Aww Sal Im so sorry what a a lot of emotions to have to deal with all at once. Hope im not overstepping the boundaries here either but it seems like DH is calling all the shots. You are a partnership you are in this relationship together and at the moment it seems like whatever DH wants is what goes and that's not fair.
There has to be compromise from both sides and right now you are the one that is really needing support. I think counseling is a really good idea but I think he also needs to realize that he needs to make some sacrifices for you and your mental wellbeing. I understand its not a good idea to TTC when he feels totally not ready but honestly there has to be a part of him that was slightly ready otherwise his foot would have been firmly down about TTC in the first place, I think it would be reasonable to expect him to work towards a timeframe for TTC so that you have a goal in mind whilst both of you sorting out everything before then or compromise and aim for marriage first instead, if he isnt ready for anything then maybe its time to evaluate where he envisages your relationship heading and when.
If this isnt the way he normally behaves you may find that he doesn't know how to deal with his hurt so instead he is saying things he doesn't mean to try and make himself feel better without thinking about how it effects you. Counseling will be good to help give both of you tools to deal with the pain and to set goals together.
Sorry I hope this wasn't too intrusive but since being married so young with children already DH and I have had to work through so many things and i've learnt a lot about him and how he behaves which can translate to males in general. Bottom line everyone has their issues and marriage/long term relationship is HARD hard work but worth it for the right person.
There has to be compromise from both sides and right now you are the one that is really needing support. I think counseling is a really good idea but I think he also needs to realize that he needs to make some sacrifices for you and your mental wellbeing. I understand its not a good idea to TTC when he feels totally not ready but honestly there has to be a part of him that was slightly ready otherwise his foot would have been firmly down about TTC in the first place, I think it would be reasonable to expect him to work towards a timeframe for TTC so that you have a goal in mind whilst both of you sorting out everything before then or compromise and aim for marriage first instead, if he isnt ready for anything then maybe its time to evaluate where he envisages your relationship heading and when.
If this isnt the way he normally behaves you may find that he doesn't know how to deal with his hurt so instead he is saying things he doesn't mean to try and make himself feel better without thinking about how it effects you. Counseling will be good to help give both of you tools to deal with the pain and to set goals together.
Sorry I hope this wasn't too intrusive but since being married so young with children already DH and I have had to work through so many things and i've learnt a lot about him and how he behaves which can translate to males in general. Bottom line everyone has their issues and marriage/long term relationship is HARD hard work but worth it for the right person.
I respect everything that you ladies said. 
Wish I could give you a hug.
