March/April BFP's who's going for it!! NEW LADIES COME JOIN IN!!

[Mariahs Mom]

It's been hard, to be honest. There have been times I felt that I wasn't coping. I got post partum depression after my first loss and my last one. I always got a bit of depression after a loss but those two were especially bad. Once I was able to give it a name, though, I was better able to cope. I think the hardest bit has been the anger and feeling isolated from the world. People can say the meanest things without ever intending to and I think people in my neck o' the woods didn't understand that I really wanted my privacy to grieve. I think they resented I wasn't out and about or inviting them to come help me with things. But I wasn't inviting them because I was sick of hearing "it's God's will" or "keep trying" or "it wasn't the right time" or "you need to let it go", etc, etc.

I do have an older lady friend who had 3 miscarriages and also struggles with depression on a regular basis so I did have someone to talk to. That always helps. And after awhile, you learn to carry the grief. I got pregnant again fairly quickly after each of my losses and since it seems I"m keeping this one it has helped with the healing. It gives me a positive focus. I don't think I've properly said 'good-bye' to my latest angel yet and I'm waiting for that, but I do feel closure on the others. I can think of them with a smile now. I've given them names and imagined little personalities for them (I like to guess at my babies' personalities very early on in the pregnancy based off of my symptoms).

And officially I have had 3 miscarriages but I did lose a twin with DS. I feel like I have to put that little asterisk by my four angels. My son's twin doesn't "count" to the medical community and I didn't even acknowledge him/her until after my son was born (it was too hard while I was still pregnant) and I'm afraid others won't count it either as I still got my happy ending out of that pregnancy. But that baby very much counts to me.

Not sure I could cope with another loss though and that is why we want to stop after this baby arrives. We had even contemplated not trying anymore if we had miscarried this one as well. It gets to you after awhile.

Losing a twin truly counts! My son started out as a twin and it destroyed me when lost the second baby! Though it hurt I just focused on my healthy little boy!

Miscarriages are terrible, I don't know why we have to suffer through them, when we lost our first one in 2011 I dud not think I could ever pick up those pieces, it hurts still to think about that lost angel!

You guys are so right, it's horrible and a miscarriage is something no mother will ever get over

 

[Mariahs Mom]

Hey ladies, how is everyone? I know it's been pretty heartbreaking recently on this thread and I just want to say I'm sorry and express condolences for your little angels. I hope all of our little angels are looking over us and playing together!!!!

I have to get a cerclage, which is a procedure to stitch my cervix shut to prevent it from shortening and subsequently opening prematurely like it did last time at 24 weeks. There are some risk associated with the procedure but my doctor said they are very rare. The risk goes down drastically if you get the procedure done between the 14th & 16th week, so I'm having it done next Wednesday on my BDAY...goodie haha...I hope everything goes well.

 

[Tricia173]

Hey ladies, how is everyone? I know it's been pretty heartbreaking recently on this thread and I just want to say I'm sorry and express condolences for your little angels. I hope all of our little angels are looking over us and playing together!!!!

I have to get a cerclage, which is a procedure to stitch my cervix shut to prevent it from shortening and subsequently opening prematurely like it did last time at 24 weeks. There are some risk associated with the procedure but my doctor said they are very rare. The risk goes down drastically if you get the procedure done between the 14th & 16th week, so I'm having it done next Wednesday on my BDAY...goodie haha...I hope everything goes well.

Good luck, hope the procedure goes well!!

 

[brunettebimbo]

Happy birthday LO.

I have been hiding in the shadows but I'm here.

Starry I agree, I don't think I will ever get over these losses, it's been so so tough, 3 within 4-5 months. As for the stronger question, at the moment it is killing me, I just hope that one day it will have made me stronger.

MM I hope your procedure goes well! What do they do? Are you put to sleep?

 

[ttcmoon]

Hi Ladies,

Do you remember me?

eyemom- Great to know about your pregnancy! You did it at last

Never - How are you doing and how is ur LO?

Starry - How are you?

 

[Mrs W 11]

Oh happy birthday lo, I hope you have a nice day! Any special plans?

Good luck with the procedure mariah, I hope all goes well.

I agree, I too am really struggling at the moment with my loss. I'm struggling to get pregnant again and I dealt with it at the time thinking I would be pregnant again very soon. I didn't grieve properly and I'm feeling very low about it all now. It doesn't help that my hormones are all over the place, continual bleeding, mood swings. I had no idea how hard mc was to deal with and now ill never forget.

I hope we start seeing some good news, bfps and babies here soon as I agree the thread deserves some good luck and

 

[nevergivingup]

Hi Ladies,

Do you remember me?

eyemom- Great to know about your pregnancy! You did it at last

Never - How are you doing and how is ur LO?

Starry - How are you?

We are doing great, accept he never wants to leave my side, not even to go to the restroom

How are you and where are you in your cycle?

 

[floridamomma]

Had a private us yesterday no hb so it's mc 4 will be off for a while

 

[ab75]

Sorry floridamomma xx

 

[ttcmoon]

I am so sorry floridamomma.

I am doing well..all 3 IUI's failed for me. Now doctor precribed me to go for IVF. Before that I would need to do a Hysteroscopy, Biopsy of lining and some more blood works.
I want a baby badly but IVF is a real big thing both financially and emotionally. I never thought I will be a candidate for IVF
Riding the emotional roller coaster ride now.

 

[mackjess]

It's been hard, to be honest. There have been times I felt that I wasn't coping. I got post partum depression after my first loss and my last one. I always got a bit of depression after a loss but those two were especially bad. Once I was able to give it a name, though, I was better able to cope. I think the hardest bit has been the anger and feeling isolated from the world. People can say the meanest things without ever intending to and I think people in my neck o' the woods didn't understand that I really wanted my privacy to grieve. I think they resented I wasn't out and about or inviting them to come help me with things. But I wasn't inviting them because I was sick of hearing "it's God's will" or "keep trying" or "it wasn't the right time" or "you need to let it go", etc, etc.

I do have an older lady friend who had 3 miscarriages and also struggles with depression on a regular basis so I did have someone to talk to. That always helps. And after awhile, you learn to carry the grief. I got pregnant again fairly quickly after each of my losses and since it seems I"m keeping this one it has helped with the healing. It gives me a positive focus. I don't think I've properly said 'good-bye' to my latest angel yet and I'm waiting for that, but I do feel closure on the others. I can think of them with a smile now. I've given them names and imagined little personalities for them (I like to guess at my babies' personalities very early on in the pregnancy based off of my symptoms).

And officially I have had 3 miscarriages but I did lose a twin with DS. I feel like I have to put that little asterisk by my four angels. My son's twin doesn't "count" to the medical community and I didn't even acknowledge him/her until after my son was born (it was too hard while I was still pregnant) and I'm afraid others won't count it either as I still got my happy ending out of that pregnancy. But that baby very much counts to me.

Not sure I could cope with another loss though and that is why we want to stop after this baby arrives. We had even contemplated not trying anymore if we had miscarried this one as well. It gets to you after awhile.

Starry, I joined this thread about the same time you were going through the after effects of a m/c and waiting to get your cycle back to TTC again. All the stories here helped me, made me feel grateful, supportive, but yours is one that really stuck out to me. Even though you are going through so much up and down and picking yourself up again that you were in constant turmoil, I thought you were SO brave and it helped me. Maybe that is something to take away from this. There is no good reason for things to happen to us, but I do believe some good comes out of it. I think your friend was right about it turning you into a beautiful person. No matter how nasty and jaded you've felt you've been strong enough to try again, bringing beautiful life into the world, and you've been wonderfully supportive on this board, along with all the other wonderful ladies that have gone through these terribly unfair journeys. I think it's something that is always supposed to hurt, and we're always supposed to miss our angels, but I hope you have some peace after your TTC is complete and your new rainbow is here.

 

[Starry Night]

ttcmoon - I remember you. I'm sorry to hear the IUI failed and that you're going to need IVF. I hope all the necessary pieces come together quickly so you aren't kept waiting too long. It's such a tough journey.

mariah - good luck with your procedure. I hope it goes well and is just what you need to keep your rainbow safe. I've known people who had it done and it seems to work.

floridamomma -

Mrs W - I'm sorry you're feeling so low. It definitely is a tough journey. It's so hard to wait for that next bfp. It usually takes me several months for my body to self-regulate after a loss and it is such a painful reminder that my body has failed me. It's a very tough lesson in patience especially since every day feels like an eternity. Hang in there. I hope life throws in some brighter days to help make this journey more bearable.

brunette - no, you never forget. Sometimes I think the strength comes once you've made it through the other side -- either with a rainbow or the acceptance of what has happened. Until then, it's just survival mode and that's OK too.

afm - thanks for the kind words, everyone. I'm actually doing pretty OK overall but sometimes the feelings come back. I do feel some closure about my losses now but I'll never stop missing them. I'm having my first-ever normal "boring" pregnancy. It's what I prayed for but the lack of extra medical attention leaves me alone with my thoughts. I am assuming this baby is going to come but I still worry at the same time. I still only take one week at a time as looking ahead feels like "pushing my luck". I worry because I know if baby were to come now, as far as I am, that it would be touch-and-go and there could be potential problems. So it's still scary. I have to CHOOSE to be positive and I do make that choice. It's just not an easy one.

 

[ttcbabyisom]

I'm here...will go back and catch up soon. Hiding a little too but stalking like mad! ;-)
1st IUI didn't work out for us. Very upset and sad about it but trying to just move on and remain hopeful for the future. We'll get our baby someday.
HUGS to all of you for your support for us this cycle.

 

[Starry Night]

mackjess - we posted at the same time, it seems. Thank you SO much for those words. I really needed to hear them right now.

I've really struggled to not let the natural anger and bitterness that comes with grief to take over my life. I always worry that is how I come across whenever I mention my little ones so I don't talk about them too much in real life--especially not on Facebook where tone is lost. I actually posted to a blog last night and now I'm terrified people are going to see me as an angry soap-boxer which was not my intent at all.

I've received so much help and support in my time of need on these boards and my heart is so touched by the kindness here. It's why I keep coming back.

 

[brunettebimbo]

Florida I'm sorry
TTCmoon I'm sorry about your situation

I've been to the Doctors. We are seeing the gynaecologist on Friday 21st March.
My Doctor is doing Day 21 bloods on my next cycle to check progesterone levels.
We've both been referred to counselling too. He thinks it should take about 6 weeks but he is going to try and push us through as urgent. I didn't realise just how much it was affecting my husband until he broke down crying in the Doctors office. He's been given some tablets to help him to feel better.
He said we don't have to wait 12 weeks. I guess we just need to use protection until I've at least had my 21 day bloods.

 

[Left wonderin]

Floridamum I'm so so sorry to hear of your loss , please look after yourself and take time to grieve your LO.
Brunette , counselling is a great idea , having a space to talk about your experience and feelings is wonderful , a place where your not judged and can honestly be yourself . It doesn't change the outcome but can help deal with the feelings .

Starry I think mack put it so so well in her post. I don't think you realise the impact you have had on others in your own journey. I joined I think just before your second loss , I remember how devastated I was for you after the second ( your third) and thought OMG how. Is that lady coping . If she has the strength to cope with the loss of two pregnancies and a twin I can surely get through the Loss of one . Yo ur strength really really helped me more than you will ever know. For that I thank you .

Its funny cause now I can relate to all of your feeling re your pregnancy . Your posts are brining me back through all the stages of my journey to the arrival of Sean . I lived in total fear for 10 months . I couldn't bring myself to put up a ticker or change my status from hopeful to anything else . I too feared I would be pushing my luck. . I think the worry is always present in any pregnancy but magnified when you have experienced a loss and not got the " happy ever after " somehow I think we loose faith in them and don't believe they are possible . However they are and I'm sure although it does not feel like it now there will be many many HAPPY EVER AFTERS for all the ladies on this thread.
It sure has been a rough couple of weeks / months for everyone so I think Its more than time that we now get our share of GOOD LUCK . Its coming and on its way so hang in there everyone this too will pass I promise xxxxxxxxx

 

[garfie]

Ladies

I am still here - so sorry to hear of all the sad news lately BIG going out to each and every one of you



X

 

[Unexpected212]

So so so sorry floridamomma xxx

Good luck with your procedure Mariah's Mom xxx

Thinking of everyone and wishing you all the best x

 

[Mrs W 11]

I'm so sorry to read this Florida we are all here for you, any time you feel ready to talk or need us. Sending so much love and positive thoughts to you. Xx

Ttc baby I'm sorry your iui didn't work.

X

 

[floridamomma]

Thanks to all. I see the post and I just can't leave because I have no one who unserstands like you ladies do! Dh is hurt of course. I just feel let down. Idk. My new insurance covers all texting up to diagnosis of infertility which I know isn't my problem. Thank you ladies for your support. I miss my angel already though she is still with me for now. Waiting on my dr to call so I can find out. Sorry I'm not responding to everyone indivually it took me all say just to write this