Rape Culture - What do you think?

[Noelle610]

I'm going to play Devil's Advocate here. I had a discussion/debate about this recently with a group of males friends of mine who are all very intelligent, educated, kind men. Prior to the discussion, I was of the mind that rape culture is very real, that women are victims and that rape is bad - always. I have since changed my mind. Here's why.

I want to talk about South Africa here. South Africa has some of the most shocking rape statistics in the world. The SA culture is very pro-rape, so much so that a large majority of both men and women have admitted to raping someone else. I'm talking almost half of all people asked here. There is a trend among young males between the ages of 13-18 that rape, and specifically gang rape, is a right of passage and a form of male bonding. But then roughly 15-35% of young males also admitted to having been raped by a female. Statistics for this country show that basically, men and women are all raping each other, and that if you live there you can expect to be raped at some point as the odds are stacked against you.

I do not agree that the problem is merely slut-shaming, women wearing little clothes and being portrayed negatively by social media, because the problem isn't just for women. Men get raped arguably, just as much, or at least very close. Rapes by females of males is severely under reported - as is rapes of males by males. An obvious reason being that it is seen as more socially acceptable for women to take advantage of men than vice versa, it is shameful for them because rape is often seen as a power play and for a man to be dominated or raped by a woman is not commonly seen or heard of. But it happens. What's more is that men are now expected to be responsible for women. Women can get drunk, act irresponsibly and objectify men. But if men are to do the same, they are called pervs, misogynists and rapists. Men are wrongly convicted of rape on a daily basis. If a woman gets drunk at a bar and flirts with a guy, he either flirts back or puts a brick wall between them. If he flirts and they get along and sleep together, she can turn around the next day and say that she was raped. False rape accusations also happen -ALL- the time. I'm not even joking here. And women wonder why men are so distrustful of women now.

Why is it the man's responsibility if a woman gets drunk? Why should women not be accountable for their actions? Why are men the only ones targeted by anti-rape culture movements while women escape unscathed? How often do you hear it reported that a man was raped or taken advantage of by a woman, and it either gets brushed under the surface, doesn't reach mainstream media attention or the guy is called a 'pussy' because he was overpowered by a woman. I agree that rape is bad, and I'm not saying it isn't. What I am saying is though, is that there seems to be a lot of vitriol aimed at men because they are the irresponsible ones who need to be taught, but women are perfect, innocent and never guilty of anything at all. Ever. They never rape. They never take advantage of. They never falsely accuse men of raping them. Why the bias?

I don't disagree with you that there is a double standard. Women are absolutely capable of sexual assault. In addition, our society doesn't really offer men any support in that area.

What I disagree vehemently with is the assertion that false rape accusations happen all of the time. It's just not true. This is a case in which the media is to blame. Shows like "Law & Order" would have you believe it's a common occurance. In our culture, what do women have to gain by falsely accusing a man of rape? I'm not sure if you have ever been assaulted, but the process is terrible. It's invasive physically, your entire life is called into question and you're often shamed for your own actions. Many true victims are terrified of being accused of lying and it prevents them from getting help. In that way, it's a dangerous assertion.

Here is a good article on the stats:

https://www.straightstatistics.org/article/crying-rape-falsely-rare-or-common

It's hard to quantify, but it's thought to be about 2% (in the US). In contrast, 54% of rapes go unreported:

https://www.rainn.org/get-information/statistics/reporting-rates

So the question is... What's the real issue here?

Lastly, it's not a man's fault if a woman gets drunk. But that in no way means he's allowed to have sex with her while she's unconscious (I'm not talking tipsy here).

 

[SerenityNow]

I have to politely disagree with the statement that access to pornography is what is causing rape culture. Some of us like rough intercourse, and it is consensual for all parties involved. Also, children are taught at an extremely young age that yes means yes, and no means no. If it is pertinent to their behaviors, should it also not be pertinent to sex and consent?

I don't think anyone made the statement that porn is the cause. I actually think that rape culture has been pervasive in human culture for millenia. IMO misogyny causes rape culture. While I'm certainly not going to say that society shouldn't address the acceptance of rape, I find it a little disheartening that we are only (somewhat begrudingly) willing to address one of the most extreme manifestations of misogyny.

What concerns me is that adolescents have unprecedented access to pornography and they do not have the maturity to discern that some adults mutually agree to engage in sexual activity that has the appearance of rape vs. it being normal and customary for sex to have the appearance of rape.

I probably have a different perspective on this because I have an adolescent and I know that probably 80% or more of her friends have a computer with internet access in their rooms and 99% of them know more about computers than their parents do. So, our best attempts to control what our children see on the internet are probably ineffective once our kids are about 12 or 13 years old. In all likelihood our children will see images depicting sexual violence before they become sexually active. These images could very well be their first exposure to sexuality.

Of course it is important to start teaching our children to respect bodies and boundaries (their own and other's) from a young age, but by the time they are using that information in the context of sexual activity I fear it is getting drowned out by a tidal wave of images-- blatant or subtle-- that undermine that message.

 

[Bex84]

I do have to agree with it happening to men to. When i was at university we were told more men had been raped my other men there and were encouraging them to carry rape alarms. With false accusations i think does happen but not a huge amout. I comforted my friend after she had to have the rape exam which is awful in its self

 

[babydust1990]

I'm going to play Devil's Advocate here. I had a discussion/debate about this recently with a group of males friends of mine who are all very intelligent, educated, kind men. Prior to the discussion, I was of the mind that rape culture is very real, that women are victims and that rape is bad - always. I have since changed my mind. Here's why.

I want to talk about South Africa here. South Africa has some of the most shocking rape statistics in the world. The SA culture is very pro-rape, so much so that a large majority of both men and women have admitted to raping someone else. I'm talking almost half of all people asked here. There is a trend among young males between the ages of 13-18 that rape, and specifically gang rape, is a right of passage and a form of male bonding. But then roughly 15-35% of young males also admitted to having been raped by a female. Statistics for this country show that basically, men and women are all raping each other, and that if you live there you can expect to be raped at some point as the odds are stacked against you.

I do not agree that the problem is merely slut-shaming, women wearing little clothes and being portrayed negatively by social media, because the problem isn't just for women. Men get raped arguably, just as much, or at least very close. Rapes by females of males is severely under reported - as is rapes of males by males. An obvious reason being that it is seen as more socially acceptable for women to take advantage of men than vice versa, it is shameful for them because rape is often seen as a power play and for a man to be dominated or raped by a woman is not commonly seen or heard of. But it happens. What's more is that men are now expected to be responsible for women. Women can get drunk, act irresponsibly and objectify men. But if men are to do the same, they are called pervs, misogynists and rapists. Men are wrongly convicted of rape on a daily basis. If a woman gets drunk at a bar and flirts with a guy, he either flirts back or puts a brick wall between them. If he flirts and they get along and sleep together, she can turn around the next day and say that she was raped. False rape accusations also happen -ALL- the time. I'm not even joking here. And women wonder why men are so distrustful of women now.

Why is it the man's responsibility if a woman gets drunk? Why should women not be accountable for their actions? Why are men the only ones targeted by anti-rape culture movements while women escape unscathed? How often do you hear it reported that a man was raped or taken advantage of by a woman, and it either gets brushed under the surface, doesn't reach mainstream media attention or the guy is called a 'pussy' because he was overpowered by a woman. I agree that rape is bad, and I'm not saying it isn't. What I am saying is though, is that there seems to be a lot of vitriol aimed at men because they are the irresponsible ones who need to be taught, but women are perfect, innocent and never guilty of anything at all. Ever. They never rape. They never take advantage of. They never falsely accuse men of raping them. Why the bias?

I worked in a sex offenders prison, while the majority of prisoners did vile things and 110% deserved to be in there, there was the odd young lad who's life had been ruined by a false rape claim. Usually an underage girl who's snuck into a night club, pulled the young lad who assumes shes of legal age as she's in a night club and the next morning cries rape when the lad wants nothing to do with her. This young lad is then placed on the sex offenders register! I felt so sorry for them, locked up in a prison filled with horrible, horrible people all because they didnt want to be with a girl after a one night stand.

 

[SerenityNow]

I'm going to play Devil's Advocate here. I had a discussion/debate about this recently with a group of males friends of mine who are all very intelligent, educated, kind men. Prior to the discussion, I was of the mind that rape culture is very real, that women are victims and that rape is bad - always. I have since changed my mind. Here's why.

I want to talk about South Africa here. South Africa has some of the most shocking rape statistics in the world. The SA culture is very pro-rape, so much so that a large majority of both men and women have admitted to raping someone else. I'm talking almost half of all people asked here. There is a trend among young males between the ages of 13-18 that rape, and specifically gang rape, is a right of passage and a form of male bonding. But then roughly 15-35% of young males also admitted to having been raped by a female. Statistics for this country show that basically, men and women are all raping each other, and that if you live there you can expect to be raped at some point as the odds are stacked against you.

Can you back those numbers up?

I do not agree that the problem is merely slut-shaming, women wearing little clothes and being portrayed negatively by social media, because the problem isn't just for women. Men get raped arguably, just as much, or at least very close. Rapes by females of males is severely under reported - as is rapes of males by males. An obvious reason being that it is seen as more socially acceptable for women to take advantage of men than vice versa, it is shameful for them because rape is often seen as a power play and for a man to be dominated or raped by a woman is not commonly seen or heard of. But it happens. What's more is that men are now expected to be responsible for women. Women can get drunk, act irresponsibly and objectify men. But if men are to do the same, they are called pervs, misogynists and rapists. Men are wrongly convicted of rape on a daily basis. If a woman gets drunk at a bar and flirts with a guy, he either flirts back or puts a brick wall between them. If he flirts and they get along and sleep together, she can turn around the next day and say that she was raped. False rape accusations also happen -ALL- the time. I'm not even joking here. And women wonder why men are so distrustful of women now.

The bit in bold is just incorrect. I'm not trying to minimize the victimization of men, but it is false that as many men as women are rape victims. It's about 90% women to 10% men. No one of any gender should be sexually victimized.

Also, far more rapes go unreported than false reports are made. I have no idea if men are falsely convicted of rape every day, but a woman is raped every 2 min. in the United States.

 

[Noelle610]

I'm going to play Devil's Advocate here. I had a discussion/debate about this recently with a group of males friends of mine who are all very intelligent, educated, kind men. Prior to the discussion, I was of the mind that rape culture is very real, that women are victims and that rape is bad - always. I have since changed my mind. Here's why.

I want to talk about South Africa here. South Africa has some of the most shocking rape statistics in the world. The SA culture is very pro-rape, so much so that a large majority of both men and women have admitted to raping someone else. I'm talking almost half of all people asked here. There is a trend among young males between the ages of 13-18 that rape, and specifically gang rape, is a right of passage and a form of male bonding. But then roughly 15-35% of young males also admitted to having been raped by a female. Statistics for this country show that basically, men and women are all raping each other, and that if you live there you can expect to be raped at some point as the odds are stacked against you.

I do not agree that the problem is merely slut-shaming, women wearing little clothes and being portrayed negatively by social media, because the problem isn't just for women. Men get raped arguably, just as much, or at least very close. Rapes by females of males is severely under reported - as is rapes of males by males. An obvious reason being that it is seen as more socially acceptable for women to take advantage of men than vice versa, it is shameful for them because rape is often seen as a power play and for a man to be dominated or raped by a woman is not commonly seen or heard of. But it happens. What's more is that men are now expected to be responsible for women. Women can get drunk, act irresponsibly and objectify men. But if men are to do the same, they are called pervs, misogynists and rapists. Men are wrongly convicted of rape on a daily basis. If a woman gets drunk at a bar and flirts with a guy, he either flirts back or puts a brick wall between them. If he flirts and they get along and sleep together, she can turn around the next day and say that she was raped. False rape accusations also happen -ALL- the time. I'm not even joking here. And women wonder why men are so distrustful of women now.

Why is it the man's responsibility if a woman gets drunk? Why should women not be accountable for their actions? Why are men the only ones targeted by anti-rape culture movements while women escape unscathed? How often do you hear it reported that a man was raped or taken advantage of by a woman, and it either gets brushed under the surface, doesn't reach mainstream media attention or the guy is called a 'pussy' because he was overpowered by a woman. I agree that rape is bad, and I'm not saying it isn't. What I am saying is though, is that there seems to be a lot of vitriol aimed at men because they are the irresponsible ones who need to be taught, but women are perfect, innocent and never guilty of anything at all. Ever. They never rape. They never take advantage of. They never falsely accuse men of raping them. Why the bias?

I worked in a sex offenders prison, while the majority of prisoners did vile things and 110% deserved to be in there, there was the odd young lad who's life had been ruined by a false rape claim. Usually an underage girl who's snuck into a night club, pulled the young lad who assumes shes of legal age as she's in a night club and the next morning cries rape when the lad wants nothing to do with her. This young lad is then placed on the sex offenders register! I felt so sorry for them, locked up in a prison filled with horrible, horrible people all because they didnt want to be with a girl after a one night stand.

But how did you know they were innocent? Sex offenders aren't always obvious criminals. I'm really just curious - not doubting your experience and it brings an interesting perspective to the conversation. I just know that at least in the US judicial system, rape is very hard to prosecute. Evidence is just hard to come by if the crime wasnt particularly violent. Convictions are relatively rare, so I can't imagine it would be a regular thing to be falsely imprisoned for (though not impossible, of course).

I don't doubt that men are falsely accused sometimes (it happened to a friend of mine). I'd also be in favor of sexual assault charges being classified in different degrees like murder (let's face it - flashing someone isn't the same as raping someone at gunpoint, but both will land you on the sex offender registry).

All that said, I think that the *belief* that false accusation is common - even though statistics and research show otherwise - is actually evidence of rape culture. I think it's simply hard to believe that nice young guys in your neighborhood could be aggressors. It puts the blame on the woman.

 

[babydust1990]

I'm going to play Devil's Advocate here. I had a discussion/debate about this recently with a group of males friends of mine who are all very intelligent, educated, kind men. Prior to the discussion, I was of the mind that rape culture is very real, that women are victims and that rape is bad - always. I have since changed my mind. Here's why.

I want to talk about South Africa here. South Africa has some of the most shocking rape statistics in the world. The SA culture is very pro-rape, so much so that a large majority of both men and women have admitted to raping someone else. I'm talking almost half of all people asked here. There is a trend among young males between the ages of 13-18 that rape, and specifically gang rape, is a right of passage and a form of male bonding. But then roughly 15-35% of young males also admitted to having been raped by a female. Statistics for this country show that basically, men and women are all raping each other, and that if you live there you can expect to be raped at some point as the odds are stacked against you.

I do not agree that the problem is merely slut-shaming, women wearing little clothes and being portrayed negatively by social media, because the problem isn't just for women. Men get raped arguably, just as much, or at least very close. Rapes by females of males is severely under reported - as is rapes of males by males. An obvious reason being that it is seen as more socially acceptable for women to take advantage of men than vice versa, it is shameful for them because rape is often seen as a power play and for a man to be dominated or raped by a woman is not commonly seen or heard of. But it happens. What's more is that men are now expected to be responsible for women. Women can get drunk, act irresponsibly and objectify men. But if men are to do the same, they are called pervs, misogynists and rapists. Men are wrongly convicted of rape on a daily basis. If a woman gets drunk at a bar and flirts with a guy, he either flirts back or puts a brick wall between them. If he flirts and they get along and sleep together, she can turn around the next day and say that she was raped. False rape accusations also happen -ALL- the time. I'm not even joking here. And women wonder why men are so distrustful of women now.

Why is it the man's responsibility if a woman gets drunk? Why should women not be accountable for their actions? Why are men the only ones targeted by anti-rape culture movements while women escape unscathed? How often do you hear it reported that a man was raped or taken advantage of by a woman, and it either gets brushed under the surface, doesn't reach mainstream media attention or the guy is called a 'pussy' because he was overpowered by a woman. I agree that rape is bad, and I'm not saying it isn't. What I am saying is though, is that there seems to be a lot of vitriol aimed at men because they are the irresponsible ones who need to be taught, but women are perfect, innocent and never guilty of anything at all. Ever. They never rape. They never take advantage of. They never falsely accuse men of raping them. Why the bias?

I worked in a sex offenders prison, while the majority of prisoners did vile things and 110% deserved to be in there, there was the odd young lad who's life had been ruined by a false rape claim. Usually an underage girl who's snuck into a night club, pulled the young lad who assumes shes of legal age as she's in a night club and the next morning cries rape when the lad wants nothing to do with her. This young lad is then placed on the sex offenders register! I felt so sorry for them, locked up in a prison filled with horrible, horrible people all because they didnt want to be with a girl after a one night stand.

But how did you know they were innocent? Sex offenders aren't always obvious criminals. I'm really just curious - not doubting your experience and it brings an interesting perspective to the conversation. I just know that at least in the US judicial system, rape is very hard to prosecute. Evidence is just hard to come by if the crime wasnt particularly violent. Convictions are relatively rare, so I can't imagine it would be a regular thing to be falsely imprisoned for (though not impossible, of course).

I don't doubt that men are falsely accused sometimes (it happened to a friend of mine). I'd also be in favor of sexual assault charges being classified in different degrees like murder (let's face it - flashing someone isn't the same as raping someone at gunpoint, but both will land you on the sex offender registry).

All that said, I think that the *belief* that false accusation is common - even though statistics and research show otherwise - is actually evidence of rape culture. I think it's simply hard to believe that nice young guys in your neighborhood could be aggressors. It puts the blame on the woman.

Generally in those cases the man is convicted of sex with a minor rather than actual rape, the court cases are messy and the lads are usually distraught by it. Here in the UK, sex with an under 16 is classed as rape though, even with full consent. There was also a case of a an 18 year old who got a 15 year old pregnant, the father of the girl flipped and phoned the police, the lad served 12 months even though the girl consented We were treated that lad regularly for attempted suicides he was that messed up over it all. I really do feel for those rare cases.

 

[babydust1990]

Oh and believe it or not, most of the prisoners we're 'lovely' polite individuals. I walked around the prison alone confidently. I think in the 6 months I was there I encountered 1 incident which was minor (an inmate winked at me, not appropriate behavior when your serving time for peadophilia). Rapists are sick individuals and usually always blame their victim, to get a rapist to fully admit what they've done is very difficult. The prison ran a programme for sex offenders to specifically get them to admit what they have done and understand why it was wrong. A lot of the prisoners release is based on them completing the course! Denial was rife in that prison, I even heard a 25 year old man who raped a 13 year old girl say he wouldnt allow his daughter visit the prison as 'its full of peadophiles' HELLO?!?! You're one of them!!!

 

[Noelle610]

I'm going to play Devil's Advocate here. I had a discussion/debate about this recently with a group of males friends of mine who are all very intelligent, educated, kind men. Prior to the discussion, I was of the mind that rape culture is very real, that women are victims and that rape is bad - always. I have since changed my mind. Here's why.

I want to talk about South Africa here. South Africa has some of the most shocking rape statistics in the world. The SA culture is very pro-rape, so much so that a large majority of both men and women have admitted to raping someone else. I'm talking almost half of all people asked here. There is a trend among young males between the ages of 13-18 that rape, and specifically gang rape, is a right of passage and a form of male bonding. But then roughly 15-35% of young males also admitted to having been raped by a female. Statistics for this country show that basically, men and women are all raping each other, and that if you live there you can expect to be raped at some point as the odds are stacked against you.

I do not agree that the problem is merely slut-shaming, women wearing little clothes and being portrayed negatively by social media, because the problem isn't just for women. Men get raped arguably, just as much, or at least very close. Rapes by females of males is severely under reported - as is rapes of males by males. An obvious reason being that it is seen as more socially acceptable for women to take advantage of men than vice versa, it is shameful for them because rape is often seen as a power play and for a man to be dominated or raped by a woman is not commonly seen or heard of. But it happens. What's more is that men are now expected to be responsible for women. Women can get drunk, act irresponsibly and objectify men. But if men are to do the same, they are called pervs, misogynists and rapists. Men are wrongly convicted of rape on a daily basis. If a woman gets drunk at a bar and flirts with a guy, he either flirts back or puts a brick wall between them. If he flirts and they get along and sleep together, she can turn around the next day and say that she was raped. False rape accusations also happen -ALL- the time. I'm not even joking here. And women wonder why men are so distrustful of women now.

Why is it the man's responsibility if a woman gets drunk? Why should women not be accountable for their actions? Why are men the only ones targeted by anti-rape culture movements while women escape unscathed? How often do you hear it reported that a man was raped or taken advantage of by a woman, and it either gets brushed under the surface, doesn't reach mainstream media attention or the guy is called a 'pussy' because he was overpowered by a woman. I agree that rape is bad, and I'm not saying it isn't. What I am saying is though, is that there seems to be a lot of vitriol aimed at men because they are the irresponsible ones who need to be taught, but women are perfect, innocent and never guilty of anything at all. Ever. They never rape. They never take advantage of. They never falsely accuse men of raping them. Why the bias?

I worked in a sex offenders prison, while the majority of prisoners did vile things and 110% deserved to be in there, there was the odd young lad who's life had been ruined by a false rape claim. Usually an underage girl who's snuck into a night club, pulled the young lad who assumes shes of legal age as she's in a night club and the next morning cries rape when the lad wants nothing to do with her. This young lad is then placed on the sex offenders register! I felt so sorry for them, locked up in a prison filled with horrible, horrible people all because they didnt want to be with a girl after a one night stand.

But how did you know they were innocent? Sex offenders aren't always obvious criminals. I'm really just curious - not doubting your experience and it brings an interesting perspective to the conversation. I just know that at least in the US judicial system, rape is very hard to prosecute. Evidence is just hard to come by if the crime wasnt particularly violent. Convictions are relatively rare, so I can't imagine it would be a regular thing to be falsely imprisoned for (though not impossible, of course).

I don't doubt that men are falsely accused sometimes (it happened to a friend of mine). I'd also be in favor of sexual assault charges being classified in different degrees like murder (let's face it - flashing someone isn't the same as raping someone at gunpoint, but both will land you on the sex offender registry).

All that said, I think that the *belief* that false accusation is common - even though statistics and research show otherwise - is actually evidence of rape culture. I think it's simply hard to believe that nice young guys in your neighborhood could be aggressors. It puts the blame on the woman.

Generally in those cases the man is convicted of sex with a minor rather than actual rape, the court cases are messy and the lads are usually distraught by it. Here in the UK, sex with an under 16 is classed as rape though, even with full consent. There was also a case of a an 18 year old who got a 15 year old pregnant, the father of the girl flipped and phoned the police, the lad served 12 months even though the girl consented We were treated that lad regularly for attempted suicides he was that messed up over it all. I really do feel for those rare cases.

Thanks for your response, that makes sense. I think that's another issue entirely - the issue of stagetory rape. If that's the law, the young man technically broke it.... It's a tough one, honestly. That's why I'm in favor of degrees of sexual assault. I don't necessarily think 18 year olds should be having sex with 15 year olds, but obviously it's hugely different than violenting raping someone or having sex with a person who is unconscious.

 

[Noelle610]

Really interesting article about "rape culture" and the Stubenville case:

https://www.policymic.com/articles/22035/steubenville-rape-case-does-america-have-an-unadmitted-rape-culture-problem

But it is only "bad men" who rape, right?

No.

Reject that argument and its assertion.

The article "Nice Guys Commit Rape Too" posted on the Good Men Project has come under fire in recent weeks. The article readily admits that a friend slept with a woman while she was sleeping, but the article defends him because the woman had been flirting and giving him "mixed signals."

After a backlash by bloggers, GMP defended their articles and published additional accounts by rapists.

The arguments on GMP that these aren't "bad men" only men who have made mistakes, learned their lesson, and after all look at what the women did. Shouldn't she be to blame? Doesn't she hold at least some accountability? She had flirted with him for weeks...

But these arguments do nothing to help victims/survivors of sexual assault or rape. Instead, it plays into the notion that rape happens to people because they were doing something wrong. We didn't take enough precautions. But when we do, when we tell the world why we view men with trepidation, we are also criticized.

That is what rape culture does.

It perpetuates a society that asks victims to be accountable for their actions, but offer forgiveness for rapists.

It's a society that believes rapes are made-up at much higher instances than they actually are.

It's a society that is so quick to judge an Eastern culture for its egregious laws and treatment of women, but overlooks its own.

 

[NoodleSnack]

I'm going to play Devil's Advocate here. I had a discussion/debate about this recently with a group of males friends of mine who are all very intelligent, educated, kind men. Prior to the discussion, I was of the mind that rape culture is very real, that women are victims and that rape is bad - always. I have since changed my mind. Here's why.

I want to talk about South Africa here. South Africa has some of the most shocking rape statistics in the world. The SA culture is very pro-rape, so much so that a large majority of both men and women have admitted to raping someone else. I'm talking almost half of all people asked here. There is a trend among young males between the ages of 13-18 that rape, and specifically gang rape, is a right of passage and a form of male bonding. But then roughly 15-35% of young males also admitted to having been raped by a female. Statistics for this country show that basically, men and women are all raping each other, and that if you live there you can expect to be raped at some point as the odds are stacked against you.

I do not agree that the problem is merely slut-shaming, women wearing little clothes and being portrayed negatively by social media, because the problem isn't just for women. Men get raped arguably, just as much, or at least very close. Rapes by females of males is severely under reported - as is rapes of males by males. An obvious reason being that it is seen as more socially acceptable for women to take advantage of men than vice versa, it is shameful for them because rape is often seen as a power play and for a man to be dominated or raped by a woman is not commonly seen or heard of. But it happens. What's more is that men are now expected to be responsible for women. Women can get drunk, act irresponsibly and objectify men. But if men are to do the same, they are called pervs, misogynists and rapists. Men are wrongly convicted of rape on a daily basis. If a woman gets drunk at a bar and flirts with a guy, he either flirts back or puts a brick wall between them. If he flirts and they get along and sleep together, she can turn around the next day and say that she was raped. False rape accusations also happen -ALL- the time. I'm not even joking here. And women wonder why men are so distrustful of women now.

Why is it the man's responsibility if a woman gets drunk? Why should women not be accountable for their actions? Why are men the only ones targeted by anti-rape culture movements while women escape unscathed? How often do you hear it reported that a man was raped or taken advantage of by a woman, and it either gets brushed under the surface, doesn't reach mainstream media attention or the guy is called a 'pussy' because he was overpowered by a woman. I agree that rape is bad, and I'm not saying it isn't. What I am saying is though, is that there seems to be a lot of vitriol aimed at men because they are the irresponsible ones who need to be taught, but women are perfect, innocent and never guilty of anything at all. Ever. They never rape. They never take advantage of. They never falsely accuse men of raping them. Why the bias?

Men get a bad reputation because in more than 90% of the rape cases, the perpetrators are men, even on male victims. Rape culture also includes the idea that women frequently falsely accuse rape, therefore many are put on trial when they come forward. Compared to the number of real victims who never come forward, the false accusations is a drop in the bucket. False accusations occur with all crime, yet with rape, it taints a lot of real victims because society somehow expects a women to lie about being raped more often.

Societies in Africa, East Asia or ME, are still very much mysoginistic, so in a way you can say theirs are truely the rape culture where the victims are punished after the rape. In Africa, rape is also used as a weapon of war, which is truely horrific. But if we use that as a standard for comparison, it's just a race to the bottom.

Men always moan about false rape accusations, or talk about female on male rape as if the numbers are comparable. Tell your male friends, it's no where near the number of REAL male on female rape. I do agree that men as victims of rape and sexual abuse should get more attention.

 

[Piper84]

The problem with pornography becoming so accessible is that it's often the first insight into sexual intercourse boys and girls have these days. This absolutely does contribute to rape culture, especially when you have women basically depicted as a series of holes there for the sole purpose of providing sexual pleasure for men.

 

[Scottish mum]

This is a great discussion! I also thinks it depends where your from! In the uk it's dealt with seriously and where I'm from the saying "she was asking for it look what she was wearing" is old fashioned!! You should be able to walk about in a thong if you like and that's not an invite for unwanted sex! Although you may be arrested for exposure lol.

I know that police here have a very difficult job, rape is a horrific crime and the victims are given that support when reporting such crimes however there are situations when rapes are reported and these allegations turn out to be false as the victim has maybe cheated on there husband/ wife and feel really guilty and when put on the spot by there spouse they claim it was rape.

It shouldn't be that the incidents that turn out to be false tarnish the rest if the genuine incident, it also puts massive strain on the real victims coming forward to report such crimes incase there not taken seriously. Any allegation of rape in Scotland is taken seriously until proven otherwise.

 

[Noelle610]

I think there's false reporting with rape just as there is with any crime, but I believe that rape culture makes it seem as if this is a common occurance. Studies show it's only about 2%. I'm more concerned about the 98% of rapes that are happening.

 

[Scottish mum]

There's more but are not reported! The reason I highlighted the fact there are false allegations with rape is because its a serious crime in Scotland which means its dealt with at our high courts, your right there are other false accusations with other crimes but not as severe as rape so it's not discussed as much!

 

[Tiff]

Here we have "Statutory Rape" where a man above the age of 18 is convicted of it if he has sex with a girl under the legal consent age of 16. I think those are the numbers. First and foremost I think the term "statutory rape" needs to go. It has negative connotations and while I get that it is obviously a concern that a man is trying to have sex with a minor but there are quite a few times where I've had friends do this and they were full, willing partners.

To call it "rape" just doesn't sit right with me. I'm not saying there shouldn't be a crime for that, because it goes in both directions (older woman trying to sleep with minor boy or girl).

I don't believe the owness should only be on a man, in response to the poster playing devil's advocate. But on women too. It doesn't matter WHAT gender you are, you do not take advantage of someone who's clearly had too much to drink. End of! There have been times where I've been out at the bar and had friends buy me shots and then all of a sudden I'm smashed. Because I let go of my sense at the time means that I should be blamed for getting raped? Hell no.

That goes both ways, and while I do think there is a higher statistic for women to be raped than men, it doesn't mean that men can't be taken advantage of as well. But as I said before, it is no one's place to take advantage of another person - regardless of gender.

 

[Noelle610]

The point if calling statutory rape "rape" is that a minor cannot legally consent to having sex with an adult regardless of how "willing" they are. I would be more in favor of changing the age of consent rather than the term.

 

[Tiff]

See, I'm different. I'm fine with the age that it is, but the term "rape" to me has such negative connotations.

For me, when I think of rape I think of being forced to preform sexual acts when one doesn't want to do it. Which in some cases for my friends who were 15 at the time and had boyfriends who were 18 could get into serious trouble, even though they were both willing.

Legally, no they shouldn't be doing it for sure... but I think its an outdated term that needs to be updated.

Are you in favour of lowering or raising the age? Not trying to argue your point, I like seeing different sides of views.

 

[Fizzyfefe]

I think people are going to have sex no matter what the legal age is.

 

[SerenityNow]

Many places have an exemption if the teens are close in age. I think Canada has 5 year exemption for anyone who is over 14 but below the age of consent. Seems reasonable to me. IMO a 20 year old having sex with a 14 year old should be considered a crime (regardless of gender).

Not everywhere has that sort if exemption but I actually think a lot of the close in age exemptions are pretty lenient. In my state it would be legal for a 15 year old to have sex with my 12 year old if she consented. She's in 6th grade, a 15 year old would be a high school student. No way do I think that she would have an equal voice in that decision!