MaternityUnits to allow partner to stay

[special_kala]

I think people look at the NHS and see what they want not what they NEED. We need more MW's, we need for funding for preemies/home births/breast feeding support. This would be a luxury extra that the NHS can not afford.

 

[highhopes19]

When I had Isabelle I wished to, could of stayed with us. I'd had a c-section and couldn't feel my legs to late the next day. Isabelle kept bringing up brown mucus and was choking on it at one point I couldn't physically move I tried to but obviously I couldn't I kept on ringing the buzzer and no one came for quite a while.

Everytime I asked for help I was moaned at and shouted at by 1 midwife In particular.... I felt like such a pain if Tom was there I wouldn't of been such a burden to hem and he could of helped.

Also Tom cried leaving us there that night. I don't agree with double beds though my oh would of loved to stay with us even if that meant sleeping in the chair.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

^ I agree. Its a medical hospital not a hotel or holiday x

 

[special_kala]

Alot of the replies on here show that MWs need more time with mums and babies

 

[Bon18]

I would have loved to have my husband stay... Considering these we're my first babies and I was admitted days before having I really could have used him there for moral support. Not to mention afterwards when I was sore after my c-section, couldn't really move around and had to wait till the nurse had time before I could go see my babies in the NICU

 

[Tasha]

I think people look at the NHS and see what they want not what they NEED. We need more MW's, we need for funding for preemies/home births/breast feeding support. This would be a luxury extra that the NHS can not afford.

Let me play devil's advocate here (because I've always wanted one so am no way saying they shouldnt be funded) but you include funding for home births in your list, well how many women NEED a home birth? I've never seen a woman (aside from maybe Midnight Fairy who probably NEEDS one) say I need a home birth rather it is usually I WANT a home birth.

And how far do we go? New maternity units shouldnt include a birthing pool because that is a want not a need, no drugs for labouring women again it could be argued that is a want not a need (not my opinion girls please dont shoot me down just making a point), that sofa and television you talked about they wouldnt be there cos both are wants not needs. Do you see what I am saying?

I am going to talk about the time after Kaysie Blossom was born, I dont do it because it was an awful time for me. She was born on the 12th May and she very nearly died. As you know it was quite soon after Honey was born sleeping, so I thought we were going to lose her too. It sent me into some sort of complete meltdown. I was then in the hospital for the 13th, 14th (which happened to be a year to the day since Honey had died inside me), and the 15th (one year to the day since we had it confirmed she was gone) and they wanted me to stay til the 16th (Honey's birthday). I spent from midnight on the 14th crying and crying, hysterical until my husband was allowed in. He held me and just understood. I was made to see a perinatal mental health team doctor because of the state I had got in that night. When it was time for Matt to leave again I was distraught, and spent the whole night sobbing again, it meant I was almost sectioned for them to assess me. Matt came in the next morning and I was fine, again he held me, he was sharing those memories and the pain I was in, he didnt think I was OTT like the mw's who rolled their eyes, he didnt belittle my experience of her distress and how scared I was. After speaking to a perinatal MHT doctor I was allowed to go home a day before Honey's birthday. So whilst I didnt physically NEED him there, to me it was more than just a want, it was a NEED for my mental health. I really did NEED him, the flash backs of Honey and what happened were so real and it was frightening, no proffessional could of helped me with, I needed the comfort of my husbands arms.

And that is the point maternity care should be about more than just NEEDS other wise we could all be strapped to a bed having our babies. One size doesnt fit all because we all do come with our own stories. I for one am glad they provide all the things I mentioned above (home births, birthing pools, drugs, sofa's and televisions). Just because some of you girls didnt need your partner doesnt mean some others dont need theirs.

Lastly want to reitterate I dont mean in the here and now, changing all the wards but just as they do get built and referb then yes I think they should.

 

[special_kala]

I agree that if this is to work it would need to be as and when new units are built that can accommodation the men with private rooms etc

Homebirths are cheaper then hospital births though and birth pools are cheaper then using other drugs so they save the NHS money.

I do think more funding should be given so that mums who have angels dont have to go through what you did with both Honeys birth and Kaysie Blossoms. There is much more need for seperate units for angels mums who do need the extra support from their Oh's.

Alot of the extra help in a normal birth scenario can be done by MWs, being able to answer rings quicker having more time to help csection mums etc.

 

[highhopes19]

I think every new mum would need the support of their partner or husband the night of the birth or the next night , I think new dads should be given the opportunity or the choice to be able stay with and support their partner and child.

This doesn't have to include nice double beds, bedrooms etc it isn't a hotel at the end of the day it's a hospital.... If a partner or husband really wanted to support their wife/gf then I think they would be more than willing to kip one night or 2 on the chair next to the bed

 

[lozzy21]

While i think the money would be better spent i wish Andrew could have stayed with me. I hated him having to leave a few hours after she was born, we spent all night texting because we were both still on a high. She was born on the tuesday night and on the thursday she was taken down to special care at 10pm, i was distraught and on my own, had Andrew been there then i dont think i would have been in such a state, a midwife sat with me for 3 hours while i sat sobbing. Had Andrew been allowed to stay he could have consoled me and that midwife could have helped women and babys who needed help medically.

ETA, Oh i forgot about me nearly passing out the Wednesday morning because i had to take Niamh down to special care for her antibiotics at 9am, i got there and nearly fainted so a nurse from special care had to help me back to the ward in case i did pass out. Had Andrew been there i could have stayed in bed and he took her down saving me from nearly fainting and taking a nurse away from a sick baby.

 

[Rachel_C]

I think it's a great idea. I very much doubt they'd be having men stay on a ward, there is enough concern over wards of mixed patients. I think they're talking more about hospitals like mine where you pretty much always get your own room for the day/night after giving birth. It would have been lovely to have OH stay first time round (I was out the same day second time) and actually, aside from the initial cost of the beds, I think it will save money/time for staff. That first night I was with LO on my own I called the midwife in loads of times to help me, to advise me, to calm me down when LO had the hiccups and I didn't know what to do! Having OH there would have calmed me down and I probably wouldn't have called her at all, freeing up her time for women who really needed her. I think getting family more involved in supporting ANY patient (not just women after giving birth) is a great way to free up resources. When they are scare, medically trained people shouldn't be serving tea, helping you in the shower etc, they should be doing what they're needed for. Family can help with the other stuff.

 

[Lina]

^ sod the private rooms, sometimes its hard enough to even get a bed! It is not the end of the world if the man has to come home for a bit. He can even pick up some stuff from home etc while he is there.

True, it may not be the end of the world but its bloody difficult dealing with a crying baby positioned several feet away whilst recovering from labour plus surgery with no one assisting you. There wouldn't be a need for these schemes if money was channeled correctly instead of going to the millions of unneeded, overpaid, bloated managers.

 

[Tegans Mama]

Wifey stayed with me the entire time I was in hospital, but our circumstances were different. because they knew Tegan would have a birth defect they allowed her to stay to support me. I was in from Wednesday - Saturday being induced (that failed) and then Saturday - Wednesday postnatally (the same week, we had 12 hours at home). I had a private room which I really appreciated and it did make it easier for me.

 

[Eternal]

I don't agree with double beds but the fact most of us want our partners is because we were treated so bad on the ward and our ward have restricted visiting. It would cost next to nothing to allow men to sleep on the chair and considering how careless and understaffed some wards are it could be a good cost effective way. Less than 24 hours after my section I was expected to carry my tray of food from the far end of the corridor, jugs of water etc, how I didn't pass out, it's not like they would give pain relief either. The twins were on I've antibiotics and I had to go back an forth and remind them because they wouldn't come when I called or they would and say they were too busy.

 

[Twister]

I was in for 6 nights with LO, I was admitted two days before she was born due to high bp. The nights before she was born were fine I could deal with being on my own, I was having mild contractions but had the TV and puzzle books to keep me occupied.. But the nights after giving birth were some of the worst. I was stressed, scared and not quite sure what I was doing. LO picked up on that and on one of the nights screamed for hours, she was inconsolable, I was the only one on my 4 bed ward with a baby which didn't help matters.

I honestly think, no I KNOW that if my oh was allowed to stay I would have been so much calmer, when oh was with me during the day I was a completely different person. But he had to leave at 7pm which, whilst he had spent the whole day there, was way to early imo. That night when she screamed for hours I was in tears because I just did not know what to do, whenever I buzzed for a midwife and told her I couldn't settle her and didn't know what to do I felt like I was being a burden and the midwife simply told me that she needed feeding (she didn't) and told me that if she wouldn't take the breast then I should give her some formula, needless to say I didn't buzz again after that. If oh was there I wouldn't have felt under pressure and he could have taken over in trying to sooth her. Maybe LO wouldn't have screamed the ward down either, I felt so bad for the other people on my ward. If oh was with me I wouldn't have had to buzz half as much either except for bf help because oh could have helped me instead.

I do think partners should be allowed to stay, it's their baby too and I don't see why they should have to miss out on the first few hours, it seems kind of cruel. But I don't think double beds are necessary, a reclining chair would suffice.

 

[Yammas]

I havent read athe whold thread so sorry if this has alredy been asked but why is it that partners arent allowed to stay like pp have said I dont see why they cant sleep in the chair???

I havent had a baby to know but do think that id prefer more midwives than a double bed though it is a nice idea.

 

[omfgski]

.

 

[dani_tinks]

I was in a private room and literally couldn't move (awful SPD). I couldn't even reach over when Jacob cried to pick him up . Literally every hour or so I had to beep the nurses/healthcares. Most of the time they didn't come and when they did they made me feel guilty for not being able to lift him to me myself.
If Matthew was able to stay over, it would have made it all so much more bareable.

 

[ttc_lolly]

If there was the money for private rooms then yes 100%. As it is at the moment, it's already far too stuffed with just mums and babies on the postnatal wards without throwing all the dad's in to the mix too.

I don't agree with the statements that its not fair on single mother's, women of religion who might be uncomfortable etc etc because that's penalising women with partner's who want to be there for them and their newborn child in those first few precious hours of their child's life.

I agree more midwives are needed but I still think money should be spent on better facilities for partner's to stay too. Midwives probably do not want to be pestered to help pouring drinks for mother's every half an hour, or helping her to go to the toilet etc. I know I wouldn't particularly want to be doing all of that as well as my actual medical care job specifications. So having partners there to run around after us would be perfect and cut the midwives "duties" down too.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

I am not sure my problem is the men staying, if they sleep in a chair then fine. I just dont think the NHS has funds for double beds right now (or space as wards are cramped as it is).

 

[sophxx]

I personally font see the need and in our area would isolate a lot of ladies from
Certain religious and cultural backgrounds who already don't leave there rooms when men are visting. We have women only and men only wards for a reason to make people feel comfortable. All out wards are private rooms an men are allowed in 8 till 8