Thanks everyone. I just wish things could be like they were in the beginning. I'm afraid of him making my life difficult if we split. He said he'd go for custody. The thought of another woman trying to play mummy makes me feel sick. Plus Christmas and Birthdays will be hard.
I really thought this was it this time and I'd have my happy family
But if he goes back to talking to me like he has it's over. I take any more walking on egg shells.
I just saw your post here, and wanted to respond (even though I am still as second trimester girl). DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT every single time he calls you a name, insults you in front of the little one or displays his anger. Even better would be to have a tape recorder in your house to tape the language he uses. SAVE EVERY SINGLE TEXT/EMAIL that he sends you where he uses that language.
In addition to going to court, you can also go to his superiors in the military. I would let him know that if he is welcome to try for custody, and you would be more than happy to go to his commanding officers and let them know about his behaviors. Generally, they DO NOT take that sort of thing well.
He is using the threats, again, to control you. Get your ducks in a row (i.e LOTS of evidence to show his abusive nature), find a decent lawyer, and get out as soon as you can.
You do not want this person modeling this type of behavior to your LO. Part of the reason that you have been able to tolerate it for so long is because you had abusive language modeled to you as a child, so it isn't as shocking to you as it should be . My DH's father is abusive, and is verbally abusive to his wife (DH's stepmother, his mom left his dad), and my DH isn't as disturbed by it as I am - because he is more conditioned to hearing that type of language. My parents were kind and loving to eachother, so for me, I am very, very uncomfortable around that type of language. I am very, very uncomfortable around my FIL - even though he is kind to ME.
You want your LO to grow up NOT being accustomed to verbal abuse, so that they can spot it more easily. I am having a hard time figuring out how to let my LO spend time with my FIL because of his abuse towards his wife. I would never, EVER let my LO spend time with him without me being there, and will limit even that IF he can't speak politely to ALL others in my/our presence. My DH is not abusive AT ALL, but because he grew up in that environment, he doesn't really notice, as it is "just the way his dad is".