Losing my mind

[Chris_25]

So I just got home from the doctor and cried my whole way home. Not for any particular reason, but just because I get told by the doctor to just "relax" it's going to happen whether is natural, iui or ivf. I'm glad he's so sure about it e cause nothing is guaranteed. As far as my pain I didn't really get an answer and he said he doesn't think I need a laporoscopy. Then why the fuck do I endure all this pain in my hip to ovary and in the middle of my pelvic area? Something is not normal and I get ignored! He did an ultrasound and my follicle is at 18mm on cd18 today which means late ovulation that's if it even happens because I'm convinced it doesn't. I don't even care anymore this whole thing can kiss my ass. I told the doctor I'm in the deepest depression I've ever been in my life. He said a second opinion is a good idea. I can't wait over a month to go I'm going to seriously go off the deep end with a nervous breakdown soon. All I do is cry morning noon and night! I want this new RE to do a laporoscopy and I want to be listened to! I am losing all hope on life! I think I need to get away for a while! I can't handle it and to too it off my "best friend" tells me yesterday right after I finished venting about myself that this girl who is her friend got married right before me is pregnant. I think she purposely says things to hurt me sometimes. Then she tells me that in a few months when she starts trying she will never go through what I'm going through meaning treatments and stuff. I said yea well don't ever say that until u know how it feels to be in my situation. She's the one who always said she doesn't want kids and of course she will get them in 1 split second!

 

[Coolstar]

Chris I know what you are going through.I cried a lot today and i feel like giving up . I am digesting the fact that i may never became PG .I really don't want to take any more meds or even try ttc.I am not even ovulating.Said that Chris i just wanted to say that pls relax this cycle.Who knows you might get a BFP this cycle like Angel.

 

[Chris_25]

Thanks, but I'm so used to a negative result that I never have any hope anymore. So I won't count on it. I'm being punished I swear I am for something!
Life sucks big time!
I can't even say anything to make u feel better right now because I feel the same way

 

[Coolstar]

Aknqtpie, glad your d and c went well, i must have missed it earlier. Rest up and feel better soon.

Horsey, thanks, it was very unexpected.

Cool, i know how u feel ... ive actually been suicidal since ttc because it was so hard. Hang in there, sometimes our bodies are a mystery no matter how hard we try to figure them out.

Oh no angel I didn't realize it was that bad. That hurts my heart. Well I'm glad you got you bfp and those thoughts are far away. One of my cousins today told me that I'm torturing myself with ttc and her because she has to listen to it.... I told her if I was such a pain in the ass then I'd stop talking about it and she said well then I guess we won't talk any more because that's the only thing I ever talk about

My other and best friend (the lesbian I've talked about on here) texted her and told her she'd kick her ass if she talked to me like that again haha that kinda cheered me up but I'm still feeling down

I hate those people who are inconsiderate.It's not fair that we are suffering so much

 

[Coolstar]

Thanks, but I'm so used to a negative result that I never have any hope anymore. So I won't count on it. I'm being punished I swear I am for something!
Life sucks big time!
I can't even say anything to make u feel better right now because I feel the same way

Just don't lose hope Chris.When are you going for 2nd opinion ? Did your doc tell you to take any more meds? Pls don't cry coz i know you have migraine and crying makes migraine worse.

 

[aknqtpie]

Chris - I am so glad you are going to try and get a second opinion.. I wish like hell that I would of gotten one when the bleeding continued on for so long. I would of had this all resolved sooner. Some times you really have to push your drs to get what you want.

Angel - I'm so sorry that you were at that point. I think several times over the last few months I could feel myself slipping there. It is hard when you have no control over what is happening to your body or how to fix it... It isn't a cold you can just take cough syrup for.

 

[Chris_25]

Thanks, but I'm so used to a negative result that I never have any hope anymore. So I won't count on it. I'm being punished I swear I am for something!
Life sucks big time!
I can't even say anything to make u feel better right now because I feel the same way

Just don't lose hope Chris.When are you going for 2nd opinion ? Did your doc tell you to take any more meds? Pls don't cry coz i know you have migraine and crying makes migraine worse.

I know that's what I'm afraid of I can't stop crying my eyes are so swollen. My appointment isn't until feb 12 which is so far away. No more meds right now.

 

[Coolstar]

Exactly aknqtpie wish it was as simple as taking a med for flu.Our bodies are so weird and stupid.

 

[Chris_25]

Aknqtpie, glad your d and c went well, i must have missed it earlier. Rest up and feel better soon.

Horsey, thanks, it was very unexpected.

Cool, i know how u feel ... ive actually been suicidal since ttc because it was so hard. Hang in there, sometimes our bodies are a mystery no matter how hard we try to figure them out.

Oh no angel I didn't realize it was that bad. That hurts my heart. Well I'm glad you got you bfp and those thoughts are far away. One of my cousins today told me that I'm torturing myself with ttc and her because she has to listen to it.... I told her if I was such a pain in the ass then I'd stop talking about it and she said well then I guess we won't talk any more because that's the only thing I ever talk about

My other and best friend (the lesbian I've talked about on here) texted her and told her she'd kick her ass if she talked to me like that again haha that kinda cheered me up but I'm still feeling down

Well good then tell her to walk in your shoes and she will know what it feels like. It's not worth talking to someone like that.

 

[Coolstar]

Chris:I would just tell you what my DH told me today not to cry since crying wont help you in any way.And Feb 12 is not far till then try to relax.

 

[Chris_25]

Chris - I am so glad you are going to try and get a second opinion.. I wish like hell that I would of gotten one when the bleeding continued on for so long. I would of had this all resolved sooner. Some times you really have to push your drs to get what you want.

Angel - I'm so sorry that you were at that point. I think several times over the last few months I could feel myself slipping there. It is hard when you have no control over what is happening to your body or how to fix it... It isn't a cold you can just take cough syrup for.

Thanks and your right I get those thoughts at times also but would never have the guts. Not having any control is the worst

 

[Chris_25]

Chris:I would just tell you what my DH told me today not to cry since crying wont help you in any way.And Feb 12 is not far till then try to relax.

Dh tells me that all the time and he also tells me it's gonna happen I said that's not guaranteed and he says well it's not guaranteed it won't. But really how can the doctor say to relax how the fuck does someone relax on demand when they want something so bad.

 

[sadangel777]

Thanks, love. I really was that bad, so i know how you all feel. I was so sure it would never happen. You cant give up.

If you guys take a break and ntnp, maybe it will help. In the beginning, temping and opk was fun, but after so long it became harder and harder and the meds that were supposed to help were making things worse.

I dont blame you for getting a new doc, chris -- its important that you have one that listens to you. A lot of them seem to be very laxadaisy about ttc and act like its no big deal, and that certainly is frustrating. Your pain sounds like ov pain, when the clomid made me start oving i had pain a few days before to a few days after ov, so bad it hurt to walk. Last month i felt it too even off the meds but not as bad.

Cool, hang in there. I know its rough. Your body just may surprise you in a good way.

Aknqtpie, u r right, we dont have meds to fix it, it would help if there were. I had made an appt to get back on antidepressants before last weeks shocker. Our bodies are totally wierd and u never know.

 

[Coolstar]

Chris: I know we are so desperate but now i am thinking it's all up to my luck.Med wont work for me and today for the first time i consoled myself that life wont end if i dont have a kid.I will keep trying till i can, if i ever get PG then i would consider it as my miracle.I know the guarantee is the most diff part wish someone could tell us 100% we can became pregnant or not.But even the doctor's do not have much knowledge regarding infertility

 

[aknqtpie]

I wish we all lived near each other... we could have a wine drinking girls night .. (with the exception of our resident prego... she can be the DD). We will all get through this and get our babies. I have faith in that.

 

[Coolstar]

I was planning to drink wine and get drunk so that i can forget my pain but DH wont let me

 

[s_love]

I was planning to drink wine and get drunk so that i can forget my pain but DH wont let me

Why won't he let you? A couple glasses of wine is fine, I'm having some right now. I know eventually we will all get through this... But how long will it take, ya know?

Question ladies... So I never produce a lot of CM. I was told this was in part to the high prolactin levels. Well I've been taking meds to lower the levels and when they were low enough I'd start producing some again. Ok so we used preseed last night, which we have before, but today it seemed like I had sticky, stretchy, clear cm... But I'm wondering if maybe it was the preseed coming out? Although its never happened before. But I was just wondering if it ever happened to y'all and it was preseed or if it is cm being produced?

 

[Coolstar]

love: I have posted this question in bnb before because i find it very diff to tell whether it is EWCM or preseed.Is the viscosity like real egg white and when you pulled it did it break quickly or stretch ?

 

[s_love]

It's stretchy but its thicker than ewcm... Like I've said since I started paying attention to cm I've never produced a lot so I haven't been able to study it. I've read all about the different kinds and what they mean but I know each women is slightly different.

 

[Coolstar]

If it is thick then i think it is EWCM and not preseed. So keep bding i am sure you will ovulate soon.