Sensitive kids group

[polaris]

I don't know if it would be counter-productive in the long-term but my immediate thought was whether there would be anything to make her feel like her ears are more protected, like ear muffs or similar. I can't really think whether that would actually work though. Anyway it would have to be a stepping stone as eventually the goal should be to be able to wash her hair without it being an issue.

 

[DaisyBee]

Omarsmum - do you think Omar is a bit overstimulated or stressed without his pacifier and less resting times? Megan has a harder time falling asleep and staying asleep when she is that way. Is he still biting his nails?

Tacey - we had almost an exact episode over hair washing last night. She didn't want to wash it, but it's been 2 weeks since I washed it last. She had been protesting so much and freaking out, so I had been leaving it. But I didn't feel like I could leave it any more. So I tried to talk her into it. I tried distracting her and then went for it, thinking she would then just let me get it done with. Well no, she freaked out worse. I have her lay back in the tub so that there is no chance that she would get water over her face. I hold her head in my hand while washing with the other one. She is very very afraid of water getting on her face or in her ears. I gave her a washcloth and asked if she wanted to put it over her face, but she didn't. She was crying and hysterical but she had wet shampoo hair, so after I tried to calm her down I ended up making her do it. it was horrible and a big mistake. She was so upset. I went as quick as I could, telling her she was safe and I wouldn't let water get on her face. As soon as I was done and reaching for a towel, she sat right up and the water still in her hair went down her face. Agh! I got her out immediately and she let me get a towel around her and I held her. She was very upset. I talked about what happened and we talked about how nice it feels to have clean hair, and that it smelled so nice and clean. Dhs mom is a hairdresser, and cuts megans hair, I then was telling her maybe we could get grandma to cut her hair this weekend. ( as she loves it, she let's grandma comb it as well, but doesn't like us to comb it much as she doesn't like it to pull at all.) dh came home right after she had gotten out of the tub, and then he was telling her how beautiful her hair is when it's clean. I have no problem with her relating clean = beautiful. That makes sense what polaris is saying about the gradual getting used to it, but not sure a way that will work. I talked to my mil about it tonight and she said it's very common for kids this age to not like hair being washed. She suggested a visor that they sell for washing hair, but we've tried that and she ended up with water all over her. Im wondering if a sticker chart or reward type thing would even work with this, as it is a big fear vs her deciding she just doesn't want to. I am thinking I may try seeing what she thinks about washing it in the kitchen sink. Take her out of the place it usually scares her? When growing up my mom would have us lay on the kitchen counter and she washed it that way. I don't know if she will feel secure with that idea or not. I do think the idea of ear muffs, or even ear plugs is a good one.

Tacey - I can pick and choose families for daycare, but we live in a small town and if I would open and then tell friends that I can't watch their kids, it's going to be very ackward! Our neighbor is assuming they have a place in my daycare as soon as I decide to open, even though we haven't talked about anything... Price, hours, rules, even my view on discipline or anything. I think she is presuming a lot, but being my neighbor, if I open and then tell her I don't think it's a good fit, it's going to be weird. Before we lived in a much larger town. I didn't have this issue. I got to be very picky once I had been established. I ended up getting to choose better hours ( open a bit less per day), and was able to pick kids that I thought were a good fit in with the rest of the group.

Moo moo - I don't think any of our kids are in a box... They are all so unique. Welcome to the group

 

[DaisyBee]

Omarsmum - the not wanting to poop in the toilet is very common. Megan was willing to poop in the toilet before peeing in it and it shocked me, as I was used to the opposite. Some of my daycare kids just didn't feel secure with poop falling in the toilet ( for lack of better words - lol) The idea of it was a bit scary to them, but most couldn't put it into words. I would just keep with what you are doing. Also we have found with Megan that she feels so much less embarrassed about pooping in general when she has actually been in the room when we have gone ourselves. We talk about that everyone poops and will take turns naming people and animals that poop. It makes it seem more normal for her weve found.

The incident here in the us, that someone killed all those kids and teachers at school. It's really shaken me. I'm not even close to that area, but it's really affected me. I've cried many time for those kids. It's made me think about how much I take for granted and how precious life is. I was going shopping last night right after the girls were getting to bed. Megan knew I was going and she didn't want me to go. She kept crying. Dh ended up laying with her and then she decided that was ok. While I was driving, i had the thought of what would happen to my kids if something happened to me? Dh and I have said that before, that if we weren't here our kids would be screwed. ( lol sorry, but it's what he said), we said no one else understands our kids. Our kids are only coping and thriving as well as they are because of us. We really believe that. We hear comments about our kids a lot and none of them are accurate. Any advice we've been given has been opposite of what we think will work for them. Anyway...
It also was making me realize that family is important. I've decided to forgive my mom. Life is too short for me to be upset with her any longer. So we've decided to stay the whole weekend there next weekend. We will come home Monday morning. And we are going to dh's uncles Xmas eve. It will be fine, and if not we can just leave. I didn't want to go just as was worrying about "what if" the girls don't handle it, or get overstimulated, or it makes them a mess for Xmas day. But I can't live in the "what ifs" anymore.

 

[OmarsMum]

Daisybee- that school incidence is heartbreaking

Glad you decided to forgive your mum Hun as you said life is too short. I do understand where you & your DH are coming from, we have similar talks at home.

As for Omar, I do think he's overstimulated as he doesn't have his dummy anymore, it started when we weaned him off the dummy. He doesn't bite his nails anymore, but he still does it sometimes when he feels shy in a social situation, but it's much less than before.

Last night he didn't sleep until 12 am, but he woke up at 9!

As for the daycare, I think the right time for you to start again is when Megan goes to pre-school?

Tacey- Omar went through a similar phase when it comes to hair washing, but it wasn't that extreme, did you try to ask her to do it on her own? Maybe some water play out side the bathroom? Maybe in the kitchen, play with water, then pour some water over your own head & cheer, & see if she copies.

Polaris- I'm loving the 3s more the 2s, Omar looks so grown up bless him, we had two days wihtout whining

Yesterday I took him out in the morning with my friends we sat in an outdoor coffee shop, he asked for a croissant & he ate it alone, he told me in the car that he wanted one & he wants to eat it alone. We stayed from 1 pm till 4 pm, he played on his own, he pushed his car, then his stroller on the grass around, he played with my friend's baby & talked to him, he was so cheerful & well behaved. After 30 mins we're going to the daycare, we will stay for an hour or two, I will stay with him all this week until he gets familiar with the staff.

 

[Tacey]

Thanks Polaris! I've now bought a water shield that should arrive next week some time. Maybe some 'hardwear' might make her feel keen to try again, especially if we have some fun trying it on etc. So sorry you've had a similar (actually, spookily identical!) experience Daisybee. I like the taking her out of the place we usually do it idea. Have you considered trying Megan's in the morning? It's clearly not working for us at the moment, but we've had better success when Alice is not tired. Omarsmum, she'll happily wash my hair, and DH's, and isn't worried at all by water. That's why I think it may be a genuine issue with her ears. She'll rub shampoo on her own hair, but won't even fill a cup if you suggest she rinses it off.

It sounds really good that you've chosen to forgive your mum, Daisybee. You're right too about living with what ifs. I do far too much of that, and it's not a healthy, or enjoyable way to live. The school tragedy has really affected me too. I'm ashamed to say I've been avoiding the news. I usually like to be informed, but this is just too overwhelming.

Omarsmum, how was daycare today? I hope you both enjoyed yourselves! Omar is coming on in leaps and bounds lately.

 

[OmarsMum]

Hope the sheild works hun

The place was lovely, Omar loved it, he was moving around happily, & he fel tsecure as his cousin was there, but unfortunately it won't work for us

The teacher called a kid re-tarded the manager asked her to check that kid & keep him with the group, she went on shouting & saying that his mum should hire a nanny to attend with him as he's re-tarded & she cant control him!

When the kids were listening to music on youtube, my nephew was participating, she told him that he's a good boy as he's participating but the kid next to him is a bad boy as he was half asleep!

The kids are all 2-3 yrs old, Omar is the eldest. There were 10 kids (8 registered, 2 new) but there was 1 assistant only. the ratio at this age should be 1:3 or max 1:4 in any nursery/ daycare. The teacher is not a care giver.

When the assistant took 5 kids to the bathroom to wash their hands after lunch, one of them scratched his finger, he ended up crying & screaming for him mum, when the teacher couldnt sooth him, she shouted at the assistant & asked her to leave him as he's a "spoilt brat"! He's only 2.5 yrs!

This all happened within 30 mins. The manager called me for a chat, & the owner was around, I told her about all this as I was concerned about the kids' safety. The owner agreed with all my points but the manager started to make excuses for the teacher.

My SIL passed by with 2 other mums, so we all went out, & they all had concerns regarding the teacher. Anyway, I told them that it's not the right place for us, & the owner gave me back the registration fee.

SIL told me later that they fired the teacher, & now the daycare doesnt have a teacher anymore.

I was shocked when the owner told me that the teacher doesnt have any qualifications, the manager is going for cheap staff to save money!!

 

[Tacey]

Oh my goodness! That's horrendous! How on earth can they hire someone who has no qualifications?! Thank goodness they've got rid of her.

What are your options now, is there anywhere else you can try? Is your nephew still attending?

 

[OmarsMum]

My nephew s still attending, he likes it there, but He's totally different that Omar, he's not sensitive at all, he's out going & easy going in general. Omar is very sensitive & he understands everything, he will get hurt if someone talks to him this way!

I'm stuck now, I have no plans, we already registered for 4 classes at kidville for the next semester after the holidays. But those are afternoon classes, 2 days a week.

There is this nursery, it has a branch that is 20-30 mins away from our place, but I'm still not sure he will have to go for 5 days a week, he will go to older kids class as he's already 3 I guess (FS1), I can't go in with him & I have to drop him by the door then leave.

https://www.britishorchardnursery.com/index.php

 

[OmarsMum]

Omar is loosing his cautiousness

When we went out from the daycare, I took him to a coffee shop close by, he sat there ate his croissant , then took his stroller for a walk, he was out of sight, I was there with SIL & her friend, her friend was able to see him, he was so far away walking towards the daycare!

It's a safe place, far away from the street within a huge park. Anyways, I ran after him, when I reached him & asked him where he was going, he told me that he was going to pick up his cousin

He didn't take any break during the day, DH had some work at 9 pm so I asked him to take us with him, as soon as the car started moving Omar fell asleep I couldn't wake him up at all. The whole journey took 45 mins, when we reached home & DH carried him, he woke up in the elevator but he didn't have energy to talk, so I put him in bed immediately, patted gently on his tummy after taking off his shorts, & he went back to sleep

He asked for food all day, he wanted cooked meals & rice

Do you think it's ok to take him for car rides if we want to introduce a nap again? He always naps in the car.

 

[Tacey]

The nursery looks good, but suddenly going 5 days a week and having to drop him at the door sounds like a lot for any child, sensitive or otherwise! Could they not be a bit more flexible? Have you visited in person before? Might be worth looking round.

Edit - cross posted! I think car rides would be a great idea for a nap. I have a friend who did that very successfully, and her little boy then managed to nap at home again. Hopefully he'll sleep really well tonight!

 

[OmarsMum]

I'm not sure if they'd let me in, it's British nurseries policy I guess? I visited the nursery last March, I visited almost all nurseries in the city, this was the only one I liked.

I might not send him anywhere! I need to go to the office two times a week in the mornings, & two times a week in the afternoon, i can work from home when needed, & if I need to go somewhere related to work I can take Omar & the housekeeper with me. DH can take over when I have to go tot he office, as I don't leave him alone at home with the housekeeper.

The office we chose is very close by our place, it has a lovely walk with a soft play area & coffee shops, there is also a small library. I'm fortunate enough to live close by all those facilities.

This is the place, we're going to rent an office within the business centre

https://www.alqasba.ae/

 

[DaisyBee]

That is horrible that they talked to the kids like that! I cant even imagine teachers, or any caregiver talk to kids like that! I've heard parents talking to their kids that way in the store, and it just floors me. Those poor kids!

I do think maybe that's a good idea to wait til megan is ready for preschool. It will be a lot to have no break all day... And no break plus no break from Megan is going to be hard.

I would have Omar nap in the car, if you think he needs the nap ( and it sounds like he does, if he isnt having a break all day, and also not sleeping great at night).

Tacey - I agree that is crazy that the girls sound very siilar with this hair washing issue. Has Alice always had this? Megan didn't have this when she was younger. But it seems to be getting worse vs better. I think the idea of trying morning is a great idea. Maybe it's too much doing it right before bed!? I hadn't thought of that at all. Megan loves water, plays in it any time she can. She will ask us to turn the water on or fill the bathroom sink ( she can't reach the faucet even with her step ) and she will play for 1/2 hr. She loves bath time, will happily lay down in the tub if there isn't much water as long as I am not pouring water over her hair. She has even started pouring water over her own head, so she is in control of it. She isnt soaking it enough to get it actually washed though, and i figured if i tried to put shampoo on then it will just run all down her face, and that will make it worse. She asks for a towel to wipe her face right after, but i felt like that was improvement as she is purposefully putting water on her head. But she is getting worse with me doing it. I'm wondering if she would like her grandma to do it? I'm willing to try about anything right now. I think at the moment it's the biggest issue she has.

I've been avoiding what I can of the news as well. People were talking about it yesterday and I didn't even want to be in the conversation. A lot of things affect me differently now that I'm a mom, but this one really has hit me. After my realization the other day that I need to stop stressing so much, and now this... I feel very differently than I was. Im in a very different place mentally.

 

[DaisyBee]

If he is doing some classes anyway, and you can swing it that he isn't needing daycare, then I wouldn't think it necessary to send them. He will be in preschool soon anyway.

Are you excited about starting the business?

 

[cutie4evr01]

I don't have much time right now so I'll write more later, but just wanted to chime in on the hair washing - do you give her plenty of advance notice/warning? Christina hates having her hair washed too, and admittedly I have done it through her screams before, but I've found she protests less if I have told her several times that it's coming. So the night before when we're taking a bath, I'll say "tomorrow night we're going to wash your hair", and then during the day I'll remind her several times "tonight we're going to wash your hair" and generally she says "no" when I say these reminders, and protests a little when I first start wetting her hair, but usually will let me get on with it quickly with minimal protesting if I've told her in advance. On occasion when I've had to wash it without advance warning (i.e. dinner/paint in her hair from just before the bath), she really resists a lot.

I too have been very shaken by the recent school shootings - I can't imagine what those families are feeling.

 

[OmarsMum]

If he is doing some classes anyway, and you can swing it that he isn't needing daycare, then I wouldn't think it necessary to send them. He will be in preschool soon anyway.

Are you excited about starting the business?

I'm so excited but I'm a bit scared. Competition is very high here, but what we're doing is a bit different than other competitors.

I really hope it works, tomorrow I have a casual meeting with my partners at my place I'm so looking forward to it, & DH is looking into all the required paper works, license & approvals to start the business

Thanks for asking Hun

 

[polaris]

I've been really shaken by the school shootings too and I haven't been watching/listening to the news much. It was on the radio news at lunchtime today and me and OH were chatting about it a little bit and Thomas was listening and asking what was it about and I just felt horrible about him hearing the conversation and about the world that he's growing up into and just that he's too young to know about anything like that. Those poor families.

Omarsmum, that's great news that Omar is growing in confidence and losing some of his cautiousness! I am always chuffed when I see Thomas taking small risks - it's funny because if we are out with someone else they are normally telling him to be careful and I'm saying "no it's fine, he is always careful, he knows what he's doing". LOL. I think the car-ride idea for naps is a great idea. I think I would have definitely tried it if I hadn't been able to get Thomas napping again. It might just get him used to sleeping during the day again too and then he might nap at home. Thomas is sleeping so well now that he's back napping again - he is having usually 1.5 to 2 hours nap and 11 to 12 hours at night and only taking about half an hour to an hour to fall asleep at bedtime. Sleep really does breed sleep for Thomas.

About the daycare - OMG that is just totally appalling. I'm glad that the teacher has been sacked but I would question why she was ever employed in the first place with no qualifications and those kinds of attitudes to children. And very worrying that the manager was trying to defend her behaviour. Personally I think if you can manage childcare, there isn't really any need for Omar to go to nursery yet. I'm so glad that I didn't send Thomas this year, he is coming on so much this year and I think he will be much better able to cope with it next year. I am enjoying spending the time with him too while I am off on maternity leave.

Great suggestions on the hair washing issue - I really think this thread is a great resource!

 

[Jchihuahua]

Hi everyone. I know most of you . Omar's Mum linked me to this thread after a post I made in toddlers in the 'Does anyone's toddler NOT..' thread. It is interesting as I have never considered Daisy as sensitive really. She is highly complex and very hard work but I never really associated that with her being sensitive. I am going to read through this thread and see if we fit in here.

I am also really shaken by the school shootings. I had nightmares last night about it. I can't stop thinking about what I would do and how I could protect my little ones at work if that happened here.

 

[OmarsMum]

Hi JC

I was waiting for you to find us , from your posts I noticed that Daisy & Omar have a lot in common.

Enjoy reading the thread, it's a bit long, we tend to go OT sometimes

But it's an amazing thread, it really helped us to understand our toddlers traits, & to overcome many issues we were struggling with. I feel that I'm bonding with the ladies here more than my friends IRL

Hope you find it useful xx

 

[DaisyBee]

Hi JC! I'm guessing that most children that are hard work are a bit sensitive. Lol Is that a fair statement? Megan is very hard work and always has been.

Today Megan made cookies with her dad. It was going great until they had it all mixed up and then she was supposed to help make it into balls. She doesn't really know how to do that, and instead was just squishing dough. Which was fine, but it seemed to get her overwhelmed. Dh got frustrated with her and wanted to put her in timeout as then she wasn't listening and melting down. But I brought her to her room and sat her in my lap. She was concerned about me sitting on a cheerio and I made a joke about me being like a chicken sitting on my egg. And I started clucking like a chicken and pecking ( kissing) her. It calmed her down enough by lightening the mood, vs being more intense. And then we read a few books with her weighted blanket. Then she was ok.

Omarsmum - that's great that your dh can help with those kinds of details! That will help a lot!

Loving this thread as well!

 

[polaris]

Hi JC, good to see you here, this is a lovely thread. It's the first place I'd go now for advice and understanding about any concerns or issues that I'm having.

One thing that I have noticed is that Thomas seems to be getting worse recently at getting his hands dirty. I had thought that he was improving a little bit but he seems to be getting worse again. He doesn't want to touch stuff if it is going to make his hands dirty, there's no way that he would squidge cookie dough with his hands, he just wouldn't be able to do that at all. Recently he doesn't even like eating fruit if it's too juicy, even if I cut it up for him so the juice won't go everywhere. And he is getting really upset if he's eating and he notices that his hands are a bit sticky, he won't calm down until his hands are clean. We used to get away with a quick wipe with a damp cloth but now he is insisting on drying them too because they are "still sticky". He had been doing better with painting and not minding so much getting his hands covered in paint or whatever, but that seems to have taken a step backwards recently too. Does anyone have other messy play ideas that might encourage him a bit? I don't think it's really a huge deal but it's just bugging me a bit that it seems to be getting worse rather than better.