MIL/Grandparent support thread

[moomin_troll]

I just have to hope that I'm not a awful mil lol
I left the door open for them for a year and half and that's long enough for me lol

When my sisters mil is being a tw@t I jus say at least she's no F (my mil lol) I do feel sorry for everyone in this thread, all the mils sound like nightmares

I'm sure ile still be coming in here tho because even tho I've cut her out she will still try things just to annoy me

 

[MrsPOP]

Went to my in laws over the weekend it was horrible.

They were all nice and smiley over Alice but as soon as SIL and her 2 kids came in it was like we didn't exist.

We took Alice for a walk to see DH's friends and when we got back MIL was pissed off that Alice was asleep because she was serving dinner up , she sat me and DH at the far end and no-one barely spoke to me.

Once Alice woke up DH was holding her and feeding her off his plate but FIL and MIL were gagging to hold our 4 month old nephew.

There was a real noticeable difference in the way they were with our nephew and Alice. They clearly know our nephew's little ways as they spend most days with him but didn't know how to handle Alice because they see her once a month for a couple of hours so don't have a clue what she is like.

SIL was sitting there looking smug because MIL and FIL were all over nephew and also because she's lost loads of weight and I've not really focused on my diet since Christmas with doing an exam and my mum getting sicker. Before she had the baby I said we should join a diet club together whilst I was still on maternity leave (to try and make an effort with her) and she's just ignored me clearly.

I said to DH it felt like FIL, MIL, SIL, BIL and their 2 kids were family and we were the 'guests'. It was a horrible feeling. I dont ever want to go back there. At least I guess it is just once a month but if when Alice gets older she recognises there is a difference in the way granny and grandpa treat her then the visits will stop. I don't want her getting upset.

 

[MizzDeeDee]

Went to my in laws over the weekend it was horrible.

They were all nice and smiley over Alice but as soon as SIL and her 2 kids came in it was like we didn't exist.

We took Alice for a walk to see DH's friends and when we got back MIL was pissed off that Alice was asleep because she was serving dinner up , she sat me and DH at the far end and no-one barely spoke to me.

Once Alice woke up DH was holding her and feeding her off his plate but FIL and MIL were gagging to hold our 4 month old nephew.

There was a real noticeable difference in the way they were with our nephew and Alice. They clearly know our nephew's little ways as they spend most days with him but didn't know how to handle Alice because they see her once a month for a couple of hours so don't have a clue what she is like.

SIL was sitting there looking smug because MIL and FIL were all over nephew and also because she's lost loads of weight and I've not really focused on my diet since Christmas with doing an exam and my mum getting sicker. Before she had the baby I said we should join a diet club together whilst I was still on maternity leave (to try and make an effort with her) and she's just ignored me clearly.

I said to DH it felt like FIL, MIL, SIL, BIL and their 2 kids were family and we were the 'guests'. It was a horrible feeling. I dont ever want to go back there. At least I guess it is just once a month but if when Alice gets older she recognises there is a difference in the way granny and grandpa treat her then the visits will stop. I don't want her getting upset.

Sounds like my in-laws and I feel the same way. I could have written this myself.



Moomin, I have thought about what kind of MIL I will be. I think that my MIL has been very helpful. She has served as a great example of how I wish not to be. I think because of what many of us have had to go through that we'll be more conscious and considerate of our actions with our adult children, their mates, and their children.

 

[BrokenfoREVer]

Hi

This is more a grandparent/family issue than a MIL issue (LO doesn't see his dad or that side of his family)

Firstly theres my mum. Who I love to bits & LO loves to bits. But my god I wish she'd stop calling him 'my baby' No he is not your baby, he is MINE! I am your baby. Fool! Its really quite hurtful.

Also, she calls him Mr Squish (long story, stolen from me cause I said he was all squishy & cuddly when he was newborm) But she intros him to everyone as nanny's mr squish. To the point where I took him to her work to show him off (I know a lot of people she works with) & someone actually asked me in all seriousness if he had a 'proper name'

& she makes a huge deal of calling him Joshua. Cos I shorten it to Josh, or Joshy & I say everyone shortens it & she'll get this smug look & go 'well I don't. You called him Joshua & thats his name'

Oh, & she answers questions directed at me about him. So if I'm asked how old he is, she jumps in & answers it (wrongly!!)

& she doesn't listen to anything I say about him. If he's crying & I know he's tired she'll be there going 'he has wind' nooooooo he's tired. Grr

& cause she's still parenting like 20 yrs ago, everything I do is wrong. Waiting til 6 months to wean...oh I must be starving him. So its like baby rice, baby rice, baby rice. All the time.

Oh & 'nanny's big boy' that reeeeeally winds me up. Cos I call him young un or little un & she goes mad with me, telling me not to call him that. Ummm....fairly certain he's my son & I can call him what I like.

& if he's crying for more than 0.0000058489 for a seconds she in my face going, give him here I'll sort it.

& then there's her sister....oh her sister. (not my aunt, I cut all family ties with her yrs ago)

I put pics on fb cos I have family living far away & I want them to keep up with how Josh is growing & stuff. & there a pic of Josh laughing that was printed off by my family & framed in there house. I have no issue with that at all. They don't see him very often & that fine. So ofc, I have the laughing pic, family in london have the laughing pic & my mum has the laughing pic on her phone. So mum's sister feels all left out & asks (demands) to be emailed the pic so she can have a copy. I kept putting her off, cos I don't want her to have that pic, she's already too in my face trying to be LO's mummy (she has not children) Evenutally I'm made to give her this bloody picture & my grandad too. & now she's all lording it up 'look at my little champ' um no...he's MY baby.

Also...she took pics of LO on xmas without telling me & printed them off. So I walk in my grandad's & theres loads of pics of LO & I'm like...was I asked about this...?

& then theres my grandad. Who is so in love with LO its not even funny. LO is the first boy since my grandads little brother (so like 66 yrs) & my grandad absolutly adores him. My grandad is a carpenter & the stuff he's made for LO, my god. My only problem is that I named LO Joshua Thomas after my grandad (who is called Thomas) & when he was born my grandad couldn't remember his name, he just knew it was something Thomas. So he started calling him Little Tom. When I was told about it I was totally cool with it, but made it clear only my grandad could call him Little Tom, I wouldn't let anyone else. But now he's expecting LO to answer to Little Tom (LO doesn't respond to his name yet) & I'm getting a bit miffed cos I just think LO will end up confussed.

Wow...this was a much bigger rant than I expected. Sorry if it makes no sense.

 

[ValentinesGal]

So sorry about your family meddeling...They just don't get it sometimes, do they? It's so annoying when even if they're not saying it directly (and sometimes they do) its like they're constantly underminding you as a parent. They've had their go-around and this is NOT their child. Why do people, especially family, think they have the right go about like they're superior to you..."well, LO should be doing this or that" and "Oh, poor LO, your mommy is so mean to starve you". I'm lucky my parents are relaxed and are considerate when it comes to DH, Clay and I and keep their opinions to themselves unless asked, aren't pushy and ASK if they can tend to LO when we're over, unlike my IL's who show absolutely no consideration for us or anybody else in fact.

Last week my two sisters came by (one lives 1.5 hrs away) to visit and while they were there, MIL came over unnannounced. My sisters had been playing with Clay in his bouncer and when MIL came in, she proceeded to snatch him out of the bouncer so she could love on him. When my sisters asked if they could see him, she'd say 'in a minute', but then a minute turned into forever and they just stopped trying (they're like me...we hate conflict). The only reason I let her be, was because DH had just talked her about her calling herself 'Mama' and I didn't want anymore drama that day.

 

[MizzDeeDee]

Hi

This is more a grandparent/family issue than a MIL issue (LO doesn't see his dad or that side of his family)

Firstly theres my mum. Who I love to bits & LO loves to bits. But my god I wish she'd stop calling him 'my baby' No he is not your baby, he is MINE! I am your baby. Fool! Its really quite hurtful.

Also, she calls him Mr Squish (long story, stolen from me cause I said he was all squishy & cuddly when he was newborm) But she intros him to everyone as nanny's mr squish. To the point where I took him to her work to show him off (I know a lot of people she works with) & someone actually asked me in all seriousness if he had a 'proper name'

& she makes a huge deal of calling him Joshua. Cos I shorten it to Josh, or Joshy & I say everyone shortens it & she'll get this smug look & go 'well I don't. You called him Joshua & thats his name'

Oh, & she answers questions directed at me about him. So if I'm asked how old he is, she jumps in & answers it (wrongly!!)

& she doesn't listen to anything I say about him. If he's crying & I know he's tired she'll be there going 'he has wind' nooooooo he's tired. Grr

& cause she's still parenting like 20 yrs ago, everything I do is wrong. Waiting til 6 months to wean...oh I must be starving him. So its like baby rice, baby rice, baby rice. All the time.

Oh & 'nanny's big boy' that reeeeeally winds me up. Cos I call him young un or little un & she goes mad with me, telling me not to call him that. Ummm....fairly certain he's my son & I can call him what I like.

& if he's crying for more than 0.0000058489 for a seconds she in my face going, give him here I'll sort it.

& then there's her sister....oh her sister. (not my aunt, I cut all family ties with her yrs ago)

I put pics on fb cos I have family living far away & I want them to keep up with how Josh is growing & stuff. & there a pic of Josh laughing that was printed off by my family & framed in there house. I have no issue with that at all. They don't see him very often & that fine. So ofc, I have the laughing pic, family in london have the laughing pic & my mum has the laughing pic on her phone. So mum's sister feels all left out & asks (demands) to be emailed the pic so she can have a copy. I kept putting her off, cos I don't want her to have that pic, she's already too in my face trying to be LO's mummy (she has not children) Evenutally I'm made to give her this bloody picture & my grandad too. & now she's all lording it up 'look at my little champ' um no...he's MY baby.

Also...she took pics of LO on xmas without telling me & printed them off. So I walk in my grandad's & theres loads of pics of LO & I'm like...was I asked about this...?

& then theres my grandad. Who is so in love with LO its not even funny. LO is the first boy since my grandads little brother (so like 66 yrs) & my grandad absolutly adores him. My grandad is a carpenter & the stuff he's made for LO, my god. My only problem is that I named LO Joshua Thomas after my grandad (who is called Thomas) & when he was born my grandad couldn't remember his name, he just knew it was something Thomas. So he started calling him Little Tom. When I was told about it I was totally cool with it, but made it clear only my grandad could call him Little Tom, I wouldn't let anyone else. But now he's expecting LO to answer to Little Tom (LO doesn't respond to his name yet) & I'm getting a bit miffed cos I just think LO will end up confussed.

Wow...this was a much bigger rant than I expected. Sorry if it makes no sense.

Boundaries.. they all need to learn them... and the "my baby" thing pisses me off too. My mother used to say that and then she changed it to "our baby" thinking that would please me. I told her she is MY baby and YOUR grandbaby... period!

 

[Rockell8788]

Hi I'm joining I hate my mil or bitch monster as I call her. Wouldn't pee on her if she was on fire hey I might have even started it!!!
In a nut shell - she ruined my wedding, calls dd my lullabella, her name is Lacey-Mae ffs. Undermines my parenting choices, be it breastfeeding till 11months (too long in her eyes) blw, me refusing to put ds in a walker. The fact they fed ds ice cream at 5 weeks old. Offered to have ds so I could go back to work then I over heard her telling my sil she won't have jake as she would rather have my sil baby!!! Now it's hake isn't lactose intolerance he just needs to adjust to cows milk!!! He has been medically diagnosed and had a full blown allergic reaction 2 weeks ago infront of the specialists.
She's also said if we have a 3rd she won't support us. Well guess what biatch you don't anyway and you don't have a say.

 

[MizzDeeDee]

Hi I'm joining I hate my mil or bitch monster as I call her. Wouldn't pee on her if she was on fire hey I might have even started it!!!
In a nut shell - she ruined my wedding, calls dd my lullabella, her name is Lacey-Mae ffs. Undermines my parenting choices, be it breastfeeding till 11months (too long in her eyes) blw, me refusing to put ds in a walker. The fact they fed ds ice cream at 5 weeks old. Offered to have ds so I could go back to work then I over heard her telling my sil she won't have jake as she would rather have my sil baby!!! Now it's hake isn't lactose intolerance he just needs to adjust to cows milk!!! He has been medically diagnosed and had a full blown allergic reaction 2 weeks ago infront of the specialists.
She's also said if we have a 3rd she won't support us. Well guess what biatch you don't anyway and you don't have a say.

I would have gone apeshit if ANYONE fed my 5 week old baby icecream!!!

You're MIL sounds like a real peach.

 

[Rockell8788]

Hi I'm joining I hate my mil or bitch monster as I call her. Wouldn't pee on her if she was on fire hey I might have even started it!!!
In a nut shell - she ruined my wedding, calls dd my lullabella, her name is Lacey-Mae ffs. Undermines my parenting choices, be it breastfeeding till 11months (too long in her eyes) blw, me refusing to put ds in a walker. The fact they fed ds ice cream at 5 weeks old. Offered to have ds so I could go back to work then I over heard her telling my sil she won't have jake as she would rather have my sil baby!!! Now it's hake isn't lactose intolerance he just needs to adjust to cows milk!!! He has been medically diagnosed and had a full blown allergic reaction 2 weeks ago infront of the specialists.
She's also said if we have a 3rd she won't support us. Well guess what biatch you don't anyway and you don't have a say.

I would have gone apeshit if ANYONE fed my 5 week old baby icecream!!!

You're MIL sounds like a real peach.

Isn't she just, funny you should mention going apeshit I did, you have never heard such foul language and my bil tried to stopped we walking out with the kids safe to say he got a mouthful and shoved out the way. I refused any contact for a month. My mum also went crazy at them as ds had only just had tubes removed from his kidney surgery

 

[ValentinesGal]

Hi I'm joining I hate my mil or bitch monster as I call her. Wouldn't pee on her if she was on fire hey I might have even started it!!!
In a nut shell - she ruined my wedding, calls dd my lullabella, her name is Lacey-Mae ffs. Undermines my parenting choices, be it breastfeeding till 11months (too long in her eyes) blw, me refusing to put ds in a walker. The fact they fed ds ice cream at 5 weeks old. Offered to have ds so I could go back to work then I over heard her telling my sil she won't have jake as she would rather have my sil baby!!! Now it's hake isn't lactose intolerance he just needs to adjust to cows milk!!! He has been medically diagnosed and had a full blown allergic reaction 2 weeks ago infront of the specialists.
She's also said if we have a 3rd she won't support us. Well guess what biatch you don't anyway and you don't have a say.

I would have gone apeshit if ANYONE fed my 5 week old baby icecream!!!

You're MIL sounds like a real peach.

Isn't she just, funny you should mention going apeshit I did, you have never heard such foul language and my bil tried to stopped we walking out with the kids safe to say he got a mouthful and shoved out the way. I refused any contact for a month. My mum also went crazy at them as ds had only just had tubes removed from his kidney surgery

OMG! I would have lost my mind....why on earth would you give a 5 week old ice cream, let alone after having surgery?! Sorry, but what a dumb biatch

 

[Lilly12]

Omg I know what you ladies are going through

My MIL is a complete bitch too.
Started when I got pregnant , everything we chose to do my MIL didn't agree with.
Little does she know her opinion doesn't count anyway.

Now DD is a year on Saturday and MIL has seen her maybe 3-4 times.

Reason being is that she's a drama queen & loves to create it.
If things aren't about her, she will try her best to make them about her.

Few things she's said / done:
She Called my DH telling him I stole him away from his family.
She keeps making lil sneaky comments about how I'm from Europe .. Like if she doesn't understand something she will say "oh must be a European thing" etc
She was invited a few hours after I have birth (32 hour natural labor & delivery) , she didn't look or talk to me once.. Not even a how are you.
She told my DH I'd get saggy boobs cause of breastfeeding.
She was talking shit about my mom towards another family member cause my mom sends birthday cards to everyone .. She said my mom likes to kiss ass.. She has only met my mom once very briefly btw.

I could go on and on.
Mainly I try to ignore her BS & try to avoid seeing her since she's nothing but negativity

 

[MizzDeeDee]

Omg I know what you ladies are going through

My MIL is a complete bitch too.
Started when I got pregnant , everything we chose to do my MIL didn't agree with.
Little does she know her opinion doesn't count anyway.

Now DD is a year on Saturday and MIL has seen her maybe 3-4 times.

Reason being is that she's a drama queen & loves to create it.
If things aren't about her, she will try her best to make them about her.

Few things she's said / done:
She Called my DH telling him I stole him away from his family.
She keeps making lil sneaky comments about how I'm from Europe .. Like if she doesn't understand something she will say "oh must be a European thing" etc
She was invited a few hours after I have birth (32 hour natural labor & delivery) , she didn't look or talk to me once.. Not even a how are you.
She told my DH I'd get saggy boobs cause of breastfeeding.
She was talking shit about my mom towards another family member cause my mom sends birthday cards to everyone .. She said my mom likes to kiss ass.. She has only met my mom once very briefly btw.

I could go on and on.
Mainly I try to ignore her BS & try to avoid seeing her since she's nothing but negativity

You're MIL sounds just lovely!

 

[BabyBoo36]

My MIL is usually OK, but we've had a huge falling out with satan-in-law, which has resulted in me telling SIL that if she continues to post on FB, or e-mail my friends (I'm a lying bitch and a dog who should be on a lead apparently) she will be reported to the police for harassment.

MIL told me today it's my own fault she's saying these things, as if I'd just let SIL have her own way (she demanded to be godparent, I said no) she wouldn't be saying them!

I've told DH today that when the economy imporoves and we're ready to move, I want to go back home to my family (North Wales). I'm sick of being stuck up here with no support and blamed for everything SIL does x

 

[MizzDeeDee]

My MIL is usually OK, but we've had a huge falling out with satan-in-law, which has resulted in me telling SIL that if she continues to post on FB, or e-mail my friends (I'm a lying bitch and a dog who should be on a lead apparently) she will be reported to the police for harassment.

MIL told me today it's my own fault she's saying these things, as if I'd just let SIL have her own way (she demanded to be godparent, I said no) she wouldn't be saying them!

I've told DH today that when the economy imporoves and we're ready to move, I want to go back home to my family (North Wales). I'm sick of being stuck up here with no support and blamed for everything SIL does x

THAT^^^^ is a huge pet peeve of mine. So, you're to cater to her bad behavior because she chooses to act poorly? I think not.

If people aren't held accountable and they don't LEARN the consequences of their behavior then they don't grow as people.

And who is she to DEMAND such a thing????

That's over the top.

 

[ValentinesGal]

Omg I know what you ladies are going through

My MIL is a complete bitch too.
Started when I got pregnant , everything we chose to do my MIL didn't agree with.
Little does she know her opinion doesn't count anyway.

Now DD is a year on Saturday and MIL has seen her maybe 3-4 times.

Reason being is that she's a drama queen & loves to create it.
If things aren't about her, she will try her best to make them about her.

Few things she's said / done:
She Called my DH telling him I stole him away from his family.
She keeps making lil sneaky comments about how I'm from Europe .. Like if she doesn't understand something she will say "oh must be a European thing" etc
She was invited a few hours after I have birth (32 hour natural labor & delivery) , she didn't look or talk to me once.. Not even a how are you.
She told my DH I'd get saggy boobs cause of breastfeeding.
She was talking shit about my mom towards another family member cause my mom sends birthday cards to everyone .. She said my mom likes to kiss ass.. She has only met my mom once very briefly btw.

I could go on and on.
Mainly I try to ignore her BS & try to avoid seeing her since she's nothing but negativity

I'm sorry that your MIL is so awful I try to ignore my MIL too...I could be wrong, but it seems a lot of the MIL's I've read about are very much drama queens and negative a-holes...must go with the job description I guess

My MIL is usually OK, but we've had a huge falling out with satan-in-law, which has resulted in me telling SIL that if she continues to post on FB, or e-mail my friends (I'm a lying bitch and a dog who should be on a lead apparently) she will be reported to the police for harassment.

MIL told me today it's my own fault she's saying these things, as if I'd just let SIL have her own way (she demanded to be godparent, I said no) she wouldn't be saying them!

I've told DH today that when the economy imporoves and we're ready to move, I want to go back home to my family (North Wales). I'm sick of being stuck up here with no support and blamed for everything SIL does x

Geesh, your SIL needs to grow up already and stop acting so childish. Obviously, you wouldn't want someone like that being your LO's godparent anyways, when a godparent is supposed to be someone to be there for LO and set a good example

 

[moomin_troll]

I received a card today from mil saying "I've tried to contact u all last week with no response (she text twice) I want to be in urs and the boys life's, please contact me if this is possible"

So I'm now in the middle of writing her a letter. I'm stating she obviously doesn't realise how wrong she is so I won't waste my time, I want nothing to do with her n that if she wants to see my boys it can't be when ever she feels like it n then nothing for months...she's not seen them in 7 months, and it has to be atheist every 12 weeks.

She won't make the effort so I'm looking forward to her reply lol

 

[ValentinesGal]

I received a card today from mil saying "I've tried to contact u all last week with no response (she text twice) I want to be in urs and the boys life's, please contact me if this is possible"

So I'm now in the middle of writing her a letter. I'm stating she obviously doesn't realise how wrong she is so I won't waste my time, I want nothing to do with her n that if she wants to see my boys it can't be when ever she feels like it n then nothing for months...she's not seen them in 7 months, and it has to be atheist every 12 weeks.

She won't make the effort so I'm looking forward to her reply lol

Love how she tried 'all week'. Hopefully she steps up to the plate if she really wants to be in their lives and doesn't just try to blow smoke up your butt, but from the way you describe her, sounds like she's just going to go through the motions or step up temporarily. Curious to what she replies to you...

 

[moomin_troll]

I received a card today from mil saying "I've tried to contact u all last week with no response (she text twice) I want to be in urs and the boys life's, please contact me if this is possible"

So I'm now in the middle of writing her a letter. I'm stating she obviously doesn't realise how wrong she is so I won't waste my time, I want nothing to do with her n that if she wants to see my boys it can't be when ever she feels like it n then nothing for months...she's not seen them in 7 months, and it has to be atheist every 12 weeks.

She won't make the effort so I'm looking forward to her reply lol

Love how she tried 'all week'. Hopefully she steps up to the plate if she really wants to be in their lives and doesn't just try to blow smoke up your butt, but from the way you describe her, sounds like she's just going to go through the motions or step up temporarily. Curious to what she replies to you...

Yeah I'm not expecting much from her, she's done this to make me look bad n making out how she's trying which is bull.
Her trying all week made me laugh, 2 texts is really trying lol
Mil hates my mum for no reason so Im saying she can only see the boys threw my mum at my mums house every 12 weeks minimum.
She will hate that lol n my mum will love rubbing her face in it

 

[MizzDeeDee]

I received a card today from mil saying "I've tried to contact u all last week with no response (she text twice) I want to be in urs and the boys life's, please contact me if this is possible"

So I'm now in the middle of writing her a letter. I'm stating she obviously doesn't realise how wrong she is so I won't waste my time, I want nothing to do with her n that if she wants to see my boys it can't be when ever she feels like it n then nothing for months...she's not seen them in 7 months, and it has to be atheist every 12 weeks.

She won't make the effort so I'm looking forward to her reply lol

Love how she tried 'all week'. Hopefully she steps up to the plate if she really wants to be in their lives and doesn't just try to blow smoke up your butt, but from the way you describe her, sounds like she's just going to go through the motions or step up temporarily. Curious to what she replies to you...

Exactly. Two texts- that must have really put her out.

 

[moomin_troll]

Those 2 texts were after her trip aswel lol so it took her a week to bother after I told her id had enough lol

She's the strangest person I've ever met