Mother of all conception months Graduates

[PeanutBean]

Well as you know DH does everything. He did it all through my last pregnancy and is doing most of now too. When I was on leave I did begin to feel I was doing too much, even considering I wasn't working, mostly because I have to deal with all the important stuff and decision making and sometimes it gets too much. But he's taken some of that stuff on more (a bit, he's not terribly good at it and tends to make the wrong decision as often as the right one!) so things have balanced out a bit. We'll have to readjust again when there's another baby.

The main problem with this whole situation right now is that I can't see a way out and I hate feeling so vulnerable. It's me that always figures out how we will afford to buy a house or car or how we will afford to send the boy to nursery etc. But there are no answers. I hate it. I don't know how to fix things. The only possible answers all involve me sacrificing everything for myself too. Byron already loves his Dad loads more because he sees him so much more. How would I cope if he was a SAHD? I never signed up to be the only earner and my salary isn't enough to live off even without paying for any childcare.

Ozzie I know I wouldn't get signed off sick. I have this ridiculous rational nature that makes it look like I'm fine. Even my family can't usually tell when I'm drowning. If I couldn't work from home I'm sure I'd have been signed of by now for one reason or another but at home I can hide it. Nobody sees.

 

[MADLYSBOYS]

Oh Peanut hon what a terrible time for you guys Money is my biggest worry as well esp with DHs job situation....I worry so much about how we will manage I hate not having `the solution` either! Am here if you need me!

Ladies I am so cold the temp when I went to do the school run dropped so much all the much walked on snow has started to freeze over I have the heat on up full and my dressing gown etc on and am still shivering Its gunna be a cold one tonight

vbaby hon I am so glad you got out even if it was only for chocolate

Ladies heres my bump support picture and my 18+4wk bump pic too......

The bump support is great I feel like I have had a tummy tuck or summat but then I look down and see my baby bump beginning to think I have two in here....am HUGE!

 

[madcatwoman]

is that the bump support? the cream band type thing?.
thing is, im sure we look bigger on camera than we do if we look down at ourselves!!. Brilliant bump though!.

Peanut, that does sound stressful, i must admit its a role reversal in our house, DH has your role, but nothing ever bothers him (but then he came from a well off family, i didnt and i do worry over money when he doesnt).
We will be ok for as long as DHs job is ok, but he earns twice the average for the area, things could be iffy by the end of next year and if he looses this job he will only be able to get something on less than half what hes on now,i too will have to return to work, even then it will be tight.

 

[molly85]

MAdly that is sooooo unfair! mine is just all fat, wahhh wounder if i'll get a sexy number like that lol. Bloodymodwife said she prob wouldn't hear heart beat and that i wouldn't feel anything to atleast 20 weeks grr

 

[MADLYSBOYS]

madcat I agree I think in pictures we do seem to look bigger however I have noticed myself in the last few weeks that I have gotten bigger and its now more obvious to people too...even my sister commented how much bigger I was in comparision to her SIL is due two weeks before me and is on her 3rd kid I am feeling the weight now loads too!

 

[gilz82]

Awesome bump Madly and your support looks pretty comfy too

I think all pictures taken of us from that direction make us look bigger than we are in reality, also don't know about you guys, but before being pregnant it's a side i would never have taken a picture from anyway.

 

[MADLYSBOYS]

I agree Gilz I dont particularly like having my picture taken at all the only pictures I really like are our wedding ones and I certainly wouldnt impress my stretch marks on anyone Right now I have a tum and fat thighs I am trying to combat the fat thighs thing by walking plenty However I have noticed in last few weeks my `love handles` have started to disappear....I reckon I have lost weight off my hips which is why even my maternity trousers on the tighest elastic now fall down am not skinny but I cant believe my maternity trousers are getting looser the bigger my bump gets...its madness!

 

[molly85]

I notice one of my set of handles had disappeared but couldn't figure out where to

 

[molly85]

no good to us but if any one is intrested reed are advertising the cencus collector jobs for next year. I think Abby will just miss it but a few of you ladies will have babies in time.
I'm looking at going part time now maybe or seeing what i might do when Abby is here as I'm not sure my brain can dedicate to 2 things at once.

 

[mamadonna]

wow thats an impressive bump there madly

 

[MADLYSBOYS]

Thank you mamadonna

 

[DaretoDream]

wow madly! what a baby bump!!! maybe you ARE having 2?! Love it! I"m still a poppyseed. Is it weird that i feel strange about my poppyseed bagels when i eat them? thinking about how my baby is that tiny? i feel guilty eating it!

 

[molly85]

blumbs the hardest stafe being so yummy and maybe orange if you think about it

 

[madcatwoman]

I was thinking after reading peanuts last post. she mentioned nursery care fees etc.
If things go tits up for my DH&I next year and i have to start working again, the last t hing i want is for MIL to be doing all the childcare week by week, months/years.... simply because i dont think she will see her role as grandma, think in her eyes the boundaries are going to be blurred and i dont want my child growing up with her, rather than us. If i had to, id prefer to send he/she to nursery, but am i right in thinking nurseries are very expensive?, how do people make it pay to work and then pay hourly nursery fees?.

 

[molly85]

£250 -£300 a week in nursery fees for 5 days full time is what i have got in surrey. CHild minders are much cheaper at £3-4 an hour. Babies and children need socialising and if your fears are correct your MIL doesn't sound like she would socilise them. I have just looked at some evening customer service work 3/4 times aweek. then my dad or MIL can sit every other week and it wouldn't be to bad as they would still have their day schedules and can use our house as their puwn do dinner, have a bath etc

 

[madcatwoman]

£250 -£300 a week in nursery fees for 5 days full time is what i have got in surrey. CHild minders are much cheaper at £3-4 an hour. Babies and children need socialising and if your fears are correct your MIL doesn't sound like she would socilise them. I have just looked at some evening customer service work 3/4 times aweek. then my dad or MIL can sit every other week and it wouldn't be to bad as they would still have their day schedules and can use our house as their puwn do dinner, have a bath etc

hell, i wouldnt be able to afford nursery fees on the sort of wage id be earning, yet theres no way i want MIL bringing up our child because thats exactly what she would do, its an unhealthy obcession im trying to curb with her now let alone then!. Would maybe have to look into childminders i guess. I hope to god everything will be ok with DH's job.

 

[molly85]

get the woman a puppy lol might get over her obsession or the dog will be vicious so you won't want bubs to be there often with a valid reason

 

[madcatwoman]

get the woman a puppy lol might get over her obsession or the dog will be vicious so you won't want bubs to be there often with a valid reason

shes got two dogs, tame as anything, i dont want to be the one to have to tell her however tame they are, dont leave baby alone with dogs in the same room, she would tell me not to be so silly!. I dont know what it is, but theres definately some blurred boundaries going on already. I really dont like being around her at the mo,she keeps calling me to meet up too, i never return the call (lol), you would think someone would get the message on that front!. Anyway shes visiting on friday, not really looking forward to it, but i am ready if she comes out with something silly again.

 

[PeanutBean]

We pay £38 a day, currently three days a week, so about £6k per year. I expect to have them in 4 days when I return but Byron will get 15 hours a week free term time. I think it'll work out about £12,500 pa. DH earns not much more than that net so if we don't qualify for child tax credit as currently looks likely he will need to give up or work part time, whatever works best for making it all balance. He has to work 16 hours a week for us to get ctc for childcare but the current figures say £23k household income will be the cut off for ctc. It's not clear how the childcare will fit in that. Clearly thousands of families will be forced to be single income if there is no childcare element for household incomes over £23k. And people wonder why I hate the Tories!

So, if you both work 16 hours a week you will be eligible for childcare help. Possibly...

 

[gilz82]

Wow Molly that's expensive! The most expensive nursery we looked at and it's probably the one we'll use as it's near my work is £32 per day, so for 5 days it's £160. Although i'm hoping that we'll only need to use the nursery 2 days a week and i'll get to work from home the other 3.

The joys of having no family to help look after the jellybean.