell that to myself a lot.

    AFM- I tested again today and finally got a stark white negative, not even an evap. I was half hoping to see a slightly darker line but overall I'm relieved. I've got about a week left before I can test to see I'll have a real positive now. I keep feeling like I'm pregnant. My nighttime carpel tunnel syndrome is back too. It's really hard to trust my body right now even though I'm trying and wishful thinking has me super alert to every last twinge.
     
  9. lesondemavie

    lesondemavie Mama to my rainbow & 4 (maybe 5) Angels

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    Chicky - We are right there with you. Even the term “miscarry” sets us up to feel like our bodies didn’t carry the baby right. Of course we all feel guilt, worry, fear, and betrayal. I’ll flat out say I don’t trust my body when it comes to ttc and babies. I haven’t had that luxury for most of this journey. That being said, I made it through these dark woods before and I have a beautiful daughter now. I’d do it all over again and more just to have her joy in my life. If something is wrong, then you will deal with it.

    I know it’s bleak, but there are no good signs for me anymore. This past pregnancy all of my numbers and ultrasounds and symptoms were good up until the very day before my little babe’s heart stopped and it turns out that baby only had one X chromosome.

    I’ve jumped down the egg quality rabbit hole and I’m on a few antioxidants now just in case. I still don’t know if/when I want to try again, but egg maturation takes 90 days and they can’t hurt anything (except my bank account). We so quickly blame eggs when it comes to chromosomal abnormalities, but sperm quality can be an issue too.

    AF started for me yesterday. I had a 14 day LP for the first time in my life. My LP has never been longer than 12 days. I think it might be from the vitamin C in my resveratrol supplement, but who knows. I should be happy, but it was unexpected and I’m more just feeling even more out of control! Through all of this the one saving grace has been how predictable my cycle is. I’ve even accurately predict when AF will arrive the cycles that started with an mmc when everything supposed to be a bit of a mess. Expect the unexpected I guess.
     
  10. Chickybaby

    Chickybaby Well-Known Member

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    Thanks ladies, so good having a safe place to get a but of this out. I can drop all my junk here and leave it alone for a bit if that makes sense.

    Weebles, I have only used opks for one other cycle, that one I got pregnant with my son. I didn't ovulate till cycle day 21, maybe that's normal for me. I don't really no. After 10 years on the pill and 8 months of screwy cycles before him, only one pp period and then the post mc cycle I don't remember why my cycles were even like before. I was 16 and not trying so never paid any attention. In think i do feel a bit like my body betrayed me but with that I feel like I have betrayed my body too by not looking after myself very well for the past few year's. Glad your hpt is now negative and you can trust a true positive when it comes.

    Ladystardust, I hope that having a break from ttc is helpful for you and you are able to enjoy the holiday season and your birthday before getting back into it. That may be just what you need. I turn 30 in January so will be having a boozy celebration if I'm not pregnant by then, a but of a consolation prize but its something hey.

    Lesonde, you're right, it doesn't even really matter if something's 'wrong' we are strong and will find a way through. My boy is the light of my life, I'm lucky I didn't go through a lot to get him. I feel so incredibly lucky to have him (even when he wakes up at stupid o'clock all night, all week!) And will feel most likely even luckier and more great full if we get another baby. Its feels weird saying 'if', before my son I always said 'I'd we have kids' (always the pessimist) but after him it was always 'when we have another baby' now I'm back at 'if'.

    I feel the same about another pregnancy. There will be no comfort in good numbers, growth or heart rate. My baby had all those too. They still died.

    Interesting you mention sperm health. Thats something that concerns me for sure. My husband has crohns disease and is on some pretty heavy medication that can affect fertility. We've been assured the dose he is on won't and he was on it when we had our son but still makes me nervous. I haven't told anyone that though, I don't want him to feel bad that I'm stressing about that.

    Expect the unexpected is right, will be interesting to see if it continues that way.

    Gotta go, little man just woke up for the day
     
  11. MrsFruitie

    MrsFruitie Well-Known Member

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    Still no period over 6 weeks since surgery can’t stand this wait it’s so frustrating when we want to try again. My miscarriage was in September and we were hoping to catch on again by Christmas... no chance now alas!!

    How are all you ladies doing? Xx
     
  12. Chickybaby

    Chickybaby Well-Known Member

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    MrsFruitie so frustrating. The waiting is so annoying as there's not really anything you can do to change it, just wait .Hopefully won't be too much longer. Any idea if you ovulated or not?

    AFM. Positive opk today. The most intense ovary pain last night, my ovary's feel tender I don't no what that is about. We had sex last night and will aim to for the next 3 nights but will see how we go. Glad I have a busy few weeks planned to get me through the waiting. Think I will be OK either way this month just glad it looks like I'm going to ovulate, CD 18 or 19 I think right now so not too bad.
     
  13. lesondemavie

    lesondemavie Mama to my rainbow & 4 (maybe 5) Angels

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    MrsF - Hopefully it will come soon. It can take a long while after for things to get back to normal. You may have at least one chance before Xmas, yea? Timelines and expectations are tough though. We don’t control these things and they can put so much pressure on everything. I try to think it would be nice but really any healthy baby anytime will be wonderful.

    Chicky- I told DH that I needed him to take vitamins with me just to know we’re doing everything we can and also so it’s not just me working hard at this. He takes a multi, l-car, and coq10. He wasn’t super consistent with it though so we have a chart in the bathroom and he’s better about it now. I’d like him on another antioxidant before we try again though. Just have to do some research first. As for the ovary pain, you could have a cyst. It’s common to have a cyst supporting the pregnancy. We saw mine last cycle but I think it’s gone now.
     
  14. Weebles

    Weebles Well-Known Member

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    Yay for O Chicky! If I had to take a stab at the pain your feeling my guess would be that it's the follicle that has or wil release the egg.

    MrsFrutie, that's a long wait, I'd be so frustrated too. In the reading I've done about ttc post miscarriage some women had to take something to trigger their first cycle.

    AFM, cycle day 27 if counting my mc as day one. :( 28-32 is pretty normal for me. I have no idea what to expect after a mc though and how that will effect things. I'm getting anxious and really hope that we don't have to go through the struggle of ttc again or another loss.
     
  15. Weebles

    Weebles Well-Known Member

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    Oh, and Lesonde, you reminded me of something. My DH is on antidepressants and while his sperm count is good there's evidence to suggest that it can also cause DNA defragmentation and it's something that made me wonder if that's why it took so long to conceive our DD. We had tried to reduce his dose but it's not really a good idea so we won't do that again.
     
  16. lesondemavie

    lesondemavie Mama to my rainbow & 4 (maybe 5) Angels

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    Weebles I’d expect at least a week longer than your norm.
     
  17. Chickybaby

    Chickybaby Well-Known Member

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    Thanks lesonse, that's a great way of addressing it with DH. We are not taking vitamins or anything yet (other than prenatals). My doctor mentioned a product to improve sperm health but at the time it was only a few days after our loss and I felt it was unnecessary as we have already had a healthy child. I thought it was just one of those things and just bad luck and next time would be fine. I'm less convinced now and more nervous now it has well and truly sank in and we are back to trying. May look into some vitamins in the next few weeks and definitely clean up our diet even more. Sucks that it takes 3 months to really improve sperm or egg health. I had thought about the possibility of a cyst, none were present at any of my last few ultrasounds to my knowledge. The pain has mostly gone now other than the odd twinge here and there and a heavy feeling this morning.

    Weebles I think it is related to activity in my ovaries. Not unusual for me, even had ovary pain while on the pill, this was just much more intense than normal. I don't know I'd I'm focusing on.it more or if it has been getting worse. It makes me a but nervous. Surely pain a lot of the time can't be good. I hope your cycle regulates soon for you. It is really scary when the prospect of being pregnant or not is 'real' and close. I feel good at the moment and that we will just deal with whatever. But I know in a couple of weeks when I am getting closer to being due for my period i will get anxious about the prospect of both being pregnant or not.

    AFM, pain has subsided but still there a bit, think that I ovulated but don't even trust my body to do that. Opk today negative but only just, will re test tomorrow. Wish I was temping to confirm.but its not practical at the moment as I have been ending up with a hot toddler in my bed each night and restless sleep!

    Hope all of you are doing OK and we get some good news in our group soon xx
     
  18. LadyStardust4

    LadyStardust4 Well-Known Member

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    I've decided to take some control back today and I phoned the Labour ward at my hospital to find out how I go about getting an update on the Post Mortem. I don't like waiting for it knowing it is going to hit me out of nowhere! Lady I spoke to was nice and seemed really helpful and said she is going to chase up my consultant's secretary to move things along. So will hopefully have some answers soon! I'm not sure the results will have much of an influence on our attempts to try again - even if they said it was 50% chance of same outcome, and as much as it would hurt to go through that all again, I have to try. I just have to be a mother. That's all I have ever really wanted.

    Anyway... as a side note. I am cycle day 18 but ovulated early this cycle. Even though I'm not sure we timed BD quite right, it isn't stopping me from sending myself loopy with symptom spotting. I've got quite a bit of creamy CM at the moment and I'm pretty sure usually I am dry around this time but I don't trust my cycles right now so we will see. Also thought I saw a tiny bit of blood when I wiped after a wee at the weekend but by the time I saw it, the loo roll was in the water of the toilet and I couldn't see properly. Think I am seeing what I want to see!

    Chickybaby, don't fret if you don't get positive opks. I've decided they were designed to be a constant source of frustration to ladies TTC haha! They are hardly ever positive for me. Much better to go off EWCM so I've heard!

    I am also hoping for good news for one of us soon! x
     
  19. Yellowmoon

    Yellowmoon Well-Known Member

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    Hi everyone, is it OK if I join?

    I have been reading this thread and I am so sorry for what you have all been through.

    I miscarried my first pregnancy last week (I was 10 weeks pregnant). I had my follow up scan today and they confirmed that I had passed everything naturally, just some residule 'products' to come out now, whatever that means!

    Last week I felt like never trying again because it was so horrible but I am feeling in slightly better spirits now and I want positive vibes for my rainbow baby. When I went to my first scan last Monday where they said the baby was measuring very small there was a very bright rainbow over the hospital. I really hope that's a sign.

    Thankfully I am off to Disney world on Saturday and I think that will help me feel a lot better. I'm very grateful that things didn't go wrong when I was already out there and that I've had time to recover before the long haul flight. I was meant to be announcing the pregnancy whilst there...but I think the trip will really help me feel myself again. I've been looking forward to it for over a year. What happened is crud, but the timing of everything is kind of perfect, as weird as that sounds.

    I'm going to wait for AF before trying. Hope we all get our rainbow babies and I would love to hear about BFPs in this thread too.

    Wishing you all the best xxx
     
  20. kiki1234

    kiki1234 Mother of 1

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    Can I join too? :hi:

    I've been a stalker for awhile. I have a 22 m/o dtr, and have had 2 miscarriages (9/17 & 5/18). We've been ttc again for the last 4 cycles with no success. I finally went into the doctor and found how that I have some significant PCOS issues. I've always had such a regular cycle, no irregular spotting, etc that I never felt that PCOS could be an issue - come to find out, none of that matters! lol I have many many cysts on my ovaries, elevated fasting glucose, and significant PMS issues.

    I am currently CD17, I believe I ovulated CD 15. This is our last cycle trying naturally. We will start clomid next cycle if we do not catch this cycle. I am hopeful that we will have good luck this cycle, but realistically I just don't think it's going to happen. AND my gut tells me that if I do - it will just end in another m/c. :( My husband and I really thought that we would fall pregnant pretty quickly again (we've gotten pregnant first cycle x 2, and not trying x 1), but it definitely hasn't happened... I'm getting pretty run down with the ttc stuff. Looking for ANY support to keep the ball rolling! lol

    Good luck to all of you ladies - and my thoughts are with you all. Its great that there are all these women that can support each other but it's sad all the same that we are all here. :(
     

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