SB22's rocky relationship UPDATE: Girls,what do i do now?

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - Second Trimester' started by AtomicPink, Apr 6, 2009.

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  1. AP

    AP Well-Known Member
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    Things have gone back to being worse. I thought everything was sorted, but he's called me from work today.
    It started as him calling, we laughed as i have heartburn and he said it means baby will have lots of hair. He then started having a rant about work, and saying he was down. He said he felt that his uncles death may have hit him harder than he thought. Then he said he thought i didn't love him. Then he changed his mind, and announced that he's not sure if he wants to be with me. So it all started again. This same conversation we had last week.

    He said he needs time to think, and won't be home tonight. God knows where he's staying and part of me doesn't care.

    I called my mother and told her. I am going to the council tomorrow to get myself out of here. This is not a situation i want to be in when baby is here, i am best leaving now.
    After a bit of talking, we're suspitious that he hasn't even actually told his parents about the baby.

    I am hurt this little shit has hugged me. Told me he loves me. Made love to me. All after i thought we had sat down and decided to make this work.

    I am scared, but i think this is the only way i will get peace of mind.
     
    #1 AP, Apr 6, 2009
  2. Pyrrhic

    Pyrrhic Well-Known Member

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    I'm so sorry hun. I really hope things start to look up for you soon :hugs: You're very strong to walk away for your baby before it gets worse.

    In regards to his parents not knowing, I would phone them. Not particularly to get back at him, but because they deserve to know that they're having a grandchild.
     
    #2 Pyrrhic, Apr 6, 2009
  3. Tsia

    Tsia My MyloMan - he turned 1!

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    awww babes.. such a big decision.. you are a stronger person than I!!

    I feel I should be doing this.. but I am staying put in his house unless he physically throws me out. I am getting the same conversations every week too. Why do they do it? Do they forget everything they promised the week before?..

    I hope you have people near you that are able to support you... my nearest family lives 100 miles from me so its not that easy.. but I respect you for making such a huge decision. And who knows.. it may shock him to his senses that you are willing to go this alone. xx
     
    #3 Tsia, Apr 6, 2009
  4. misswren

    misswren Proud mama of 3 girlies

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    Awww you are being so strong, just focus on you and babs.

    I totally understand how horrid it feels for someone to turn like this, my ex hasn't told anyone in his family about me being pregnant and it is all I can do not to mail everyone and tell em myself but that would only help him paint me as a nutter...

    You should come and rant here whenever you need to, just do the right thing for you.

    My girl's dad is out of their life after being there and not there, with me and not with me, and do youknow what? They are fine, more than fine, they are fantastic because it takes more than swimmers to be a dad and your baby has you and you will be fantastic!

    xxx :hug:
     
    #4 misswren, Apr 6, 2009
  5. AP

    AP Well-Known Member
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    You girls are all right.

    His dad just called the house. He asked if he was there.
    "when will he be home?" he asked.
    "he won't. He's not coming home" i replied
    "what do you mean, he's not coming home?" he asked, suprised.
    "he just isn't." i sobbed.
    "what's going on" he asked.
    In my messed up head i couldn't make sense of anything, and i mumbled a bit about how he's been funny and it's been going on for a week now, and that every day i don't know where i will be and if i have a roof over my head.
    "i'll try him on his mobile"he said. "i'll try and find out where he is"
    "don't say you've spoke to me" i said. "he will think i have phoned you". Only that will make him say i'm a psycho.

    That was half an hour ago. OH finished work half an hour ago. I am half expecting him to still come home, somehow.

    If his dad calls again, i am going to ask to speak to his mum and ask her outright if she knows about the pregnancy.

    Me and my mum came to the conclusion she doesn't know, as we went to visit his parents yesterday, and she offered me wine, which i found odd. Also it was the first time i have seen her since she has been 'told' so i found it odd that she did not say anything about it.

    OH said he thought his mum had not told his dad yet. I think this is a lie.

    Also he has been given vouchers of £300 which can be spent in many shops, one being Mothercare. The plan was to use them there, until i heard him offer them to his mother. He says she needs a new bed, as they are short just now. I thought, this is the same people that spent £150 on one bottle of special whisky last week?

    Only to see his mum, who announced she'd be using the vouchers on egyptian cotton sheets from John Lewis,for her new bed....

    Something really stinks about it all...
     
    #5 AP, Apr 6, 2009
  6. babytots

    babytots Well-Known Member

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    oh :hugs: hunni for what its worth i think your doing the right thing. no one deserves to be treat like this especially when you are pg and things do seem a bit fishy regarding his parents knowing about the baby when going by what you say they clearly don't and i think its so unfair hes offered those vouchers to his mother when it could of gone towards baby things which lets face it dont come cheap these days.

    anyways hunni whatever happens i really hope things work out for the best for you and baby x
     
    #6 babytots, Apr 6, 2009
  7. Tsia

    Tsia My MyloMan - he turned 1!

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    Bloody hell!! whats he playing at? He is in denial!! totally. You need to tell the parents that those vouchers were supposed to be used in mothercare.. then the penny will drop.

    I told my OH's mum. OH dad dies 4 years ago and the only other family he has is one older brother who is in america. He talks to him.. but not very often even though they communicate on Facebook.. and I KNOW he hasnt told his brother yet cos he has told me. I told his mum cos she caught me crying when I answered the phone and I get on well with her. He was angry at first that I had told her but that was only cos her son was being a complete jerk about it all.

    I dont think he would have told his mum if I hadnt quite frankly. I am still waiting for his brother to be officially told.. but I know his brother knows.. but hasnt asked.. cos he is also my friend on FB and can read my stauts's.. sometimes I write about scans and craving on there. He knows.. he just hasnt been informed. And when I asked my partner.. he said it was cos he is ashamed of the posotion he has put himslef in.. and embarrassed. Probably cos we are not married.

    I couldnt give a shit really. I would tell his bro but I dont think its my place to. I have never even met the guy just had small talk on the phone when he calls now and again.

    Anyways.. I would ring back the FIL.. and ask if he managed to find out where his son was etc.. just cos you are worried. then.. let it drop about the vouchers.
    Thats what I would do. x
     
    #7 Tsia, Apr 6, 2009
  8. GersPrincess

    GersPrincess Mummy of 3, soon to be 4!

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    God, I am so sorry you are being put through this, and it does sound really fishy about his parents. Any normal Grandparent-to-be shows at least a little bit of interest - and huge excitement. I'm sure if his mother knew, she'd have noticed the vouchers could be used in mothercare, and told her son to keep them.
    I don't want to make excuses for your OH, but he does sound very mixed up and confused, could he maybe be depressed?
    I really admire your courage, and maybe once you've got your own place, things will be more on your terms. I know this worked for my friend. She has refused to put her hubby's name on her tenancy with the council in case he starts acting a cock again, like he did in her 2nd tri, and she feels more secure knowing the place is hers and her daughters.
    If you need any help with the council pm me, I worked in housing until last week (redundant, not fired lol)
    Take care chick x
     
    #8 GersPrincess, Apr 7, 2009
  9. Vickie

    Vickie Hannah & Rhys <3

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    :hug:
     
    #9 Vickie, Apr 7, 2009
  10. AP

    AP Well-Known Member
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    Well girls thank you.

    I had a terrible sleep last night. I woke up and i'm still shaking like a leaf. I was hoping it was just some nightmare.

    He didn't come home last night. His parents didn't call back. Part of me suspects he's given them a line so they aren't worried-you'd think they'd at least call back.

    So it's council today. I can't imagine what god awful place they put me in.
     
    #10 AP, Apr 7, 2009
  11. K477uk

    K477uk Mum of One!

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    I am sat here amazed about how strong you sound, because I know I couldn't be like you! Well done! Massive hugs as I know it's hard!

    Things always turn out for the best, even if they go through some mud before you get there!
    xx
     
    #11 K477uk, Apr 7, 2009
  12. misswren

    misswren Proud mama of 3 girlies

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    Good luck today hun :hugs:
    xxxx
     
    #12 misswren, Apr 7, 2009
  13. Vici

    Vici Mum to a LTTC princess!!

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    O hun, so sorry to hear you're having it so rough. Look after you and your LO, you're the most important ones in this now xx
     
    #13 Vici, Apr 7, 2009
  14. amylw1

    amylw1 my 3 boys in avatar. x

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    sorry to hear this. as you said its easier to walk now b4 baby gets here. hope you get things sorted. x
     
    #14 amylw1, Apr 7, 2009
  15. Mumof42009

    Mumof42009 Mum Of 4 Preemie's

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    Hun
    You really sound like you would be better off without oh seems like he doesnt care less, i hope the council help you get somewhere for you and the baby might not be prefect but you can make anywhere a home behind closed doors. Wishing you all the best xx
     
    #15 Mumof42009, Apr 7, 2009
  16. star-dust

    star-dust Guest

    :hug::hug::hug::hug:
     
    #16 star-dust, Apr 7, 2009
  17. golcarlilly

    golcarlilly Proud mum of 2

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    Best of luck to you hun, you are a very brave woman and deserve to be happy :hugs:
     
    #17 golcarlilly, Apr 7, 2009
  18. sweetcheeks85

    sweetcheeks85 Well-Known Member

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    :hug:

    Good luck for today doll
     
    #18 sweetcheeks85, Apr 7, 2009
  19. AP

    AP Well-Known Member
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    Update.

    I went to the council. Only for them to book me an 'appointment' for two weeks today? I mean, WTF. I'm sure if i push hard enough i can get away before that though.

    This mornin was strange. I texted OH's dad. He said he never got in contact with him last night. So he never stayed there.

    I assumed he must be at our friends house. Then our friend called and ask if OH was coming up to help him do a few bits n bobs. I explained he wasn't here, and hasn't been.
    My friend is furious at the way he is treating me.

    So where did he stay? There,s no where else, unless he booked a B&B or stayed at some slappers. I know he still only has work clothes that he was wearing yesterday, so i am quite concerned as to his welfare. His state of mind worries me, as he has been treated for depression many times.

    His mobile has been off and no one can get him. I know he has his mum's car until tomorrow afternoon.

    I am half thinking about calling round the hospitals.

    I am going to call his parents tonight and get everything out in the open. After all, this house is in their name!
     
    #19 AP, Apr 7, 2009
  20. golcarlilly

    golcarlilly Proud mum of 2

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    Has he got a car -could he have slept in that? I wouldn't worry too much hun, that is probably what he wants!
     
    #20 golcarlilly, Apr 7, 2009
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