Rape Culture - What do you think?

[Bex84]

I know a person who was sexually assaulted and one raped. Neither perpertrator paid for what they did. One perpertrator was a dr who said it was due to the nurse (a family member) smiled and was friendly and he did not understand uk culture. Its awful, and i know from my friends who teach secondary school that access to porn is warping kids minds to what sex should be like. They think violence and hurting people is normal. Its scary and horrible that people think its ok. I can remember my dad even saying well girls need not to drink and not dress half naked as it confuses boys. Thst still gives no one the right to rape

 

[Button#]

I agree with pretty much everything said here. I think the slutwalk protests are also a good way of tackling the view that women are to blame.

 

[Raven24]

women are not to blame at all, men obviously need educating on what is normal and what it mean when a woman says no, but obviously it is a minority of men.
if i went out clubbing etc now though i wouldnt wear heels and i wouldnt wear something short or lowcut expecially if i knew i was walking home or going home alone, and this isnt for any reason other than practicality, id rather be able to run away and not attract unwanted attention. sadly girls and women need to think like this because it is not safe out there at night

 

[Fizzyfefe]

Women get raped no matter what they're wearing, though. It's not an attraction thing; it's about power.

 

[Raven24]

I know the clothes are irrelevant but its easier to run away in flat shoes thats all i meant.

 

[Noelle610]

women are not to blame at all, men obviously need educating on what is normal and what it mean when a woman says no, but obviously it is a minority of men.
if i went out clubbing etc now though i wouldnt wear heels and i wouldnt wear something short or lowcut expecially if i knew i was walking home or going home alone, and this isnt for any reason other than practicality, id rather be able to run away and not attract unwanted attention. sadly girls and women need to think like this because it is not safe out there at night

I don't think it's necessarily as small of a minority as you would think. I'm not sure what the university system is like in the UK, but in the US "date rape" (which is just rape) is rampant and a huge problem. Most of the perpetrators are "normal" guys. I went to a religious university and date rape was a big problem. A local paper wrote an article on it and of course they denied everything, but it's a reality.

I think it's unfair to say that women need to "think like this" because it's not safe out there. I guess it's true to an extent, but why don't we put any of the responsibility on men and society in general? Why must women have the sole responsibility? Because we live in a rape culture, in my opinion.

 

[Raven24]

im not saying men should have no responsibility i just mean that in reality wome do have to think like this, unless something drastically changes and we can be guaranteed safety then women need to take real steps to protect ourselves, its not about not giving the responsibility to men its about being sensibly when there is a serious threat out there.
for example i think women should be offered free self defence classes and also in schools be taught about being safe when out and about

 

[Noelle610]

I'm in favor of that! I'd love my daughter to take a self defense class.

 

[Raven24]

id love to as well to be honest. Ive got two boys and when they are older id like them to do something like karate and i think i will join as well. Its awful to have to think like this and we shouldnt have to.

 

[smokey]

I was discussing this last night with hubby after reading about this case last week, think I scared him though as he originaly though it was safe now we arnt having girls.
I was trying to explain to oh how in a way raising boy is harder then raising girls because with girls we just need to teach them to be carfull, not to get themselfs in a situation ie walking along a dark area alone, and to respect themselfs enough to say no if they dont want to have sex.
But with boys its differant, im not on about lurking in a dark ally waiting to pounc a stranger but rather everyday life, teenage pressure to lose virginity is so much more in boys and the sociel common sense of sex and and what it involves.
we not only have to teach them about safe sex but to respect a partner, know the differance of what is normal urges and what isnt, to learn that a unsure nervouse and shy partner can sometimes be the same as a outright no.
Just because they havnt spoken up doesnt always mean they consent yet.
To learn that just because they arnt involved in a perticular indcident doesnt mean its ok for them to not speak up about somthing they have heard or seen weither they where there or seen it passed around as video or gossip.
To stand up to peir pressure of not joining in on taunting a girl for how "slutty" she may be dressed or taking advantage of how shes dressed.
To help a girl that looks like they have had too much to drink or needs help or protecting, to have the courage to say no ir call the police if need be.
Its not just sex education of how to pur a condim on or to be safe that we need to teach them, there is so much more to it.
Media doesnt help as it always portrays women as sex objects to just be there and used as a guy sees fit which leads to porn which in cases is fine for them to explore but its making them understand the differance between what is exceptable and what isnt and putting those teachings into practice.
At the end of the day every guy that rapes is someones son and it scares the hell out of me that they could have had a perfectly fine healthy upbringing just had parents that didnt teach these sex attitude leasons and id I dint teach it right could my son wnd up like that as well just because I didnt instill the important meaning of no in him or that "i guess so if you want" isnt the same as yes

 

[Andypanda6570]

Women get raped no matter what they're wearing, though. It's not an attraction thing; it's about power.

That is the truth. It has nothing to do with sex, it is all about power and control over your victim

 

[SerenityNow]

i know from my friends who teach secondary school that access to porn is warping kids minds to what sex should be like. They think violence and hurting people is normal. Its scary and horrible that people think its ok.

I think this must have a big impact. It really concerns me.

 

[Noelle610]

i know from my friends who teach secondary school that access to porn is warping kids minds to what sex should be like. They think violence and hurting people is normal. Its scary and horrible that people think its ok.

I think this must have a big impact. It really concerns me.

While I think porn may be part of the problem, the more subtle, insidious ways in which rape is accepted in our culture actually scare me more. The example I posted earlier of the scene from "40 Year Old Virgin" that is essentially encouraging date rape and making it out to be humorous is more frightening to me, because it's mainstream and Steve Carrel is a great guy.

In the US, I think the university culture is shocking in terms of this issue. I have talked to a number of woman who have had sex in blackouts. Obviously it's a gray area if the guy was super intoxicated as well, but it frightens me that this is considered normal behavior.

 

[Fizzyfefe]

I have to politely disagree with the statement that access to pornography is what is causing rape culture. Some of us like rough intercourse, and it is consensual for all parties involved. Also, children are taught at an extremely young age that yes means yes, and no means no. If it is pertinent to their behaviors, should it also not be pertinent to sex and consent?

 

[Sarahkka]

I agree Fizzyfefe: porn is supposed to be designed for adult consumers only. It is also meant to be fantasy. When those fantasies get into BDSM territory, that is an example of consenting adults having fun with power dynamics in a sexual context. That is nowhere near real rape.
I do get concerned when porn leaks out into mainstream culture, where I have far less choice about how my sons are exposed to it (examples might be magazine covers in the grocery aisle - think publications like Maxim where it is all overtly sexual poses and emphasis on women as sexual objects). My defense there has to be lots of education and discussion of those things, so that I can give my sons the tools they need to decide for themselves what is attractive.
I agree with Noelle - porn is possibly connected to rape culture, but the real problem is much much bigger and has far more to do with social acceptance of rape.

 

[Noelle610]

I have to politely disagree with the statement that access to pornography is what is causing rape culture. Some of us like rough intercourse, and it is consensual for all parties involved. Also, children are taught at an extremely young age that yes means yes, and no means no. If it is pertinent to their behaviors, should it also not be pertinent to sex and consent?

I agree with this. Porn is for adults. I think it becomes an issue when kids get their hands on it as they may be too young and immature to differentiate fantasty from reality, but that's another discussion entirely.

In reality, most adults who practice BDSM are not rapists and/or abusers. They are consenting adults who have a fetish that they enjoy within the the privacy of their own homes. Rapists and abusers tend to be more secretive about their activities. I do think it's an important distinction.

 

[Bex84]

When i talk about porn im not so much talking about adults. Since sites have no checks that people are 18 i think it gives very impressionable children access to things which are inapproptiate. Rough sex in a consentual relationship where both parties understand what they are doing and feel safe is different from children or teenages who dont understand fully. With peer pressure and porn showing certain things as a norm i think it can confuse them at a curious age. As i say consentual adults fine. Not everyone understants internet controls and i taught a few parents while i was teaching how to set them up. Unless there is tighter controls on sites so people have to proove there 18 then children will get acess. Im not saying this as anti porn thing all i mean is that children could not realise somethings fantasy and understand context and when experimentation happens then they may not understand fully the implications

 

[Bex84]

By the way im not saying that fully causes rape culture. There are alot of other factors and i do think its scary how culture tends to encourage turning a blind eye

 

[hshucksmith]

I don't have much to say on this because it makes me angry, but I was sexually abused at 9 years old, and I have grown up believing it was my fault. I developed BDD, BPD, PTSD and an ED as a result of it all.

I was lead to believe I caused that man to do it to me, because I was provocative and 'wanted him to do it'. I was 9 years old. I didn't even know what sex was.

Rape is not okay. It is never ok. It's not ok to do it to someone aged 9, or 19, or 90. I say bring back the goddam death penalty in England for convicted rapists. Torture them, do whatever the hell is deemed necessary to inflict as much pain to the rapist as caused to the victim.

 

[jessicaR4bbit]

I'm going to play Devil's Advocate here. I had a discussion/debate about this recently with a group of males friends of mine who are all very intelligent, educated, kind men. Prior to the discussion, I was of the mind that rape culture is very real, that women are victims and that rape is bad - always. I have since changed my mind. Here's why.

I want to talk about South Africa here. South Africa has some of the most shocking rape statistics in the world. The SA culture is very pro-rape, so much so that a large majority of both men and women have admitted to raping someone else. I'm talking almost half of all people asked here. There is a trend among young males between the ages of 13-18 that rape, and specifically gang rape, is a right of passage and a form of male bonding. But then roughly 15-35% of young males also admitted to having been raped by a female. Statistics for this country show that basically, men and women are all raping each other, and that if you live there you can expect to be raped at some point as the odds are stacked against you.

I do not agree that the problem is merely slut-shaming, women wearing little clothes and being portrayed negatively by social media, because the problem isn't just for women. Men get raped arguably, just as much, or at least very close. Rapes by females of males is severely under reported - as is rapes of males by males. An obvious reason being that it is seen as more socially acceptable for women to take advantage of men than vice versa, it is shameful for them because rape is often seen as a power play and for a man to be dominated or raped by a woman is not commonly seen or heard of. But it happens. What's more is that men are now expected to be responsible for women. Women can get drunk, act irresponsibly and objectify men. But if men are to do the same, they are called pervs, misogynists and rapists. Men are wrongly convicted of rape on a daily basis. If a woman gets drunk at a bar and flirts with a guy, he either flirts back or puts a brick wall between them. If he flirts and they get along and sleep together, she can turn around the next day and say that she was raped. False rape accusations also happen -ALL- the time. I'm not even joking here. And women wonder why men are so distrustful of women now.

Why is it the man's responsibility if a woman gets drunk? Why should women not be accountable for their actions? Why are men the only ones targeted by anti-rape culture movements while women escape unscathed? How often do you hear it reported that a man was raped or taken advantage of by a woman, and it either gets brushed under the surface, doesn't reach mainstream media attention or the guy is called a 'pussy' because he was overpowered by a woman. I agree that rape is bad, and I'm not saying it isn't. What I am saying is though, is that there seems to be a lot of vitriol aimed at men because they are the irresponsible ones who need to be taught, but women are perfect, innocent and never guilty of anything at all. Ever. They never rape. They never take advantage of. They never falsely accuse men of raping them. Why the bias?