beta test: 582.79
Progest: 21.71
They said everything was perfect! First U/S to hear the heart beat is next week Thursday at 830am!
So happy!
Yay, congrats!
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Aw, Cassidy, sorry to hear you are having a sucky, sucky day!
Hope things get better for you really soon!
I just feel like it will never happen. Initially he wasn't as cooperative about BD'ing around fertile times. He hates sex on demand, and would almost resent me for saying "IT NEEDS TO HAPPEN NOW." Now, he is all gung-ho about TTC- but his freaking meds are interfering (won't go into too much detail about that lol). It's just all so frustrating, I feel like things are never going to line up and work for us. He feels like a failure. I feel like a bitch for making him feel that way. I can't help that I get so disappointed though. I can't help that every month I feel more and more crushed. I try to hold back the tears to not make him feel like i'm blaming him. I feel more like a POS that I resent him somewhat for not being able to do his part when it's not his fault. He's sick and on medication that's interfering. I just wish it would happen now. I'm tired of feeling like it will never happen. And of course it seems month by month everyone else around me is getting pregnant without trying while i'm sitting here wondering what the hell is wrong with us. Although I know there's probably nothing. Our BD timing doesn't even line up 99% of the time so it's really like we haven't been TTC at all. I just can't explain how frustrated and depressed I am. And every month it gets worse. And of course, as it gets worse- I find out my best friend is pregnant- wasn't trying, didn't find out until she was about 8 weeks and partying the whole time. Couple months later, my younger cousin is pregnant. Wasn't trying, of course. AND SHE'S YOUNGER THAN ME. I should have been first
THEN just a freaking week ago I find out my cousin who is a few months older than me got his girlfriend pregnant. He's by far the most immature cousin out of all of us which just frustrates me even more. I am happy for all of them too, I really, really am and I am going to love and spoil all of those babies to death. It just makes my heart ache so much knowing people get the gift of life growing inside them without trying while all I ever do is think about a baby, wish, hope, dream. I just want to be passed this part and looking back on everything saying it was all worth it. I know it will be, but god it is so hard to deal with right now. I won't stop TTC, being a mom is all i've ever wanted and I know i'll get there someday. Just the emotional roller coaster of it all is driving me insane.
I feel you.
I've been there (or close enough to know the feelings - work stress and lack of taking care of himself were sapping DH until I showed him my charts and how little we'd BD'd each month and were lucky if we got one in during O time, and he started started taking better care of himself...but still the work stress can interfere with the mojo and he can't help that his bosses are an unholy combination of Basil Fawlty and Bill Lumbergh).
The unfairness of having to try and the stars refusing to line up, just really blows.
Hang in there
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Julie, my condolences for your DW's aunt
Keeping you and your family in my prayers
Way to go on the weight loss, though!
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Good luck, Rachel!
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Wow, I really abused the hugs smiley tonight...but who doesn't like
?
In other news for me: Got some good news from the FS, yesterday morning. The doc thinks that my prolactin levels will be normal when I do the fasting test, since I'm only a teeny bit over normal.
After AF starts, I'm to schedule a the test for in the morning while AF is still going. [This paragraph was written before my day went to poop.]
The day went downhill after that, with computer problems and cats puking up hairballs all over the place!
Then, while researching questions to ask for my lap I ran into a couple of fear mongering sites about endo, which turned out to be full of it, but scared me badly till I was able to find some credible research dispelling the doomsayers.
Perhaps if I hadn't been having such a bad day, I wouldn't have let them bother me, because my highly rated endo-and-infertility expert FS isn't doomsaying, and I'm thinking I should go with his assessment. On the bright side, DH ultimately managed to be helpful and comforting during my freak out.
Still, right now, in spite of the irrationality of it, I'm feeling not hopeful that I'll ever see a bfp, let alone this cycle. I'm just feeling very unlucky at the moment, like in spite of any good signs, I'm going to wind up being disappointed anyway. This morning I was feeling confident that it was just a matter of time, but now I'm back to feeling like it's...inconceivable.
https://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m5h2atE9wZ1r3zat8.gif
Maybe I just need to keep reminding myself that all that fearmongery stuff was bull, the odds aren't so against me, and I need to trust my FS who isn't thinking I'll have to worry about a surrogate and was sounding hopeful that we could start with stage I treatment (Clomid or the like with or without, but probably with, IUI) after my lap. Maybe I'll feel better after I get some sleep.
I really can't believe I'll get a bfp this cycle, though. I know I don't know, but I just can't believe such a miracle could occur for me, that I'll be spared the lap. That would be too easy. I just want to get back to the point where I feel like it will happen eventually. I'm fine with eventually. I can be grateful for eventually. Never, not so much.
Sorry, Rachel...
thats why i don't have my hopes up, i thinking its just an evap
