Looking for TTC buddies

[karoolia]

I'm glad the news brought you some relief/peace fit_mama. My OB said we could try again after one cycle. He said if my lining wasn't strong enough it just wouldn't implant or wouldn't stick if it did (so a chemical basically) so I think since you made it to 8 weeks that wouldn't have been a concern. I'm glad you have confirmation though.

As for BFPs, I got mine at 11 dpo I think. I was only tracking by cm, so I could be off, but I'm pretty sure I was 11 dpo. That was my only time pregnant though so I really don't have a pattern.

Mom15 - no, I didn't have any spotting. I bled the day of my D&C followed by very light spotting for a couple of days. When AF started I had three very light days then very minimal spotting (like only when I went to the bathroom).
My cm was all over the place - ew around when the opks were positive and basically everything else in between those days. I had more then than I did this cycle. Weird.

 

[ladyapril777]

With my first pregnancy I didn't test until 2 days after AF was due ( I was spotting and thought I had got my period is why) went on to have a healthy son.. with my miscarriage pregnancy I didn't test until I was like 6 days late ( I had no idea I was pregnant.. had been trying for 8.5 years) so I'm not sure at what dpo I would have got a BFP because I never tested early... now I'm a complete Poas addict lol

 

[Mom15]

Thanks fit_mama especially for th hugs 🤗
and karoolia thank you for sharing what your cycle was like. I forgot you had a d&c.

Fit_mama I'm so glad to hear you got peace of mind why it happened. I wish testing would have been offered to me as it will always bug me that I will never know the reason why.

As for bfp's with DS I didn't test until 4 days late (15 dpo), the chemical I got the faintest line on 12dpo and i think the fact that it was so faint was an indication that it wasn't going to stick. With my mc i got a faint on 10 dpo but I didn't test on 9. So going forward I think I will start testing at 9 dpo.

 

[zoe2010]

Hey ladies! I'm going to join in if you don't mind. A little background... my husband and I decided to "stop preventing" in January. I was more on board than he was though. Even though we were more NTNP, I still kept track of my days and monitored my CM so I had a pretty good idea of when I ovulated. Anyway in April nothing had happened so we decided to book a trip to Cancun in June (I'm actually supposed to be there right now).
Since we were leaving for our trip we decided to be as careful as we could be in May because we knew if we got pregnant we wouldn't be able to go because of Zika.
Well I was due to start AF on May 28th. I was in Houston for my sisters graduation and just thought maybe travel stress was delaying it. I never thought for a second I might be pregnant. I got home on the 31st and told my husband that I hadn't started yet so he told me to go ahead and get a test to ease my mind. (At this point we were about 10 days away from vacation) so on June 1st I took a test and within 30 seconds there was a second line. I couldn't believe it. After numerous BFNs there was a very clear BFP right in front me. I was shocked! When I got home that night I told my husband and he was less than thrilled. Very upset actually. Mostly because of our upcoming vacation we knew we would have to cancel.
Needless to say the first week of my pregnancy was an emotional roller coaster. My husband and I had numerous fights, we had to battle with the airline and the resort to get a refund... it was a mess. But in the back of my mind I was so excited. I was finally pregnant. I couldn't help but think about the future. I had my first doctors appointment and everything was looking great... and then this past Sunday happened
I woke up on June 12th with light bright red bleeding and at first thought it was due to the sex we had the night before. But then it got heavier and my cramps got worse. That's when I knew it was all over. My husband tried to reassure me that everything was going to be fine but I knew it wasn't. After a trip to the ER that night followed by a doctors visit the next day, and numerous blood draws and ultrasounds it was determined that we indeed miscarried.
I was beyond devestated and I'm still trying to figure out how to cope. One minute I'm sad and the next I'm ok. I'm still bleeding and just emotionally exhausted. And honestly I'm even wondering if this is something I wanna go though again.
Please tell me I'm not the only one that's terrified to even try again? I'm terrified. I'm worried that my husband won't wanna go through this again either. He was so mad at first (and he has apologized profusely) and we seem to be doing better. I think this has made us stronger. But I'm just having such a hard time. I cant even watch movies or shows with babies right now, and I'm finding it hard to talk to my best friend who is 13 weeks. Ugh I'm a mess
I know this was long but I just need other women to talk to and vent to who understand what I'm dealing with...

 

[Fit_Mama2Be]

So sorry about your loss Zoe. And also welcome. No one wants to end up here of course but all the ladies are really lovely and supportive. I lost my first pregnancy too so I know how devestating it is. I can also relate to being afraid to try (even though I'm now in the tww). Now that I've had a d&c for loss #3 I'm terrified of needing another one, especially because (with the exception of my chemical) I've always needed intervention as my body can't seem to accept it when my babies die. Just know that the odds of having 2 losses in a row are very slim. After my first loss I conceived my rainbow who is now a healthy 17 month old and I'm sure it will be the same for you.

 

[karoolia]

Hi zoe and welcome! I'm so sorry for your loss. That sounds absolutely devastating. I'm sorry too about DH's reaction to the pregnancy. It sounds like it was more about timing and shock than anything else.

I hope you can find some comfort knowing you are not alone. You might want to read through this thread (if you haven't already) and see some of the different (and similar) experiences we have all had.

As for a fear of trying again. You better believe it. I am 5DPO today. We decided to try again right away. I desperately want to be pregnant again, but I am scared out of my mind. When I test in a week or so I know I will have a huge range of emotions no matter what the result. I dread trying to get through first tri again knowing that my last baby died at 8 weeks, but I didn't find out until 10 weeks. I feel sick thinking about having another first scan just to find no heartbeat. However, I know we want to have kids and I know trying again (and maybe again and again and again) is the way to do it.

There have been many times when I have wondered if it is worth the stress and sadness. I know if I get my baby some day I will feel like it was, but right now I have no guarantee of that so the fear is very real. I don't know if that helps, but I just want you to know that the way you feel is absolutely normal. I also have a hard time thinking about my friends who are pregnant. It's tough. You're happy for them, but you can't help but think that you should be right there with them.

I think the way you are feeling now is the reason why some doctors recommend waiting 2-3 months before trying again. Sometimes we need time to heal and figure out what we want.

Again, I am so very sorry for what you went through. I really hope being here helps you find some peace

 

[zoe2010]

Thank you ladies! It's just so nice to be able to talk about it. It helps I have my moments where I wanna cry and then some moments I'm ok. It's such an emotional roller coaster.

 

[ladyapril777]

Welcome Zoe! I'm so sorry for your loss.. I had my miscarriage in March and it is the worst emotional roller coaster I have ever been on, so I can totally relate.. all of us ladies on this thread are on the same boat. I was super depressed and having you ladies to talk to has really helped. The doctor told me I could try after I had 1 normal period.. and we did ( to no avail yet) but honestly this has been the first month where I feel more emotionally ready.. I get what you are saying about being terrified to try again..every woman is different and will be ready at different times, anytime you need to talk, we are here

 

[karoolia]

So yesterday I was talking to a friend and telling her I was feeling sad. She asked why. I told her I think it is still from my miscarriage that I still have bad days. She told me maybe I should stop trying because it wouldn't be good to get pregnant until I feel happier again.

I tried to explain to her that even though I'm still sad and definitely scared, I know this is what I need and what I want. I found it frustrating because I just couldn't seem to explain it well. I appreciated that she was trying to help me and we had a good talk that did make me feel better, but I still got the feeling that she didn't understand where I was coming from at all.

Anyone have an experience like that? Can we even explain this feeling to someone who hasn't been there? She has never been pregnant, but does plan to start trying soon so maybe it is just that she doesn't understand.

 

[zoe2010]

I think it's hard for people who haven't been through it to understand what it feels like. Hate to say it but I used to be one of those people. I always thought a miscarriage was sad but not a huge deal because it wasn't a full term baby. Boy was I wrong and I could kick myself for ever feeling that way. Your body goes through some crazy changes so quickly and it's hell! One thing that I have heard over and over again is "well at least you know you can get pregnant".... ughhhhhh if I hear that one more time I might scream

 

[karoolia]

One thing that I have heard over and over again is "well at least you know you can get pregnant".... ughhhhhh if I hear that one more time I might scream

Agreed! My aunt had 12 miscarriages and she said people still said this to her. She said it drove her crazy, she knew she was fertile, but the babies didn't stick. I'm just hoping I don't have the same gene that she does in that department.

I also know what you mean about kicking yourself. I really didn't get it until it happened to me. I even apologized to a friend for not being more understanding when she had a miscarriage.

 

[Mom15]

Zoe - I'm so sorry for your loss! I think you discribe what so many if not all of us feel/felt. There are so many emotions from sad to angry to being ok even excited to try again and have that bfp excitement again just to be taken over by worry that something could be wrong again. It helps so much to chat here. No one in my real live wants to hear about it. Everyone was very kind, but literally only 2 friends asked how I was doing a couple of days later. And it screws things up on so many levels. We had a similar scenario that we committed to renting a house in Florida next March when our baby would have been 3months old. Now we canceled also due to Zika as I will be either trying or pregnant. Literally the only way we would go would be if I had another mc before but in no way is that what I want of course. Now our family has to cover the $1200 we would have paid. We also gave up a daycare spot for DS a I would have been home with the baby anyway. So like you said so many times people think a mc is said but once the bleeding is done people think you are over it, but it effects you in so many ways. I don't remember if you mentioned this already, but are you having your levels drawn to know when you are back to below 5? And what did your doctor recommend how long to wait if you wanted to try again?

Karoolia - I had a similar experience talking to one of my best friends. She came over to hang out exactly a week after I miscarried. She was literally the first person I saw since then as I was hiding in the house for a week. I thought it would be good to have her over as she had had a miscarriage or two (one may have been a chemical) herself. She was super understanding in her texts and said if I wanted to talk she'd be there and so on. When we actually hung out every time I brought up how I felt and some details of the actual miscarriage she kept replying with "I know". But with that tone of "I know you don't have to tell me about it."
Back when she had her miscarriage(s) we weren't close and I probably wasn't the most supportive person as it almost felt like she was holding a grudge about that. So what I thought would help me emotionally just made me feel more alone again. I'm over it and I'm not one to hold a grudge so all is good. I think I was just a bit disappointed.

Afm,
I've been using my diva cup as everyday I bleed a little. Probaly enough to leave a stain of a small lime on my liner not more. But using the cup is making my yeast infection go away as that way I'm staying dry down there. Haven't managed to temp as DS has been in my bed due to thunderstorms. I'll pick up temping if I see any cm showing up or if DS starts sleeping better again.
On Monday I will have another hCG draw so maybe just maybe I'll be down to below 5 as my last draw two weeks ago was 60. One other thing that is weird is that I am so big in the stomach area. I look 3 months pregnant (which btw is painful to see as you can imagine) and I can feel my fibroid again in my abdomen. Usually it's hiding below the pubic bone. That to me seems like my uterus is enlarged and I keep thinking I am going to wake up in a pool of blood because the just has to be a lot in there. If my hCG hasn't significantly dropped I'll asked about a scan to see what's up.

Hope everyone I having a good weekend!

 

[ladyapril777]

6 dpo today , only symptom I have is im gassy lol

 

[Mom15]

Will any of you start testing and if so when? (C'mon I need some sticks to obsess about. Haha.)

 

[ladyapril777]

I told myself I would wait to test this cycle, but let's face it that's a lie 😂I have like 12 IC tests so I will prob start testing tomorrow or Monday ( even though that's way to early lol) .. it least it keeps the boredom of TWW at bay

 

[karoolia]

Mom15 - I bet your levels will be down below 5. I think since you have had a bleed they definitely should be. Keep us updated though. On the off chance that they aren't then I agree about asking for a scan, just to be safe.

I am 6dpo. I actually had a dream about testing last night. I dreamed I took 3 tests at once, all were squinters. Then I couldn't find any garbage cans to throw them out in. In my dream I worried DH would find them and realize that I was a crazy poas addict haha!

I had symptoms at 4 and 5 dpo - a lot of mild cramping and a lot of creamy cm. Not much today though. Still have some mild pressure in that area. I don't think any of that means anything this early though.

I haven't really felt too tempted to test yet. I might start at 9 or 10 dpo.

 

[ladyapril777]

I have had almost no symptoms whatsoever this cycle ( last 2 cycles I had loads of symptoms lol).. I'm hoping the lack of symptoms is a good sign ..

 

[Mom15]

Lady - it seems to pass the days faster when testing so it's less boring. And I'm super bored right now that's why I need you all to poas for me. Haha

Karoolia - thank you for the encouraging word! I'll keep you all posted. And haha the guilt we feel about poas!

You know how you can set different languages on your phone keyboard? I wish there was one for the ttc addict. I'm getting tired of my phone auto correcting ttc lingo 😂

 

[karoolia]

I'm sure I'll poas in a few days so I'll keep you posted. I'm trying to hold off as long as possible. I just have a feeling this isn't my cycle so I don't want to waste a bunch of tests, but there is always that nagging voice saying it could happen so I'm sure I will cave sooner than later. My goal was to wait until next Friday, but I will very likely test on Wednesday (10DPO).

My problem is that once I test once, I end up testing everyday. I know it is ridiculous. I know HCG takes a couple of days to double and yet I still test daily once I get going.

 

[zoe2010]

Zoe - I'm so sorry for your loss! I think you discribe what so many if not all of us feel/felt. There are so many emotions from sad to angry to being ok even excited to try again and have that bfp excitement again just to be taken over by worry that something could be wrong again. It helps so much to chat here. No one in my real live wants to hear about it. Everyone was very kind, but literally only 2 friends asked how I was doing a couple of days later. And it screws things up on so many levels. We had a similar scenario that we committed to renting a house in Florida next March when our baby would have been 3months old. Now we canceled also due to Zika as I will be either trying or pregnant. Literally the only way we would go would be if I had another mc before but in no way is that what I want of course. Now our family has to cover the $1200 we would have paid. We also gave up a daycare spot for DS a I would have been home with the baby anyway. So like you said so many times people think a mc is said but once the bleeding is done people think you are over it, but it effects you in so many ways. I don't remember if you mentioned this already, but are you having your levels drawn to know when you are back to below 5? And what did your doctor recommend how long to wait if you wanted to try again?

I go back next week to get my levels checked again. On Sunday they were 48 and Monday they were 32 so they are definitely dropping like they should. She recommended us wait at least one cycle before trying again. We haven't actually discussed it yet thought