Rape Culture - What do you think?

[Noelle610]

See, I'm different. I'm fine with the age that it is, but the term "rape" to me has such negative connotations.

For me, when I think of rape I think of being forced to preform sexual acts when one doesn't want to do it. Which in some cases for my friends who were 15 at the time and had boyfriends who were 18 could get into serious trouble, even though they were both willing.

Legally, no they shouldn't be doing it for sure... but I think its an outdated term that needs to be updated.

Are you in favour of lowering or raising the age? Not trying to argue your point, I like seeing different sides of views.

I see your perspective if we're talking a 15 year old and an 18 year old. It's a bit of a gray area.

But what about a 12 year old and an 18 year old, even if the 12 year old was "willing"? I don't believe a 12 year can be willing. To me, that's rape plain and simple.

I don't think I necessarily would like to see the age raised or lowered, but perhaps defined if that makes sense. I.e. it is illegal for an adult to have sex with a minor that is four or more years younger or something like that. Does that make sense?

 

[Tiff]

Absolutely it does! At least to me that is.

And I definitely see your point about a 12 year old and an 18 year old. Where I saw the difficulties was definitely in the grey area for sure. Maybe the term "statutory coercion involving sexual acts" would be a better term?

It scares me as it seems that the age that kids are having sex gets earlier and earlier. A lot of it depends to me as well as the house in which they were raised. You might have a more liberal minded family that doesn't think sex at a young age is "bad" per se and then families who aren't for it.

I mean that more in the sense of say two 12 year olds or two 13 year olds having sex. Which is stomach turning for me if I'm honest. At the age of 12 I'm pretty sure I was still playing with dolls.

 

[SerenityNow]

For the record I don't think a 12 or 13 year old should be able to legally consent to sex at all. My 12.5 year old just introduced me to her collection of hamster erasers by name, age and sibling relationships. She is a child. She can barely make a responsible decision about what to have for breakfast.

OTOH our neighbor is raising her 11 year old granddaughter whose mother just turned 23, so you can do the math there. When I heard how young her mom was my first thought was "I hope someone went to jail for that". I have no idea how old the father is, I just know that they've tried to work out a visitation schedule with him so apparently they dont think of him as a rapist. But who knows, there is a lot about that family that I find inscrutable and whether or not it was a crime it is certainly a tragedy and indicates some less than stellar parenting.

So as far as it is outside my own experience raising a preteen girl, it does happen.

To try to circle back to the original point of this thread-- male rape victims are usually minors and are victims of sexual abuse or statutory rape. I don't think that we have a "child rape" culture although we also don't have as much of a "respect and value children" culture as I think we should. I do, however, think that male statutory rape victims are also victims of "rape culture" where young men are expected to always want sex and are viewed as weak for ever refusing if the opportunity is there. I imagine that a teenage boy feels a lot more social pressure to consent to sex with an older partner.

When I was a teen I'm pretty sure that if, for example, a younger teacher of mine initiated some sort of sexual contact I may have been flattered and excited by it but there would have been alarms going off in my head screaming "Pervert! Pervert!"
I bet a a male would feel a lot more conflicted, not because of his hormones but because of our cultural expectations.

 

[Scottish mum]

In Scotland in the definition of rape it states thoes who the act automatically applies are people who have learning disability, people who are not of a sound mind, somebody who is intoxicated and females who are under 16 , this bracket of people are people the system deems cannot concent to sex! definition has changed slightly and that it now counts male on male as rape when before it was males and females only !!

 

[Noelle610]

I also find children having sex (with each other) stomach turning. I know that's another debate for another thread, but it frightens me. It's not their fault, it's the fault of the adults and a culture that's telling them it's acceptable.

 

[bumpy_j]

I don't think we can dismiss false claims too much. Where I used to live, it was a real problem. Sadly I know more people who've been proven to lie about it than actual victims (well victims that I know about) - including one girl who very nearly sent down about 4 guys after a gang bang (she kept changing her story and then at the last minute admitted to lying). I think it's mostly to do with the stigma we still have over womens sexual freedom and being frightened of the backlash. It's such a shame something as vile as rape is so hard to prosecute

 

[Noelle610]

I don't think we can dismiss false claims too much. Where I used to live, it was a real problem. Sadly I know more people who've been proven to lie about it than actual victims (well victims that I know about) - including one girl who very nearly sent down about 4 guys after a gang bang (she kept changing her story and then at the last minute admitted to lying). I think it's mostly to do with the stigma we still have over womens sexual freedom and being frightened of the backlash. It's such a shame something as vile as rape is so hard to prosecute

I wouldn't dimiss them necessarily, but they are honestly just not nearly as big of a problem as rapes that actually do occur. False rape reporting is thought to be consistent with false reporting of any crime - about 2%. I would venture to say you probably know more victims than false accusers. I think there are many, many women who have been sexually assaulted who wouldn't talk about it openly. In the US, it's estimated that 1 in 4 women have been assaulted in some way, shape or form over the course of their life.

I agree with you that there is a stigma on women having sexual freedom and that is unfortunate.

 

[lhancock90]

I'm only going off the first post but this entire "rape culture" just sickens me.
As recently as yesterday i read its a womans responsibility to protect herself from sexual assault.
That men can't help if its being paraded around.

 

[BlueHadeda]

I want to talk about South Africa here. South Africa has some of the most shocking rape statistics in the world. The SA culture is very pro-rape, so much so that a large majority of both men and women have admitted to raping someone else. I'm talking almost half of all people asked here. There is a trend among young males between the ages of 13-18 that rape, and specifically gang rape, is a right of passage and a form of male bonding. But then roughly 15-35% of young males also admitted to having been raped by a female. Statistics for this country show that basically, men and women are all raping each other, and that if you live there you can expect to be raped at some point as the odds are stacked against you.

As a South African living in South Africa, I have to disagree with the way you worded this paragraph. It's true that we have some of the most shocking rape statistics in the world. But the way you speak about it, seems like ALL South Africans are guilty of this. That's simply not true!!! We have something like 27+ different cultures in our country (11 official languages!!). The culture I come from, despises rape. I'm pretty sure that if stats were done based on culture, you'd find huge differences. Like the gang rape that's a right of passage. That simply almost never happens in my culture (I don't know of even one instance!). While in a few cultures I know of, this is unfortunately very true.

I also dislike the statement: "statistics for this country show that basically, men and women are all raping each other". What an awful blanket statement to make, and skewing statistics like that. It simply isn't true. All South Africans aren't rapists and being raped around every corner. There's ALOT of us that's good, solid people who do NOT rape.

I also do not know where you got the statistics from that said "a large majority of both men and women have admitted to raping someone else". Majority usually implies more than 50%. I've never seen statistics that was that high. In some schools (again a cultural thing) it's true that a huge percentage of lads might admit to having raped someone. But to imply that more than 50% of the people in the country has admitted to raping anyone is just wrong.

Having said all of that. It's true that rape in this country is out of control, like ALL crime is out of control here. And something needs to be done ASAP. But when you have a president that himself was on trial for raping....well, enough said.

 

[Tiff]

There's another case that's starting to take steam here with the suicide of Rehteah Parsons.

She was allegedly gang-raped by 4 boys (hello, Steubenville?) pictures were taken and distributed through emails and social media. She was completely slut-shamed, nothing was done about the pictures that were posted, even though she was 15 at the time and they should have been considered as distribution of child pornography.

Both her parents have history in journalism, her father wrote this horridly devastating letter about what happened to his daughter.

Warning: Might trigger for some people?

Rheteah Parsons was my daughter

 

[lhancock90]

There's another case that's starting to take steam here with the suicide of Rehteah Parsons.

She was allegedly gang-raped by 4 boys (hello, Steubenville?) pictures were taken and distributed through emails and social media. She was completely slut-shamed, nothing was done about the pictures that were posted, even though she was 15 at the time and they should have been considered as distribution of child pornography.

Both her parents have history in journalism, her father wrote this horridly devastating letter about what happened to his daughter.

Warning: Might trigger for some people?

Rheteah Parsons was my daughter

This story had me in tears yesterday.

 

[Tiff]

It is devastating.

 

[lhancock90]

Every person who passed around that photo has blood on their hands too

 

[Tiff]

I just don't understand how they couldn't even press charges about the distribution of child pornography.

Any person who had it on their FB, Twitter or in their emails and passed it along would be guilty IMHO. Maybe I'm naive and I don't follow how the law should actually work, but to me I'd try to press charges on them and hopefully get them to fess up who actually sent/posted the pictures in the first place. There's always an internet foot print, isn't there?

And to not question the boys until months after the initial report!

 

[Andypanda6570]

OMG that is horrible. OMG ........
That father, his words ,touched my soul God help people, how they can be so cruel to another human being? I am just devastated for her and her family.
What a terrible loss of such a precious girl........

 

[lhancock90]

I just don't understand how they couldn't even press charges about the distribution of child pornography.

Any person who had it on their FB, Twitter or in their emails and passed it along would be guilty IMHO. Maybe I'm naive and I don't follow how the law should actually work, but to me I'd try to press charges on them and hopefully get them to fess up who actually sent/posted the pictures in the first place. There's always an internet foot print, isn't there?

And to not question the boys until months after the initial report!

I totally agree.
It sounds like the law really failed this girl and her family,
I'd be going after them so hard now.

x

 

[Piper84]

Apparently Anonymous is already on the case. They've already identified two of the alleged rapists: https://www.salon.com/2013/04/11/anonymous_rehtaeh_parsons_rapists_will_be_held_accountable/

 

[lhancock90]

I struggle with anonoymous. I want to support them, but i also feel that what they do sometimes is wrong?

I guess i'm an idiot who still tries to keep faith in the system.

 

[Tiff]

I saw that! I'm not much for vigilante justice, but I hope it spurs the police there to actually DO their jobs for a chance.

 

[lhancock90]

I saw that! I'm not much for vigilante justice, but I hope it spurs the police there to actually DO their jobs for a chance.

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