Sensitive kids group

[Jchihuahua]

Daisy is a bit like that with mess too Polaris. She wouldn't like to touch anything messy at all and about a year ago we enrolled her in a messy play group to try and help her with this and it has helped a lot. She will get messy now as long as we clean her/ wash her hands/ change her clothes straight after it. She likes playing with shaving foam, corn flour, coloured rice, cooked spaghetti, slime ( made from sugar, water and condensed milk) to name a few things, as long as we promise to clean her up straight afterwards.

She has only been self feeding for 6 months as she hated spilling food on herself so refused to use a spoon or fork. She does feed herself now but wants the table wiping immediately if she spills anything. She also hates seeing Tommy messy and used to actually be sick when she watched him eat when we started BLW with him.

The cat was sick on the stairs this morning and I cleaned it up straight away but Daisy went on and on about it being disgusting all day. She really seems to take offence to things being dirty.

 

[DaisyBee]

In the sensitive kids checklist, I think it was the only thing I wouldn't check "Wants to change clothes if wet or sandy ". Although I'm not sure if she is truly a perfectionist or what I see is more her just being stubborn. Lol and I'm not quite sure she prefers quiet play. She loves loud and boisterous play as long as it's at home and only with us. But she does love her books. So I think that's hard to say.

Anyway... She doesn't mind being a mess. She actually seeks it out. Haha she loves sticking her hands in her food. She refused to let me feed her by 9 months. So she had hands in applesauce, hot dishes, yogurt, everything. She now uses utensils a lot, but loves using her hands. We have to remind her to use utensils, as she just likes to feel it in her hands. She plays with foam soap, bubbles, pudding, sand, snow, cookie dough, anything. It does seem to eventually make her feel overstimulated, so even though she likes it, it seems to affect her more than most people.

So we aren't having that issue... Is it all the time, or are some times worse? Like megan with tags... She is ok with them sometimes, but if she is overstimulated already by something else - those tags are not ok on her skin. Is he that way with being messy?

That out of sync child book that had lots of ideas of games, etc... That had some ideas on how to deal with this. Activities you could do that would help improve their reaction to it.

That is great that Thomas is sleeping so well! Was his nap issue right when Clara was born, or not?

 

[OmarsMum]

Agree with JC, loads of messy play, we've been going to messy play classes for almost a year, but still no success with sticky stuff. But he's much better than before. When his hands get dirty during messy play & he asks to wash them, I tell him it's ok, count to ten then we will wash them. Few days back he picked rice out of his plate & started to eat it, it was a progress.

He's also getting better with sensory boxes in classes, he gets irritated after a while, but he's joining other kids. I colour rice & pasta using food colouring, & I give him spoons & cups to scoop & fill. He loves to play with glue sticks, & now we're moving to liquid glue using our hands.

Shaving foam or foam colours as finger paint is also amazing. Face paint pens are also a success, I give him a pen to paint on his hands & legs, it makes it easier for him to accept getting messy & dirty. He also likes stickers, & I encourage him to use them on his hands & legs.

 

[polaris]

Some great ideas for messy play, thanks everyone. I like the idea of face paint pens and shaving foam sounds manageable too. I would really love to find a messy play group as I think Thomas would be more inclined to get involved if he watched other kids doing it first for a few weeks. That is how I got him doing finger painting, he watched other children doing it a few times, he wouldn't get involved at the time but he later decided to give it a try himself at home. But I haven't been able to find any groups like that around here. The problem I have at home is that I would set up some sort of messy play and he would just refuse to touch it at all and look at me as though I'm crazy. So it's a bit off-putting. I must have a look at the out-of-sync child book for activities.

Daisybee, that's a good question about whether he is more affected if he's already over-stimulated. I will have to look out for that. I think it probably is worse sometimes and other times he's more willing to get a bit messy.

He is actually generally OK eating with his hands but this means that he doesn't like foods that are going to make his hands dirty, so generally not keen on sauces or mushy foods. He rarely uses cutlery and I'm wondering now if it is partly that he hates spilling food from the spoon, similar to Daisy.

Yes, the problems with sleeping were when Clara was maybe a month old. I think it was definitely a bit of a reaction to that. So glad that things have settled down again now and that I persisted with enforcing the nap.

 

[OmarsMum]

Daisybee- Omar is the same with tags & mess when he's overstimulated, it seems like the end of the world & he starts screaming when he's overstimulated.

Polaris- with messy play you can play with the paint for example without asking him to join, let him watch at 1st, he might feel it's ok to join in if you'e doing it. In classes I join in with the kids & I get messy to show Omar that it's fine to get dirty. This was 6 months back

Once he gets irritated & asks for a bath, I ask him gently to count to ten to give time to calm down instead of crying or throwing a tantrum, then I take him to take his bath.

 

[OmarsMum]

Omar also doesn't eat with a spoon, he eats any dry food with his hands with no problems. Today he asked for the spoon to eat his milk pudding, but he freaked out when it fell on his shirt & gave me the spoon back saying "I can't"

We went to toys r us today, he went on a bike & he asked for one, he paddled forward & backward & he was interested, but the prices were ridiculously high. I guess we'll get him a bike with trainers wheels soon.

He slept on our way home in the car we carried him to bed with no problems

We never tried it before, we used to distract him on our way home, he used to scream nonstop wanting to sleep but we thought if he sleeps in the car he will wake up as soon as we carry him. So we never left him to sleep if it's close to bedtime. It used to affect his bedtime once we reach home, as he gets excited when he reaches home awake,then he refuses to go to bed & he spends 2-3 hrs playing nonstop.

So now going out in the evenings is less stressful, as we don't have to worry again about his sleep in the car on our way home

I'm making sure he had his dinner before he falls asleep in the car, tonight I used wipes to clean him in the car, tomorrow I will carry his pj & tooth brush, I will brush his teeth in the car & dress him in his pj & let him sleep

 

[Jchihuahua]

Love that photo of Omar getting messy.

I did the parents's test that Daisybee posted on the first page and she scored 14. Some of the things definitely don't relate to her though. She doesn't startle, she does enjoy surprises, performs well with strangers, labels etc don't bother her, she doesn't mind noise and noisy play and she is not very sensitive to pain. All the others really do describe her though. Outwardly she doesn't seem sensitive as she's very confident and the the life and soul of any party but I think she's a very deep thinker for her age and feels things deeply. I just wish these awful tantrums would pass though as after a solid year of them I don't know how much more I can take of enormous meltdowns! I feel really useless at dealing with her tantrums.

 

[OmarsMum]

JC

It gets better. They do go through a huge change after their 3rd birthday. Omar stopped throwing tantrums overnight!

We had a whiney phase recently, it was so annoying, he started to whine nonstop instead of throwing tantrums, he used to cry for nothing all day, then it stopped few days back.

Like today we went to the play area in the mall, he used to throw a tantrum every time we used to ask him to go down from a ride, today he went down with no problems. We didn't go there for other a month. He didn't even ask to go to another ride.

He seems so mature those days. Last month I was loosing control all the time, I was screaming nonstop at home, I was always frustrated from his ongoing crying & meltdowns

He's even much better in toddlers classes, he's enjoying them & he's not asking to go home anymore.

We also changed our routine & it really helped, I started to take him for walks in the morning, I found that he loves to eat his breakfast in fresh air. Today we went to Starbucks downstairs, he ordered my coffee & his croissant, he sat there chatting with me like a grown up.

I'm also going through loads of changes, I started to go out more, I made a new group of mummy friends, so those days we're going out more, it seems that as I'm in a better mood, Omar is also more cheerful. When I'm stressed out, he picks up my stress & he whines & cries nonstop.

 

[polaris]

Daisybee- Omar is the same with tags & mess when he's overstimulated, it seems like the end of the world & he starts screaming when he's overstimulated.

Polaris- with messy play you can play with the paint for example without asking him to join, let him watch at 1st, he might feel it's ok to join in if you'e doing it. In classes I join in with the kids & I get messy to show Omar that it's fine to get dirty. This was 6 months back

Once he gets irritated & asks for a bath, I ask him gently to count to ten to give time to calm down instead of crying or throwing a tantrum, then I take him to take his bath.

Thomas is fine with me getting dirty but if I ask him to join it, he is like "no no no, it's too sticky/messy/dirty/whatever, you do it, you don't mind getting messy".

You are right though, I should just be a bit more persistent with repeating the activities again and eventually I guess he might join in. I guess I just get a bit browned off getting all covered in gloop while Thomas just sits there watching!

I love the idea of getting him to count to ten rather than immediately cleaning him up, I will definitely be doing that, I think it must greatly increase their tolerance of being messy but in a controlled way, I think this would definitely work for Thomas.

 

[DaisyBee]

https://www.amazon.com/Out---Sync-C...sr=8-1&keywords=the+out+of+sync+child+has+fun

This is the book... There are other ones in the series, but this has the activities.

 

[polaris]

https://www.amazon.com/Out---Sync-C...sr=8-1&keywords=the+out+of+sync+child+has+fun

This is the book... There are other ones in the series, but this has the activities.

I really like the look of this book - I just looked at the table of contents in the preview and it looks like there are loads of great ideas that would be great for all children really. I don't think Thomas has SPD but I still think this book could be really useful.

Omarsmum - I love the picture of Omar getting covered in paint!

Thinking about it more, I think part of the problem is that I don't really love getting messy myself, I can do it, I'm not freaked out by it, but I don't really enjoy it. That's why I'd love a suitable group! But I'm going to get Out of Sync child activity book and that will hopefully motivate me to build it into our week a bit more. We need more indoor activities anyway for when we are stuck at home when Clara is asleep.

 

[DaisyBee]

Yes, the book had great ideas for all kids. I think a lot of what I read in the spd book is very similar to our sensitive kids. It's like a line I think.... One end is sensitive, if its too sensitive where it affects things too much, then spd. I think that's my take on it anyway. The books were interesting reading, but this one seemed more useful. It had lots of ideas for all types of play. And I wonder if the idea behind how to help spd with a sensory diet could help our kids with their sensitivities. Like messy play, trampoline. A spd book by another author was giving good advice about things like sleep. So I think even if our kids dont have spd, that things that help those kids can help our too.

I have to go back to the previous page, as didn't read most of it before replying, lol. So I'll comment on that later.

 

[DaisyBee]

Omarsmum - that is great that Omar will now handle falling asleep in the car before bed and it not be an issue for bedtime. We can't stay out late enough to see if Megan would do that, as Jordan can't handle staying up as late as Megan can. It would be interesting to see though.

I do think that our kids with being sensitive are very in tune to us... Their parents. My mood always affects Megan. I've always thought that because of how she is, I have to be a better parent. I'm not allowed to slack and have a bad day, because it affects her too much.

Megan scores 20 on that sensitive child test. Like I said the Needing to change clothes, Perfectionist, and quiet play are the 3 that I'm not sure are her.

 

[polaris]

I just did the questionnaire again for Thomas and he scored 20 too. That's higher than when he was younger - he's grown into some of the items like asking lots of questions and using big words and the sense of humour. I think when I did the test first he wasn't talking much yet.

The ones that didn't apply to him were noticing smells, sensitive to pain, and being bothered by loud places (although he was when he was younger). But a lot of the other items, even though they apply, they are very mild. Like the tags and seams - the only thing that bothers Thomas is socks, so it's not a huge issue. Or "doesn't do well with big changes" - I didn't know whether to say yes or no as actually he is OK with changes but just needs a lot of preparation. There were other ones too that although they apply they are not very pronounced or we are managing them well.

 

[Tacey]

Hello JC! Glad you've settled in here. It's been such a support for me recently. Unfortunately, Alice seems to have entered another tantrum phase. I can't workout what's triggered it. She sometimes gets this way before a developmental leap. Her sleep is still rubbish, so that could be a big factor. It's so tiring though, and pushes all my buttons! I wonder if it's Christmas related too. We've tried to keep it low key, but she's already getting very excited.

Omarsmum- I'd agree with the others. There's no need to send him if you don't have to. The business sounds so exciting. The very best of luck with it!

The hair washing thing has got worse for us lately, although Alice was never a fan. Trying letting someone else do it is a good idea Daisybee. Cutie, we gibe lots of warning, but she just looks horror stricken if I mention it! I had a chat with her about it and think we've hit a brick wall The conversation went like this:

Me - I know you don't like getting your hair wet [long explanation about how important hair washing is], can you think of a way we can make it easier for you?
Alice - No. I never want to wet my hair ever again.
Me - Would it be easier if you poured on the water yourself?
Alice - No. I will never ever get it wet.
Me - I've bought a very special hat that will stop water going on your face or ears. would you like to try it?
Alice - No thank you. I will never ever wash my hair ever again.

Sigh.

On the getting mucky point, Alice is a weird mix. She loves any sort of craft activity, and will happily get covered in paint/glue/food. She can't stand getting wet though, and is really aware of things like sand in her shoes. She also doesn't like other people getting dirty. I'll have a paint smudge on my hand, and she'll tell me to wash, despite her being covered! How about cooked spaghetti to play with, Polaris? It feels slimy, but doesn't make much mess.

I did the questionnaire again. I didn't tick complaining about scratchy clothes and labels, thankfully she seems to have outgrown that now. It used to be such a big deal! She's also not very sensitive to pain. Quite the opposite a lot of the time. The rest were ticked though.

 

[cutie4evr01]

I took the quiz again too and Christina meets all of them except noticing slight odors and being sensitive to pain - I don't really know about this one, as she does cry when she gets hurt, but I think it's just normal toddler upset with a boo-boo. She also will tell me when her throat hurts or when her tummy hurts, but I don't know if she's sensitive to pain because I don't have any experience with other toddlers and their reaction to getting hurt.

Christina certainly doesn't like being dirty. I can coax her into doing finger paint, but only for a short time. She does feed herself, but is good with fork/spoon so doesn't get much on her hands. Other than those, the slightest food/water/dirt spilled on her clothes is a tragedy and requires immediate change of clothes. If she touches something outside and gets her hand dirty (i.e. her ball went into some dirt and then she picked it up), we have to come in and clean her up before continuing to play. I've wondered if that may be why we had such an easy time potty training - maybe she didn't like that feel of a wet diaper.

Omarsmum, so glad you've found a sleep solution - I know sleep is so important. Also, I'm glad you're not sticking with that preschool - it sounds horrible to me! I can't believe the teacher was treating children like that. I was thinking if Christina was in there, even if the teacher wasn't doing that to her, she would be upset seeing that attitude towards the other kids. I'm so glad they fired her.

Tacey, sounds like Alice has her mind made up about the hair washing! Good luck to you

 

[DaisyBee]

The questionaire I don't see as questioning whether it's an issue... If they ask a lot of questions that isn't an issue ever if they do it or not. So like smells, Megan notices smells and I didn't know that until the past 6 months or so. She can identify smells very easily, if I ate a cookie 5 minutes ago she could still tell. When out and about she smells food cooking before dh or I do. Its not a problem for her, bur just something that is a part of who she is. A big reason I think she is sensitive to pain is teething. Being around daycare kids, I know what is a normal reaction to teething. Her teething affected her sooo much. And some toddlers will fall down, get a scrape, and get right back up not affected at all. Some like a kiss to make it better, but will then be over it like that. If they continue then I think that is a more extreme reaction to pain. When Megan is sick, she is miserable. It really affects her.

Tacey - I think it's probably Xmas and sleep issues... Both were affecting Megan last week and she was acting the same way. This week we have toned down the Xmas talk, we didn't go see Santa as she said she didn't want to, we've gotten her to be more active outside as well to help her stop thinking about things. Lol and she is acting much better this weekend and so far this week.

 

[polaris]

Tacey - oh dear, she definitely sounds like she has her mind made up. I think it's so hard with things like hair washing when the benefits aren't immediately obvious to the child but are just necessary for fitting in to society! I guess if she was a boy you would just cut it really short. Have you got any ideas for how to persuade her? Sorry to hear she's going through a tantrum stage in general - I imagine you probably might not make too much progress on the hair-washing until she's feeling generally more co-operative.

Cutie - Christina sounds quite similar to Thomas in relation to the getting dirty issue. I can totally relate to the "tragedy" of spilling something on clothes or getting hands wet, that is definitely the appropriate word here too, LOL. Another thing I just thought of, Thomas won't take his shoes off himself if they are wet because he doesn't want to get his hands dirty - however this is actually an advance on how he used to be as he used to freak out if his shoes got wet/dirty when we were out for a walk - at least now he's OK with it until we get home. Thomas potty trained really easily too. With him though, I think it's just that he really likes everything to have a place where it belongs, and as soon as we explained that pees and poos should go in the toilet, he just really liked the idea!

I do like the idea of cooked spaghetti especially maybe with a bit of food colouring thrown in. We will be at home for the morning tomorrow so I'm going to try some of these ideas.

 

[polaris]

Daisybee, you are totally right, not all of the things on the questionnaire are problematic at all, indeed some of them are really positive traits. I don't know why I read it the other way. It just shows how we can get caught up with thinking that sensitivity is something to be "managed" rather than seeing the positive sides to it. I know we've talked about that before.

Thomas isn't sensitive to pain at all really I don't think. He was never particularly bothered by teething - it's the one thing we never had any trouble with really. And although he absolutely hates falling and bumping himself, it's more the loss of control and also possibly some embarrassment about it, rather than the pain of the bump. I have a high pain threshold so maybe he takes after me in that respect.

 

[OmarsMum]

Omar scored 22. He's very sensitive to pain, if he has a bruise it bothers him until it fades, he doesn't over cry when he gets a bruise or hurts himself, but it seems that it keeps bothering him. A small insect bite keeps him from sleeping. When he was teething his sleep was all over the place, he didn't use to cry out of pain but he was always restless during teething.

He's not bothered about big surprises, he ignores them & doesn't show a reaction.

He's sensitive to odors, we had to change his shampoo several times before we found one that didn't irritate him, he sniffs playdoh & clothes, & he comments on their smell. At the toddlers class the playdoh smells like coconut, he commented on it's smell. He loved the class when they had to sniff small jars to figure out what's inside them from their odor. if a dish doesn't smell right for him, he refuses to touch his food.

I don't know how to explain the sensitivity to pain, I'm very sensitive pain but I'm not really scared of being in pain. Omar is the same. He doesn't seem bothered when he bumps into something, but later when he feels the pain it keeps bothering him until it heals. He even wakes up at night & he tells me that a bruise hurts, & it keeps him from sleeping.

Like for example, I'm not scared of needles, I can tolerate the pain, but later I keep feeling it & it irritates me & it keeps me from sleeping until it fully heals.

He gets startled easily but he's getting better while growing up.