Ugh, lesonde.. I'm sorry your SIL didn't respect the space you asked for. I wanted nothing more than to have two under two and that will never ever happen for me so I would also have a hard time being around someone like that and not being hurt or maybe even bitter myself. Be gentle with yourself and sometimes admitting "ugly" feelings helps to release them. I'm also 36 and really want a sibling close in age for D so even though I don't feel totally emotionally ready to ttc again I can't bring myself to put it off either. So much so I didn't even wait the cycle I was supposed to. Sallyanne, I'm so sorry for everything you've been through. And to top it of your BIL sounds like an insensitive piece of work. I'd want to stay far far away too. It does seem like pregnant people are everywhere now. My close friends who live up the road are expecting their first and.. I was so looking forward to play dates and even being on maternity leave at the same time. Now I can hardly like their posts on Facebook even though I know it took them years to conceive and they deserve every ounce of happiness. For the most part I seem to be the opposite of others as overall I found Facebook to be helpful. I joined a couple groups for mc support which helped a little bit. It might be time to leave them now though, just because sometimes it's a reminder I don't want. Ladystardust, my anxiety has worsened as well. I haven't had a panic attack in years but I have started to again. They really are quite frightening in and of themselves. I really relate to a lot of what you are feeling as well. Also, there were times when we were ttc that my husband also couldn't perform. It must be difficult to feel so much pressure so it's no wonder. Remember though, it's really an entire window of opportunity and not just s single moment. Chickybaby, I hope your busy schedule coming up is something to look forward to and hopefully you get that positive opk soon. AFM, I don't know what cycle day I am but I'm officially in the TWW as I can tell I've been in my leutal phase now for at least 2 days now. I feel the same feelings I felt when I conceived before, the ones that had me just knowing I was pregnant and telling my husband long before I tested. But we will have to see. Sometimes when you want something so badly everything seems to be a sign. I took another pregnancy test today. It was negative but the test I used was also less sensitive. And there was an evap that appeared when I finally got out of bed an hour or two later. It's weird actually wanting to see a negative but I'm not worried about having retained anything anymore. It's almost Halloween. I had been wanting to do a Halloween themed announcement.