Post-Natal Embarassing Stories

[dovehouse]

i had third degree tears and needed taking to theatre to be stitched up afterwards. whenever the midwife came round after, for the next few weeks she would check my stitches, which would mean going into my bedroom,, strippinmg from waist down and having to lie on my side with my bum to her face....she once said 'ooooh beautiful'as she was looking. i had to laugh and say i didnt expect you to say that! she said the stitches were beautiful??!! its really true that once youve been through labour, you have no shame! i used to get dead embarrassed about body things....not any more. i also had to show my beautiful stitches to a junior who was shadowing my consultant....didnt expect it to be a bloke! he couldnt look me properly in the eye after!
x

 

[missVN]

This thread is hilarious- am having to try really hard not to laugh cos lo is fast asleep on me and the shaking keeps nearly waking him up!

I had a c-section and was left a bit gassy. Two days after having Ryan I stood up and did a really loud and long fanny fart My other half started laughing hysterically which set me off but trying not to laugh cos it hurts and with a full bladder can only end one way- very badly!! I wet myself but not just a little bit, oh no, it was like a tsunami Was all over my pj's and my compression stockings. I was mortified as I had to ring the call bell and tell the midwifebut was even more mortified when they sent the cleaners in- was on a 4 bed ward which was full

 

[sapphire1]

I love all these stories, they're brill! Here's some of mine...

My LO got readmitted to hospital when she was about 4 days old and I hadn't done a poo yet. I was really desperate so toddled off to go (I was scared, as others have said, felt like my bum had been stitched up). I was really conscious that I had been in there a while as I was really struggling. I was trying all kinds of weird positions to get things going. Anyhow, DH came to knock on the door to say I'd been in there almost an hour and did I need any help. I was desperate at that point so agreed to let a midwife come in. I was squatting on the floor (yes, the floor) with my pants round my ankles begging her to help me go. I have never been so embarrased!

In the same hospital stay I couldn't sleep as was feeding LO on a strict schedule. I decided to have a lovely bidet (at 3am, as you do). I got sat down after I filled it up and tried to turn the tap off. All of a sudden water started pouring out of a hole next to the toilet and all over the floor. It was completely flooded and I couldn't get it to stop running. In the end I had to get dressed and fess up to the midwife that I'd broken the bidet and I was very sorry, grovel, grovel...

Lastly, I was chatting to DH in our living room and was desperate for a pee. All of a sudden I could feel it running down my leg and it wouldn't stop. I was squeeing 'ooh I'm weeing, I can't stop!'. Didn't really occur to me to run to the toilet until DH pointed out that's what I should do! That child has ruined my damn pelvic floor...

 

[noree]

I have arrived at the car park to go to weight watchers and realised my jumper was covered in poo! Kitty's bottom and nappy had decided to explode minutes before we left the house and I washed and changed her (nappy and clothes top to toe!!) in such a rush (so I could drop her at MIL and get to WW on time) that I didn't realise what was all over my top. After all the effort to get there I still went in - I kept crossing my arms alot and didn't stay for the meeting...lol, I have no shame anymore x

 

[Surprise]

OMG real tears of laughter at this thread.

I thank my lucky stars that my pelvic muscles still work well after 5 kids lol - Hey I can still trampoline without accidents (of the leakage sort anyway).

My embarrassing post natal incident is minor compared to some of these.

When my 3rd child -Harrison was born my older children were 1 and 2 and for a short while whilst we were moving bedrooms around and decorating they shared a room. They moved into our room in the front and my dressing table was left in there as it was only temporary.
We had just had a new neighbour who we were yet to meet, she had only been there a couple of days when we got a knock at the door about 7am.
There stood my neighbour telling me that my kids were throwing stuff out of the window. My front garden was full of maternity towels, always ultra, paper knickers, a whole box of breast pads were floating round the street and 2 boulder holder maternity bra's were sat on top of my car....

Well it broke the ice with the new neighbour I suppose.

I am literally laughing out loud at this!!

 

[beatnick]

i remember walking down the hospital corridor waddling like a baboon. i felt like my ass was HUGE and my legs were sort of walking around it.

 

[Surprise]

Haha i remember one i forgot about!! I waddled bad after my delivery, well as soon as we got out of the hospital I had to go get gas pills and stool softner sorry! lol so I walked in to the grocery store, ok waddled! and waddled up to the cashier she gave me this one eye brow raise like wow that bad huh? (I think she thought i needed the medication thats why i was waddling!!) LO was with dad in the dvd store!!

I'm wiping away the tears!!

 

[starrybean]

This thread is hilarious- am having to try really hard not to laugh cos lo is fast asleep on me and the shaking keeps nearly waking him up!

I had a c-section and was left a bit gassy. Two days after having Ryan I stood up and did a really loud and long fanny fart My other half started laughing hysterically which set me off but trying not to laugh cos it hurts and with a full bladder can only end one way- very badly!! I wet myself but not just a little bit, oh no, it was like a tsunami Was all over my pj's and my compression stockings. I was mortified as I had to ring the call bell and tell the midwifebut was even more mortified when they sent the cleaners in- was on a 4 bed ward which was full

This thread is so funny! The things we go through!

 

[WanaBaba]

This is such a great thread! It's had me LOLing so much!

Although i'm sure there have been lots more embaressing things happen i can only remember 1 at the minute..
I had to have a cesarean so a few hours after having LO, i was recieving a bed bath (which was quite embaressing but there's worse to come) anyway at the end of it when i was all clean and wearing a new nighty, OH noticed my pee bag was so full it was bulging LOL so i asked the lady if she could empty it for me, which she did and whilst doing it managed to spill almost the whole bag of wee all over my bed and ME! So there i was sat covered in my own wee, whilst OH laughed at me LOL. I was motified lol. Had to have another bed bath aswell lol

 

[nicki01]

This thread is great!

2 hours after giving birth they sent me for a shower! it was 7 0'clock in the morning so i thought noone would be about and anyone that was would know how i was feeling. There wasnt a shower in my room so i had to walk across the corridoor, i only had a blood stained t-shirt on, holding a great big pad between my legs with 2 hands and my dressing gown slumped over my shoulders just to cover me so noone could see.

As i walked out my room, OH behind me pushing LO in her trolley, my dressing completely fell off and there was a whole corridoor full of painters and decorators, OH just walked backwards back into the room and left me there!

Also when i went into labour i was so so sick, that on my way in i had to stop and be sick in bin, im not quiet when being sick either! There was a poor man sat in the waiting area outside delivery, i was hurling in the bin then shouted really loud 'oh god i just pissed myself' then proceeded to crawl on all fours down the corridoor! He asked my sister when she went out to get my bag if i was ok lol!

 

[Zedfaca]

Oh I've got a terrible one. I managed a fairly dignified labour with no poo issues. Happy days, right? Wrong! I got a poo stuck for a few days and I just could not find the strength to push it out. It was agony so I literally pulled the damn thing out myself bit by bit. A few hours later my husband goes to the toilet and comes out saying he thinks there's poo on the wall. There was. The shame!! I couldn't bring myself to explain how it got there.

 

[RedRose]

This thread might be the funniest thing I've ever read in my life

 

[nicki01]

Oh I've got a terrible one. I managed a fairly dignified labour with no poo issues. Happy days, right? Wrong! I got a poo stuck for a few days and I just could not find the strength to push it out. It was agony so I literally pulled the damn thing out myself bit by bit. A few hours later my husband goes to the toilet and comes out saying he thinks there's poo on the wall. There was. The shame!! I couldn't bring myself to explain how it got there.

That is brilliant!

 

[starrybean]

This thread should be made into a book to give to young girls as a sex ed lesson

 

[beatnick]

i agree, it would be a hilarious book to give someone when they just had a baby to feel better that they just had a finger up their bum and done a poo or five in front of their husband.

 

[xdaniellexpx]

o god and to think i want another 1 got 2 love it tho x

 

[Kimmy25]

I think the most embarrassing thing for me was everyone and their uncle asking if I'd managed to pee yet! I ended up being catheterised for a fortnight (before they taught me to do it myself as and when I needed) because bladder trauma meant I just couldn't "go"

I remember having to go to the nurses station with my pot of wee so they could measure it lol

 

[Kimmy25]

when i was laid on my hospital bed the mw came round to do the bum parting check on me and perched on the bed next to me.

due to the painkiller they put up my bum (nice) my ass was basically numb. i couldnt seem to stop the farts coming out and knew i was "fart vunerable" whilst laid down. i went to sit up (to block the farts) and she insisted i stayed layed down.

... she was very discreet and didnt even flinch when one just ripped right out!

the shame.

lmaoooo

 

[Wriggley]

when LO was 3 days old we had to get a midwife round as i was having horrendous back and tummy pains. she ended up telling me to go to hospital to check nothing got left behind.

I was petrified that my epidural had done some damage or something.

I got there and was there fore 4 hours whilst they gave me pain killers that didnt touch it and sent me home with 'it must be your uterus contracting back come back in if its not gone within a couple of days'

well it didnt go and i was starting to get really upset - midwife came round a couple of days later and asked if i had gone to the toilet (poop) and i said no and she said it could be constipation and told me to start taking the laxitives they had given me and i haddnt taken them - so i did and within a couple of minutes i was running back and forth to the loo.

the embarrassing thing was that my cousin and her mum had popped round to visit at the time and my mum kindly told them why i kept running out the room.

she also very kindly had told everyone that i had been having back pains and then very very kindly told them all what was causing it

 

[Kimmy25]

i agree, it would be a hilarious book to give someone when they just had a baby to feel better that they just had a finger up their bum and done a poo or five in front of their husband.

Yep would deffo have made me feel better knowing am not alone in them early days and cheered me up when things were hard!