Rant - Feeling so hopeless about sleep!

[Noelle610]

So sorry Stella! Currently going through something very similar with my 7 month old and teething. Big hugs to you.

 

[stella26]

I hear that med's would make baby sleepy and yes I have tried but it has no affect on her, figures right? lol. She doesn't get sleepy from it.
I think I'm just a little more fustrated today becasue last night I went to a Christmas Party where I saw two co workers who have babies aswell and they just could not beleive that my DD is up SO much, like always there babies are sleeping 12 hour long stretches and have been since 6 months. It's making me feel as though I'm doing something wrong, and I feel like a failure. All I want to do is cry today.
ALso I just feel as though I get no help from husband, I know I'm EBF (daughter won't take a bottle) but he could try and help soothe her so maybe she will learn tp ss on her own, with me she just won't, an wants boobies....
Ahhhh motherhood, I never new could be so hard, YES rewarding but still SO hard....

Oh my goodness will this never end....
My almost 8 month old is up llike every 45 minutes to a hour the last few nights. She did this about 3 weeks ago for about a week and then a tooth came through so I'm wondering if she is getting another tooth.
All she wants to do at night is nurse, nothing else will sooth her. I'm SOOOOO tired.
I'm so afraid she is not getting enough sleep. It's a struggle lately to get her down for naps aswell and when I do there like 20 minutes thats it.
I wouldn't mind the 20 minute naps if she slepts well at night but she doesn't, no joke when I say she is up like 15 times a night. I'm so fustrated, I get NO help from husband either, all on me.
I can only pray for a better night tonight.
Oh I finally got her sleeping in her swing right now, hopefully she naps for awhile, she needs it.

Wow, big hugs to you, that is so tough I hope it is just teething and she'll get back to sleeping well once the tooth cuts through (which should be soon!). Have you tried giving her some pain meds to see if it helps? My LO is teething right now and I find she sleeps a lot better when I give her a dose of ibuprofen before bed.

 

[bananaz]

We had another good night here. Down at 6:45, up at 2 for a feed, then up to nurse again at 4:45. She started fussing after I put her back down the second time and I decided to give her a few minutes to resettle herself because I knew from experience that trying to soothe her during those early-morning wakings never ends well. So I got back in bed, turned on the video monitor and... woke up 45 minutes later I'm hoping that means that she didn't fuss long before going back to sleep and not that I slept through her crying. Anyway, she got up for the day at 6:30 and she actually seemed happy and well-rested for once. Hopefully this trend will continue.

 

[bananaz]

I hear that med's would make baby sleepy and yes I have tried but it has no affect on her, figures right? lol. She doesn't get sleepy from it.
I think I'm just a little more fustrated today becasue last night I went to a Christmas Party where I saw two co workers who have babies aswell and they just could not beleive that my DD is up SO much, like always there babies are sleeping 12 hour long stretches and have been since 6 months. It's making me feel as though I'm doing something wrong, and I feel like a failure. All I want to do is cry today.
ALso I just feel as though I get no help from husband, I know I'm EBF (daughter won't take a bottle) but he could try and help soothe her so maybe she will learn tp ss on her own, with me she just won't, an wants boobies....
Ahhhh motherhood, I never new could be so hard, YES rewarding but still SO hard....

Ibuprofen doesn't make babies sleepy but if they're not sleeping well because they're in pain it can help with that. I'm sorry to hear it hasn't helped your girl though!

Please don't beat yourself up, chances are your daughter's sleep issues have very little to do with anything you have or haven't done. I definitely sympathize with you, though - I'm a single mom and my LO is also EBF and refuses to take a bottle. It's ridiculous that your husband won't help you at night, you should not have to be dealing with this by yourself when you have a partner there! And like you said, it's so much harder for a nursing mom to soothe her baby back to sleep without feeding than it would be for him to do it. Maybe he would be more receptive if you put together a short-term gameplan, like "You handle the wakings between this time and this time for the next week and we'll see if that helps," so that he wouldn't feel that he's on the hook forever? Not that he shouldn't be on the hook forever - it's his kid too!

How much is she eating when you nurse her at night? Does she just suck and then go straight back to sleep or does she actively nurse for a while?

 

[Shadowy Lady]

Stella - I'm so sorry about your bad nights But try not to compare your baby to others. How a baby sleeps has no reflection on you as a parent. Hope things improve for your soon.

Bananaz - so glad things are still going well for you hun. The best part to me is that you pretty much know when she'll be up and so you get to rest.

Last night my DH and I did shifts at night. He was in charge from 8 pm (when Sofia goes to sleep) to 3 am as we know that she likes to wake up at 12 am nowadays. So hubby said she did wake up at midnight but only drank 2oz and went to sleep. At 3 am, she woke up again and hubby came downstairs to get me and switch places. I went up to see that Sofia had already fallen asleep. She stayed asleep till 7 am!! At that point I fed her and she went back to sleep till around 10 am.

One thing I had done differently yesterday was to feed her more often and also in a quiet room during the day so I don't think she was hungry at night. I will do the same today and hope she breaks this new habit of night wakings

 

[stella26]

My DH thinks becasue I'm on maternity leave and home ALL day it's my responsibilty to take care of her at night since he has to get up for work. I get it don't get me wrong, I understand he has to wake up early and work but I don't see anything wrong with a day here and there of being tired. I too have to work, well taking care of a baby is work and If I'm sleep deprived which I am then I'm not at my best and my daughter is not getting my best. Not too mention I have to clean the house, do laundry make dinner. I just think he could step up to the plate every once and awhile and help me, he is the dad for pete's sake.
Uhmmm at night she will eat sometimes and other times I no it's just to get her back to sleep because it's quick.
I know this will eventually pass, I just hope it's sooner then later.
I too will have to be back at work in April and I will need the sleep.

I hear that med's would make baby sleepy and yes I have tried but it has no affect on her, figures right? lol. She doesn't get sleepy from it.
I think I'm just a little more fustrated today becasue last night I went to a Christmas Party where I saw two co workers who have babies aswell and they just could not beleive that my DD is up SO much, like always there babies are sleeping 12 hour long stretches and have been since 6 months. It's making me feel as though I'm doing something wrong, and I feel like a failure. All I want to do is cry today.
ALso I just feel as though I get no help from husband, I know I'm EBF (daughter won't take a bottle) but he could try and help soothe her so maybe she will learn tp ss on her own, with me she just won't, an wants boobies....
Ahhhh motherhood, I never new could be so hard, YES rewarding but still SO hard....

Ibuprofen doesn't make babies sleepy but if they're not sleeping well because they're in pain it can help with that. I'm sorry to hear it hasn't helped your girl though!

Please don't beat yourself up, chances are your daughter's sleep issues have very little to do with anything you have or haven't done. I definitely sympathize with you, though - I'm a single mom and my LO is also EBF and refuses to take a bottle. It's ridiculous that your husband won't help you at night, you should not have to be dealing with this by yourself when you have a partner there! And like you said, it's so much harder for a nursing mom to soothe her baby back to sleep without feeding than it would be for him to do it. Maybe he would be more receptive if you put together a short-term gameplan, like "You handle the wakings between this time and this time for the next week and we'll see if that helps," so that he wouldn't feel that he's on the hook forever? Not that he shouldn't be on the hook forever - it's his kid too!

How much is she eating when you nurse her at night? Does she just suck and then go straight back to sleep or does she actively nurse for a while?

 

[stephj25]

Stella, my DH is exactly the same. He hasn't got up a single time since my LO was born!! I've been all on my own doing it

Your LO is probably going through a phase too, i'm sure it won't last long- i'm hope it will get better soon for you xx

 

[MiniKiwi]

Thanks for the advice! Bananaz, that sounds like a great night, very similar to what Mia's been doing the last couple of nights. She's just gone down for her first nap of the day without much of a fight so we'll see if it's another 1hr and 45 minuter!

Man it would be lovely to have a well rested baby!

Shadowy - that sounds like a great night, well done Sofia! But the real question is, did YOU manage to get any sleep?

Noelle - Hope you're managing to get some rest too. Mia's got an amber teething necklace, I'm not sure if it works but she doesn't seem to be having trouble with the teeth and she's not having any pain relief for them

Stella - big So sorry you have to deal with that with no help. What does your DH say when you ask him for help? I agree that you should be sharing night times regardless of him having to go to work, like you said, what's the big deal about a few tired days for him? I'm hoping you see a new tooth soon and her sleep will get better for you, have you got an amber necklace? I agree with bananaz that some pain meds might be the way to go.

It's hard not to compare your baby to other people's babies! But it's just your bad luck, nothing to do with your parenting! You are not a failure People with babies who sleep (I used to be one of these!) don't understand it's all luck! I used to think I was a pro-parent lmao! Until the four month sleep regression when things started getting difficult. Out of the 12 babies at my baby group, Mia is the only one who has a hard time with sleeping and it does make me feel like I'm doing something wrong too! I know I'm doing my best for her and that she'll sleep when she's good and ready. I really hope you have some better luck tonight and in the next days

 

[lysh]

There is no way I can catch up with all the posts!! Finally on holiday break for a week- so far been a rocky start. Baby girl is teething and is waking up again every 1-2 hours. DH and I are hosting 21 people for Christmas at the house and I am regretting getting ourselves into this!!!! I am sleep deprived, overwhelmed, and I barely have time to pee never mind clean up the house! So now, thanks to all this stress, DH and I are fighting and barely spoke since this morning. Lovely 1st Christmas with DD.

Stella- My girl does the same thing- she will not take a bottle at night. Because I have gone back to work, she takes it during the day but refuses at night. So, I am on my own too and it sucks. That is why DH and I are in a fight...it was suppose to be my morning to sleep in (we take turns on the weekend getting up with LO) and she decided 4:30 was wake-up time. He made some comment about being tired and I snottily told him that at least he does not have to get up and nurse all night long. He got mad and feels I am trying to make him feel bad and that he wakes up too when I get up and get back into bed. ugh

Sorry for the rant- I wish I had time to catch up to see how all the babies are sleeping! Maybe after the holiday madness.

 

[bananaz]

Well I hope the reason this thread has quieted down is that everyone's babies are sleeping perfectly now!

lysh - You are a brave woman having so many people over, holy cow! I can't imagine hosting anybody with the state my house and I are in right now.


On the whole Elsie has been sleeping well and has fallen into a pattern of going down around 6:30 and then waking once between 12:30 and 2:30 and once between 3:30 and 4:30. Except last night, when she was up at least every hour after 1am

I stuck with my two regular feedings and the rest of the wakings I just let her resettle herself, but I'm still not confident I'm doing the "right" thing. She was only fussing and I could see on the monitor that she was trying to go back to sleep on her own which is why I chose not to go in, but I still worry that I'm effectively letting her CIO. I've also been so exhausted and groggy at night that I find myself falling back asleep when she's fussing and then I don't even know how long she was awake, which I feel really guilty about. I'd like to think that if she were actually upset I would be awake since I'm pretty responsive to her at night (I almost always wake up exactly 10 minutes before she does, weirdly enough), but who knows?

 

[Shadowy Lady]

Bananaz - hahaha no i wish! I'm still not sleeping...and I have a cold too :/ and as I have sinusitis my ears hurt like no tomorrow and ouch at being up every hour after 1 am. That's totally rough. With my state of illness and all the family coming here tomorrow for xmas brunch I would totally die :/

I'm trying to wean Sofia off to only one night feeding so I'm pretty much going by Chapter 7 in Ferber's book which is super gentle. It's working ok but it takes about a week or so in the meantime we're up every 2 hours.

So she's down at 8 pm, when she woke up at 11:30 pm I didn't feed her as I'm trying to get her back to at least 4 hours between feed. She whined a bit and went back to sleep and woke up at 2:30 am when I fed her. Then she woke up at 4:30 am when I let her go back to sleep on her own. Then she was up again at 7 am when I fed her and she slept again till 9 am...now I'm not sure if I'm doing this right though and whether we're supposed to be up more than usual before things improve...if anyone has done ferber's night weening let me know

 

[lysh]

shadowy- I have not done the Ferber night weaning as my doctor seems to think I have low capacity and might not be able to go all night without feeding. ugh lol I do not think I can do this for a year though, so I might try at some point. I was going to try to reduce her to one feeding a night while on break, but now she has a runny nose and is teething!

It sounds like a lot of our babies are teething right now. My LO is getting her very first front tooth!!! The other front tooth on the bottom is starting to show a bit too.

Bananaz- I have been wanting to ask- do you take those pictures of Elsie yourself??? The photos are always so beautiful!

Well, I am sitting down after a long day of cleaning up for tomorrow and spending Christmas Eve at MILs. I still have a lot to do though and everyone will start showing up at around noon tomorrow. Thankfully, SIL is coming to keep my LO occupied 2 hours before the festivities begin. I am am nuts for doing this! haha

For those of you who celebrate Christmas- Merry Christmas and have a wonderful day tomorrow!

 

[Noelle610]

Hey girls! Sorry I have been MIA. I am in upstate New York visiting my dad for Christmas.

Well that tooth finally popped through! Charlotte has slept surprisingly well now, especially considering we are traveling. We drove 6 hours to get here and that was kind of a nightmare - she wouldn't nap at all in the car!

But all else seems to be going much better than expected! We had only one waking the past two nights and last night she slept straight through! Charlotte went to bed late last night and was very overtired and of course is trying to get up early right now. I'm listening to her on the monitor hoping she will settle in for another hour. I can't complain, though. I think we're in a good place... for now.

Merry Christmas everyone!

 

[MrsPear]

Yay Charlotte's tooth has arrived! Glad you're in a 'good place'!

Lysh hope those teeth come through quickly

Bananaz I hope Elsie continues with waking up only twice...I was just saying to OH tonight how you never can tell if you're doing the 'right thing'. You never know how something else would have worked out so I just think you have to not worry about it.

Stella I know you wrote your post ages ago but I only just came on- it's such hard work doing all the night feedings and settlings- can be really depressing when you spend every day so tired. We all feel for you!

MiniKiwi, have the long naps continued?

Shadowy Lady- I am wondering if Joni would benefit from a dark quiet room for day feeds too. She might eat more and want less at night? Have you had a good success?

As for me...well my new year's resolution is to not complain so much! haha, so I think that includes on this thread. Just a heads up though, Joni is NOT sleeping well...here's me not complaining

I'm taking my inspiration from one of my closest friends with children...can you believe she has triplets 6.5 months old, and when we meet up she juggles three whilst I flap about just with one- and I've never heard a single complaint from her!!! She really is brilliant, but I bet I'm back on here in a couple of days with more complaints than ever

In the meantime I'll just be reading

 

[Boo44]

Wow triplets! Haha yes we all know one of those mums who never complains and makes us feel guilty! My LO is really regressing at the moment and waking earlier and earlier each day for the past week. I feel like I have tried everything and nothing is helping. The main issue is my reaction which is to worry that 'everything is ruined' and get all upset about it. I think the worst thing is the hope each night that whatever you've tried that night might make it all ok, then the disappointment when I hear him waking up. Argh it's so stressful!

 

[bananaz]

The main issue is my reaction which is to worry that 'everything is ruined' and get all upset about it. I think the worst thing is the hope each night that whatever you've tried that night might make it all ok, then the disappointment when I hear him waking up. Argh it's so stressful!

YES, I know exactly what you mean, I have the exact same thought processes! There have been so many nights when I went to crazy lengths to make sure she had the absolute ideal conditions for sleeping well - her naps were timed perfectly, she had a ton of milk and solids during the day, she was in comfy clean pajamas, the temperature in her room was perfect, etc etc and then she slept horribly. That's when I really start feeling hopeless.

I just have to keep reminding myself that things can get better or worse suddenly but overall there has been improvement, and eventually she will be a consistently "good" sleeper one way or the other. It's still hard not to think "Oh god, everything's falling apart, this is never going to get better!" after a few bad nights though (or a couple months of them, lol).

I'm not going to bother getting into details about how last night went but I will say that she was up a lot, including a 2-hour screamfest around midnight I'm hoping it was just because she went to bed late and was overtired, and hopefully we'll be back to better sleep again tonight.

 

[Boo44]

Oh dear that sounds awful bananaz. I really hope tonight is better for you! We started Christmas Day at 5.22am exactly with a wide awake ready to party baby, I was like a zombie all day!

I def let it get to me too much and I know I need to work at going with the flow a bit - but I've never been like that about anything, I'm a complete analyser!!

My LO was sooo overtired tonight when we finally got home from visiting family, so I am anticipating yet another crazy early start. It's 9.30 here and I'm thinking of heading off to bed!

 

[bananaz]

I def let it get to me too much and I know I need to work at going with the flow a bit - but I've never been like that about anything, I'm a complete analyser!!

I'm the same way. I don't think it's a helpful attitude with a baby, but I don't know how to stop!

On a related note, I am officially losing hope about her sleep again She had two pretty good weeks with 6-7 hour stretches at the beginning of each night but now over the past week her first waking has crept earlier by a half hour each night and last night it was back to the $&!@ing 11:30 wakeup I worked so hard to get rid of when this whole mess started! And she's also started standing up in the her crib all the time, which isn't helping her go back to sleep on her own.

Sorry for whining, I'm just so freaking fed up and tired, I really need a break from this.

 

[Shadowy Lady]

Boo, Bananaz and MrsPear - sorry your LO's are still up a lot I know it seems like there's no easy "fix" for night wakings.

MrsPear - Yes, I def found that feeding in a dark room (or at least quiet room) during the day helps. I've managed to cut her night feeding back down to 2 (it had gone up as high as 4).

So we've had some success with Sofia. After trying Ferber's night weaning method for 3 nights her first wakeup has been moved from 11:30 pm to 1 am. Her second one is harder though but it's been moved from 4:30 am to 5:30 am. I think I'm gonna move the start of her bedtime to an earlier time gradually. I'm gonna start putting her to bed 15 mins earlier each night until she's down at 7 pm.

The problem with us is me mostly. I'm still not sleeping well and I think I've developed a phobia of night time...I wanted to not take Melatonin last night but I was so worried about it that I didn't go to sleep until I took a dose and then I fell asleep immediately. Which is making me think I probably don't really need the drugs and this is all in my head but it's such a deadly cycle and I'm always sleep deprived. Every other day I spend half the crying outta exhaustion. Anyone dealing with this?

 

[bananaz]

Bananaz- I have been wanting to ask- do you take those pictures of Elsie yourself??? The photos are always so beautiful!

Yes I do, thank you!