Only 5dpo and already driving myself insane?

[DoubleLines]

This is TMI but the only thing I have today is some CM. I literally dried up post ovulation (normally I get creamy CM I think) but I had zero. Today I have... like little lotion pieces (almost like when you put sun tan lotion on or something and it clumps). Otherwise... I woke up feeling so energized!

Check back in too if you have anything new! Stay strong holding off on the FRER! I'm currently staring at mine in the medicine cabinet...

 

[macydarling]

Your cm sounds like a great sign!

So...that was an interesting run DH had to stop about a mile in to adjust something on his bike, which then caused my phone app I was using to track my pace/distance to lose signal as well as my music to go off. I then promptly freaked out, yelled at DH and burst into tears. He then mumbled something about pms which only made me more upset. Somehow I managed to realize I was being ridiculous and pulled myself together. I was still upset I didnt have my music or any times but oh well...not every run can be perfect.

On the brightside we found a baby turtle on the trail and saved him from being run over! We took him to a nice little pond even though DH pouted and wanted to take him home. I have never seen such a tiny turtle. Adorable!

I honestly feel sort of out this month :/ I think Im trying to protect myself and not get my hopes up. I really have zero symptoms and the above outburst, in all honesty WAS very pms-y of me. Ah well. Going to try and enjoy the day!

 

[macydarling]

BFN again today.

 

[DoubleLines]

Good morning! How are you feeling today?

Ugh, the yelling at DH (I can definitely understand and have been there) and could be from so many different hormones (pregnancy, stress from the trying and waiting, AF, a bad day, etc.) but I have definitely freaked out in situations that are similar. I'm so glad the rest of the run was good (and sometimes those sorta of bad runs makes the perfect ones even better!)

Awww that is so cool! We don't see baby turtles really around here (New England) so I would have probably fallen in love. Glad you saved it!

It's so hard, I'm feeling very similar. On one hand, if I protect myself and say maybe it's not my month, then I won't be as sad if it's not, and then I can easily try again next month. If I'm convinced it is my month, and it's not... it's going to be hard. But then even saying now maybe it's not because honestly I have had very few reasons for it to be, and I just don't *feel* it, well I still want to believe I am.

When is your AF due? I just realized that mine isn't due until about June 17th... I have a long ways to wait.

Yesterday the DH and I walked around doing house stuff for over 6 hours. Between being up at 6:30 and the running around (and I have cut coffee out, or at least cut back - I used to have two ventis a day and now just have one small) well I ended up taking almost a 2 hour nap! I never nap! I also went to bed at 10:15pm last night and fell asleep pretty quickly. I am starting to think I can see blue veins in my bbs, but then...they may always have been there because I'm not sure I have ever taken notice. Otherwise just another normal feeling day...

 

[macydarling]

My AF is due to arrive on the 12th but she wont technically be "late" I guess until Friday...the 13th!

You are so right about the bad runs making the good ones better! I think I was just frustrated because I only get a chance to run outside on weekends and get stuck on the treadmill all week (which is better than nothing). So I put a lot of pressure on myself to make it a good one since the treadmill makes my soul die a little. Does that make sense?

I understand about protecting yourself! I definitely do that too. I really am just not feeling any symptoms this month though. I didnt want to take the frer this morning but it was calling my name. I might as well just take the last one tomorrow even though I know it will be another dang BFN.

My mom LOVED New England! I think her favorites were Maine and New Hampshire. She said that the air just felt so clean there and that I HAD to go visit for myself. Someday! Im in MD so lots of little turtles and other water critters here!

I love that we both took naps yesterday! I looove my coffee too but I only have a cup in the morning and typically dont drink it all. DH always gets on me for all the half full cups of coffee I leave in the bathroom (I drink it while I get ready for work). Even the last time he bought me a new mug he said he thought to himself...hm this will look good sitting on the bathroom sink! Lol.

 

[macydarling]

Oh yea---I meant to warn you. My frer from yesterday has a real nice evap line on it. Quite convincing! So when you do begin testing be careful with those. I feel like frer has really gone downhill...

 

[DoubleLines]

I'm sorry I missed your first post this morning! You're not out until AF shows her ugly face!

That totally makes sense (about putting a lot of pressure on yourself). That actually tends (for me) to be a recipe for a not good run. I think you mentioned it in a previous post but my best runs are the ones I'm not even in the mood for, and then somehow during it, it's awesome and after I realize, wow that was one hell of a run!

I just took a FRER too, I don't know why but when they are in my cabinet I can't help it. I knew I shouldn't have. BFN. Stark white even. Ugh. Maybe since we both are thinking BFN we will end up with BFP.

I'm biased but I love New England I'm in Mass, but really everywhere - NH, Vermont, Maine - the seasons are amazing. My Dad actually lives in Baltimore so I really like Maryland too (only part I have really seen though).

OMG that is so funny you said that about your coffee and the bathroom. I do that too! My DH used to joke about it and now it just drives him crazy. Like clockwork, every work day he finds a 1/3 cup of old coffee sitting on the bathroom sink (I leave before him). I don't know why, but I always forget I left it there after getting ready haha.

Any fun plans today? I'm off to my in-laws for a visit and to finish up some house paperwork.

I'm trying hard not to analyze but being honest - here's just a sampling of what my overactive mind is thinking about everything baby related...

1. I'm 7DPO, but maybe only 6? I used the clear blue digi tests that show your two most fertile days (the 31st and 1st) but who knows if I o'ed on the 1st or after? If that's the case I think we're out - we just didn't bd enough this cycle.

2. My DH used to chew tobacco (ugh worst habit ever). It drove me nuts (health wise) and luckily he rarely drinks, doesn't smoke, is the best guy ever - but that was his one awful vice. When we got serious about trying, he finally quit (woohooo) but it's only been about a month (after like 10 straight years of him doing it) so I have this constant fear that it'll take months for his sperm count to build back up.

3. Maybe this isn't our month, and what's meant to be will be. When I have moments like this - I feel so happy - like I will be ok with it and we will have fun trying and everything will be good. This doesn't last long though haha.

Okay... enough of my novel, sorry!

 

[macydarling]

We had a nice little Sunday run on the trails (DH bikes). It was 120% better than yesterday's and somehow one of my splits was a 6:25 pace. I didnt even know that was possible for me! Ha!

We explored the trails for a little while and now Im home trying my hand a scrapbooking! Ive never done it before but I really want to make and album of my mom and me when I was growing up! It is so much work sorting through old pics though! And everything is still sooty from the fire. This is the first I have gone through any of the remnants. We are lucky to have the pics though! Some of these are from when my mom was really little that I didnt even know I had. It has been a pleasant surprise! I still havent gotten close to the actual scrapbooking part. Just sorting away!

Great for your DH (and you) for quitting the chewing tobacco! Woo hoo! I quit smoking about 4-5 mos ago so I understand somewhat of the struggle. It was he best thing I ever did though!

I tend to overanalyze my cycle too. Like I actually plug the BD days into an app I have and then look back calculating "chances"...ie: well if I ovulated x day I should be good since we BD'd y day...but hmmm not so good of I O'd *this* day...and on and on and on until I drive myself crazy!

I am hoping all these pics will distract me from all thoughts baby related. I just dont want to feel devastated if/when AF arrives...

 

[macydarling]

This just in my breasts are finally sore! Just around the time they usually are for AF. Hmph.

 

[DoubleLines]

6:25! That's amazing!!!! That sounds like a pretty solid run.

Making a scrapbook, especially getting to go through all the pictures of your Mom, while emotional, is probably so cathartic and you'll be so happy you did it. Take your time going through the photos, that's the best part!

Haha, I do that too, thank God I don't have any apps or I'd be spending way too much time doing that!

Ugh, I think, I am sorta expecting and telling myself it will be OK to be upset for a few days if it isn't my month. This afternoon I had some serious cramping (just while sitting) in my right lower abdomen that sent some tingling to my right breast but only for like 20 minutes. I had to keep asking myself, am I imagining this? Of course now deep down I want to believe I really am pregnant and that was implantation or something... but I believe it almost so much that if it isn't my cycle, I know I'm going to be devastated! Meanwhile DH said today that I have been especially crazy the past few days... so it's hormonal in one way or another I guess.

Ugh, that's what is so frustrating about some of these symptoms it's like OK is it AF or pregnancy?

Are you testing again tomorrow?

 

[macydarling]

I know, I agree. It is so frustrating! I go back and forth. Now I used a different calculator today and it only has me at 9dpo. If that is the case the we only BD'd the day before and after O, not the on the actual O day! Ah oh well.

Yes I actually enjoyed going through the pics and it was an awesome distraction.

I guess I could test again tomorrow but I only have one frer left. Idk. If the cramps I felt on Thurs/Fri were implantation it should be a bfp by tomorrow. I just really dont want to see another bfn though

The app I use is called Ovia. And it says Im CD 24 today...and yet it has my AF due to start on Friday? But wouldn't 28 days be Thursday? Makes no dang sense at all.

Ugh. See this ^^^ is why I need constant distraction lol. Ttc hurts my brain.

 

[macydarling]

BFN again today

11 dpo. I think Im out.

 

[DoubleLines]

I'm so sorry You're not fully out until AF shows but I would feel the same. I know it sucks to hear it, but in 2 weeks you and DH will be trying again! That's a few days of work and good runs before it's time again. Would you use OPKs?

Have you heard of SMEP? I think DH and I are going to try that this month starting at like CD9. I don't want to worry about not enough or too much so thinking that'll cover all bases.

I'm pretty sure I'm out too. I still have zero CM. All my "symptoms" so far could be easily explained (tired from stress, busy days and early mornings, stomached from not eating healthy and so on). It's just frustrating.

I hope you'll stick around for next cycle but understand if you need a little break.

 

[macydarling]

I dont have any symptoms except for bloating and sore nipples...normal pms

I may try and use opks next time though DH isnt crazy about them. He wants it to be stress free and "natural" but this is just not stress free anyway!

Maybe I calculated O day wrong and I am testing too soon...that is my positive swing on it although I am not buying it for a second.

Dont worry, I will stick around for next cycle I will take a few days to be extremely pissed off though (I think I will use those days this week ha).

Sort of actually wishing AF would come already. I cant believe I still have to wait all the way until Friday to be certain...let's face it there will always be a shred of hope there until AF shows no matter how out you feel

 

[macydarling]

My Ovia app says I should have waited to test until Thursday and then has AF starting Friday. If that were the case than I may be 10dpo today rather than 11dpo.

 

[DoubleLines]

I really do agree, until AF shows you are not out! If you implant at 10dpo you would potentially have to wait until 13dpo for a BFP.

Yeah the OPKs definitely take the "natural" out of it haha. I am glad I used them though because I sort of thought I ovulated late (like CD16/17) turns out I'm CD13. But even with using them and potentially knowing my O date I still rethink it all! Like now I'm thinking I could be only 7 DPO or I could be 9dpo. But that's what this forum is for

I think it's good to stay positive util AF shows.

 

[macydarling]

You are right, of course.

There have definitely been other cycles that I had a ton of "symptoms" and was convinced I was pregnant---then AF came. So why not the other way around? No symptoms and then BFP?

I am so torn because I want to stay positive but at the same time I dont want to get my hopes up.

Too bad I have to get to work so early. I feel like my mood would be better if I had time to get my sweat on in the morning!

 

[DoubleLines]

Sometimes I like to read the threads on here with people who had little to no symptoms until like 6 weeks just for that reason!

I hear you, I really feel the exact same way. Right now I think deep down I want to believe I am just because I want it to so badly, so I guess no matter what it's going to be hard if I'm not. Maybe staying positive will at least make the days go by faster (and to make sure DH doesn't get tired of the process). I was worrying yesterday about it all, and while he is excited, he really doesn't get it the same way. He basically just said, well then we learned we need to bd more the few days prior, and we'll try again. Easy as that.

I thought I was impatient during 2dpo-6dpo but man I am REALLY impatient now. It's almost like, ok I just need to know either way already!

 

[macydarling]

Exactly how my DH is! I told him about the BFN today and how hopeless I am feeling about it and he was all calm and cool like oh well there's always next month! I wish I could be so chill about it but the idea of another tww makes my eyes cross!


Totally understand your impatience! I feel like I at least have a tentative answer with the BFN. I would rather get a false BFN than a false BFP anyway (that has happened to me before).

Instead of thinking I still have X amount of days until AF I am just trying to focus on getting through today. Another hour and a half til the kids have "quiettime" and I can run and maybe do some yoga which I know without a doubt will cheer me up. At least for a little while. Then once the kids wake up just a couple more hours til I go home and before I know it I will go to bed and another day
will have passed and one day closer to an answer.

I cant seem to avoid feeling foolish/silly though every month when the bleeding starts. Need to work on that because there really isnt anything to be ashamed of!

 

[DoubleLines]

Ugh, that is my fear with testing too early - getting a BFP and then a few days later a negative.

I love the idea of just focusing on today. I think it'll help the days pass by in a much more positive way. I hate that in a way I keep wishing time away. Instead maybe I'll follow suit and just sort of focus on the good stuff today. I for once brought a really yummy and healthy lunch to work (I had a bad habit of buying), I get to leave a little early since I have a night call, spend some time walking with my pup, cooking dinner and then I have a work call 7-8pm. By the time that's done, I'll probably watch a show that I've dvr'ed and then it's already bed time!

I think I'm working from home tomorrow so maybe I'll get up early and go for a run or go for a swim. I have a feeling exercise will really help make me feel better.

That's awesome you will have some time for yoga today!

Don't feel silly or foolish. I know what you mean, but definitely not something to be ashamed of. One thing I am so thankful for is a regular cycle, even if I hate seeing it after a BFN, it's one step closer to getting a BFP by knowing you're on a regular cycle and all that. So never be ashamed of it!