Rant - Feeling so hopeless about sleep!

[bananaz]

Shadowy Lady - I'm so glad you are sleeping better! I hope your LO does well in the pack'n'play.

katrina - Good luck with stopping the feeding to sleep, I know it's not an easy thing to do but it will be worth it if your kiddo starts sleeping better.

jessica - So glad you had a good night!! Sounds like Lilly is making progress, yay!

 

[Noelle610]

I just got back from our appointment. The good news is that Charlotte is doing GREAT on all of her milestones and weight gain in particular, which is so nice considering her reflux. The pediatrician told us absolutely not to feed her between midnight and 5am. He said any time outside this window was fine, but that we should try comforting her in other ways in that midnight to 5am window. He feels she'll stop waking if we do tihs, but I'm not so sure! I guess we can give it a go and see how she does.

That's interesting. So he thinks it's okay to feed before midnight? Did he say why that particular window?

I also was surprised about what a bad rap Ferber gets after I read his book (and I read the old version, I've heard the new version is even gentler). There was a lot of useful info in there and I thought he was actually quite thoughtful and sensitive when it came to the CC discussion.

Elsie had her 6 month appointment yesterday, and her new pediatrician recommended gradually lengthening my initial response time to her wakings, starting with 15 minutes and then adding 5-15 minutes every night. He said after that I can go in and soothe her like usual. So I guess it's kind of a toned-down version of Ferber? He also said that at 6 months she doesn't need to eat at all during the night and that she has me "trained" right now

Last night was rough. She woke at 11:30 and she just wouldn't settle - it would seem like she was going to sleep but then she'd pop awake a couple minutes later. I watched on the video monitor as she literally did laps around the perimeter of her crib! At 12:30 I gave in and fed her for a few minutes. She was still awake when I put her back down and she squawked a little but then she FINALLY went back to sleep and stayed down until 3.

She eats well during the day and goes down with a full belly so I know I shouldn't keep feeding her so early in the night but how long am I supposed to let her cry while I try to soothe her other ways? I'm pretty sure she could go for 2+ hours at least.

It's a weird time, isn't it? If she doesn't wake before midnight she essentially has to go all night, but if she wakes at 10pm it's fine? I should have asked, but I think it has to do with the medical definition of STTN and encouraging her to fast for a long stretch when DH and I actually want to sleep. He too suggested the wait time - he said 10 minutes is appropriate at 6 months old. I don't disagree, but it feels sooo long in the middle of the night. My ped said we were trained too. He essentially said that if you ate in the middle of the night, every night, you would continue being hungry at that time until you gave up the habit... which does kind of make some sense.

Agree on Ferber! The chapter I just read actually strongly discourages total extinction, full CIO... Interesting.

Charlotte eats so, so well during the day. I know she won't starve, I guess I'm just worried about going cold turkey, like it might be cruel. I guess it can't hurt to try and just trust my instincts as I do it. I too wonder how long a soothing session could go on for!

 

[MiniKiwi]

I hate getting advice these days. My DH's best friends let both of their kids CIO at 6 weeks old and are encouraging us to do so.

The lack of sleep has been so stressful on my relationship. I have an awesome husband, but he's convinced that CIO is the way to go right now. I think he just sees how difficult the sleepless nights are for me and he "wants our life back". He feels sleep training will achieve this. He misses me being energetic and excited about my job. He misses spending time with me at night since I often go to bed at 7:30pm! I'm not against sleep training, but until we get night feeds and reflux resolved I don't think it's the appropriate solution for us.

This is happening to me at the moment. A friend yesterday mentioned CIO to my OH and when we got home he asked me when we're going to take a different approach to Mini's sleeping, as in, when are we going to get tough and stop with the hours of rocking and let her cry. I'm quite anti CIO yet this morning I found myself thinking about it and thinking it really wouldn't be that bad I never fight with OH, we just get on with it but this morning is a different story

I'm so over all of this

Do any of you have babies that sleep ok at night but freak out once it's nap time? Yesterday Mia fought all her naps until 5pm when she passed out for 1.5 hours. That was nice but it meant hours of crying and rocking prior to it

 

[MiniKiwi]

As for our night last night, she went to bed at 7:30pm (Later than normal because she had a late nap) and she woke five times before 11pm. She went back to sleep at 11:10pm, and slept until FIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG. :happy dance: I feel so rested! She had her bottle at 5am, and slept until 7:30am where she was up for the day.

Also she's been waking up when I put her down lately, but she looks around, wiggles a little, and goes back to sleep without my help. YAY!

Heh I bet you thought you were in for a rough night after the early wakings, no?! Way to go, Lilly!

Sofia had an ok night, not as good as previous night though. She went down at 8 pm, but needed her soother at 11:15 pm. Then she slept till 1:30 am when she needed to feed. After that down till 5:00 am. So ya not as great as usual but not terrible. The good news is I had a much better time. I slept on the opposite side of the bed so I couldn't check her monitor so I actually slept until she woke up each time I feel much more rested today and looking forward to my boot camp this afternoon.

Tonight I'll be staying with my folks (and tomorrow night as well) as DH is working overtime. Hope the transition from crib to Pack n Play won't affect Sofia's sleep.

That sounds great Glad you're managing to get some sleep now too

 

[Noelle610]

I hate getting advice these days. My DH's best friends let both of their kids CIO at 6 weeks old and are encouraging us to do so.

The lack of sleep has been so stressful on my relationship. I have an awesome husband, but he's convinced that CIO is the way to go right now. I think he just sees how difficult the sleepless nights are for me and he "wants our life back". He feels sleep training will achieve this. He misses me being energetic and excited about my job. He misses spending time with me at night since I often go to bed at 7:30pm! I'm not against sleep training, but until we get night feeds and reflux resolved I don't think it's the appropriate solution for us.

This is happening to me at the moment. A friend yesterday mentioned CIO to my OH and when we got home he asked me when we're going to take a different approach to Mini's sleeping, as in, when are we going to get tough and stop with the hours of rocking and let her cry. I'm quite anti CIO yet this morning I found myself thinking about it and thinking it really wouldn't be that bad I never fight with OH, we just get on with it but this morning is a different story

I'm so over all of this

Do any of you have babies that sleep ok at night but freak out once it's nap time? Yesterday Mia fought all her naps until 5pm when she passed out for 1.5 hours. That was nice but it meant hours of crying and rocking prior to it

It's so hard. I think husbands are wonderful, but they generally have a different type of attachment to their children. If you are really at the end of your rope, I think there is gentle sleep training you could try... like no rocking or bouncing, but soothing Mia from the side of her crib. It's a tough call. You know her best! I'm over this too. Big hugs!

 

[Noelle610]

Got back from the ped appointment. I tried to put it really nicely, and he said not to feed her every hour, but to find another way to get her back to sleep, and warned me that she would really really fuss. He said I could fight this battle now or later, but it would be easier to fight it now, because I'm more likely to win. He told me to do this during the day AND night, and that if I want her to stop waking to nurse back to sleep, then I have to just stop nursing her to sleep, and it will break itself. He's really a nice guy, but he did tell me that if she's feeding every 3 hours or so during the day, she probably needs it at night too. The only thing is that I don't know if she IS feeding that much during the day, since she really only feeds right before a nap. Anyway, if I stop feeding her to sleep I suppose that what she really needs will show itself.

Katrina I think your doctor gives good advice. I know it will be hard to break the habit, just like will be for me! I'm telling myself to give it 3 days to see if there's any improvement. Maybe we can motivate each other!

 

[MiniKiwi]

Thanks Noelle. I really have had enough I have tried soothing her through the bars but she goes apeshit. I could definitely give it another go though, thank you. Ughhhh. I usually feel ok about it all, today is just a bad day. I was talking to my mum about it last night and she asked me if I think OH and I have spoiled her

Hope things get better quickly for us all

 

[katrinalorien]

Got back from the ped appointment. I tried to put it really nicely, and he said not to feed her every hour, but to find another way to get her back to sleep, and warned me that she would really really fuss. He said I could fight this battle now or later, but it would be easier to fight it now, because I'm more likely to win. He told me to do this during the day AND night, and that if I want her to stop waking to nurse back to sleep, then I have to just stop nursing her to sleep, and it will break itself. He's really a nice guy, but he did tell me that if she's feeding every 3 hours or so during the day, she probably needs it at night too. The only thing is that I don't know if she IS feeding that much during the day, since she really only feeds right before a nap. Anyway, if I stop feeding her to sleep I suppose that what she really needs will show itself.

Katrina I think your doctor gives good advice. I know it will be hard to break the habit, just like will be for me! I'm telling myself to give it 3 days to see if there's any improvement. Maybe we can motivate each other!

I'm definitely going to need the motivating, I'm such a wimp. Especially when those tears start to roll down....

I'm much better with the angry cry.

But not today, because she got her shots and she's not feeling well anyway today.

 

[Noelle610]

Thanks Noelle. I really have had enough I have tried soothing her through the bars but she goes apeshit. I could definitely give it another go though, thank you. Ughhhh. I usually feel ok about it all, today is just a bad day. I was talking to my mum about it last night and she asked me if I think OH and I have spoiled her

Hope things get better quickly for us all

Mine does the same thing! UGH it's so hard! I'm really going to try to do the soothing/not feeding between midnight and 5am for 3 days. I really want to give it a good try before giving up... but my resolve is not there at 2am!

I have days where I feel like "this too shall pass" and I have a great sense of humor. Then I have days where I just feel so defeated, so I really understand. I hate that old "spoiling" myth... my family accuses me of the same!

 

[MiniKiwi]

I know it seems a strange thing to do but I was posting in this thread the other day and the woman's baby was waking hourly until she gave water in the night instead.

I know I wouldn't do that cause in the night my LO wakes for genuine reasons but maybe for some it's worth a try? I'm not sure if this is bad advice I just know that anything seems like a good idea when they won't sleep

 

[Noelle610]

MiniKiwi, I've heard that the water can work if they don't really need the calories! I think the reason is that it fills their belly and helps them go back to sleep, but it's calorie free so they are still shifting their calories to take in more in the daytime?

Katrina, my LO slept almost all night after her 4 month shots. Hope you get some rest like I did!

 

[jessicatunnel]

Oh my gosh guys, Lilly slept seven straight hours last night! It was bliss!! My hubby actually woke me up at about 1am to go check on Lilly, lol.
I'm so hopeful now, the night before she slept six hours, last night she slept seven, we're finally getting somewhere! I don't want to speak too soon though!

 

[Noelle610]

Oh my gosh guys, Lilly slept seven straight hours last night! It was bliss!! My hubby actually woke me up at about 1am to go check on Lilly, lol.
I'm so hopeful now, the night before she slept six hours, last night she slept seven, we're finally getting somewhere! I don't want to speak too soon though!

That's awesome! Charlotte slept from 7pm to 11pm and then 11pm to 6am! I'm pretty sure it was the shots she got at her 6 month appointment, though... She slept very well after her 4 month shots too. Fingers crossed it's not a coinicidence though!

 

[mrsbeano]

Well done Charlotte! She STTN!! She will get there. Definitely listen to your Drs advice. I really listen to the cry at night and only go if he sounds upset. If its quiet or a shout I leave him to it. Last night he woke at one but went back over again after 10 minutes or so.

Fingers crossed for good nights again tonight.

I think the 12-5 thing is the 'core night' if you want to read on that.

Quinn's currently doing a week of good followed by a week of bad haha x

 

[Noelle610]

Well done Charlotte! She STTN!! She will get there. Definitely listen to your Drs advice. I really listen to the cry at night and only go if he sounds upset. If its quiet or a shout I leave him to it. Last night he woke at one but went back over again after 10 minutes or so.

Fingers crossed for good nights again tonight.

I think the 12-5 thing is the 'core night' if you want to read on that.

Quinn's currently doing a week of good followed by a week of bad haha x

I'm a proud mama! I'm definitely going to listen to the doctor. My gut tells me he knows what he is talking about. I promised myself to give it at least a week to see if it's working. It's so easy to give up when you're tired.

A week of good is better than all bad! I bet you see more consistancy as Quinn approaches 6 months. A lot of my girlfriends have had that experience

 

[bananaz]

Oh my gosh guys, Lilly slept seven straight hours last night! It was bliss!! My hubby actually woke me up at about 1am to go check on Lilly, lol.
I'm so hopeful now, the night before she slept six hours, last night she slept seven, we're finally getting somewhere! I don't want to speak too soon though!

That's awesome! Charlotte slept from 7pm to 11pm and then 11pm to 6am! I'm pretty sure it was the shots she got at her 6 month appointment, though... She slept very well after her 4 month shots too. Fingers crossed it's not a coinicidence though!

Holy crap, that's great for both of you. I really hope it keeps up. jessica - have you been changing anything aside from reducing her night feeds?

Elsie's schedule was way off yesterday and she ended up deciding to go to bed for the night at 5:30 She then woke at 10, 12 and 3:40 and got up for the day at 6. So while it wasn't a fantastic night for me, she got a full 12 hours and she hasn't done that in a long time. I'm wondering if maybe she needs an earlier bedtime? I think I might try putting her down at 7pm tonight and see how it goes.

 

[katrinalorien]

Jessica - wow congrats!!

Noelle - I hope it wasn't an accident. Lily didn't have a great night last night, so maybe yours will not be an accident!!

Bananaz - I found that Lily really needs a bedtime at around 7:30, although I wanted it to be 8:30 at first. Hopefully that really helps you.

 

[bananaz]

Bananaz - I found that Lily really needs a bedtime at around 7:30, although I wanted it to be 8:30 at first. Hopefully that really helps you.

Yeah, her bedtime has been slowly creeping up as she's gotten older and it's been at 7:30 for a while now so I'm thinking maybe it needs to move again. I miss the days when she went to bed at 9:30pm and woke for the day at 9am!

 

[Noelle610]

Elsie's schedule was way off yesterday and she ended up deciding to go to bed for the night at 5:30 She then woke at 10, 12 and 3:40 and got up for the day at 6. So while it wasn't a fantastic night for me, she got a full 12 hours and she hasn't done that in a long time. I'm wondering if maybe she needs an earlier bedtime? I think I might try putting her down at 7pm tonight and see how it goes.

How many naps does she take? When Charlotte dropped her 4th nap (she takes 2 or 3 now) she really needed an earlier bedtime. It's not exact every day, but between 6pm and 7pm depending on the time of the last nap and how fussy she is seems to work well for us.

 

[jessicatunnel]

Bananaz, I haven't changed anything. She's still having 2 bottles at night, sometimes only one, but haven't changed anything during the day. We 'technically' started her on solids about two weeks ago but I haven't been very good about it and she's literally only had like three "meals". Hah.
Also yesterday we had to go to this meeting so she was up past her bedtime of 6:30pm, and didnt actually go to bed until 8, but then she woke up at 9pm and 10pm before going the seven hours. I'm kind of thinking her bedtime is too early so going to try keeping her up until 7:30 or 8 for the next few nights and see if that helps at all.