MIL/Grandparent support thread

[ValentinesGal]

I never understood how people can leave their LO's with other people THAT often. I have a friend who works M-F and doesn't get home until 6:00p, her DD goes to bed at 8:30p and then spends every weekend (Usually Sat around noon until late Sunday afternoon at her grandma's) in which my friend and her hubby usually go out for drinks at the pub every Sat. night. While a break is understandable, or even a few hours every weekend, I can't help but think that's a bit excessive when other people are basically raising your child for you. But that's JMO...

I'll have to check out that link, thanks!

 

[moomin_troll]

Hello ladies
Well I finally sent my bitch in law the letter.
Basically saying its disgusting she's not seen my boys but could go new York and that they have been thru enough and I won't let her swan in and out of their life.
I've told her she has to see the boys at least every 3 months n she can do it thru my mum because I want nothing to do with her anymore.

Suprise suprise she's not even bothered to contact my mum to sort anything out. She's shown zero fight to have my boys in her life which is sick.

F her! Finally she's out of my life hopefully she will drop dead soon.
If she does contact my mum she's under stricked instructions of what to say, like the fact I no mil can afford to come see the boys seen as she took life insurance out on my oh, so she can use that

 

[ValentinesGal]

Oh wow. That's sad that's she's not even trying to make an effort. I thought she would at least pretend to make arrangements just so she would look good, but to no even do that, how pathetic. Good riddance to her! Your boys don't need someone that vile in their lives

 

[MizzDeeDee]

moomin.


What a jackass she is. You would think given the history that she would want to she her son's children EVEN MORE.... but apparently, she's completely self absorbed and totally self serving.

I agree with Valentinesgal- your boys don't need that in their lives.. and quite frankly, she doesn't DESERVE to see them either.

 

[moomin_troll]

Oh yeah she's all about herself and how she's suffering, she doesn't seem to give a shit that Zane lost his dad and he's only a baby.

I'm giving her 2 weeks to contact my mum, if she hasn't then I'm giving my mum her number and letting my mum rip her to shreds. It's now been 8 months since she even bothered to see the boys do oh well.
They can't miss what they never had

 

[ValentinesGal]

What have your other IL's been saying about it all? Don't they find her behavior just outrageous?

 

[MizzDeeDee]

Oh, she's a "poor pitiful me" type huh? Always the victim. Poor little thing

 

[moomin_troll]

What have your other IL's been saying about it all? Don't they find her behavior just outrageous?

Fil doesn't bother to talk to me, youngest sil and bil haven't bothered and my other sil is on her mums side making out I'd break her heart doing this....ok then.
None of them see what a posionus cow she is, even my oh would make excuses for her. So I'm not even going to try.

Ohs cousins who I talk to are on my side n they can't understand why they don't seem to bother, so at least I've got some of his family in the boys life's even tho I haven't seen them since the funeral they text and talk to me on Facebook all the time. And they actually ask how I am, mil has never asked how I'm actually coping.

 

[MizzDeeDee]

What have your other IL's been saying about it all? Don't they find her behavior just outrageous?

Fil doesn't bother to talk to me, youngest sil and bil haven't bothered and my other sil is on her mums side making out I'd break her heart doing this....ok then.
None of them see what a posionus cow she is, even my oh would make excuses for her. So I'm not even going to try.

Ohs cousins who I talk to are on my side n they can't understand why they don't seem to bother, so at least I've got some of his family in the boys life's even tho I haven't seen them since the funeral they text and talk to me on Facebook all the time. And they actually ask how I am, mil has never asked how I'm actually coping.

Gee, how did I know that this was what you were going to say? My MIL does the same bullcrap. She manipulates people and plays the victim and her immediate family just lap it up. It's a little pathetic isn't it?

I think you've done all you need to do. She needs to make an effort and if she doesn't that's on her. It's not your responsiblity to make your MIL have a relationship with your kids and you don't have to answer to your in-laws either.

I'm sorry you have to put up with this. I think they sound like some very entitled and sad people.

 

[moomin_troll]

Everyone I no who's met her didn't think much of her, even a vicar had bad things to say about her lol

I did tell the eldest sil that I'd still like to keep in contact with her but since then I've heard nothing other then a message she obviously sent to everyone saying happy Easter.
They are strangers to me n I can finally see I owe them nothing so screw the lot of them.

I love this thread, all u ladies are fantastic
I will never understand any of the mils u all have to deal with or ur ohs who let them get away with it, so frustrating

 

[BrokenfoREVer]

Oh moomin just forget her now. What an evil cow. I really hate people like that. Oh she's so poorly done too. & oh how dare you not deliver her grandchild too her.

Ehh, she's a loon. You & your boys are a 1000 times better off without her

 

[AmethystDream]

Well they can't say that you haven't given them chances, Moomin. Far more than I would have!

I wouldn't let your Mum rip into her, satisfying as it may be, just let her be. Sounds like she is getting away with it, but she really isn't. Don't initiate any contact and if she rings you, don't answer. She was told that you are done with her. She comes to the door? Don't answer it.

But if she calls your Mum THEN you have your Mum rip into her. Tell her that it is too late. She is done. There was a time limit on the offer of access and whilst she was running around acting like a victim, her time ran out. She is done, permanently.

I don't know where you have got the patience from to get this far, Hun. That bitch would have burnt her bridges a long time ago with me. You are a good person and, very obviously, a good Mum. Your boys are blessed to have you and lucky that you are protecting them from this person

Having problems here with my Inlaws too, after a lovely long period of silence. Finding difficulty in expressing myself without a huge post that only consists of swearwords because I am that angry. Hopefully I'll find a way of putting it all into words soon because I do need some help and advice but AARRRGGGGHHHHHHH! Anger sharks are swimming in my brain

 

[ValentinesGal]

to you all

 

[moomin_troll]

I had a letter off fil today. He was trying to make a point but is so bad with spelling and actually making a sentence his letter had hardly any meaning the idiot.

Basically he tried me out to be the bad guy, saying my oh wouldn't understand why I've done this.....erm yes he bloody would. Making out mil was my ohs rock....haha yeah right.

And they aren't willing to see the boys thru my mum n said if the boys want to find them they can.

Utter scumbags. I'm goin to write one last letter nd really drop some bombs n then I won't contact them ever again. So glad I'm done with them, the idiots.
My husband would be ashamed of them not me

 

[AmethystDream]

Oh hun! How dare they use the memory of your Husband! I am so very very angry for you.

These people are a complete and utter disgrace, there is no depths to which they won't lower themselves.

I hope that the letter you write gives them a few home truths and gives you a chance for a little closure. You are right, your Husband would be so proud of both you and your little guys. His parent's behaviour is disgusting.

As ever, you have our support. Lots of love to you and the little fellas

 

[moomin_troll]

Thanks

If his mother thought she was so close to my oh she's got another thing coming. They didn't no him and ile be telling them afew things they didn't no. Thomas would be mad at me for telling but I'm past caring now.
They aren't worth my time but can't help but go with a bang lol

 

[BrokenfoREVer]

^^ WSS

That is abso disgusting trying to use your husbands memory against you.

 

[MizzDeeDee]

What a bunch of assholes. Of COURSE they knew your OH better then the woman who had his children.. that makes sense...

I wouldn't piss on them if they were on fire.

 

[ValentinesGal]

Screw them. How horrible of them to stoop that low. I'd be done with them and personally I wouldn't hold anything back when I told them off either. You've been way to nice and patient and have given them soooo many chances to be decent people and be involved in the boys' lives. They don't deserve shit. Big hugs! You all deserve so much better than the way they've been treating you all and hopefully you get your peace soon.

 

[MizzDeeDee]

My MIL is a dummy.

As some of you might know.. I REFUSE to be around her at this point, but OH goes over there with LO. So today, she texts OH so she can see LO because her other grandchild is there and she wants them to play togther.

OH drags himself over there right before her grandson is being put to bed(he's spending the night as he does most weekends). While there MIL explains to OH about her vacation. Apparently, MIL and FIL are going to vacation in North Carolina and are asking OH to take care of their dogs while they're gone. It seems that MIL and FIL, their two other children, and her other DILS are all going on vacation together and didn't.. as always.. ask OH. Her excuse(which she explained without OH asking) was that they HAD to go on vacation then because the rates were cheaper. While we would have NEVER have gone, it speaks volumes. This is also vaguely annoying because when I was in the hospital having LO they wouldn't come over here and take care of OUR animals for US.

She followed this up by telling OH that we should leave LO with her while we go out somewhere. He tells her that she knew we didn't do that kind of thing. She then said that we could go to dinner and leave LO with her. OH explains that if we go out to dinner we just take her with us. She says again that we should leave her alone with her... OH responds with " What's a matter, don't you like me?"... and then she FINALLY dropped it. I think he did a GREAT job of deflecting her.

She then adviced OH that LO has a "pot belly". MIL is obsessed with weight and has made it known that she doesn't like "fat" babies. LO however, is in the lower 35% percentile. OH tells her that LO is actually tiny. At this point, FIL.. who has been silent, gets annoyed with MIL and cuts in and says she needs to come over and help him with the firewood. This was lost on MIL who didn't understand why he needed "help". OH says it was clear that FIL was aggrivated with her.. which it should annoy him since we told her to stop doing this crap and she still does it.

Tell me why I allow her to see my daugher again? She better not pull this weight crap when LO gets old enough to understand...she'll find herself cut off again.