Looking for people TTC after miscarriage

[Weebles]

Thanks everyone. Work was rough but ultimately good for me. It's obvious that everyone knows which is kind of sad since we never publicly announced but it's also nice since most people are being sensitive about it. My lab coat feels big on me now and I buttoned it all the way down without even realizing it. I didn't have a big bump but I miss it and it's absence is especially noticeable.

It sounds like there are some fun things going on this weekend. I hope everyone enjoys their plans. We're taking my daughter to a day time trick or treat at the zoo. It's hard not to be sad as I had been trying to come up with cute Halloween themed ways to announce. But. I'm trying.

I hope all you ladies are doing well.

 

[Shorty88]

Hi ladies

Mind if I join?

I had a missed miscarriage in Aug I was 10 weeks but baby stoped growing at 7 weeks seen the baby's heartbeat at 6 weeks.

We started trying last month but didn't get pregnant.. I'm currently cd14 today so hoping we catch it this month.

This will be our 3rd and last baby.

I want a baby so much but the fear of another miscarriage is terrifying

I hope we all get our rainbow baby soon xx

 

[Shorty88]

Hi ladies

I’ve just been reading through the thread and it breaks my heart to learn of everyone’s losses.
I’m looking to start ttc again in November so wanted a safe place for support as I’m beyond petrified about pregnancy. Fortunately we have never had any issues actually getting pregnant and we have 2 little boys who are 7 & 8, but in the past I have suffered an early miscarriage and ectopic then this year I lost a little boy at 16 weeks pregnant in March. There was no cause found for why it happened as he was a perfectly healthy baby. We went on again and fell pregnant in June. I can honestly say it was horrible as I cried through every scan in absolute fear. Then at 9 weeks we were told the heart had stopped beating again. We found out the baby was a little girl and she had Down’s syndrome which is most likely why her heart stopped. We are now in the position we are ready to try again. there has been no links between our losses, just been really unlucky but I’m Petrified that I will loose another one.
Good luck to you all and looking forward to chatting with you over the next few weeks and months.

Hi caleblake I hope you are keeping well, I found out I miscarried shortly after you x I'm so sorry for your loss

Hope we have our rainbow babies in our arms next year x

 

[caleblake]

Hi caleblake I hope you are keeping well, I found out I miscarried shortly after you x I'm so sorry for your loss

Hope we have our rainbow babies in our arms next year x

Hi my lovely.

I’m so sorry to hear of your miscarriage too, it’s such a thought to go through ttc again. Praying that you catch that egg. We are not actually trying till next cycle. I have anything from 9-11 days till AF is due going by my usual cycles and I feel like it’s going to drag. Also if we don’t hit next month I’m not going to try in December.
We go away to America at the end of March and I can’t imagine being away at the 16 week mark. I think I would just spend it worrying. If I catch in November I will be past the half way mark by that point so feeling a bit more confident about travelling so really hoping we catch as don’t want to wait lol
Looking forward to seeing what this month brings for you x

 

[MrsFruitie]

So it wasn’t AF I was having unfortunately! Still post op old blood 4 weeks on... I have a retroverted bulky uterus, so maybe that is causing it to last a long time! I have discovered I am ovulating today though, so I know to expect AF in about 2 weeks! At least that’s something and a step forward

 

[lesondemavie]

Yea I thought that might be it MrsF but small comforts now yea? It definitely helps to know when to expect AF.

Results are in. Baby had Turner’s Syndrome.

 

[2Baby2]

I kinda feel like my life is on hold until AF arrives

OB wants me to one cycle before we ttc again and I feel like the days are crawling by and it’s all that occupies my mind right now

 

[Weebles]

I had an ultrasound on 10/13 to check and see if everything had passed and it looked clear but I was told to take a pregnancy test today to see if it was negative. And it wasn't. It was so hard seeing those two lines still from my angel baby.

On top of that we started ttc again yesterday as I've finally stopped bleeding and I have EWCM. I kind of wish now that we'd waited at least until I tested negative because I'm scared my dr will say I need a d&c or something because of the positive test. Of course I can't do that since we dtd.

And my head is all messed up. I want my baby back and that makes me feel guilty about ttc. And I don't feel attractive anymore either. It's all so confusing with how desperate I feel to be pregnant.

 

[2Baby2]

Webber- girl! I feel the same way!!! My husband put his hand on my stomach yesterday, not intentionally just kind of landed there, and I started crying thinking I wish my baby was still growing in my belly and that we all 3 of us were enjoying that moment.

 

[Chickybaby]

Weebles, sorry for the positive test, my hcg dropped really quickly initially (10000 drop in two days) but then leveled out and was still at a 4 over a month later. Its another cruel part of this whole tying it takes so freaking long for everything to settle down. How dark was the line and what kind of test was it? Do you need to follow up with your doc now? I am also so sorry about how you are feeling, your feelings are all so natural and we have all been there. Try to not feel guilty for trying, you can only make the best decision for yourself in that moment. I can also relate to feeling unattractive I've put on so Mich weight, I feel like I can't trust my body anymore, my husband and I haven't even had sex still since, need to start again soon to TTC but the thought makes me kind of freeze up. I have been doing well and handling everything but am holding onto a lot of anger I think. I'm angry about having to try again, I'm angry that we should be finding out the gender soon and planning for our baby not going through the tedious act of timed sex and trying again.

Lesonde, glad you finally have your results back so you can process them and organise your thoughts somehow to work out a step forward. I hope you are feeling as OK as possible about everything.

MrsFruitie glad you at least no that your cycle will be coming soon and everything is getting back to working order.

Hello shorty88, sorry for your loss. Hope your journey here is a short one.

AFM' bit much going on. Still the slightest bit of brown spotting, will get to taking opks and having sex every second day today or tomorrow. Dreading it. I'm not even sure how I feel about it all, I have this jealousy when I see women at the park with their kids and a big round belly but a part of me is so fine with it not happening right now. I don't no I'd I'm feeling pressure to have a baby which is making me want to be pregnant right now or if it's the pressure to be fine that's making me question if it's even the right time. Truthfully I'm just scared of it all. I'm scared of not getting pregnant, I'm scared of another loss, I'm scared of some kind of issue coming up, I'm just scared and angry about it all.

Coping fine on a day to day basis and loving my life, maybe that adds to the scariness, ttc could rock my perfect world again. One day at a time xx

 

[caleblake]

I kinda feel like my life is on hold until AF arrives

OB wants me to one cycle before we ttc again and I feel like the days are crawling by and it’s all that occupies my mind right now

This is me right now. We have decided to wait until November to start ttc. AF is exactly 1 week away (due the 1st nov) and it might as well be another year it’s going so slow. It is giving me time to get my body a bit more in shape and healthier for ttc by taking loads of vitamins etc though. Also if we don’t fall in November we are skipping December and waiting till jan to try again

 

[caleblake]

I kinda feel like my life is on hold until AF arrives

OB wants me to one cycle before we ttc again and I feel like the days are crawling by and it’s all that occupies my mind right now

This is me right now. We have decided to wait until November to start ttc. AF is exactly 1 week away (due the 1st nov) and it might as well be another year it’s going so slow. It is giving me time to get my body a bit more in shape and healthier for ttc by taking loads of vitamins etc though. Also if we don’t fall in November we are skipping December and waiting till jan to try again

 

[Weebles]

I've been trying to comment but sometimes the page just keeps reloading over and over again and I give up.

Lesonde- I missed that you had finally gotten the results, what a long wait. I know it don't change anything or lessen your sadness but hopefully having an answer gives you some peace. That's not even the right thing to say, I just can't find the right words. Answers don't change anything but I hope having them is less painful than wondering.

Chicky- scared pretty much sums up how I feel too. Scared to not get pregnant and scared to get pregnant. Maybe a side of anger. I do not like ttc again. We've been doing every other day and I cry after at the injustice of it. I'm not supposed to be having to try

Caleblake- November sounded so far away but it's really just around the corner. I felt like time had frozen but really it was just me and we're almost through October. It will be here before you know it.

I never did call the office to tell them I still have hcg in my system. I was kind of expecting them to call and ask but I guess they've forgotten about me. I'm kind of glad and I'm honestly not worried about it as much as I was. I'll be in the tww here in a day or so if I'm not already and that lingering hcg might end up being a bit of a mind fuck, especially if af doesn't show up so I'm just preparing myself for that.

 

[lesondemavie]

Thanks weebles that’s so normal...the crying. I had to go through so much of that to get CJ.

Yea it’s not really peace but it helps to know that my thyroid being out of range didn’t matter. Now I can just focus on egg quality. With all of the great bloodwork and ultrasounds up until the day before baby’s hb stopped, I feel like my body fought hard to keep a baby who’s fate was decided from the start.

I’ve been feeling really guilty about not reaching back out to my SIL. I just still hate her, and it’s not entirely her fault. Every time I think about talking to her, I think about saying mean things like thank god I won’t have two in diapers at once, or god I can’t believe you’re going to have two under two you pass the one you have off to my brother most of the time as is etc. I don’t really mean it. I wanted our baby. I wanted that dream. I’m just jealous and mean and also she can be really ignorant/insensitive while thinking she’s being the kindest, smartest person ever. It’s annoying. I love her, but I hate her. Thanks for letting me be mean and ugly here. Not sure how to deal with the guilt, but right now I really don’t want to talk to her until at least after my new niece is here.

 

[lesondemavie]

Oh and I’m still leaning hard towards tabling ttc for now. Re-evaluating in January. New cycle should start in the next few days. Will have to decide then if I’m calling the clinic.

 

[Chickybaby]

Weebled, so glad I have you ladies to tell these things to, nice to see others have felt similarly. We finally had sex last night and I cried after. I haven't cried in weeks but I felt so sad for my baby i missed them so much and felt guilty for trying to have another and move on, after that I felt fear of the unknown. Exactly as you said. Scared to not get pregnant and scared to get pregnant all at the same time. I feel better today.

Lesonde, grateful to read your post about your thoughts towards your SIL, mine had her baby the day after we found out ours was gone. Her kids are 14 months apart I feel so much joy when I hear she's struggling, such an evil bitch I no haha. I would love to say all those things too and gave thought them many times and probably said some of them too... I have felt guilt in relation to these thoughts and the way I have treated people in the past due to my jealousy over what they have. Its not my best quality and I'm trying to snap out of it a bit and use other places like here to get the ugly out. We're all human and hurting.

 

[Sallyanne81]

Hi,
First of all sorry to hear everyone's stories of loss. We are unfortunately in the same boat trying to pick ourselves back up again both emotionally and physically.

I'm on my second M/C in a row in the space of 10 months. The 1st was at 10 wks, the 2nd at 5 wks 3 days. I have started TTC again straight away, this is the 1st cycle post M/C. My doctor was fine with us trying again straight away. It's difficult emotionally having to start all over again, but I'm 37 and TTC baby #1 so I don't have a lot of time unfortunately.

I'm also struggling a lot with the fact that my SIL is pregnant and is a few weeks ahead of where I would have been. I don't know if I would say it was jealousy or just the constant reminder of what I have lost, I also have the feeling of 'it's not fair' whenever I see someone pregnant (they are everywhere) so I have stopped going on Facebook for the moment. I know we don't know their stories or their difficulties all you see is the happy result, the announcements, the 12 week scan picture, I can't stop thinking, why have they got their rainbow and not me.

With facebook I can turn it off, unfortunately I can't get rid of my SIL. My husband is very close to his brother (can't understand why), but I can't stand him or my SIL they have caused so many problems, BIL made sexually inappropriate remarks to me when we 1st met, tried to aggressively convert me to become evangelical (telling me what I could and couldn't do in my own house, like I can't have Christmas decorations, but it's OK to make sexual remarks me!), his moody wife shouted abuse at me and my husband in the street, and to top it off they tried to split me and my husband up in the weeks before we got married, so I'm finding it very difficult to even tolerate them never mind be happy for them in anyway, never mind the M/C! Oh yeah and BIL sent all their scan pics over whilst I was miscarrying. OK rant over!!

So, we're starting again, I've had internal investigations and all normal, no physical reason for miscarrying, also as I'm in Italy you can pay privately for the blood tests so I have been tested for the blood clotting disorders (all came back negative) and I am waiting for the results of the genetic screening for me and my husband. These were the only tests the gynecologist recommended at the moment. She's convinced it's just bad luck and to keep trying. I'm also taking baby aspirin and inofolic plus this time around.

Just got to wait for AF..................

I want to wish everyone who has unfortunately found themselves here lots of luck for their BFPs!

 

[LadyStardust4]

Hi Sallyanne and welcome. You sound like you’ve had a hell of a time of it. I hope we can offer you some much needed support when you need it.

I’ve been a bit quiet on here lately. I have got myself really down in the dumps and don’t know how to pick myself back up again. Feel like I’m losing control of everything at the moment... keep crying at random inconvenient times. Woke up last Monday with severe chest pains - felt like somebody was gripping my heart and I thought I was having a heart attack! It was anxiety though. Never suffered with it before all this happened.

Today I am cycle day 11 and I had egg white CM so I did a quick clearblue digital ovulation test and got the big smiley face. Seems a bit early in the cycle but I thought ‘hey let’s go with it’. Started having sex and OH couldn’t finish. Has never had this problem before but he said he feels under pressure because he knows we’re trying again. I acted all understanding and like it was ok but really all I’m thinking is that we’ve blown it for this month and I’ve got to wait ages to try again. Selfish I know but like was said above - I feel angry that I should have to try again at all! This is just rubbing salt into the wound.

Sorry for venting xx

 

[Chickybaby]

Sallyanne81 I hope you find some comfort here in having a place to share some of your thoughts and emotions. Sometimes i find it helps to simply get some of those ugly thoughts and dears out' some kind of release in a way. You have been through more than anyone should have to endure in a lifetime in such a short space of time and having your SIL there as a constant reminder must be tough. Your BIL sounds like a real tool. It sounds like you have had a lot of ground covered in regards to testing, I hope it is just a mater of time for you to have a baby of your own to hold XXX

Ladystardust' I am so sorry to hear you have been having a tough time as of late. I think this is such a process, it comes in waves and everyone is affected by their loss in such different ways. The anxiety is really hard, I have dealt with severe anxiety at several different points in my life and you are right that panicky moment feels like a heart attack, it is overwhelming his severely your emotional state can effect your physical state in that time. Is there anything that makes you feel any better? Have you opened up to any one at all? Its so hard to turn your brain off and live in the moment and not spiral down that dark hole sometimes. I know there isn't a lot I can say to make you feel better but I hope that at least having this as a safe place to share your thoughts helps in some way.

As for your feeling in regards to your husband not being able to finish, totally been there! When we were trying for our first baby I remember my husband not being able to preform after a big roast dinner, I was so pissed of and felt exactly the same that it meant a whole month down the drain. Also no need to apologize for venting, that's what we are all here for xx

AFM, cd13ish? Opk still negative, just doing every other day. Doing a thrush treatment at the moment though so feel that may hurt our chances. Not sure when to expect ovulation, lots of twingey pains, the cycle we conceived my son I didn't ovulate till cd21 and my MC was even later so still time. Have a pretty busy few weeks planned, will be getting frustrated in a week or so though of my opk remains negative. Xx

 

[lesondemavie]

Sally - I was in a very similar spot this time 2016. It’s so incredibly hard. I mostly went numb and just put one foot in front of the other. Have you also had your thyroid, Prolactin, and hormone levels checked? That ended up being my problem or at the very least treatment has helped me conceive more quickly so far. What an awful in-law situation. I’m 36 now myself. I don’t know that I want to keep trying right now, but I do worry that waiting will just mean a higher risk of even more loss.

Chicky - I hope you can figure out what’s going on this cycle soon

So that SIL of mine broke the space I asked for and messaged me...while I was at work...to complain about of all things politics! I instantly got tears in my eyes bc I already felt guilty and here she is saying she misses me. Thankfully no one was in the same room as me. I told her that I’m still angry and I don’t want to take it out on her and so I still need space and I get it sucks but it sucks worse for me. She said she’s grieving with us, and my first thought was yea I wish I was still pregnant and grieving with someone else instead too...but I kept that one to myself. It’s so hard to wish it wasn’t you but also not want anyone else to go through this either.