MIL/Grandparent support thread

[MizzDeeDee]

12. I will not sit and gossip and bitch about everyone.

If she is bitching about them, she must realise that you know she is doing it about you too, right?

The FIRST TIME I met MIL she was talking badly about her DIL. When we left I told OH, if your mother speaks about others to me and she doesn't even know me then she'll talk about me behind my back.................and guess what?


And no, they don't get it. They don't get if they talk to you about others that you then know they'll do the same to you.

Gossipy, meddling women.

 

[MrsPOP]

Weird isn't it? These women, who must have had a variety of different upbringings, backgrounds and cultures, yet still all manage to act the same!

Is there a class on 'how to alienate DILs' that we haven't been made privy to?

No but you should check out the gransnet forums to see all the old hags bitch about us.

My favourite was when they were discussing how it was disgusting that 'today's men' help out with the babies and housework because all the girls of today do is put on makeup and post pictures of themselves of Facebook!!!

 

[AmethystDream]

Sorry I didn't reply sooner. I was too busy applying lippy, to take a photo for Facebook, whilst OH cooks dinner

I've seen it there. Scary stuff. There is another called wisewomenunite. Their name should be done under the Trade Descriptions Act.

 

[ValentinesGal]

Weird isn't it? These women, who must have had a variety of different upbringings, backgrounds and cultures, yet still all manage to act the same!

Is there a class on 'how to alienate DILs' that we haven't been made privy to?

No but you should check out the gransnet forums to see all the old hags bitch about us.

My favourite was when they were discussing how it was disgusting that 'today's men' help out with the babies and housework because all the girls of today do is put on makeup and post pictures of themselves of Facebook!!!

I didn't even know that was even out there...I'll have to go check it out! Need to do some surveilance and go spy on the enemy

 

[MizzDeeDee]

https://www.grandparents.com/gp/groups/group/Mothers-in-Law-Anonymous/discussions/index.html

This is the one I go on. There are MILs and DILs on here. The DILs will give the MILs some shit! I love it.

 

[mummytori]

Grr reading gransnet makes my blood boil sometimes. Some of them make me wanna just run up to them an give them a big fish slap with a wet haddock!!!

 

[MizzDeeDee]

Moomin_troll: Didn't you have a birthday recently??? Happy late birthday!

A little funny reading:

https://www.motherinlawstories.com/

 

[moomin_troll]

Yes I turned 24 1st march, I feel 60 tho hahaha

 

[MrsPOP]

Happy birthday moomin!!!

 

[moomin_troll]

I got some horrible flowers off mil 4 days after my birthday lol
She was texting me the other day actually making out she cares about the boys but still hasn't bothered to come and see them....no worrys Corey's only 7 months old n they saw him for 3 hours when he was 2 weeks

 

[ValentinesGal]

Yes...happy belated birthday!!! Hope you had a wonderful day.

 

[ValentinesGal]

As I previously mentioned, my MIL refers to herself as 'MawMaw' and then turns around and posts comments on my pictures I post on facebook of LO with things like 'Give him a kiss from mama'. It drives me up the wall! I think she's just spelling it wrong when she writes it online, but I would think that common sense would say that the term or phrase 'mama or mawmaw', however you spell, pronounce or say it, would be reserved for the actual mother, not for grandma. I thought the IL's wanted to be called Maymmaw and Pappaw anyways, which I'm fine with because its different enough for LO to differentiate when he's learning to talk. The last thing I want is for LO to start saying 'mama' and she tries to take the credit and say that he's saying her name, which I know she would because she's already said things like that. For example, I made a comment that I wonder if his eyes will change to a green color and she threw in 'oh, then he'll have my hazel eyes'...ummm no, if they change to green color then he'll have his mommies' green eyes!

Am I overreacting or am I right to be upset by this? I've tried to drop subtle hints and comments, but she's not getting it, so I think I'm going to need to just flat out ask her to stop...which no matter how I try, will end up being a big drama filled pity-party for her where she'll end up crying and apologizing 90 times for being a horrible human being. How should I approach this?

 

[MizzDeeDee]

As I previously mentioned, my MIL refers to herself as 'MawMaw' and then turns around and posts comments on my pictures I post on facebook of LO with things like 'Give him a kiss from mama'. It drives me up the wall! I think she's just spelling it wrong when she writes it online, but I would think that common sense would say that the term or phrase 'mama or mawmaw', however you spell, pronounce or say it, would be reserved for the actual mother, not for grandma. I thought the IL's wanted to be called Maymmaw and Pappaw anyways, which I'm fine with because its different enough for LO to differentiate when he's learning to talk. The last thing I want is for LO to start saying 'mama' and she tries to take the credit and say that he's saying her name, which I know she would because she's already said things like that. For example, I made a comment that I wonder if his eyes will change to a green color and she threw in 'oh, then he'll have my hazel eyes'...ummm no, if they change to green color then he'll have his mommies' green eyes!

Am I overreacting or am I right to be upset by this? I've tried to drop subtle hints and comments, but she's not getting it, so I think I'm going to need to just flat out ask her to stop...which no matter how I try, will end up being a big drama filled pity-party for her where she'll end up crying and apologizing 90 times for being a horrible human being. How should I approach this?

She sounds a little obsessed if you want me to be honest. Has your OH said anything to her? Maw Maw IS very close to MaMa and I would think...okay, not a big deal, but she SPELLS it like mama. Also the why would he have HER eyes? It's kinda like a form of possessiveness on her part.

Is this her only grandkid? She sounds like she just wants to Devour your LO!

 

[LannieDuck]

As I previously mentioned, my MIL refers to herself as 'MawMaw' and then turns around and posts comments on my pictures I post on facebook of LO with things like 'Give him a kiss from mama'. It drives me up the wall!

I would reply back "Oh, he gets loads of kisses from me. I'll give him one from you too, if you'd like?"

 

[moomin_troll]

This is a thing that ur oh should be talking to her about. A mil doesn't need a reason to hate her dil anyway so he needs to stand up and say no mum that's enough now and set her straight

 

[Hann12]

This thread has made me laugh - not because its funny but because of the similarities in some of the comments!
I have to say the mawmaw/mama thing would annoy me beyond belief!

Mine is essentially a nice person but she is not very clever so generally annoys me by not thinking. Things like asking if my daughter (Annabelle) can eat crisps - she produces a pack of wotsits when she was only 26 weeks, asking to give her biscuits and snacks all the time when she doesn't need it, wanting to change her nappies and taking a almost uncomfortable delight when she has dirty ones and doing after bath moisturising. She buys her loads of clothes, which are mainly okay but then will buy something horrendous. I told her I wanted to buy her coat so she went out and bought one anyway. She then went out in the sales and got her a fake suede, fake fur lined bomber jacket to wear when she is 18 months/2 years. Its never something I would have bought, I thought she would have got the hint when she hasn't worn this years one!

We've also had the 'what can I be called discussion' - I said Grandma as I wanted my mum to be Nanny, so she phoned my mum and told her that she wanted to be Nanny, so my mum said she could be! My mum isn't the kind of person to care what she's called but its the principle of it.
She also has to be skyped twice a week for at least 30 minutes a time (lives 200+ miles away) and if I don't skype then she makes comments about how disappointing it is that I didn't bother! If I call her on the phone I can't get off it for at least an hour so I do tend to screen the calls now.

My SIL gives her little access to her children - 3 year old boy and 6 month old girl. So we have to make up for that by giving her as much time as possible with Annabelle - as she lives far away she comes for 5 days at a time. And I still get my DH tell me how sad it is that she rarely gets to see her! So far this year she has spent 10 days with her and had hours and hours of skype calls. Thats more than loads of grandparents, and more than my parents have seen her!
Oh and she also calls her 'my baby' - I have such restraint not to say that she is actually MY baby!! LOL

She has a way of making herself the victim too. She asks me if she can visit and if I say its not convenient and suggest another date she then calls when I'm not around and asks my DH hoping for a different answer. When she was here last she listened in on our conversation where my DH said he was out one night soon, and I said I was meant to be out then too, so she jumped in and said she would come and babysit and immediately wrote the date down. She then asked me every time I spoke to her whether she should book her train tickets. I kept holding her off because if she does it then she's here for 5 days, versus my mum who can just come for the night and has barely seen my daughter this year (she's been on a big holiday). Thankfully the crisis is over because my thing got cancelled. I don't mind that she wants to come down, its nice, but its the constant badgering me that I don't like!

Theres loads I could write, haven't even scratched the surface, but I'll leave it there for now!! Nice to have some people to talk to about it though

 

[MrsHedgehog]

Things are getting even more unbearable with my MIL. I'm seriously going to snap. I went out for an hour the other day leaving LO with DH. As soon as I left MIL came upstairs to our apartment. DH was making dinner so MIL was holding LO. She started saying she was going to take her downstairs. DH said she couldn't and they argued. DH said that he's the father so it's up to him if LO goes to her house or not. MIL said she can do what she wants and took LO downstairs anyway. She brought her back after 5 mins or so. I don't have a problem of her taking LO downstairs for a while but the point is that she didn't ask permission and she didn't listen when DH said no. I was furious when DH told me. They had a big argument afterwards and she told DH that he's being misled by me. She didn't speak to us for a couple of days until she wanted me to take LO out with her and she was all friendly again. I've overheard her speaking to her friends making little digs at me "LO needs her mum too much" "LO can't sleep because their house is too noisy" It goes on and on. I'm trying so hard just to laugh it off or ignore it but I'm kind of sensitive and it upsets me when someone is so mean to me. I have arguments with her in my head all the time imagining what I'd say to her if I could pluck up the courage.

 

[ValentinesGal]

She sounds a little obsessed if you want me to be honest. Has your OH said anything to her? Maw Maw IS very close to MaMa and I would think...okay, not a big deal, but she SPELLS it like mama. Also the why would he have HER eyes? It's kinda like a form of possessiveness on her part.

Is this her only grandkid? She sounds like she just wants to Devour your LO!

This is her 1st grandbaby...she has 2 stepsons, but they were 4 and 5 years old when they came into the family. I think she's just really excited to have a baby to oogle over, but it gets so exhausting the way she makes everything all about her. I posted two pictures of LO last night on facebook and she responded that she wanted me to msg. her some of the ones I have on my phone so she could have them on her phone. To begin with, my phone won't let me send a picture via text message and 2nd, get your own pics woman lol And it does sound like a form of possessiveness, doesn't it? Maybe she wants to secretly steal LO and raise him as her own?

When I was pregnant she went out and bought all these things for her house like a swing, bouncer, high chair, clothes and even a friggin' diaper bag?! While some of it is reasonable, like the high chair...what do you need with a diaper bag? The other day, LO spit up on himself and we forgot a spare outfit. She told me to go see if there was anything in the spare room and low and behold the woman has about 20-30 outfits and sleepers of different sizes in there! A few, okay sounds like a good back up, but that many?! Besides when LO isn't over there they smoke in their house, so needless to say I left him in his spit up clothes instead of putting him in those smokey ones!

So, it is best to send DH into battle to get the whole Mama and MawMaw nonsense taken care of or should I do it? It just blows me away that she doesn't see anything wrong with it at all

 

[ValentinesGal]

This thread has made me laugh - not because its funny but because of the similarities in some of the comments!
I have to say the mawmaw/mama thing would annoy me beyond belief!

Theres loads I could write, haven't even scratched the surface, but I'll leave it there for now!! Nice to have some people to talk to about it though

Yea I think they are all following the same MIL manual of 'A Dummie's Guide to How to Annoy and Upset the Crap out of a DIL' lol

Things are getting even more unbearable with my MIL. I'm seriously going to snap. I went out for an hour the other day leaving LO with DH. As soon as I left MIL came upstairs to our apartment. DH was making dinner so MIL was holding LO. She started saying she was going to take her downstairs. DH said she couldn't and they argued. DH said that he's the father so it's up to him if LO goes to her house or not. MIL said she can do what she wants and took LO downstairs anyway. She brought her back after 5 mins or so. I don't have a problem of her taking LO downstairs for a while but the point is that she didn't ask permission and she didn't listen when DH said no. I was furious when DH told me. They had a big argument afterwards and she told DH that he's being misled by me. She didn't speak to us for a couple of days until she wanted me to take LO out with her and she was all friendly again. I've overheard her speaking to her friends making little digs at me "LO needs her mum too much" "LO can't sleep because their house is too noisy" It goes on and on. I'm trying so hard just to laugh it off or ignore it but I'm kind of sensitive and it upsets me when someone is so mean to me. I have arguments with her in my head all the time imagining what I'd say to her if I could pluck up the courage.

How inconsiderate of her...you're the parents and what you say goes! I would be locking my doors and leaving a note on the door to call and make an appointment! What a rude woman

 

[MizzDeeDee]

She sounds a little obsessed if you want me to be honest. Has your OH said anything to her? Maw Maw IS very close to MaMa and I would think...okay, not a big deal, but she SPELLS it like mama. Also the why would he have HER eyes? It's kinda like a form of possessiveness on her part.

Is this her only grandkid? She sounds like she just wants to Devour your LO!

This is her 1st grandbaby...she has 2 stepsons, but they were 4 and 5 years old when they came into the family. I think she's just really excited to have a baby to oogle over, but it gets so exhausting the way she makes everything all about her. I posted two pictures of LO last night on facebook and she responded that she wanted me to msg. her some of the ones I have on my phone so she could have them on her phone. To begin with, my phone won't let me send a picture via text message and 2nd, get your own pics woman lol And it does sound like a form of possessiveness, doesn't it? Maybe she wants to secretly steal LO and raise him as her own?

When I was pregnant she went out and bought all these things for her house like a swing, bouncer, high chair, clothes and even a friggin' diaper bag?! While some of it is reasonable, like the high chair...what do you need with a diaper bag? The other day, LO spit up on himself and we forgot a spare outfit. She told me to go see if there was anything in the spare room and low and behold the woman has about 20-30 outfits and sleepers of different sizes in there! A few, okay sounds like a good back up, but that many?! Besides when LO isn't over there they smoke in their house, so needless to say I left him in his spit up clothes instead of putting him in those smokey ones!

So, it is best to send DH into battle to get the whole Mama and MawMaw nonsense taken care of or should I do it? It just blows me away that she doesn't see anything wrong with it at all

Him. First, she will take it better from her own child than from you. Second, she will probably blame you anyway...don't give her a actual reason to be able to blame, in other words, let her blame be because she is assuming, not because you're giving her ammunition( ie: DIL confronted me about being called MawMaw and she was SO mean!).

All that stuff in her house that she bought makes me think she really intended on having LO around A LOT. I get that she is excited and I can't fault her for that- but your OH needs to set some boundaries with her before she goes too far.