Sad the last couple of days...

Discussion in 'TTC After A Loss' started by mami2karina, Jan 28, 2011.

  1. mami2karina

    mami2karina Mami of 3~Expecting #4!

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    I m/c my twins Christmas Day and was finally started to feel better thinking to the future...ovulating...1st AF. NOTHING. NO signs of O, no AF, cervix is high and closed. BFN after BFN. A friend of mine is 37 weeks with boy/girl twins and just posted on FB she's in labor. I should be happy but I am so insainly sad and jealous thinking it should be me pregnant with the twins, I'M the one that's married, I'M the one that was TTC. Then my best friend found out a week after I m/c that she's pregnant. She's scheduled an abortion for next week. I'm the only person she has to be by her side through this tough time but it's KILLING ME. I DO NOT believe in abortion. She knows what happened. Yet she's asking ME to help her through killing her baby. OMG I just want that stupid stick to turn up with 2 pink lines and have a scan with a beautiful baby and heartbeat. Am I wrong??? I just feel like curling up and dying right now.

    ***UPDATE 2/3***
    Woohoo!!!! OB's office is open today! I had my 1st beta drawn Monday, basically 36 hours after I had a faint positive on the Dollar Tree test and a 12 hours after the full blown positive on the FRER. Well my beta was 103!!! I am so excited. I just know this one is a sticky one. And I am SOOO freaking glad I asked for my progesterone to be tested because guess what? I WAS low, only 9! The on call doc prescribed the Prometrium Monday night and I've used it since then and I am feeling great. I am so glad I asked for this or I'm sure I would have m/c again, another healthy pregnancy, because of something that could have been corrected. I am so freaking happy right now!!!! I am headed out for my 2nd beta and progesterone levels here in a few minutes, will have those back either this afternoon or by 9AM tomorrow. I am over the moon right now!!!!
     
  2. cazi77

    cazi77 Mummy to my 2 girls x

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    Orr hun it must be such a hard situation for you. You must be a fantastic friend to support her through and abortion I cannot imagine how painful that must be for you. I too have friends who a pregnant - one due when I would have been and I feel like a terrible person for feeling angry and jealous rather than happy. I am sure our time will come although it may not feel like it. Thinking of you and sending you hugs. xxx
     
  3. Xpecta

    Xpecta Well-Known Member

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    Oh my goodness! I honestly know what you're going through!!! Its SO hard when your friend wants to have an abortion! It makes me sick, honestly.

    If she really is your friend, she should understand that you don't want to be with her through that! That is just cruel to expect you to be!

    I'm so sorry you have to go through this. This is really hard. I really wish there was something I could do. I also have a lot of people on facebook having babies, getting pregnant and all that. Its so hard to be happy for them. But honestly, if they're real friends, they shouldn't expect you to be.

    You need to grieve and mourn the loss of your beautiful babies.

    I'm very sorry for what you have to go through right now. It must be extremely hard. I really hope you get the strength you need to get through this!

    Also, I don't believe in Abortion AT ALL.
     
  4. beth30

    beth30 2 Rainbow Boys and Preggo

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    Well, I understand your sorrow and frustration.... I posted a few days ago about my jealousy and anger against some girls I know that are pregnant. But if you don't mind me suggesting, if you are wanting a baby, why not talk to the friend about not getting the abortion, and letting you have the baby. Unless you want a child that is truly yours by DNA. Please don't take offense to this, I am only trying to help. I know if I had a friend that had decided to do that, I wouldn't mind taking the baby in, and treating him/her like my own. I do love being pregnant, there is no other feeling like it in the world! but I am willing to love any child that comes into my life, one way or another. Hugs & Good Luck!
     
  5. Xpecta

    Xpecta Well-Known Member

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    I actually just talked to my friend about that yesterday. She had an abortion 3 years ago on Feb/5, so we talked about how it would have been if she had kept the baby, and if she had let me take them.

    Basically in our situation, it wouldn't have worked out well, but it has in the past with other people. I would agree that maybe you should talk to them. I know its going to be hard.

    Also, I'm sorry if my post before seemed harsh, but I just had to face that yesterday, and after my Miscarriage, I get angry at things without cause. So this situation was a little more close to home, and it made me a bit upset.
     
  6. mami2karina

    mami2karina Mami of 3~Expecting #4!

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    No its okay I understand. I told her we would take the baby but she said if she carries the baby she will keep it. And she texted me earlier. I guess she had a huge fight with her dad and is now considering keeping the baby so she can move back in with the no good, useless and abusive father. I toldher she can move in with us and I will help her. Idk what will happen. But I did go see my friend and her twins this morning. They are absolutely gorgeous. Makes me wonder how mine. Would have been :'( but I'm so happy for her. She let me hold them and love on them. It was wonderful.
     
  7. Xpecta

    Xpecta Well-Known Member

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    Well at least you could feel joy for her! Its a really really hard thing to do! Especially when you were supposed to have twins as well. Hopefully being around the two beautiful babies won't hurt you too bad.

    Also, I'm glad she's reconsidering! I really hope she does keep the baby! I really really do! Whats her reason for not wanting to if you don't mind me asking?

    Well, I really hope things work out for her! But most of all with you. I can't imagine the pain you're going through right now!
     
  8. mami2karina

    mami2karina Mami of 3~Expecting #4!

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    Thank you ladies. Thank God for someone else that understands how I feel. She is 19, has a 2 year old son who's father is going to prison for drugs. She has raised her son by herself and lives with her dad. She doesn't want to raise another child alone without a father. So IDK what she's going to do. I hope she keeps it as I DO NOT believe in abortion either. But whatever she decides is going to have to be a final decision as she will be at the cut off point to do the abortion pills. So I guess we will see what happens. On a brighter note, I am feeling better about my friend's twins today. Mine were fraternal as well so it makes me wonder what mine would have been, etc. But I am happy for her and her babies. I was happy that she called me so early this morning wanting to come to the hospital and see them.
     
  9. Xpecta

    Xpecta Well-Known Member

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    Yeah, that must have made you feel good that she wanted you there! I'm glad thatyou're able to move past it and be happy! You should be proud! It takes a lot to be able to do that!

    Well, I sincerely hope your friend doesn't do something she'll regret. I know it must be hard to raise a child by herself, but its a life she has to deal with now. Its not just her body, its a life she has created.

    Also, just a random side thought...Is your name Karina?
     
  10. mami2karina

    mami2karina Mami of 3~Expecting #4!

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    Yeah, she wasn't using protection and she and her boyfriend were trying to get pregnant because he wanted a baby but now she decides she's not ready. HELLO you idiot you brought this on yourself. Sorry, it makes me angry.

    My name is Brittany and Miss Karina Lizeth is my soon to be 7 year old baby girl :) I still remember the day I found out I was pregnant with her. I was in love from the second I saw those 2 pink lines. I had a HORRIBLE labor with her, I was only 17. I swore up and down I would NEVER EVER have any more children lol. I have since added 2 wonderful sons to the list and so badly want more. My husband is 1 of 11 children and only the youngest is his. We want more children together, one more possibly two. But I WILL not be having 11 lol. I'm lucky to have my babies but I have now m/c 7 little angels and it kills me. The other m/c didn't affect me like this last one has. I thought I was finally getting better then the last couple of days hit and I thought I was going to die all over again. And I just feel stuck right now. No AF or signs of O'ing. It's so frustrating, I'd like the witch to show up just so I feel like I can move foward, I still feel like I'm pregnant, that I should still be pregnant but I'm not and my body isn't accepting it or something. I don't know if that even makes sense.
     
  11. Xpecta

    Xpecta Well-Known Member

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    WHAT?! SERIOUSLY!? That makes me SOOO angry that she is acting like that! Its NOT fair that she wanted to bring that baby into the world and now she just thinks "Whatever, I don't need it"!!! That makes me super super angry. Especially with how many women want a beautiful baby and can't!

    Anyways, I ask, cause my Moms name is Karina too. I don't see it spelled that way very often. It makes me smile :)

    Wow, you've had 7 miscarriages?! That is awful! I'm so sorry to hear that! I hope you get your next children soon! I was 17 when I got pregnant, but I was 18 when my son was born. I didn't have to go through labour either. It was just a C-section. Those aren't fun either.

    I hope we both get pregnant soon! I only had my M/C two week ago, so really I have to wait either way to see what happens... Uurrgg
     
  12. mami2karina

    mami2karina Mami of 3~Expecting #4!

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    It DEFINITELY makes me angry too that she's doing this. And she KNOWS what I'm going through. She was the first one besides DH that I told about being pregnant. It's been 5 weeks since my m/c now and I still haven't had ANYTHING happen at all and it's driving me INSAINE. This has NEVER happened to me before. Even after I have given birth my period has always come at my regular 28 day cycle! So this is so frustrating to me. I see you're in Canada. I have never seen anyone else with my daughter's name either! Her father is from Mexico and the day we found out she was a girl we were sitting in the mall food court talking about names lol. First he said Lizeth, then Karina and I just blurted out "her name is Karina Lizeth!". And I love it, as I said no one else I have met has a child with her name or anything. My mom named me Brittany when it was uncommon, then it went viral lol. I have her name tattooed between with shoulder blades and had a hand drawn tattoo put around it as well. It's got beautiful vivid colored flowers and vine work around it. She's my sweet little girl. I have Karina who will be 7 in March, Cristian who turned 3 in Sept and Alexander who will be 2 next month. They're my world for sure.
    Losing 7 babies is a hard thing to deal with. And my family each time says "you better be glad you lost it". It's horrifying. My neurologist told me a couple of weeks ago with my health issues that I need to stop TTC. But I don't want to. I may have to though because DH and I are getting ready to go through an immigration battle and I don't want him to miss the birth of our LO and I really don't want to give birth in Mexico. So I guess we will see what happens :( He has his first court date April 7th, so I may just take a break until then and go from there.
     
  13. Xpecta

    Xpecta Well-Known Member

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    Wow. You really are going through a lot! I'm so sorry to hear that! Funny thing, my mom just went to Mexico two weeks ago, and she was shocked cause she met 2 Karina's there! haha Small world!

    I'm sorry you're having such a rough time. And what a HORRIBLE thing to say that "You'd better be glad you lost it" What kind of support is that!? Since my miscarriage, I've been really angry at things. I can't believe you're going through this! I really really wish there was something I could do to help you!
     
  14. mami2karina

    mami2karina Mami of 3~Expecting #4!

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    Oh believe me I have been EXTREMELY angry. About 4 days after the m/c poor DH and I are in Walmart and I'm so down and upset. He says "why are you still upset? We can have another baby". OMG it set me off. I was so angry when we got home I went to bed, was throwing a tantrum and kicked a hole in the bedroom wall lol. I know it was immature but it woke him up. I just broke down hsyterically for over an hour. I wanted to kill someone for real. And I see all these little 15 and 16 year old girls around me getting pregnant and it breaks my heart. Here my husband and I are doing everything right and we lose our precious babies. And it's so frustrating that I haven't O'd or gotten AF or anything at all. I swore I had some implantation bleeding over 3 weeks ago but no, it wasn't. I onl y bled a total of 3 days, bleeding and spotting included, with the m/c. I just don't understand why my body keeps doing this to me. I don't understand what I have done to deserve this yet there are people like my friend that gets pregnant for the heck of it then wants to kill her baby. Someone has got stuff backwards somewhere. I miss being pregnant, knowing that I have a little baby growing inside me, seeing the ultrasounds, hearing the heartbeat, feeling those very precious movements inside me. My last one was a CRAZY baby lol he NEVER stopped moving and turning all the time. I knew exactly where his little butt was and my husband swore I was lying lol but as soon as I was born I said "you see this little tiny butt here? That's what you were feeling all the time!". My husband loved every minute of being an expectant father. I have horrible sickness during my entire pregnancy everytime I'm pregnant so there are a lot of ER trips for re-hydration and meds for nausea, etc. but it's all worth it to me. I just want it one more time. I'm sure that's all my body will be able to handle. I have had cervical cancer removed twice and have been lucky to have a healthy baby after each. But I did have my last 5 weeks premature because my cervix started dilating. They keep check on my cervix, I have an ultrasound at 16 weeks to check length and they check the baby over at that time too which with my 2nd son I didn't know they did that because it was the first time. I got to find out the sex at 16 weeks and I loved it! But now I'm just rambling. I just really miss being pregnant and experiencing all of that stuff :(
     
  15. Xpecta

    Xpecta Well-Known Member

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    Yeah, me too. I hardly remember it, cause I was only a teenager, and really wasn't very into the whole pregnancy thing. I'm a person on both sides now. I was one of the teenagers that had an oopsie pregnancy and it worked out fine. Now I'm also a mother to a beautiful boy, trying again and failing! It sucks! I'm so jealous of past me!

    Anyways, I know how angry you are. I get angry all the time. It sucks big time! Though I really don't know exactly how you're feeling cause you are in limbo...Right now I don't exactly know where I'm supposed to be. I'm just drifting. Which in all honesty, isn't very fun.

    Also, I can understand how you would get so mad at your husband! Mine is grieving the exact same amount I am, so he's not making any remarks like that!
     
  16. mami2karina

    mami2karina Mami of 3~Expecting #4!

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    After that thank god he didn't say anymore. He just keeps saying let's go make a baby lol. But I feel like I'm stuck and my body is refusing to move forward.
     
  17. mami2karina

    mami2karina Mami of 3~Expecting #4!

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    Omg I'm in shock right now. I tested with my last test 2 days ago and it was BFN. So I ran to Dollar Trr this evening and decided to go ahead and take one and it turned positive immediately. I cannot believe this.I'm going to call my OB first thing Monday morning to see who they want to proceed. I can't believe this happened I swore I hadn't O'd or anything.
     
  18. Xpecta

    Xpecta Well-Known Member

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    Oh wow! Thats amazing! I'm so happy for you! You really deserve it!! I really hope it goes well! Especially with all your health issues! Congrats! :)
     
  19. mami2karina

    mami2karina Mami of 3~Expecting #4!

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    Awe thank you. I was so scared to post that on here. I took another one this moorning and it was positive too. I am ready for my doctor to open u tomorrow morning. I just really hope it all goes well this time. I don't think I can handle another mc.
     
  20. deshka

    deshka Mother of 1 and 1 angel

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    oh gosh hope your pregnant! how long was that then?
    xxx fx dustxxxx
     

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