Pansy & Mrsbroodypant.....and Lottie :-)

[MrsBroodyPant]

Its all over now. Baby was born at 9.14pm. I will update with the full story tomorrow.

So tired..zzzzzz

Xxx

 

[Pansy]

Gosh, what a long ordeal for you. I hope you were able to come home & sleep in your own bed? Hope you managed to get a goid nights sleep and are feeling as ok as you can today.

xxx

 

[MrsBroodyPant]

Yes we went home to sleep in our own bed. Had a good sleep and now ive woken, it feels as if i dreamt yesterday and it didnt really happen.

X

 

[Pansy]

In a bad way, as in you still feel like you're pregnant or in a good way, like you've forgotten the trauma?

Do you have to rest today? Has DH got day off? Are you sore? I don't know anything about this so can only imagine what you went through. Did they say anything about how long to wait before you can try again?

xxx

 

[kiki04]

Oh Broody My heart is just broken for you : When I lost my little girl, I made some truly amazing friendships in the second trimester losses group. I have them all on FB and we talk daily... and that was 2 years ago. Just remember there is no such thing as 'normal' when it comes to grieving your child. Whatever feels ok to you, then that's what you do. If you feel the need to have support groups, websites, etc etc etc let me know as I know a ton.

 

[MrsBroodyPant]

Thank u ladies.

23rd April 2013
Arrived at hospital by 8.30am we waited in our room to see the midwife. The room was cosy with a big sofa and en-suite. Midwife came at 9.45 and i got changed in a hospital gown with some crazy disposable pants and a massive pad. 10.15am she put 4 small square tablets inside me and this would be repeated every 3 hours until baby comes. It was uncomfortable getting them put in then i had to lay still for 30mins so they wouldnt fall out. I got a canular put into my wrist incase i bled badly and needed blood quickly - everyone gets this so its prepared. I got light period cramps and took paracetamol but it didnt help. The pain got stronger but i could cope ok and i took 2 codine tablets but they didnt help either. 1.15pm i had more tablets put inside. These can give u the runs and i suddenly felt desperate for the toilet but couldnt go coz i needed to lay down for the 30mins first. That part was difficult as i thought i was going to go to the toilet any second and i was having very strong contractions coming every minute. Once the 30mins was up i went straight on the toilet. Afterwards i started being sick loads. This was the hardest point! I then had an injection in my leg for pain relife and anti-sickness. I also took 2 tablets to stop the runs. This injection was amazing!!! The pain went and i was no longer sick or needing the toilet. I felt dizzy and high! I really enjoyed this part! It felt amazing and i was telling DH how much i love him non stop .
4.15pm more tablets put inside. Still no pains! 7.15pm more tablets put inside. Then i asked how long the injection i had would last as i wasnt experiencing any contractions. Midwife said it would of worn off ages ago! I went for a wee and saw something hanging out! Thought it was the baby. Midwife examined me on the bed and it was the placenta. She felt inside and said u will need to push the baby out. I wasnt in any pain at all. The leg injection had worked long enough for the baby and placenta to come away and now it was just sat waiting to be delivered. I had a sheet over me so i couldnt see anything. I did about 10 big long pushes and the baby was born 9.14pm. I got an injection in my leg which everyone gets to help the cervix close back up. Midwife took baby away and i started crying.
Midwife came back and said she looked at baby and its got abnormalities. It has a cyst on its side and the back of its head was open and hadnt forms properly (this will be what was seen on the 2nd scan we had) just goes to show how US are not very clear. Anyway, i wasnt sure if i wanted to see the baby but DH did. He went into another room to view baby and came back to tell me about her. He described her to me and said he thinks i should see her. I wasnt sure. DH showed me pics on google images of fetuses (not ours) that look like ours to prepare me. I decided to see the baby and midwife put a hat on her so i couldnt see the abnormality. She was tiny - same size as my hand from head to toes. She was in a white sleeping bag that u could untie to view more. It wasnt scary and we spent sometime with her. Afterwards she was taken away and i had a bath. Before we went home we got some of her foot prints and a memory box that was given to the hospital by another couple who had lost their baby in 2011. We are going to make a memory box to leave at hospital for another couple. It was a lovely idea.

Thats most of the story! I prob missed bits out...but hope u get the basic picture.

 

[Pansy]

Reading that was heart-breaking. I'm so sorry you had to go through all that. I don't really know what else to say.

The memory box sounds a lovely idea & it's good you're oing to continue that.

How are you feeling now? Has your family gathered round to support you or has it just been you and DH together? I hope you're getting all the support you need.

xxx

 

[MrsBroodyPant]

Thanks.

My mum came round yesterday afternoon and then DH parents on the evening. It was nice to see family. Ive also had to send texts to friends who i havent seen for a while to say ive lost the baby. Im not going to fully explain to everyone as its complicated and some may not understand.

Do im bleeding now and its fairly heavy. Looking forward to that stopping so i can keep moving on. Back to ttc!

How are u? If u have any questions about it then i will answer.

Xxx

 

[Pansy]

How have you done today? Are you sore as well as bleeding? Do you need to rest? I have no idea how you are meant to be after it all.

I'm ok thanks. 5 days without being sick again. That's equalled my previous record! I'm hoping to beat it tomorrow! I had a very long day at work today, longer than I wanted to considering I have to do overtime tomorrow again. Plus I've got my meeting about my maternity leave tomorrow. I've found out that my boss will get 3% on top of my maternity pay refunded by the state, so I don't feel so bad about getting maternity pay now. I thought it was all just going to come out of her profits! I think I've got my head around what I'm going to say now, so that's good.

My DH has been working very long days this week, from 2pm til 3am at the earliest! Hes also been painting the new gate & other diy. He's going to be so tired at the weekend! He can have a lie in on Sat as I'm going to a stitch & craft show with a couple of friends in the morning. I think it's best I just leave him to it. Trouble is, I don't see him much on weeks when he works nights - I don't see him on the days I go to work, I just sleep next to him. I so wouldn't be good at being one of these wives whose husband goes away to work all week - I miss him when it's just weeks like this! My friend's OH works on a submarine & goes to sea for months at a time - he can't even contact her. I'd hate that. She doesn't seem to mind too much tho.

Hope you're doing ok.

xxx

 

[MrsBroodyPant]

I wouldnt like my DH to work away either. I know the pay is usually good but its not worth it. Id much rather be poor and happy. I love having my DH with me. He has been so strong through all this and when i was in labour he was amazing support. He couldnt be any better. Im very lucky like u are. We have married lovely DH's.

Im not sore. Just bleeding but not too heavy. I went to work tonight but just set the children tasks etc and didnt dance myself. Feels strange at wotk that no body knows i was even pregnant and i gave birth less than 48 hours ago and im back at work! Seems crazy to me. But im doing ok physically. Im feeling sad today. Didnt want to get out of bed but DH got me up and i felt better. Been down most of today though. Im making plans to keep busy over next few days. I cant just sit feeling sorry for myself. I need to pick myself up and move forward.

I hope u beat your sickless record tomorrow!! best of luck Xxx

 

[Pansy]

Sorry to hear you're feeling down. On top of everything you've been through, your hormones must now be all over the place too, which won't help. I'm glad you're trying to keep busy. What plans have you made? Are you still thinking of going away soon?

I've made it to 6 days! Hurrah!

Is Hollie being any comfort to you? My neighbours cat has come round early today & I've just spent the last 20mins tickling his tummy! He's such a time waster, but v de-stressing!

xxx

 

[MrsBroodyPant]

Morning!

Looks a lovely sunny day. Today im going round my brothers house and we are taking Hollie and his dog for a walk together. Then later today my friend is coming round for a catch up.

When i woke up i thought it was all a dream again! It is such a bad experience that it seems i must of dreamt it because it cant of happened to me - if u know what i mean. Not that i still think im pregnant but feels like i was never pregnant and dreamt the whole pregnancy lol. Dont worry im not going mad really!!

Your next doors cat sounds cute. Well done with the ms! When is your 16 week midwife appointment? Have u been and ive been to wrapped up in myself to notice? Xxx

 

[Pansy]

It's completely understandable, I don't think you're going mad at all. The whole pregnacy must seem like weird blip, with not believing it and then this horrible ending. I wonder if your body knew on some level that things weren't right & that's why you didn't believe? Hopefully next time it will all be a completely different experience.

It's beautifully sunny here too. DH has been out buying lots of new plants so our garden is looking very pretty at the mo. Because its a new build, there aren't any established plants, but we're slowly putting them in. But we get tempted by the annuals at the gardn centre that add instant colour, so end up spending all our money on them instead!

My midwife appointment is on Monday - it's at 17 weeks cos my due date got moved. I would have mentioned it if it had been this week, I hope that would have been ok. I would have understood if youd ignored it too. I have my 20 week scan in 3 weeks yesterday, when I'll be 19 weeks 4 days (or 18 weeks 5 dats according to my dates - hope they don't decide that's too early!). Apart from the heartbeat, I'm not sure what this appointment is for, but it will be good to see midwife again, not just ring her in a sickness panic!!

Hope you enjoy your walk & catching up with your friend. Is this a close friend who you've been able to explain it all to?

xxx

 

[MrsBroodyPant]

Our walk was nice thanks. It started hail stoning when we got back home! Strange weather! Its sunny again now.
Yes its a close friend who i can explain it all to. Talking about it is helping.

Yes keep telling me about appointments etc. I dont mind. I want u to have a good pregnancy experience and feel u can still share it with me. Hearing the heart beat will be good! Thats exciting!

Xxx

 

[Pansy]

We've had hail here too. It was sunny blue skies out of one window, hail out of the other! V odd!

I'm glad you enjoyed your walk & are finding that talking helps. Are you working again this evening?

My meeting about my leave went well, my boss seems happy with it all & understanding that things may change. I now have to write the ad for my replacement & help to interview them, so that will be fun. I've never done that before. I just need to work out what it is I do so I can make a job specification!!

What are your plans for the weekend? I'm going to the craft show tomorrow, but apart from that don't have any plans. Oh, apparently I'm watching some film on DVD that DH has chosen tmr eve - joy!! I expect we'll also be doing some more ikea doors at some point - that job for MIL is never ending!

Hope you have a good weekend. xxx

 

[MrsBroodyPant]

U will have to make your job sound hard so they know how valuable u are and maybe pick someone who cant do the job as well as u so u are irreplaceable! Lol.

Im at work tomorrow then got the SIL round tomorrow night. Then seeing friends on sunday daytime and other friends sunday evening. That will keep me busy!

Ive explained the whole pregnancy story to my friend tonight & talking really does help. I feel so much better now.

Hope u enjoy your wkend and have a nice sleep when the films on lol. Get the sofa bed out!!

Hopefully a sickness free wkend for u xxx

 

[Pansy]

That's what my DH said too, make sure you don't chose someone as good as you, lol! Thing is, one of the other 3 employees is 63 so will be retiring soon, so if the person is great, they can replace them, not me. That's my hope, anyway!

I'm so glad talking to your friend has helped you feel better. Hope your busy weekend helps too.

I've managed 7 days now, a whole week! V pleased (but not counting my chickens yet). If I could get rid of the nausea too it would be a bonus, but a week off from being sick has been good.

I still feel anxious going out with other people in case I am sick - v silly really. I've said I'll drive myself to meet up with my friends today as I feel car sick nowadays. I also want an escape route in case I need to leave early. I will be taking lunch with me & plenty of drink in case they don't have anything suitable there. I hope my friends don't think I'm too odd. One of them has 3 gils & had HG with all 3, so she should understand. Hopefully it will all be fine & then I won't be scared of going out anymore!

Hope you have a good day at work & enjoy seeing your SIL tonight.

xxx

 

[MrsBroodyPant]

Im sure u will be fine today. I think worry about what 'might' happen is worse than what could actually happen. As long as your friends know your pregnant then u will be fine.
Hope u are having a nice day!

Ive finished work. Feeling tired now. I really cant be bothered with ttc again but i want a bfp more than anything! I really miss being pregnant. It was such a happy time with a future to look fwd to. Now i feel lost. My DH is so good at cheering me up and staying positive. I dont know what id do without him xxx

 

[Pansy]

I can completely understand you feeling like you can't be bothered with TTC. It can be so frustrating cos it's all out of your control really, & involves a lot of waiting around. You're bound to miss the certainty (well sort of certainty, ability to plan at least) of being pregnant. But TTC won't seem as bad this time, cos you know it can happen. Thinking "is it even possible" must've made TTC harder, it certainly did for me. And people say once your body has been pregnant recently, it's more primed to get pregnant again, so maybe it won't take too long. And you get the excitement of getting a BFP again. Plus you can drink coffee & not worry about what you eat. You have more time to decorate beforehand, cos maybe next time you won't be able to stand the smell of paint like I can't. There must be a reason why now wasn't quite the right time, and next time will be the perfect time, you just won't know it yet.

I'm glad DH is helping you feel better. You are allowed time to grieve too if that's what you need. You'll know what's right for you. Just keep on getting through each day as best you can & the rest will take care of itself.

I was fine yesterday, you were right. I was worrying over nothing. I felt completely exhausted from walking about & my hands & feet swelled a bit, but I didn't feel too sick. I bought a few nice bits & bobs so it was worth it.

Hope you have a good day with your friends. I think we're doing ikea stuff. The film last night was Jack Reacher with Tom Cruise. It wasn't too bad, not te worst I've been forced to watch! The neighbours cat certainly enjoys film nights. He came round as the film was starting & spent the whole time curled up asleep under the blanket on the bed! He looked very happy!

xxx

 

[MrsBroodyPant]

Ive never seen that film but glad it wasnt too bad lol. Its amazing that next doors cat spends that much time with u! And even gets in bed with u!

We have just had some of our friends round. It was lovely to see them. We all had tears and they are so nice. She said that out of all our group of friends she knows having children means the most to me! So nice of her to say that. Ive always been the one who is good with children and works with them and loves children so much. Its nice when some else reconizes that.

Have u still not had sex yet? Soon i will be having loads again lol. Im going to have to buy new underwear to spice it up a bit!

Xxx