Poll for those who FF

[naderz]

I cryed for about 6 weeks solid that i failed.

This is what is bugging me so much, i cried and cried like you and although we know it's not the end of the world is this just our motherly instincts (and a shed loads of homrones!) making us upset or is it the lack of support, and general attitude of the midwives/doctors/hv we see.

I cried to my midwife and health visitor but neither of them said 'ok lets try it now or ill give you more home visits to help you' they didnt even encourage me to keep trying they just told me to think positivly that Noah is getting fed and doing well. and that they deal with this problem all the time.

I guess its our motherly instincts to feel guilty about it.

 

[naderz]

3011busyyear

 

[missVN]

I breastfed my lo for 2 weeks but we just couldn't seem to get the latch/ position right. This resulted in me having extremely sore, cracked bleeding nipples and lo losing 9.6% of his birthweight by day 5. He put a little back on but lost again at day 10 so we were advised to top up with formula. I tried to express tor a few days but the most I ever got was 5ozs in 24 hrs which wasn't going to even scratch the surface of lo's hunger- he was taking 4 oz of formula every 3 hrs at this point. I then made the decision to stop seeing how he was thriving on the formula. I didn't feel guilty, it was 100% the correct decision for me- I had started to dread feeding lo as it was so painful and instead of it being a lovely, calm, bonding experience it became tense, stressful and tearful.
I never had BF 'rammed down throat' by my midwives and was not made to feel guilty for stopping.
I think I would try to bf my next one but have to say I would be very anxious about going through that pain again.

 

[peanut56]

I cryed for about 6 weeks solid that i failed.

This is what is bugging me so much, i cried and cried like you and although we know it's not the end of the world is this just our motherly instincts (and a shed loads of homrones!) making us upset or is it the lack of support, and general attitude of the midwives/doctors/hv we see.

I cried to my midwife and health visitor but neither of them said 'ok lets try it now or ill give you more home visits to help you' they didnt even encourage me to keep trying they just told me to think positivly that Noah is getting fed and doing well. and that they deal with this problem all the time.

I guess its our motherly instincts to feel guilty about it.

There needs to be more support for this. I cried for weeks after "failing" too. I feel like I didn't enjoy my daughter as much as I could have in the beginning because I just felt so guilty and like a terrible mother. Unless they've experienced it, no one has any idea how hard it is to get over it.

 

[Kelloggz187]

I cryed for about 6 weeks solid that i failed.

This is what is bugging me so much, i cried and cried like you and although we know it's not the end of the world is this just our motherly instincts (and a shed loads of homrones!) making us upset or is it the lack of support, and general attitude of the midwives/doctors/hv we see.

I cried to my midwife and health visitor but neither of them said 'ok lets try it now or ill give you more home visits to help you' they didnt even encourage me to keep trying they just told me to think positivly that Noah is getting fed and doing well. and that they deal with this problem all the time.

I guess its our motherly instincts to feel guilty about it.

There needs to be more support for this. I cried for weeks after "failing" too. I feel like I didn't enjoy my daughter as much as I could have in the beginning because I just felt so guilty and like a terrible mother. Unless they've experienced it, no one has any idea how hard it is to get over it.

Exactly! Whenever I have one of my 'down days' over this, OH always tuts and tells me to 'stop being stupid'. He hasn't got a clue how it feels! xx

 

[Marlarky]

Yes,, FOB does that too!!!! My whole pregnancy he went on about how i HAVE TO breastfeed and stuff,, and then once Aaron was here and I was breastfeeding, he wanted me to formula feed, so when I failed at breastfeeding it was like he was happy!! I would cry and he would just tell me it''s better like that. ITS BETTER!! the nerve he had...

 

[summer rain]

I FF because I felt more comfortable doing so, I know alot of people BF and in ways id wish id tried to. I know i dont have to justify myself to anyone but i do get the impression alot of the time that BF mums look down on FF fed mums and this shouldnt be the case. Its the own persons personal decision how they feed their baby,

To be honest I don't think this is fair at all, I don't know any BF mums who look down on FF mums and I have seen judgmental BF mums in cyberspace only and judging by their ramblings it seems they are the type to look down upon other BF mums who don't do things exactly as they think they should be done. A lot of BF mums can get a bit defensive as they don't get the support, despite perceptions NHS health professionals often push formula at the first hurdle or even when there isn't any problem, also a lot of older people and even just most people in general in some areas think BF is inferior and it can be very upsetting to have nasty comments that you're starving your baby on a regular basis. But personally I've never met any BF ladies who look down on FF at all.

 

[peanut56]

I have come across quite a few BFing moms who look down on FFing moms, both in real life and online. This is just my experience, I am not trying to paint everyone with the same brush. I have also come across BFing moms who have been wonderful to me about my situation!
I've never heard of BFing being looked down on...where I live, it's actually quite uncommon to FF, so that surprises me. It amazes me that anyone would look down on it!
I hope this thread doesn't turn into a BF vs. FF of any sort - we don't need any more of those!! I don't think anyone here is trying to say BFing moms in general look down on them or judge, or anything of the sort (that's certainly not my intention anyway)...we are just talking about our own personal experiences.

 

[BlackBerry25]

I voted other.

I had many reasons.

I was depressed from the whole overwhelming constantness of it.

I had a very blocked boob from a rejected piercing, and milk would not come out which ended up in me having mastitis and laying shaking on the floor.

I had gallstones, and was on a VERY restricted diet. It took all my energy to BF as I was hardly eating and lost 30 pounds in one week of breastfeeding.

 

[Peachypoo]

i bf my first lo, first 2 weeks i had such cracked nipples and was bleeding but was so determined to bf i carried on (i was never made aware how difficult it may be and how painful it can be) when my lo was 4 weeks i had mastitis and my dr and hv shrugged it off as its 'normal', and ignored me... a week later i ended up in hospital with high temp and now an abscess in my right breast, and was told i wud have to have surgary a cut done and a tube put in for the abscess to leak and to stop feeding at that side... anyway for 11 weeks i was in and out of hospitals but persisted in bf and had to top up, ... i gave up at 6 months from my left size.. through this whole process none of the health profesionals helped me as i soo badly wanted to carry on bf, i wasnt given no advice etc about expressing or anything.....
this time round its been a brilliant start no problems at my end but my lo has reflux so i will have to give her formula as ive ended up with over supply and seems like baby may have an intolerance.. also she seems very uncomfortable at feed times... but through the help of internet and b&b ive learned alot and after my lo has matured a lil more i shall fully bf...
i personally love bf as i myself find it easy and love the bond between me and my lo.. but i never look down on those who chose to ff, each to their own, very person has difficult circumstances and everyone has different views on bf...
bf is just my preference for several reasons but i dont think its a big issue ff... i find ff alot more difficult for myself thou...

 

[Seity]

I voted other. I combo feed because of low supply. I can't say for certain if the chronic blocked ducts and/or being back at work at 2 months and having to pump caused or simply contributed to the low supply.

 

[Cookie1979]

I didnt produce any milk, he wouldnt latch because he wasnt getting anything, and after 20 mins on an inmdustrial sized electric pump i got a dribble out, was very disheartening and i still feel upset about it from time to time, but after 3 weeks of trying (but obv giving him formula - he would have starved if i hadnt) i realised enough was enough. He is thriving, he's in the 99.6th centile for his height and is very healthy so now im happy he is on formula.

 

[kiwimama]

With Ella I FF after trying to bf her for 6 weeks. I developed pnd because I continued with it when it wasn't working and started to hate her and was even starting to develop some irrational thoughts, so I really had to stop in the end to enable me to bond with her.
With Seth, I had incredible pain from the first feed, I was crying each feed and decided I wasn't going to go down the same path I had with Ella because I was feeling happy and in love with him and didn't want to destroy that continuing with bfing.
Now, I feel guilty that I haven't bfd Seth but also feel guilty that I continued to try and bf Ella and ended up hating her for that time (took me about 6 mths to finally feel that I loved her) when I could have just given her formula and been in love with her from the first moment like I have been with Seth. Seems I can't win.

 

[Lellow]

Aymen wouldnt latch, he was born teeny anyway and i was under no circumstances going to let my child starve/lose a considerable amount of weight just because of outside pressure...

...I was made to feel guilty by family but you know what, when i saw my boy was growing and thriving on FF, i couldnt give a monkeys what anyone else thought!

I will try again however to BF when or if we have another, but my childs health comes way before my pride and other family/social pressures

 

[RayOfLight]

I really don't understand why Mums get their knickers in a twist about this.

Some kids play football, some play the piano, some kids eat meat, some are vegetarian, some kids get pushed in a pram, some get carried in a sling and hey some kids get breastfed, and some bottle.

Why can't parents just stick to their own kids and their own lives without judging everyone elses?! It really gets on my nerves.

It's enough bloody hard work as it is being a Mum, getting by every day without having to justify whether they get their food from your tits or not.

So hey, here's to all us amazing Mums, doing the best for our kids whatever way we decide to feed them. xxx

 

[hellohefalump]

I'm on medication that I can't breastfeed on. Given the choice between coming off it, and breastfeeding, and not coming off it and formula feeding, I think formula feeding is the better choice. That's because my kids have a healthy mamma.

To be honest, I breastfed my daughter and formula fed my son, and they're both perfectly healthy.

 

[summer rain]

I have come across quite a few BFing moms who look down on FFing moms, both in real life and online. This is just my experience, I am not trying to paint everyone with the same brush. I have also come across BFing moms who have been wonderful to me about my situation!
I've never heard of BFing being looked down on...where I live, it's actually quite uncommon to FF, so that surprises me. It amazes me that anyone would look down on it!
I hope this thread doesn't turn into a BF vs. FF of any sort - we don't need any more of those!! I don't think anyone here is trying to say BFing moms in general look down on them or judge, or anything of the sort (that's certainly not my intention anyway)...we are just talking about our own personal experiences.

In the UK a lot of people do look down on BF, in some areas the BF rate is extremely low, 20-something% at birth and virtually nothing at six weeks, let alone at six months etc. In those areas/families you do get many people who have not seen BF ever in their lives; and they therefore do tend to think it is weird or inferior to BF. And as I said those who do look down on FF and actually I did meet one in real life who was like that; but only one lady, look down on other BFing mums also they just have a problem with ladies doing things differently to how they like; in general. These tend to be the same ladies who think strollers are child abuse; giving your baby calpol is dangerous, you have to wear your baby 24/7 etc so no-one can reach their high standards. The militantly pro-BF ladies I have come across are often, to give one example, against mums who express milk at all; especially if its given in a bottle and say things like if you've ever had to give formula or formula has ever been given to your baby for whatever reason you may as well not bother BF anymore because all the benefits are lost (which there is no evidence for). The majority of BF are not like this and as a BF mum I certainly don't welcome being lumped together with the militant types who are a tiny minority because I certainly have never looked down on anyone. I do also think; and I speak as someone who myself had to switch to formula with one of my babies for medical reasons; think that sometimes when we (needlessly) feel guilty about something we tend to overthink things and think people are looking down on us or that we have to explain; when we don't and those people are not looking down on us at all.

 

[summer rain]

I think this is a very good blog; it comes from a BF help site but it is all about not judging mums who FF because all too often they just didn't get the support needed and no-one knows anyone's 'back story'

https://www.analyticalarmadillo.co.uk/2011/03/consequences-of-passive-breastfeeding.html

 

[Reds05]

I was determined to breastfeed this time round due to a bad experience with DS1.

It was all going well and I even got through a cracked nipple but then my dad died suddenly when DS2 was 5 weeks old. The shock of it happening and all the organising etc afterwards meant that he was getting more bottles therefore my milk supply was affected. Also think it affected the quality of my milk so he now gets 75% of feeds from formula and the rest from me.

I don't feed guilty about it at all as the circumstances couldn't be controlled.

 

[bubbles123]

He was fully FF from 6 weeks as he would not latch as he had a severe tongue tie which was not picked up to later and the NHS wouldn't snip so had to go private in the end. I felt awful about it at the time but with time I have realised I have nothing to feel guilty about and I did my best. If I have another baby I will try to BF but if it doesn't work out I'm determined not to waste a second feeling guilty. As a PP said, the NHS campaign is based entirely on ante natal promotion. What it does is drum into you must BF, then leave you to flounder, feeling guilty and useless when it doesn't work out. It's horrible and is causing a lot of anger and resentment which is unfortunate and will not do the cause of BF'ing any good. More money needs to be spent of BF support, not useless BF'ing DVD and posters at ante natal clinics.