I hope you do not mind me joining. Here is my story in a nutshell,
DH and I have been together for about 11 years, started TTC when I was 34. I did not think it will be hard as I was pregnant before I met my DH (a very unfortunate accident
my heart is still hurting).
Step 1: We are making a baby! We stopped using condom and for some reason I thought 1 random BD will be enough
I could not be more wrong. Apparently it only works when you do not want to get pregnant.
Step 2: Light hearted TTC. I leant about OPK and folic acid and for the first year it was completely stress free, we BD when we felt like it but I did try to ensure that at least we do it during the fertile period every other month. Did not work.
Step 3: Medical. check up at GP: me - fine, DH - low sperm count. Referred to FS, went through every know test including lap&dye/hysteroscopy; HSG; cycle monitoring; lots of bloods etc etc. me fine but old (+ small cyst on right ovary); Dh low sperm count. FS said we should do IVf asap. Refused to believe this was our only option. Slightly depressed but decided to persevere naturally. I am only 35
Step 4: TTC as a full time job. Did lots of research and started taking it seriously: CBFM; temping; tonnes of vitamins for both; serious lifestyle changes etc etc. By now I became a specialist in TTC and fertility and can easily write a PhD on this subject. Another year passed and things are getting worse. DH SA is worse; me turned 36 and FSH is rising. FS urged us to do IVF. I refused again. We have not exhausted our natural options yet.
Step 5: Chinese medicine. Tonnes of carefully selected books studied; thousands of needles inserted; litres of nasty Chinese herbs consumed + cupping, moxa, reflexology; quitted coffee etc etc I changed 3 practitioners and spent a small fortune on TCM. one more year passed: DH: still low count; Me: turned 37 and FSH is at all time high at 19!. FS said it is now too late to do IVF, my ovaries will not respond to stimulation. it is possible we can get pregnant naturally but there is no guarantee and it may take many more years. Since we have exhausted all natural methods we decided it's time to go artificial route. better late than never
Step 6: private IVF 1. Decided to start with natural IVF, all seemed OK, the dominant follicle is growing nicely; lining is fantastic; blood flow is perfect; DH's morphology is low so ICSI is the only option; egg fertilised; grade 1 embryo with no fragmentation transferred and for the first time in years I could see two nice lines! result! not so fast. OTD: the second line disappeared; beta is very low chemical. determined to see only positives at least some kind of attempt at implantation. we are getting closer
Step 7: private IVF 2. the clinic suggested to step up and do stims. Looking back that was a huge mistake, I regret it bitterly. My ovaries did not respond to stims only 2 follicles are growing out of 10; the dose increased the third follicle developed. EC is a nightmare: Only one mature egg. I had a temp rise in the morning and suspected I ovulated and turned out I was right. one of the two follicles on the left disappeared the best egg is lost to early ovulation. Somehow, the doc managed to get one more egg from my right ovary without touching the cyst so we had 2 eggs collected but the lab later confirmed that only one egg was mature for ICSI. The only mature egg was not of good enough quality and did not fertilise. devastating. But just to make sure I am completely crushed by the whole experience - got my AF out of the blue 3 days early. giving me a super short 23 day cycle and only 11 day LP. this has never ever happened before even when i had lap my cycle was not screwed like that. these meds really messed up my cycle big time. I am now thinking that with my natural IVF and chemical, I started spotting on about 10 DPO and if I was not on progesterone it's possible that I would have got AF early just like this cycle and the embryo would not have a chance. there is just something not right with the meds and my body, they do not mix well because I never spot in TWW when i am not on meds. Need time to get my body to recover from this medical hell
Step 8: urologist. My DH could not take it any more seeing me going through hell and finally agreed to go to a urologist and do whatever he is told to try to improve his SA (with medication this time rather than naturally). Our FS refused to refer him to a urologist as she believed IVF was our only option and nothing can be done. We have to go privately. Hoping the urologist can find what's wrong and maybe there is a way to improve it. if not, we are back to IVF next year.
I have to say I do not cope with this very well. I carry on because there is nothing else I can do but I am completely emotionally drained and physically broken. It's been long 3.5 years, I am nearing 38, but my ovaries are aging much faster than I am. I've tried everything under the sun and every single thing I've tried failed to get us any closer to pregnancy. It's actually getting worse. racing against time is over consuming and exceptionally frustrating experience
I have tears for you. I literally cried "NO!!" out loud when I saw your news. I'm so sorry. I wish no one had to endure mc, especially lttc'ers...
How are you?
. You know - we are going to have our babies just hang on there. You are going in the right direction. You have a plan and you are working on it.That should be your positive thought. I listened to your advice 
. I started also reading a book for pregnancy 
I'd never read your full story before--so heartbreaking. 
I hope your rainbow baby will be with you soon! 
but the office is closed,
I'll do it on the 23rd.
