NTNP Chat Thread

[Inge]

I have thought but we got engaged, are trying for a baby and want a life together. Im scared that when a baby comes he'll up and leave. When I had my lunch break today he came to see me and he was so nice to me.
I dont know what to do. If I bring this up later he will say "why are you with me if im so horrible to you then?"

What you both need is a good long talk but you won't get anywhere if he keeps giving you that excuse!

It's hard but you'll know what to do for the best

He always uses that excuse when we talk about it! Its so frustrating then when I get annoyed he laughs at me I dont like how one minute he pushes me away then the next he's pulling me back

 

[sequeena]

He always uses that excuse when we talk about it! Its so frustrating then when I get annoyed he laughs at me I dont like how one minute he pushes me away then the next he's pulling me back

Being honest there's no way I would put up with that!!!
If he wants to be the big man and have a family he should grow up!

 

[Inge]

He always uses that excuse when we talk about it! Its so frustrating then when I get annoyed he laughs at me I dont like how one minute he pushes me away then the next he's pulling me back

Being honest there's no way I would put up with that!!!
If he wants to be the big man and have a family he should grow up!

I could go back to my mums for a while but I know il miss him. I feel ill thinking about leaving. He lives with his parents and has an 8yr old DS but isnt really making any effort to move out. He's lived back at his parents for a few years now. Deep down I dont think he will ever be a grown up

 

[sequeena]

I could go back to my mums for a while but I know il miss him. I feel ill thinking about leaving. He lives with his parents and has an 8yr old DS but isnt really making any effort to move out. He's lived back at his parents for a few years now. Deep down I dont think he will ever be a grown up

Think you've got a mummy's boy on your hands. Good luck with whatever you decide hun

 

[dandybrush]

Inge I agree with everyone else sorry

I think maybe you really need to sit down tell him you want a serious conversation and talk about all your concerns/feelings and say if he wont talk to you like an adult then you are going to move back to your parents house to think about what you really want.

I know its hard but you really need to decide what is right for you. You should not be bring a baby into a family when you are not certain you will be with him forever (as in if things go to crap and you later meet another man you will still have to deal with this current one for your kids sake)...or even want to. Im sure you know what you really want and you have to make that decision and live with it.

an eg. I was going out with a guy for 2 years, he was 9 years older than me but the best guy, I could talk to him and he would listen, and he was my best friend. however I never saw a future with him, much as i loved him. He had no goals, had a crappy job. Then while still going out with my bf I met a new guy at uni and became his friend, even talked to my bf about him, I actually said to mum that i could see me with this new guy for the rest of my life. So i finally made the decision to break it off with my bf and about a week later i was dating the new guy (I still miss him and wonder what he is up to, i lost contact with him in respect of my DH) and 1 year 6 months later i was engaged then 6 months later i was married now if i have any worries or whatever I come on here or talk to my parents. My DH is not as great a talker as my ex was as in if we have discussed it once and i want to discuss it again (im a major worrier) he wont discuss it again, he thinks im silly when i already know the answers sometimes i just like to get things off my chest...he hasnt quite figured that one out yet

 

[Inge]

Inge I agree with everyone else sorry

I think maybe you really need to sit down tell him you want a serious conversation and talk about all your concerns/feelings and say if he wont talk to you like an adult then you are going to move back to your parents house to think about what you really want.

I know its hard but you really need to decide what is right for you. You should not be bring a baby into a family when you are not certain you will be with him forever (as in if things go to crap and you later meet another man you will still have to deal with this current one for your kids sake)...or even want to. Im sure you know what you really want and you have to make that decision and live with it.

an eg. I was going out with a guy for 2 years, he was 9 years older than me but the best guy, I could talk to him and he would listen, and he was my best friend. however I never saw a future with him, much as i loved him. He had no goals, had a crappy job. Then while still going out with my bf I met a new guy at uni and became his friend, even talked to my bf about him, I actually said to mum that i could see me with this new guy for the rest of my life. So i finally made the decision to break it off with my bf and about a week later i was dating the new guy (I still miss him and wonder what he is up to, i lost contact with him in respect of my DH) and 1 year 6 months later i was engaged then 6 months later i was married now if i have any worries or whatever I come on here or talk to my parents. My DH is not as great a talker as my ex was as in if we have discussed it once and i want to discuss it again (im a major worrier) he wont discuss it again, he thinks im silly when i already know the answers sometimes i just like to get things off my chest...he hasnt quite figured that one out yet

I know its not right to bring a baby into something like this but it's usually lovely. He says he wants his life with me and a family so I believe it all. Am I really niave?

 

[dandybrush]

It doesnt matter what you believe he wants, what do you want???? do you want to be spoilt? do you want him to be something he isnt? (do you want someone else completely?)

 

[dandybrush]

do not have a baby to make him change...he wont

no one is perfect, and they will all annoy us at some point, but make sure he makes you happy and you are not having any second thoughts on where you are going (normally second thoughts are not good )

 

[Inge]

he came home and put a film on straight away
Il try to talk to him now. He has been looking at rental properties for us today, which suprised me. Maybe he does want us to work? I will go to mums for a bit though. Im off now for "the talk" wish me look and il report back in the morning

 

[dandybrush]

good luck Inge I hope its meant to be for you

You'll do great

 

[sequeena]

Good luck!

 

[24/7]

Hope it went ok Inge xxxx

 

[dragonhawk]

Oh my word Inge.

Sorry, I haven't really been around for a couple of days it's been hectic at work.

To be honest, I can see both sides.... I can perfectly understand what many of the ladies on here are saying, however I can also understand that it's difficult for you as (I believe) you love him and can probably 98% of the time see the rest of your life with him. However there's always that 2% hanging there.... It's just a case of whether or not you can live happily with that 2% being there. I had to consider this a while ago, as DH and I had 'the' conversation and he stated that he wasn't interested in family at all. Of course, I came on here and spent many hours in tears, tearing myself up about it.

However this has now changed, I've learnt that there were many external factors that were also playing their part in his statement, so I just kept quiet about going about making a LO, hence the NTNP status. It was his decision to say to me about coming off my pill.

So he's knows that at any point, we could end up having a family, but his mind has now come round to the idea that it wouldn't be such a bad thing, afterall, he'd have 9 months to get used to the idea.

Sorry, I'm waffling, but it would appear that now I've started, my fingers won't stop typing!!!!

 

[Huggles]

Inge - hope you and OH had a good chat last night.

 

[Inge]

yeah we did. thanks girls! We talked and he's going to make the effort. Im going to my mums for a bit but we'r still ok. He's also said we can start planning things now. He's sorry he's messed around with my feelings and I know he means it. Also AF is gone! And he's having a nice day off and going to the cinema to see the a team later. Thanks for all your lovely words and hugs

 

[Huggles]

Glad you had a good chat and sorted things out

 

[pink80]

Hi Ladies,

I've been lurking for the last few days but would like to join you if that's ok...

Little bit about me...

I'm 30, my OH is 32 and we've been together for 8 years. I've wanted a baby for as long as I can remember and have been driving my OH mad for the last 5 years.... I've been off the pill (dianette) for the last 2 and half years, during which time we have used condoms (not much though) and the withdrawal method. Anyway on saturday my OH finally said that we could stop using any form of BC and see what happens I'm so excited and scared all at the same time!!

Anyway my period started on Sunday and finished yesterday so I guess that means I'm CD4 (is that right - I'm new to this!!)

Sorry about babbling - but I'm a bit excited!!

xx

 

[Huggles]

LoL welcome pink 80

You do sound excited - it's really nice! Here's to hoping your produce a little sticky bean nice and soon

 

[sequeena]

I'm so happy for you Inge! I hope things work out between you both. Sounds like space would be a good idea for both of you!

Welcome pink80, good luck NTNP!

 

[babyanise]

welcome pink,