OH wants to TTC earlier - decision making help?!

[nightkd]

Umm. Okay. Well, my Fiancé and I had agreed to wait until late 2010 to start TTC. This means we should have my Green Card sorted, wedding out of the way and hopefully everything will be settling down... (fingers crossed tightly).

Well OH spoke to me last night and said he'd been getting excited about the prospect of a child the past couple of days and wanted to know how I felt about TTC in November...THIS YEAR.

I said I'd have to have a think about it and that maybe we should see how we feel closer to the time and what sort of situation we're in. It's no secret that I'm excited by the idea though.

Basically, we're getting married within the next week and putting in an application for a Green Card. Then in March/April we're having a big do to celebrate our wedding...

OH is a little worried about the Green Card app not going to plan and me being sent home either pregnant/or with our child...

And obviously if I get pregnant between November and February I may be starting to show/bloat up and won't be able to fit in my wedding dress. TBH this isn't so much of a big deal for me, I would rather be pregnant and have to find another pretty dress I can squeeze into, than wait to start trying JUST so I can fit into the dress I'm looking at right now. I'm easy.

So basically, it's the choice of waiting until late 2010 to TTC as planned (don't see much point unless our situation changes drastically)... Waiting until November this year and risking clashing with the Wedding and Green Card (Which SHOULD be ready and finished up by March-May)...(I expect it to go fairly smoothly - again FINGERS CROSSED!) waiting until March and starting TTC after the wedding... Or maybe waiting until January, so I shouldn't be showing much for the wedding... Still the risk of the Green Card..

What do you think we should do?

xxx

 

[bunnyg82]

awww hun, if you both think you feel ready then just go for it! You don't know how long it could take so if you think that the issues you are facing aren't too huge, then why not!? Maybe it would be a good idea to draw up a pros and cons list to help you decide? x

It's lovely that he's so excited x

 

[Pyrrhic]

Honestly, no way would I TTC without the guarantee of a green card, and I think to do so and not get one would be horrific for your OH and you.

IMO you should both wait, you aren't losing anything by waiting.

Even thinking about it is just boggling my mind atm.

 

[Wobbles]

Beautifully restrained!

 

[Kirstin]

I wouldn't even consider TTC in your situation, if you have problems with your greencard you and OH being seperated is bad enough situation without involving a baby.

 

[nightkd]

I may draw up a pros and cons list, TBH his sudden change of mind has surprised me and because I was readying myself for TTC in over a year it feels like "Whoa! That's a lot sooner!! Am I ready?!" I'm mega excited too, I just like to know that he's ready...even if we're both waiting, we both want it NOW, it's just whether our situation will let us.

It wouldn't really be horrific... It's not like there aren't other options. Yes it would not be ideal, but horrific is a bit OTT.

I do like the idea of TTC in March after the wedding, as then we'll have gotten that out of the way and there's the possibility that the Green Card process will be done. Possibility... I just need to get the interview out of the way, so it's how quickly I can get one of those scheduled. Marriage based green cards are 'straightforward' as I've been told by so many people...

 

[Pyrrhic]

I would wait until you have your green card literally in your hand before TTC tbh.

Its far too easy to get swept up in excitement. You have a lot going on atm. New relationship, new country, wedding, etc.

 

[nightkd]

I would wait until you have your green card literally in your hand before TTC tbh.

Its far too easy to get swept up in excitement. You have a lot going on atm. New relationship, new country, wedding, etc.

I'm not going to wait for that, lol! They've screwed up the factory so the physical Green Cards are taking AGES to come through. I should be told for certain at the interview...that's what I mean, I'm pretty much just waiting on that to be arranged. Lawyer said they'd stamp my Green Card, if they're still screwed up at the factory, which they MAY be able to do AT the interview if I'm successful.

Oh I'm not getting swept up at all. If anything I've stepped into a relationship where I'm the one thinking straight - it's quite frightening really That's what I mean, it's my job to keep OH in reality at the moment... I'm just trying to work out if each of these options are possible. What I think may have to be the decision, is to wait and see early next year how things are going. If I can get my interview scheduled etc. Believe me I've considered how a baby can complicated the whole process, but at the end of the day life goes on and we can make changes to accommodate our choices if things don't go to plan originally.

We should have some idea by March of how things are going, by which point it should only be a couple of months waiting on the Green Card...which means we'd only have to wait a couple of months from making the decision when to TTC, to actually TTCing - not as unbearable as July-May (or similar) lol!

Hmm, I'm not sure I'm going to be able to agree on a definite month. Looks like it's more of a 'lets see how it goes'. At least it's potentially imminent though! TBH I'm more comfortable thinking of March-May (wedding out of the way and GC possibly done) as it gives me time to prepare. OH also seems to be pulling money out of nowhere which worries me a little, so it gives me MORE time to sort out his finances and make sure he's actually budgeting, not just assuming he can pay for EVERYTHING.

I need to try and figure out how to cope with OH's excitement about this subject and just enjoy having him in the same ball court as me.

I am just looking forward to being able to be carefree and saying "Okay, everything's sorted, let's go for it."

Thanks.

 

[Wobbles]

Hey what was wrong with my post? You missed my thanks button!

 

[Sarahkka]

More than a green card even, don't forget to savour the time you have with your fellow just as a couple. Rushing into TTC puts a relationship in a pressure cooker. Adding possible immigration worries on top of that sounds a bit risky to me. In the end it's your life, but I think you have lots of time and should enjoy the freedom and excitement of being a young couple with so many options before you, not just the TTC option.

 

[nightkd]

Sorry Wobbs, who were you talking to in your first post?

More than a green card even, don't forget to savour the time you have with your fellow just as a couple. Rushing into TTC puts a relationship in a pressure cooker. Adding possible immigration worries on top of that sounds a bit risky to me. In the end it's your life, but I think you have lots of time and should enjoy the freedom and excitement of being a young couple with so many options before you, not just the TTC option.

That was the big thing that was bothering me. We had decided to wait a bit longer in order to spend more time with each other... We both REALLY want kids, that's what we want to devote our lives to - family...so it's a definite decision we want to make soon, it's just WHEN.

Spoke to him again tonight and we've decided to make March our date and then if things still aren't sorted by then we can always change plans. He's good to go now, better from November...but I just don't feel instinctively like it's 'the time' anyway. So! Here's to March!

 

[Wobbles]

Rafwife I think & I was only messing with you! I couldn't focus to answer lol

Think the girls have give you some sound advice

x

 

[buttonnose82]

only you can make the final decision however I think if I was in your situation I would wait until your greencard is sorted, last thing you want is for your new family to maybe be split up for a few months while things get sorted

 

[AP]

Once you have a baby its a total different kettle of fish honey, theres no way you'd handle your new family being split up at such a special and important time.

 

[Hollys_Twinny]

I'd definatly wait till you get the thumbs up on the green card!! And also make sure your happy with the time, having a baby is sooo hard. Last thing you want is to be stuck at home with a baby feeling you aren't ready and wishing you waited.

 

[Sovereign]

Yeah if it was me I would wait until my green card was sorted for definate. I know you really want a baby and if you want one as much as I think you do you'll go for it anyway but it would be nice for you to spend more time just as a couple. Me and OH were together 5 months when I fell pg and even though I wouldn't change my situation and Charlie for the world it would have been lovely to spend some more time with just OH doing things we wanted to do. Having a baby puts an unbelievable amount of pressure on you as a couple too, believe me I thought I knew but until your baby is actually here you have NO idea! I'm not trying to say you're naive or anything like that just, yeah, I thought I knew as does everybody but until you actually HAVE a baby in your arms you have no idea lol! I'm not trying to be awkward or anything, just telling you my experience! But good luck with your decisions hun! Whatever you do it will be what YOU think is best for you and your OH x

 

[x-amy-x]

I would deffinately wait til your Green Card is sorted. No question about it.

xx

 

[Flowerpot]

In your situation I would wait until after your wedding do in March once you have a better idea about the green card. My husband and I have been through the visa process a few times now and I am now not basing my life around waiting for visa requests/acceptances anymore as they take a long time and can be unpredictable as we have learnt.

We need to get a UK settlement visa for him before we TTC but for me TTC is more important now so if something doesn't go to plan we'll start TTC beforehand. BUT, if he didn't get a UK visa, thats Ok, we'd stop here for the time being. What would you and your fiance do if you didn't get a GC? Is he happy to go to your country with you? I couldn't handle being pregnant and living away from my husband but if you know he'll go with you I don't see why it would be a bad thing.

 

[princess_bump]

if i was in your situation i would most def. want to get sorted, green card etc, before ttc. maybe i'm a little old fashioned here, but i like to be sorted with the other aspects of my life, and be settled, before i even think about ttc. of course things happen and you can't ever be 100% set, but i do think its best to be a settled as you, with your green card, before you start ttc.

good luck with what ever you decide x

 

[nightkd]

Thanks.

We need to get a UK settlement visa for him before we TTC but for me TTC is more important now so if something doesn't go to plan we'll start TTC beforehand. BUT, if he didn't get a UK visa, thats Ok, we'd stop here for the time being. What would you and your fiance do if you didn't get a GC? Is he happy to go to your country with you? I couldn't handle being pregnant and living away from my husband but if you know he'll go with you I don't see why it would be a bad thing.

We've discussed different options; him coming to the UK being one of them if things don't go as planned.