ok girlies need your advice

[mynnx]

right what would you do in my position.. it might be a long post

My oh's mum died middle of march and were both still in alot of shock and grieving. My oh has only had one outburst of tears and is still having his very low days which i expect to happen for a while.

The thing is i have a very odd feeling this month that i may get my BFP. i mc in jan and im having the same odd feeling and pulling in my stocmach that had then.. and they do say it usually happens when ur not thinking abut it or even trying!!

The thing is... i cant test till around the 20th.... and what if i am... should i tell him? or should i leave it fr a month or so?

The reason im asking is cos i mc last time.. and i dont want him going through it again and having to deal with that aswelll if it all goes pearshaped.. but i also dont like keeping things from him??

Im in a bit of a dilemma and wanted to know what u girls would do in my situation?

Thanks in advance xxx

 

[JayDee]

Sorry to hear about your losses, both the mc and OH's mum.

Regarding telling him, I'm not sure. Firstly, I'd wait till you have a BFP then I'd play it by ear. It might give him something nice to think about rather than his loss, but I see what you mean about if you mc again as well.

Did he take it really hard last time you mc? That might be a factor to think about.

Good luck whatever you decide x

 

[mynnx]

yeah he did take it hard.. he was devastated.. he took a few days off work cos i was in quite a bit of pain..so really not sure what to do?

 

[mynnx]

im not only thnking about this month im thinkign about the next few months aswell.. he wants a baby... when he was crying about his mum all he kept saying was how much he loved me and wants a family with me so much.. but just dont want him to have to deal wth another loss

 

[Berniep]

I would probably tell my hubby if i were in the same situation and my reason for this would be if you were to miscarry again and i really hope you don't ever have to go thru that again you would either have to keep the miscarriage from him too which would be difficult for you if you were grieving alone or you would have to tell him when it happened and then he would be upset that you couldn't tell him you were pregnant sooner for fear of him ending up more hurt i think this would hurt him more that he couldn't be there for you if you know what i mean. If you are pregnant it gives both you and your husband something to look forward to during this difficult time and i know your scared you'll miscarry again but hopefully the chances are slim (i wish i knew some statistics to make more understanding), there is no reason why you can't go onto have healthy baby after having a previous miscarriage. I wish you all the luck in the world x

 

[JayDee]

Yeah, think I agree with BernieP, you don't really want to be having to hide a miscarriage from him do you? (We're talking like you already know you are going to miscarry, we should stop, cos it might be fate or something that you lose his mum but get your baby).

Also, my OH would notice that I hadn't had a visit from the witch, if you are TTC wouldn't your OH be the same?

And... how would he feel if he found out you hadn't told him?

You probably need to be united now more than ever.

However, this is just me, everyone is different, you will know your OH better than anyone....

x

 

[mynnx]

Thanks Bernie... had 2 mc so far and trying to stay positive that the next beanie will stick! i think i will tell him..but how is another matter lol.

I dont like keeping things from him but i dont like seeing him hurt and upset either... its a difficult scenario... bit catch 22!

I know his dad (who has lost his wife recently oh's mum) has already been asking in the last week.. when either him or his bro will give him more grandchildren cos he only has one at the min.. and i think it would keep his mind busy..which is maybe why hes asking... what he doesnt know is that both us and his bro and his gf are already trying so he might end up with his own football team before he knows it!

I just wish we could all know if it was a healthy bean early on... it would make things a damn lot easier for everyonethats ttc!
xx

 

[mynnx]

Yeah your right jay... he would notice that the witch hadnt arrived... i just dont want him hurting anymore thn he is.. but not lie to him either for all i know.. if i was pregnant could be a gift from his mum

x

 

[JayDee]

I just wish we could all know if it was a healthy bean early on... it would make things a damn lot easier for everyonethats ttc!
xx

If only we could tell that (esp in your case).

Fx for your and sticky bean x

 

[Charliemarina]

Huns i have also MC twice now and totally fear it happening again, i had 1 natural MC and 1 that i had 2 ERPC's to remove my bean, now OH was devastated both time BUT also has not just lost his mum, now i was thinking also to not tell him once i get preg as i dnt want him to grieve anymore and not for the 3rd time in 6 months anyway, and I'm finding deciding if to tell him straight away or not quite hard, so Huns u must be in a right "have no idea" mode.
well i have no worries about him noticing no AF hes got not a clue when i am and not due her i mean he is a man after all, now this will make u smile i said to OH this morning " babes i got a pos on my opk so we cannot have sex for few days coz I'm ovulating" OH says "whats ovulating" well i nearly died, dnt know how many times iv told him but he still dnt get it. lol
so the answer to this question really is Hun its all down to your decision, i think everyone would have diff opinion but it u that has to actually do it, and Jaydee Ur very much right, Huns dont assume that u will MC again yes u have had 2 like myself and they horrid and hurt so much but there is a saying hunny which i totally believe in "third times a charm" maybe u should make up Ur mind b4 u get Ur bfp as then u know in Ur head what u can say to him and yes i think he will be delighted and might even bring him out from the hole he is in bless him, do hope Ur both feeling better hunny and do keep us all updated on that strong sticky u gonna get lol xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[wishing4bub#3]

I would tell my husband if i was in the same shoes. i was in similar ones where a family friend died and she left me a gift of a beautiful daughter (now 2) its one of thoose odd thing when you think about it when a baby is born or created just before or not long affter someone in the family will pass on! it was my SIL that pointed it out to me. all 3 of her children were made the same day someone in her family had past on.

so id say its a gift to you. enjoy and embrace i hope its a sticky bean good luck i have everything crossed for you that it works out