Others smoking around your children

[Pearls18]

The brain is not fully mature until adulthood, this is a fact. Sorry you find it an excuse.

And the anti-smoking zealots can be even more inconsiderate than a smoker. Believe me.

I'm not saying it isn't a fact I'm just saying it's the most bizarre excuse for the decision to smoke I've ever heard. I was a teenager once and had friends who smoked, why didn't I? Because I knew why it was stupid to, if I managed to put my undeveloped brain into gear for that I don't understand why others can't, otherwise wouldn't we have all started smoking as teenagers? There's no need for all these excuses, you smoke, fine, you have every right to, you don't need to justify that to me undeveloped brain or not- just don't do it around me or my child. We're not talking about people who don't smoke or anti-smokers we're talking about people who do and then pass on their disgusting, dangerous second hand smoke onto others including children.

I hope the number of us "anti-smoking zealots" continue to increase in numbers because the more smoking is irradiated the better it will be for our society and children, inconsiderate or not.

 

[pinklightbulb]

I don't find it an excuse to be rude. Smokers are still people with feelings just as non-smokers are.

And just because you or anyone else made good choices as a teen, doesn't mean everyone does. Peer pressure exists. Bullying exists. Anyone as a teen could have decided to try smoking because of those reasons.

Does that then mean that those who did cave in and found it difficult to un-make that bad decision deserve to be looked upon as second-class citizens later in life the non-smoker who didn't cave in to peer pressure or bullying? I don't think so.

Not everything is black and white. Some teens are also taught to make better choices than others. Some may not have known any better than what they see at home, and chose to smoke as they were not educated as well as someone else. Without guidance, a lot of teenagers will make unwise choices, myself being one of them.

For the record, I was one of the teens who caved to bullying and peer pressure. I wanted to keep my "friends" so I did it to look cool. Needless to say, as an adult, I regret that choice. I just don't think being targeted for it is fair

 

[louandivy]

Pinklightbulb i don't even really get your point anymore - no one is judging smokers for why they started they are just saying that they think it's incredibly rude to smoke really close to children you are making smokers sound like an oppressed, marginalised group in society...I mean come on, just admit its a bad habit! Im not has offended by cigarette smoke as others on here but I don't think it's rude or unreasonable for someone to feel so strongly about it. I agree with marine, how can 'anti-smoking zealots' possibly be a bad thing?! I think most of us ex-smokers started as teenagers as a result of peer pressure so I don't really understand your point there either.

 

[pinklightbulb]

It is a bad habit, but if I'm not hurting anyone else, that isn't an excuse to treat me like shit in public, or anywhere. It happens. All the time. I don't judge non-smokers. Why is it OK to do the reverse? We aren't all smoke-cloud-blowing jackasses like some non-smokers make us out to be. It's hurtful to be treated like that, is the point I am making. We're still people too. Why can't I feel strongly about not wanting to be spoken to or treated badly? I know smoking is bad. That is obvious. I'm trying to say that non-smokers can be inconsiderate of MY feelings, but just because they feel strongly about smoking, it isn't OK to make someone else feel like shit.

 

[pinklightbulb]

Also, zealots are always a bad thing. They are one-tracked and can't be objective, which isn't nice for anyone else.

It's all well and good to say "SMOKING IS BAD DON'T DO IT!" but zealots forget that freedom of choice exists, as well as the fact that as long as cigarettes are sold, being fanatics about smokers and treating us as if we're stupid and terribly wrong and whatnot can be quite exasperating. Smoking exists, and sometimes, some non-smokers need to realize this and, well, deal with it.

 

[xemmax]

Of course it isn't acceptable to be rude to someone but you have to accept the fact that when you smoke it DOES affect other people. Passive smoking is harmful and even in public smoking still stinks. I am an ex smoker myself and when I smoked I never realised just how awful it smells and just how noticeable it is to everyone around you. Unless you are smoking in a room alone then other people can smell it and it sticks to their clothes.

I have every sympathy for smokers who are trying to quit and finding it difficult but I don't sympathise with smokers who don't want to smoke but aren't trying to quit... how could I? You are choosing to continue with a habit you don't actually want. Either admit you like smoking and accept the fact that other people are going to be annoyed by it or try and quit, people are very supportive to smokers who try to quit no matter how many times they fail (trust me, I did it).

 

[Pearls18]

Stop sounding like such a victim! I am not attacking you for being a smoker, you’re making it sound like I am being racist or something?! You chose to smoke, you choose to smoke and not quit- fine, I really don’t care that is not the point of this thread, the point is you shouldn’t be doing it around other people especially children, when you smoke around others you are disrespecting and ignoring their choice and right to not breathe in cigarette smoke. You don’t have the right to smoke in someone’s face when the smoke coming from your lungs emits thousands of harmful chemicals, you’re making it sound like you just wear ugly clothes which are unattractive to the eye but not harming anyone, second hand smoke HARMS people, have you looked into the facts and figures as to what second hand smoke can do? Apart from smelling disgusting and being rude it is harmful, and we have a right to not be subjected to it especially when we have made the right choices to not smoke or quit. So stop making this about your right to smoke and read people’s replies and see that it is the courtesy of not smoking around others that bothers people. And yes if you smoke around me I WILL say something, I will point out your rudeness, and if that puts you out perhaps think about why people have said that to you, it’s not to be arrogant or self righteous or judge you for being a smoker it is because we don’t need to suffer from your poor decisions. So no we don’t need to deal with anything, you need to deal with the facts around smoking and why people are reacting to your unreasonable behaviour not the other way around. If you genuinely smoke around children you should be ashamed of yourself and deserve all the comments you get thrown at you, but tbh I get the impression this isn’t what you do you just want to stand on your pedestal singing the rights of smokers as Lou says like you’re a marginalised group in society? If you don’t smoke around people, there isn’t a problem here, if you do: research second hand smoke, look at the smoking in public laws around the world and you will see why people react the way they do. I respect your decision to smoke, I do not respect your decision to smoke around my child, or me. This is black and white, it does not come any more black and white than that. There is nothing to be objective about.

 

[pinklightbulb]

If you said something to me in public, where I was not close to you, you wouldn't like the answer you got.

I'm not a victim. I'm a human with feelings, emotions and as the law stands... rights. I do not smoke around children. But I will smoke anywhere that I'm NOT affecting anyone else. As I said, I've been harassed by mothers with kids who deliberately came over to me to yell at me, when I was nowhere near them. Where is the line drawn?

 

[Pearls18]

If you said something to me in public, where I was not close to you, you wouldn't like the answer you got.

I'm not a victim. I'm a human with feelings, emotions and as the law stands... rights. I do not smoke around children. But I will smoke anywhere that I'm NOT affecting anyone else. As I said, I've been harassed by mothers with kids who deliberately came over to me to yell at me, when I was nowhere near them. Where is the line drawn?

Well then what is the issue here? Seriously? If I couldn't smell your smoke I wouldn't say anything, you'll be amazed how far smoke travels though you probably don't notice I very much doubt they say something if they haven't smelt it but if they did they aren't representative of everyone else who doesn't like it. If your smoke genuinely doesn't reach anybody else when you choose to do so in public you are really making a moot point in this thread.

 

[pinklightbulb]

Someone has to stand up for the other side... it is a debate thread

And I try my best to be considerate. Sometimes I fail, but never on purpose. I guess I wonder what's wrong with being polite and asking me to move along, rather than giving me dirty looks or hacking loudly or shielding your child's face, all of which I have seen done. Or coming over to me just to say I am disgusting and shouldn't be allowed out of my house, because you have a child and you don't want to risk them going into a "cloud of smoke" 50 meters away.

I'm asking where the line gets drawn about smoking around children -- if the child runs too close to me, is that my fault, and I should move, or should the parent take some responsibility (and I say this as mother of two toddlers)? Or should I hermit myself away just so that non-smokers can enjoy more rights than me, just because they don't like it?

It isn't fair to either side, is what I'm getting at. Unfortunately, things are set up so that both parties are wrong and right at the same time. I *do* have the right to smoke in public, where there can and will be children about. A non-smoker *does* have the right to ask me to move along. But they don't get to tell me what I should not be doing. Same as I don't get to tell a non-smoker to stay home if they don't like it, since the laws are not always set up in their favour.

If everyone was a little more understanding of everyone else, the world would be a nicer place.

 

[lindseymw]

I completely understand where Pinklightbulb is coming from.

Where do you draw the line?

Many a time, I have been sat in a park (woodland, not kids) having a cig on a bench, someone comes over, sits next to me (despite there being many other seats available) & then has a go at me, or does the annoying cough.

Despite making the effort to be out of the way, people do insist on coming over then act like I'm the one the wrong. If you don't like smoking, that's fine...but for the love of god just leave me alone.

 

[Pearls18]

I guess I just see it as I don't have to be understanding, because it's not about somebody having the right to eat or drink, it's a habit and I think if smoker's want to they need to be the flexible ones. I know what you mean about people coming over to you, that is stupid, I wouldn't say something to someone who I have clearly gotten close to after they have lit up, but if someone lights up after coming over to me or already being in the crowd, that is rude and I will say something. I guess there has to be a level of understanding in that if I am bothered by someone's smoke mentioning it to them politely because perhaps they haven't realised, then the smoker should reciprocate with the appropriate action (if I haven't stood next to them).

I am waiting for the day smoking is banned in public like it is in places like New York, not only for the pleasantness of non-smokers but I think the more we "hide" smoking the more it is going to reduce and also I don't think we should be condoning it as a society which I think we are doing by allowing it to be done in public.

 

[onetwothreebp]

I guess I just don't see why I get abused for something that isn't affecting anyone else, just me.

Second hand smoke is extremely dangerous though. You're naive to think your habit only affects you.

 

[lindseymw]

MarineWag, I would have no qualms with someone asking me to move, if for whatever reason I didn't see them when I lit up.

I will move away if children come near me. i.e in a pub garden, if children come outside, I will get up & walk away from them.

I think it's the same on both sides, in that you get inconsiderate smokers but you do also get inconsiderate non-smokers. Despite being a smoker myself, I do get annoyed with some smokers! (The ones that stand by doorways annoy me, especially when I have my two boys with me, neither of which have ever seen me smoke).

 

[pinklightbulb]

There wouldn't be secondhand smoke for your child to inhale if you weren't close enough, or didn't come over just to harass me.

So yes, I see your point, but in the case of a considerate smoker like me, it shouldn't affect anyone else.

And why can't there be understanding? Everyone's life is different. People smoke for reasons... they can't quit, they have poor willpower, heck, some even LIKE it. I hear all the time on this forum about too much judging from other people. Well, a lot of smokers feel judged because of the inconsiderate ones. We aren't all the same. I feel judged when I see the annoying cough/kid face shielding/mother coming over just to berate me for smoking at all. It isn't a nice feeling.

A non-smoker may not like smoking, but honestly, there are many things in life that I don't like and I know it isn't possible to change some stuff. For now, smokers and non-smokers need to co-exist in the world, and preferably peacefully. How can we do that, when there is no understanding on one side of the fence?

**All yous general in the first paragraph

 

[xemmax]

There wouldn't be secondhand smoke for your child to inhale if you weren't close enough, or didn't come over just to harass me.

So yes, I see your point, but in the case of a considerate smoker like me, it shouldn't affect anyone else.

And why can't there be understanding? Everyone's life is different. People smoke for reasons... they can't quit, they have poor willpower, heck, some even LIKE it. I hear all the time on this forum about too much judging from other people. Well, a lot of smokers feel judged because of the inconsiderate ones. We aren't all the same. I feel judged when I see the annoying cough/kid face shielding/mother coming over just to berate me for smoking at all. It isn't a nice feeling.

A non-smoker may not like smoking, but honestly, there are many things in life that I don't like and I know it isn't possible to change some stuff. For now, smokers and non-smokers need to co-exist in the world, and preferably peacefully. How can we do that, when there is no understanding on one side of the fence?

**All yous general in the first paragraph

Exactly... and no one is addressing "considerate smokers" unless I missed something, so I don't see where the argument is?

Also your point about smokers and non-smokers co-existing in the world... come on, are we really defined by that?!

If you like smoking, great! But if you smoke because you like it then you can't go around blaming your immature brain for it. You smoke because you choose to, and that's fine.

 

[pinklightbulb]

No, we aren't defined by it. But it is a thread (debate) about smoking with strong opinions on either side. So in this thread, yes, non-smokers and smokers are coming at this issue from both sides, and yes, we do need to find a happy medium, not just the non-smoker. Smoking IS an us-and-them issue if there ever was one. Some in the thread have voiced extremely strong opinions about smokers in general and wanting it banned and whatever. I don't like that. Freedom of choice and all. It reminds me of an old saying... the right to swing your fist ends where my nose begins.

 

[Pearls18]

There wouldn't be secondhand smoke for your child to inhale if you weren't close enough, or didn't come over just to harass me.

So yes, I see your point, but in the case of a considerate smoker like me, it shouldn't affect anyone else.

And why can't there be understanding? Everyone's life is different. People smoke for reasons... they can't quit, they have poor willpower, heck, some even LIKE it. I hear all the time on this forum about too much judging from other people. Well, a lot of smokers feel judged because of the inconsiderate ones. We aren't all the same. I feel judged when I see the annoying cough/kid face shielding/mother coming over just to berate me for smoking at all. It isn't a nice feeling.

A non-smoker may not like smoking, but honestly, there are many things in life that I don't like and I know it isn't possible to change some stuff. For now, smokers and non-smokers need to co-exist in the world, and preferably peacefully. How can we do that, when there is no understanding on one side of the fence?

**All yous general in the first paragraph

I've just said I wouldn't come over to you and say something if the smoke hasn't reached me, and I wouldnt say something if I have deliberately needed to stand by you if you were already smoking, but if the smoke has reached me when I was there first (or if it is an inappropriate place) then yes I have experienced second hand smoke and I will say something, we really are going around in circles here.

I am never going to agree with you about quitting, if it was impossible people would be hooked for life, your lack of will power is not my problem and I do not need to show understanding for it. I assume people smoke because they want to, not because they have to, if you really had to you would stop, if every cigarette spontaneously combusted tomorrow you would have no choice, if a doctor said your next cigarette would be your last, you would stop, I'm not saying it is easy but stop victimising smokers, I don't feel sorry for them, they choose to smoke.

As I say the difference between smoking and other "habits" that aren't nice in public, spitting for instance, is that smoking causes actual harm, I'm not being snobby, or particular, or sensitive about my nose so stop belittling our reasons, I am safe guarding my health, all you are doing is "getting your next fix" I don't need to be considerate to that if it imposes on me. We do not need to co exist, you need to take your habit away from people who do not want to smoke, and do I need to mention those such as asthmatics who are particularly sensitive.

I thought we were getting somewhere before

 

[pinklightbulb]

Also: Did you miss the part about peer pressure? It is very real. And that is how I started smoking. Not all teens are lucky enough to be accepted for who they are. I wasn't. I had to be "cool" so I wouldn't be bullied, and in my school smoking was the "cool" thing to do. I was bullied, and thought if I smoked like the cool kids, I would be more accepted. The mark of a thought train not quite mature, isn't it? As I said. As an adult, I know that is silly. But as a teen in a school who was being bullied, it was a way out of the isolation and being picked on every day for being a "nerd".

Sometimes... understanding someone's choices goes a long way. And this is where it isn't black and white. I don't like smoking. But I do not have the willpower to quit. I know it because I have tried it. Some aren't lucky or strong enough to make the decision to stop smoking. I am happy and proud of those that were, but I am not.

 

[Pearls18]

Also: Did you miss the part about peer pressure? It is very real. And that is how I started smoking. Not all teens are lucky enough to be accepted for who they are. I wasn't. I had to be "cool" so I wouldn't be bullied, and in my school smoking was the "cool" thing to do. I was bullied, and thought if I smoked like the cool kids, I would be more accepted. The mark of a thought train not quite mature, isn't it? As I said. As an adult, I know that is silly. But as a teen in a school who was being bullied, it was a way out of the isolation and being picked on every day for being a "nerd".

Sometimes... understanding someone's choices goes a long way. And this is where it isn't black and white. I don't like smoking. But I do not have the willpower to quit. I know it because I have tried it. Some aren't lucky or strong enough to make the decision to stop smoking. I am happy and proud of those that were, but I am not.

There is no need to repeat yourself, I have already said I do not care why people smoke, I do not care if people smoke, it is legal and it is your problem, you think you have to smoke and that is your issue, but you do not HAVE to smoke next to children, or people in general. So I will say it ONE LAST TIME, smoke away, smoke 1000 a day, smoke until your lungs are black, just don't do it by me!!!!!!!