One Blighted Ovum - One Missed Miscarriage

[MummyClements]

Im sorry to read this - i havent read all the way through.

I had this happen too I was gutted as was desperate for twins.

I had to wait a week to see if i bled, but i didnt, so i opted to wait 2 more weeks in case a heartbeat appeared but it didnt

I cried for weeks but that pain does pass.

I am not sure if it is any help but I would be more than happy for you to have one my eggs in the future. I dont want this to sound insensitive as its meant in the nicest way possible.

 

[Kelly9]

What about using an egg donor? Would you consider that? I mean genetically the baby isn't yours but if you got pregnant you would still get to carry the baby and develop a bond that way? And you wouldn't have to go through another egg retrieval again so it wouldn't take as long.

 

[alison011177]

im so so sorry x

 

[DaniGirl]

I'm soooo sorry

 

[Lilly123]

It isn't really that simple to me, Tanya. its just how I feel. I had 12 eggs. Of those, only 2 were good enough quality to replace and those were chromosomally abnormal, it seems. So, out of 12 NONE were good enough.

Says to me that the problem might be my eggs after all and if so, no amount of IVF is going to work.

Sorry for being negative, but I've felt all along that the problem might have been egg quality. The hospital I am at are so shit they wouldn't even acknowledge that, I'd bet.

Not sure how I would go about transferring. Not even sure I want to do this again, tbh...

Im so sorry hun... I understand. I just dont want u to give up hope.. I want u to have your dream...I definitely think u would need to transfer.. but take your time hun, grieve and we are all here for u.. I am truely truely sorry

 

[CurlySue]

What about using an egg donor? Would you consider that? I mean genetically the baby isn't yours but if you got pregnant you would still get to carry the baby and develop a bond that way? And you wouldn't have to go through another egg retrieval again so it wouldn't take as long.

I want the child to be mine. I want it to be my baby. I want to look at it and say "She's got my eyes" or "He's got my nose". If the baby could only be mine or OH's, I'd rather it was neither. It's just the way I feel, in the same way I wouldn't expect him to bring up a child that came from another man's sperm. It'd always feel more mine than his, just like if the opposite was true it'd always feel more his than mine.

I'd adopt before I did that. Never used to feel that way but I do, now.

Before I did all that I'd go through the genetic testing to see if it IS my eggs that are the problem. More time. More pain. More emotional anxiety. I don't know how much of it I can take really. I know I never want to feel this way again, and most of how I feel is incredibly angry and bitter towards the hospital that failed to treat me. I'd complain, but what's the point? It's the sodding NHS. They kill people and get away with it.

 

[maz]

It's very early days for you yet hun. I have some idea of what you're going through, although for me I bled straight away. I can't imagine what it must be like to have to be told at your scan that you've MCd. I found that once my bleed was finished I instantly felt 'physically' better - there's still the emotional anguish, which does get easier, but is still there - almost 8 months later.

When you feel better there are still options for you. No doubt you'll get to go for a review appointment at the hospital, and I'd take this opportunity to tell them how you're feeling. If you aren't happy with their response, then I'd write to your MP and voice your concerns, and tell them you need their help. Perhaps you could be referred to another hospital - even if it means travelling a bit - for your next cycle.

It is a long way down the line at the moment but, I hear what you're saying about the egg donation scenario. I can understand you wouldn't want your child to be your DHs but not yours, so what about embryo donation? It's practically the same as adoption from the point of view that the child isn't genetically yours, but the waiting time won't be as long, you won't be subjected to the same invasive questioning, and your capabilities as a parent aren't scrutinised by a bunch of social workers ... Plus you'll definitely get to have your baby instead of a 5 year old or older.

The most important thing at the moment, is that you take your time to recover. I really believe that once you have your bleed, as horrendous and painful (physically and emotionally) as it's going to be, you will start to feel better.

 

[CurlySue]

It's very early days for you yet hun. I have some idea of what you're going through, although for me I bled straight away. I can't imagine what it must be like to have to be told at your scan that you've MCd. I found that once my bleed was finished I instantly felt 'physically' better - there's still the emotional anguish, which does get easier, but is still there - almost 8 months later.

When you feel better there are still options for you. No doubt you'll get to go for a review appointment at the hospital, and I'd take this opportunity to tell them how you're feeling. If you aren't happy with their response, then I'd write to your MP and voice your concerns, and tell them you need their help. Perhaps you could be referred to another hospital - even if it means travelling a bit - for your next cycle.

It is a long way down the line at the moment but, I hear what you're saying about the egg donation scenario. I can understand you wouldn't want your child to be your DHs but not yours, so what about embryo donation? It's practically the same as adoption from the point of view that the child isn't genetically yours, but the waiting time won't be as long, you won't be subjected to the same invasive questioning, and your capabilities as a parent aren't scrutinised by a bunch of social workers ... Plus you'll definitely get to have your baby instead of a 5 year old or older.

The most important thing at the moment, is that you take your time to recover. I really believe that once you have your bleed, as horrendous and painful (physically and emotionally) as it's going to be, you will start to feel better.

To be 'proven right' at that scan was heartbreaking. I told her before she put that sodding wand in that I felt there was nothing in there. I felt so bad for J when she told me I was right. I haven't bled yet. This pregnancy must've ended close to three weeks ago and my body won't let go. I just don't understand why. Exactly 4 weeks to the day that I found out that something had stuck I found out that it was all over. One whole month of tentative hope. That is just cruel, to me.

I still have the problem of there only being one hospital dealing with fertility in my area and I honestly don't know how to go about changing of if I even WANT to. Embryo donation would just seem like a very expensive and very uncertain thing, to me. Again, I'd have to go through the testing to see if it IS my eggs before I'd take that step.

You were the same at one point, no? You thought the problem might be your eggs. Did anything ever come of that?

I'm just in limbo now. I'm sitting here knowing that there is nothing inside of me and cursing my own body for failing to let go of it. It's as if nothing is happening. I feel as if I should go to work on Monday because nothing is changing. Obviously, I have to go back to that shithole on Tuesday for another scan (just to drag it out that bit more) and then I can think about the actual physical miscarriage, but I just feel so odd at the minute that I can't even fathom that part.

Can't understand anything right now.

 

[maz]

You were the same at one point, no? You thought the problem might be your eggs. Did anything ever come of that?

We had a chat about it, and have decided to go for our NHS treatment. I'm going to voice my concerns about our poor fertilisation rate, and request that they do ICSI. Hopefully, they'll use the information from our previous cycles and agree that it can't do any harm. The way I see it, to do the same thing when information is there to show it hasn't worked, would be a waste of NHS resources.

If that cycle doesn't work or at the very least improve our fertilisation rate substantially, then we're going to research further testing. Not sure if the testing would be available on the NHS or if we'd need to go private. But no doubt if it is available on the NHS, it'll take ages for the tests to be done, and even longer to get the results.

 

[CurlySue]

My problem wasn't fertilisation rate. They fertilised well. My problem was that they didn't develop and that the ones that DID develop and were transferred were most likely chromosomally defective. To have one blighted ovum is bad luck. To have two at the same time? Well, to me that indicates there was something wrong with them.

Apparently when this happens it is usually a problem with egg quality! Have done some research and they reckon that twin blighted ovum are less frequently seen than sodding pregnancy-related cancer.

The woman doing the scan referred to it as a 'missed miscarriage' but since she saw nothing in either sac I have deducted this is what it was. From 'seeing nothing' she meant she didn't even see a fetal pole which indicates there never WAS a fetus. To happen to one? Bad luck. Both? Hmm...well, the fact that the other embryos stopped developing so early or were simply poor quality and for these to be abnormal does set off alarm bells.

Cramps are pretty bad today. Never thought I'd actually be hoping for blood but it's about time my stupid body started cooperating.

 

[Nathyrra]

What about using an egg donor? Would you consider that? I mean genetically the baby isn't yours but if you got pregnant you would still get to carry the baby and develop a bond that way? And you wouldn't have to go through another egg retrieval again so it wouldn't take as long.

I want the child to be mine. I want it to be my baby. I want to look at it and say "She's got my eyes" or "He's got my nose". If the baby could only be mine or OH's, I'd rather it was neither. It's just the way I feel, in the same way I wouldn't expect him to bring up a child that came from another man's sperm. It'd always feel more mine than his, just like if the opposite was true it'd always feel more his than mine.

I would never go for donor eggs for exactly the same reason.

I really think it'll do you at least no further harm to try and get into another hospital. That hospital has rocked your confidence. They should be answering your questions and putting you at ease. Waiting is making the situation worse.. Bloody tools.

 

[CurlySue]

What about using an egg donor? Would you consider that? I mean genetically the baby isn't yours but if you got pregnant you would still get to carry the baby and develop a bond that way? And you wouldn't have to go through another egg retrieval again so it wouldn't take as long.

I want the child to be mine. I want it to be my baby. I want to look at it and say "She's got my eyes" or "He's got my nose". If the baby could only be mine or OH's, I'd rather it was neither. It's just the way I feel, in the same way I wouldn't expect him to bring up a child that came from another man's sperm. It'd always feel more mine than his, just like if the opposite was true it'd always feel more his than mine.

I would never go for donor eggs for exactly the same reason.

I really think it'll do you at least no further harm to try and get into another hospital. That hospital has rocked your confidence. They should be answering your questions and putting you at ease. Waiting is making the situation worse.. Bloody tools.

I hate it. I truly do. Wouldn't recommend it to anybody.

Our Mission Statement is "Individualised treatment by caring professionals."

That is what it says on their website. What a fucking joke.

Thanks for the earlier offer, love. It did mean a lot. To be honest, though, I don't even know if I want a further cycle. I just don't have faith that it would work!

 

[Nathyrra]

What about using an egg donor? Would you consider that? I mean genetically the baby isn't yours but if you got pregnant you would still get to carry the baby and develop a bond that way? And you wouldn't have to go through another egg retrieval again so it wouldn't take as long.

I want the child to be mine. I want it to be my baby. I want to look at it and say "She's got my eyes" or "He's got my nose". If the baby could only be mine or OH's, I'd rather it was neither. It's just the way I feel, in the same way I wouldn't expect him to bring up a child that came from another man's sperm. It'd always feel more mine than his, just like if the opposite was true it'd always feel more his than mine.

I would never go for donor eggs for exactly the same reason.

I really think it'll do you at least no further harm to try and get into another hospital. That hospital has rocked your confidence. They should be answering your questions and putting you at ease. Waiting is making the situation worse.. Bloody tools.

I hate it. I truly do. Wouldn't recommend it to anybody.

Our Mission Statement is "Individualised treatment by caring professionals."

That is what it says on their website. What a fucking joke.

Thanks for the earlier offer, love. It did mean a lot. To be honest, though, I don't even know if I want a further cycle. I just don't have faith that it would work!

Do you think your hospital will offer you some type of egg screening? I think in knowing what you're dealing with might give you a little more confidence to try again.

Still cannot believe it. How many times can life knock you down. So unfair.

 

[CurlySue]

What about using an egg donor? Would you consider that? I mean genetically the baby isn't yours but if you got pregnant you would still get to carry the baby and develop a bond that way? And you wouldn't have to go through another egg retrieval again so it wouldn't take as long.

I want the child to be mine. I want it to be my baby. I want to look at it and say "She's got my eyes" or "He's got my nose". If the baby could only be mine or OH's, I'd rather it was neither. It's just the way I feel, in the same way I wouldn't expect him to bring up a child that came from another man's sperm. It'd always feel more mine than his, just like if the opposite was true it'd always feel more his than mine.

I would never go for donor eggs for exactly the same reason.

I really think it'll do you at least no further harm to try and get into another hospital. That hospital has rocked your confidence. They should be answering your questions and putting you at ease. Waiting is making the situation worse.. Bloody tools.

I hate it. I truly do. Wouldn't recommend it to anybody.

Our Mission Statement is "Individualised treatment by caring professionals."

That is what it says on their website. What a fucking joke.

Thanks for the earlier offer, love. It did mean a lot. To be honest, though, I don't even know if I want a further cycle. I just don't have faith that it would work!

Do you think your hospital will offer you some type of egg screening? I think in knowing what you're dealing with might give you a little more confidence to try again.

Still cannot believe it. How many times can life knock you down. So unfair.

Not sure if they would offer it. It's something I'd have to discuss but since i don't want treatment at that hospital again I suppose I'd have to go through it all elsewhere.

Just not sure how to go about being referred elsewhere...

 

[Mrs G]

I don't know if this is helpful to you at the moment but I just wanted to say that you are entitled to be treated at any clinic you choose. We are not being treated at our local clinic, we chose to go to one further away cos we felt more confortable there, their success rates are better and they had less of a waiting list. They sorted it all out for us and arranged to transfer our funding from our local PCT. Although your PCT will fund it, the actual treatment can be carried out anywhere. When you feel you can, it might be worth researching other clinics near to you.

I completely understand why you feel the way you do now, but the pain will in time ease. You are such a strong woman to have got this far and I know that strength will get you through this. You are in my thoughts.

Kath xx

 

[CurlySue]

There is one in Manchester but it's apparently even worse than this one. There's a private one in Manchester that has some contracts with PCTs for NHS treatment and I've written to them to ask if they cover Liverpool as well but other than that the nearest is Leeds or Sheffield.

 

[toby2]

Thinking of you(((((((())))))))
when I spoke to the consultant I saw I asked him why I didnt bleed with my mmc(babies stopped at 6wks, I found out at 13wks) and he said six weeks was average time to start bleeding- I know this isnt always the case as I know lots of people do after they find out fron their scans.
When you go back on Tuesday maybe you or you oh could find the strength to ask about what the first scan showed so you know for sure whether it was blighted ovum or mmc, I know you know what you are talking about but sometimes they are vague when they talk to you and it leaves you lots of gaps to fill in yourself, if you cant face it then I am sure it is something someone will be able to do for you at a later date. On a physical side dont suffer with your cramps, take pain killers and have a hotwater bottle
xxxxx

 

[CurlySue]

Toby, she said "I see two sacs but nothing is inside either of them. They are completely empty."

No fetal pole. No yolk sac.

She called it a missed miscarriage because I think it sounds less cruel than a blighted ovum but I know that's what it was. I know that's what they both were. Two in one go. There is bad luck and there is bloody well cursed!!!

I just want to bleed now. I just want it over with. You were worse off than me in that you went seven weeks without bleeding. If they send me away again on Tuesday though I'm refusing to move. They can give me something to fix things there and then or at least schedule something.

 

[toby2]

It was crap i didnt bleed but everyones journey is different, not better or worse. i know how lucky i am in other respects. i was fortunate enough to have a kinder hospital, they offered me a d/c straight away both times, had to wait a few days but at least i knew it was there- i cannot imagine that wont be what happens for you on tuesday, like you say just refuse to leave if you dont get what you want,its utter mental torture and there is only so much any one person can take-is your gp any good?they maybe some thing they can do if you can talk to them and explain how you are feeling? i know what you mean about feeling like you might as well go to work but I really hope you dont, its still really early days for you on the emotional side and on the physical side home is the best place to be if anything starts
xxxxxx

 

[Millnsy]

Hi CS

I've been away for a few days so have only just logged on. I am shocked and saddened to hear your awful news. Nothing more to say, just didn't want to read and run...

Millnsy x