Please help me tell my sister in law

[Jellybeanx2]

Hi! I have not posted before. I have a question and I hope no one will think I'm insensitive. In fact I'm being the opposite. My sil and her husband struggled to get pregnant for their first child. They have 1 and they have been trying for 2 years to have a second. In those 2 years I have gotten pregnant, had a child, and now I'm pregnant again. I have tried to keep the secret as long as possible. We found out at Thanksgiving her only sister (my only other sil) is also pregnant. So of the three of us 2 are pregnant, and not her. I want her to be able to have another child so bad and honestly I have this picture of three new babies at Christmas next year. But I know she isn't pregnant now. She has never ever said the first word to me about her I struggle to conceive. I know all this second hand. My husband and I were going to tell at Christmas until we found out sil 2 is pregnant. Now I'm wondering if I should tell sil 1 in advance so she isn't surprised when we tell everyone else. I would completely understand if she struggles with this. But I don't know if I can go to her in advance without making her uncomfortable since she has never told me about her problems. Should we even tell at Christmas or just tel everyone in a more "low key" way? Can anyone give me some advice?thank you!

 

[kazine]

If she has told your husband maybe he could talk to her? There's definitely no way for her not to be upset in this situation I'm afraid especially with the two of you.

Good luck x

 

[Pirate]

I don't think you're being insensitive, in fact, I think you are being overly sensitive. I think it's really awesome that even though you are super excited that you are taking her feelings into account too.

As a person who is having trouble conceiving, here is what I would appreciate if someone did for me. I would give her a call a week or so before Christmas, let her know, tell her that you are planning to announce at Christmas but that you suspected it may be hard for her to hear so you wanted her to be prepared. Don't offer details unless she asks. Emphasize that you would prefer she keep it between you and her for the time being (I'm pretty sure she won't want to talk about it anyway). I suggest doing it by phone instead of in person because she will likely cry and/or be angry (not that you are pregnant, that she isn't pregnant too) so she'll be able to get away quickly and you won't see her upset.

Again, I think it is really great that you are so sensitive to her feelings.

 

[gonnagetabump]

The one thing about us longer term ttcers is its happened beforem....someone already has gotten pregnant and probably multiple times
.....we accept it we will probably cry feel sorry for ourselves but in our situation....we are pushed to stay positive. I wouldnt announce it on Christmas as she will likely be emotional.....as many of us are without a baby on yet another holiday.....break it to her before or after but not on a holiday. Congrats