Sensitive kids group

[DaisyBee]

Omarsmum - yes that place! Wasn't sure if it was the same place you had mentioned. That is great you have found someplace so nice!
And that makes sense about the playdate... I was thinking more the opposite way, that maybe being around you would make her realize her mistake. Lol but yes sounds very annoying now it's put around the opposite way. Haha

Polaris- that is exactly the same as what I do in regards to Megan. Worry that I'm overprotecting and regretting when she gets overwhelmed by something we try.

 

[cutie4evr01]

How is everyone doing lately? Ready for Christmas? I have everything bought, but lots left to wrap.

I love the pictures of Thomas - we haven't done any messy play like that. Thanks everyone for all the wonderful ideas for sensory play - we don't do much of that at all, but I would like to start now that I've seen so many good ideas.

Tacey, I'm so happy to hear how wonderful your childminder was with Alice.

Omarsmum, those pictures of Omar are precious. Looks like he had a great time with the "snow". Christina has a bracelet with her name on it too that she loves.

Happy birthday to Daisy! How did she do at the park?

My mom and grandma stayed one night on Friday night and now have gone to my brother's house for a few days and then will be coming back here tomorrow to spend Christmas with us. The girls had a great time while they were here, but got thrown off schedule. My mom stayed in Caitlyn's room so we originally intended to put Caitlyn in with us, but then thought we'd try having her in with Christina as they stay in the same room together when we travel. It ended up being a bad idea though, because they went to bed in Christina's room at 7:20 and stayed up playing together until about 9:30/10, and then still woke up around 5:30 as usual, so we had two grouchy girls on Saturday morning. Now they've had a couple days to recover, so they are back in good spirits now, but again tomorrow will be thrown off. And we won't be putting Caitlyn back in Christina's room Monday night!

Aside from the sleeping, Christina did surprisingly well with all the excitement. I think she's getting better at handling the stimulation as she gets older. I'm nervous about all the excitement of Christmas, but I imagine she'll recover pretty quickly. I hope you all are well!

 

[DaisyBee]

Merry christmas eve eve everyone! We are back from my moms. The kids are already in bed, they were exhausted as neither slept at all in the car on the way down yesterday or on the way back today. we fed Jordan her usual before nap bottle, went in the car hoping she would then be so used to napping it would just happen, and it didn't. Yesterday we left right at morning nap time, and today left at pm nap time. Needless to say the drive then left us with a headache. Lol

Xmas at my moms was nice. I can tell she feels bad about what's happened between us. Don't know if you saw my thread in baby club, but we had debated about going as she has shingles. It's a single spot on her head. So she spent the weekend wearing a bandage on her hair, and a hat over that, washing hands constantly or wearing latex gloves sometimes as well.
The girls did well. Jordan has a bit of stranger anxiety, but she was handling it very internally and it was only very obvious to me and dh and not to my brothers and their spouse/gf who aren't around kids very much. Megan at this age would have been screaming with it. So its interesting to see how they handle things differently. She was fussy and acted like she wanted space, seemed to relax more when we would make everyone leave her alone. My dad was bouncing Megan on an exercise ball today and afterwards she looked like she was going to be sick. And later he was shaking her in play and dh told him to stop. Otherwise things were much more tame then last time we were there. Megan was too tired and distracted to eat much, my mom thought it was from too many cookies, but really she wasn't eating those either.

Most everything is wrapped, I have to wrap dh's presents yet. Dh has the week off. He is watching football, and then we are planning on watching a movie and try to relax.

 

[OmarsMum]

Happy birthday Daisy- how was your day?

Cutie & Daisybee- glad you had a good day!

Omar is doing great those days, nothing to complain about he's more cheerful, he's eating & sleeping well. We're still going for car rounds at bedtime but it's ok for now.

We're going out everyday, he's better to handle when we're out. I have a lot to work on related to work, I need to work on the business plan & budget, deadline is Wednesday. Yesterday we didn't go out, but it was fine, we only took him for a car round at bedtime.

DH will check if he can find a place for Omar at Victoria school nursery, he has some connections.

We don't celebrate Christmas, but I might take Omar to see Santa today evening, he wasn't impressed with the one at kidville, maybe he will like the one at the mall. He loves Christmas & Christmas trees, there are trees in all malls, so we might go to a mall in the evening.

Merry Christmas ladies, hope you have a wonderful time

 

[Jchihuahua]

Hi ladies. I am coming back to post longer when I have some time as I seem to have a list of jobs to do as long as my arm today! I'll talk a bit more about the various issues we have with Daisy.

She had a lovely birthday and loved the Adventure Land. It was lovely, so magical and really christmassy. It was like lots of little fantasy worlds to explore: a pirate island, a jungle, a town made of sweets, a fairytale town wirth characters from stories and nursery rhymes, a street of miniature shops to play in, the wild west, a sandy beach and loads of others.

When we first arrived Daisy started saying 'I don't like it here. Can I get back in the car please? I want to go back home please'. I feared the worst and she refused to look at or play with anything for the first half an hour or so but gradually she started to see other children having fun and joined in too and she absolutely loved it in the end. We went on a sleigh ride to see Santa and I had been dreading that and had been fearing a meltdown but it went really smoothly and she really enjoyed it.

 

[polaris]

Happy Christmas everyone! I haven't been able to get on much recently because my parents have been staying, which was lovely, very relaxed and relaxing.

I haven't wrapped anything so I will be busy tonight!!

JC - I'm so glad Daisy's birthday went so well.

 

[Tacey]

Just a quick post from me, as we're at my parents' now (bliss! We're being very well fed, and have childcare on tap!)

It sounds as if all of us are doing quite well lately! Alice is a happy girl, and so am I

Hope you all have a great week! Merry Christmas xx

 

[Jchihuahua]

Hi everyone, I hope you all had a lovely Christmas.

I have come back to write a bit more about Daisy. She was a very easy and happy baby but got very difficult when she was 2 and has been difficult ever since. I am still not sure whether I would class her as sensitive or not though. I'd appreciate hearing what you think. She turned 2 a couple of weeks after Tommy was born and the first few months with him were such an absolute nightmare and Daisy didn't have an easy time and that certainly didn't help her.

She is very clever, very advanced with her vocabulary and with letters, numbers, shapes, knowledge of the world etc. She is independent in a lot of ways, appears confident and is generally friendly. She has never been very physical- can't run, jump or climb very confidently even now. She is very strong willed and stubborn and has lots and lots of meltdowns.

The main causes of her meltdowns are being over tired, over stimulated or over whelmed. She can't cope well with change at all. An example is I had a bag of presesnts in her bedroom and as they were unfamiliar she screamed and refused to sleep in there. A meltdown would also be triggered if she is embarrassed or hurts herself. If she fell down for example, even if she wasn't hurt at all, she would start tantrumming if I tried to comfort her or check she was okay. She hates being comforted or fussed over and that's why time in would never work for her.

She refuses point blank to do some things. She won't go to the doctors, dentists or hairdresses without a complete meltdown. She won't have her feet measured. She hates her teeth cleaned or her hair being washed. She just seems to hate anyone fussing around her and wants her own space and to be left alone.

If she is overwhelmed she will often ask to go to bed or back home and if we don't diffuse the situation quickly there will be a meltdown. I was really concerned that would happen on her birthday trip but luckily she was okay. Things overwhelm her when I least expect it which makes it hard to predict how she'll react. We went to the farm recently and she was so excited but the minute we walked in before we'd even seen any animals she had a meltdown, screaming that she was scared, doesn't like the animals, wants to be in her bed, in her carseat, away from the farm. It was pretty obvious she wouldn't be able to calm down so we had to take her straight home.

Sometimes certain programs or music will trigger her to have a meltdown. She got a CBeebies cd for Christmas and she'd actually asked for it when she'd seen the advert and she wass pleased with it and wanted it on but the minute the music started playing she couldn't cope with it and cried, proper really upset crying for us to turn it off, saying it wasn't nice to listen to. Our neighbour has a daughter Daisy's age and Daisy was sobbing 'let's put it through Lily's letterbox for her. I don't want it here anymore'. At her toddler group Christmas party she did the same. She was totally happy, relaxed and having a lovely time until they put some music on. She then started absolutely sobbing for them to turn it off. She has the same reaction to hand dryers in public toilets.

One of the other main problems we have with her is she is very fussy with food and will only eat a few things. I really, really worry about her diet. She only started drinking water about 6 months ago. She had a phase of refusing to eat or drink anything but milk which was very worrying. She doesn't like to eat meals and the whole experience of washing hands, sitting down to eat etc can often cause a meltdown, especially if the meal is not one of the few things she likes. I have given up getting her to try other foods for now. She was a great eater until 18 months old and I have no idea why she dislikes food so much now.

We've had a tough day today. My friend (Daisy's godmother) came to spend a few hours. We don't see her often as she lives a long way from us. She bought presents and Daisy was over excited and also over tired as she missed her nap. My friend is a hairdresser and trimmed my hair for me. Daisy was scared in case her hair would be trimmed too and that triggered a screaming fit. She calmed down and was okay but when it was time for Caroline to go home Daisy had a complete meltdown as she wanted her to stay- a throwing herself on the floor, kicking and screaming one and she bit my leg . My neighbours were looking out to see what was going on. It was embarrassing! She calmed down but her behaviour was low level silliness for the rest of the day and she was mean to Tommy quite a lot -taking toys off him etc, and then she had a complete meltdown getting her pyjamas on and her teeth cleaned. She only ever lashes out at us and Tommy, never anyone else and plays really nicely with other children but I hate it when she is mean to poor Tommy who is such a placid little boy. I wonder when things start to get easier!

 

[polaris]

JC- I would say that you will fit in really well on this thread. A lot of the way that you describe Daisy sounds very familiar. If you can get a hold of the "Highly Sensitive Child" book (by Elaine Aron) you might find it useful, it really really helped me to understand why Thomas behaved the way that he does which really helped me to respond to him more appropriately and I think his behaviour has become a lot better partly as a result of me understanding him better.

I hope everyone had a lovely Christmas. We had a lovely Christmas - Thomas managed really well with all the excitement. We had stockings in the morning, then I brought him out for an hour and a half on his bike to burn off some energy, then we had big presents when we got back. He had a nap and in the afternoon we went over to OH's brother's house for Xmas dinner and more presents. Thomas coped so well with it all and played really well with his cousins. It was a late night which in the past he would not have managed well. I was really impressed that he was able to come and tell me that he needed to go home, it was about 8.30 p.m. at this stage and he told me it was "time to hit the road" and he started packing all of his presents into my bag. Unfortunately we couldn't get away straight away because SIL made OH play the guitar before we could go and Thomas was getting more and more exhausted and overwhelmed and he did have a bit of a meltdown on the way home. But I think he would have been OK if we could have left when he asked to leave. Clara was absolutely fantastic. She just slept upstairs at her usual times. She is sooo much easier than Thomas was at the same age.

The biggest problem that we are having at the moment is Thomas saying mean things to OH. He has a strong preference for me at the moment and for a while now he hasn't wanted OH to do anything for him, it has to be me. But recently he is saying "I don't like daddy" "go away daddy" "go back upstairs" etc. It's really quite hurtful for OH because it is constant recently. We all went out together as a family yesterday and it was extremely stressful because of this issue. For example, I was giving Thomas a little push to get up the hill on his bike, then my arm got tired so I said "daddy will push you now" and Thomas just lost the plot completely over it and screamed and cried and refused to move for about ten minutes. There were a couple of these types of incidents and we were only out for about an hour! It is causing tension between me and OH too. OH isn't really willing to talk about it properly which really gets to me. I feel like we need to talk it out and figure out properly how to deal with it. I think I am to blame a bit because I am mean to OH sometimes in front of Thomas when OH won't get out of bed in the morning so I am trying to work on that. But in other ways OH's behaviour might be contributing to the problem as well. I think maybe Thomas feels rejected by him because OH used to do the majority of the childcare when I was in work but now that I'm on maternity leave it feels like I have to force him to spend time with Thomas. So it's a big change for Thomas and I'm thinking that it might feel like a rejection. So I was suggesting to OH that he needs to spend more time with Thomas and do more fun things together. The other thing that might be a factor is that OH is very spur of the moment and claims that he isn't able to plan ahead. This doesn't really suit Thomas at all because he finds it really stressful not to know what he's going to be doing the next day. So he will ask me what he's doing that day and I'll say "daddy is bringing you out but we don't know where yet" and Thomas just isn't happy with that and will keep asking and stressing about it. So then by the time I manage to get OH out of bed and he decides where they are going Thomas usually doesn't want to go and will say he wants to stay home with me and it's stressful before they even get out the door. Today OH brought him swimming and it was planned in advance and I told Thomas about it yesterday and he was really excited about it and it went really well. I tried to talk to OH about how it works so much better for Thomas to know what he's doing in advance but OH just brushed it off and said "I can't plan things like you can". I feel like this is a cop-out. Am I being unreasonable? OH feels like Thomas has to learn to be more laid-back about things and not have me controlling everything for him all the time. Whereas I feel like by making things predictable for Thomas, it makes him feel more in control and boosts his self-confidence and prevents melt-downs. I guess there's probably a bit of truth in both positions but it's so hard to figure it all out when OH won't really discuss it! Sorry for the long vent!! Any advice or suggestions would be really welcome as I'm kind of struggling with this at the moment.

 

[DaisyBee]

JC - the meltdowns from being overtired, overwhelmed, and overstimulated is exactly the same as us. I do so much to prevent those 3 things so that she isn't melting down. I do feel like it's improving some, but in some ways it seems worse. They happen out of nowhere sometimes and so unpredictable. One day we will be home doing normal things and she melts down. And other times something that would normally overwhelm her ( like Xmas eve at dh's uncles house... Noisy, busy, lots of people and kids running around, santa showed up!) but she handled it all so well. She sat on santas lap and even had him help her open her present. Lol she was talking to everyone by the end and not a sign of meltdown in sight. The big difference with Megan with the meltdowns is the only thing I've found that helps her out of it is a time in. You say she doesn't want to be fussed over... Hve you tried time ins without being with her? That's what works with Megan most of the time. Today she asked me to stay during a time in and read books to her. So I stayed and she calmed down and was ok to go on playing then.

Megan is very sensitive but very strong willed as well. She is so stubborn and so intense. It makes it very hard. She is ok with the dr and other adults though.

We went to the dr for Jordan on friday and she has a sinus infection. Megan was so well behaved during the appt. Very shy though and barely would say a word even when the dr was talking to her and asking her questions and showing her pics on the computer of candy canes and Xmas cookies trying to get her more comfortable to talk to her. Last time I was there with the 2 of them Megan was running the halls, it was total chaos. This time so much different. So i don't know if it's just the age or what, if she is growing up? Anyway, she was great. We get to the parking lot and there was a train very close to us. She froze and screaming. We were not in a place she could be stopping and here is me with Jordan in the carrier on one arm ( 20 lb girl) and trying to pull Megan out of the way. She hates noises. I scraped my fork on my plate by accident one night and she freaked out. She also doesn't like CDs much. If I put music on 90 % of the time she asks me to shut it off. Like she NEEDS it off. But sometimes it's ok. Like in the car sometime she is ok with it. But if I switch channels on the radio she meltsdown. But yet she loves it if I sing, and she loves to sing.

I am noticing that Megan remembers everything that happens to her. And if it's a negative experience it really affects her. The hair washing for us is being traumatized over getting soapy water down her face. 2 nights ago dh was changing her into pjs, he didn't realize there was a button on her shirt and tried to take it off. Then her arms got stuck while he tried to put on the pjs. Last night I did her pjs and he was with Jordan. Megan basically braced herself for it. She told me to be careful or something like that. And her face was panic. Today we got her to take a shower with me and I held her as she had her face in the crook of my neck. I got her hair wet but no shampoo. We then tried the handheld shower - dh holding that while I held her and she screamed so we stopped that.

Polaris - from what you've wrote I think you know what will help thomas, it's just getting there, and getting dh to agree. It was so obvious when dh and I were fighting more when Jordan was younger, Megan was starting to say the exact words we used to say to each other on us. We've been working so hard to stop that in front of her as it affects her so much. Any sarcasm, passive agressive talk, any of it...
And I agree, if he is feeling like his dad has changed and not giving him as much attention, I'm sure that's going to impact his reaction to him. We haven't had that sort of thing here, but our roles havent changed. If his feelings are hurt, he might be rejecting him on purpose. I agree that he needs some extra tlc from dad. And dh and I had a conversation that sounds very similar, where he says I need to be less controlling and megan needs to learn to handle some things. But then 2 days later she was melting down and he was asking me if we need to look into spd more. It's so hard to know what to do, isn't it?

Both girls were very tired after the weekend in Iowa. It wasn't obvious until Monday morning. They have both been overtired all week. Jordan wants to sleep more than usual and been whiny. Shes been acting overstimulated. Megan has been overstimulated and acting very similar to what she did after her bday. Xmas was nice, but the party at my inlaws annoyed me so much. I question everything about Megan enough as it is. Lol I worry that with how she is, that I'm somehow treating her differently and that ultimately will affect her. Dh has talked about the fact that are we letting her get away with things because of her sensitivity?

 

[Jchihuahua]

Polaris, Daisy is a bit like that with my husband too. I think it is because he does the majority of the childcare while I am at work and then when she does have me at home she only wants me. She takes him for granted it seems. I feel sorry for my hubby sometimes though as she can be a bit mean to him. She won't even let me go up to the loo without wanting to come with me and if I don't let her she'll have a tantrum. My hubby has 10000 times more patience with her than me as well so if I was her I'd much rather hang out with him than with me!! I have no advice I'm afraid as we are finding the situation challenging too.

I feel like a horrible mummy lately. I never once snapped or raised my voice at Daisy until she was about 2 and a half but now I feel like I'm always telling her off, even shouting sometimes which I never wanted to do. I use bribes, threats all sorts of things that I hate (and secretly rolled my eyes at when I saw other people using them) to try and control her behaviour and it is NOT the way I want to parent her. I find her so difficult though and I am definitely more hormonal since having Tommy and now my periods have returned and I find it harder to keep calm when she's testing my patience. I find it SO much easier to look after 30 4 year olds every day then I do to look after Daisy. My new year's resolution is to try and go back to being that calm parent I used to be. My husband can do it so I should be able to as well.

Daisybee, Daisy also remembers anything that has happened to her and negative things affect her. That is partly why she hates the dentist and doctors as she can remember she didn't like it last time she had to go and doesn't want to go again for that reason. It can be so hard dealing with these little people!

I am struggling so much with potty training. She is desperate to be able to use the potty and hates nappies but she just has no idea when she needs to go. She sat on the potty for 2 hours this morning and refused to get off as she was so desperate to do a wee in there but she couldn't do one. I tried explaining that she only needs to sit on there when she actually feels like she needs to go but she just doesn't get it.

 

[Tacey]

JC, Daisy's meltdowns sound very familiar. The refusal to do certain things too! We have issues with music too. It's been a real problem when all the shops were playing Christmas music. Sorry you had a difficult time when your friend came. It's so difficult when they are unkind to their little siblings. I'm having a hard time with that lately.

Polaris, it must be really frustrating that your OH won't discuss the situation with you. I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. Hope there's some improvement soon. For what it's worth, DH is great with Alice, but she often will say she doesn't like him, and sometimes he'll be flavour of the month and she'll say she doesn't like me.

Daisybee, I know what you mean about letting them get away with things because of sensitivity. It is such a fine line, as I think sometimes they can surprise us with what they can manage and control, and other times we can expect too much. When I'm questioning what I do, (which is frankly multiple times a day!) I think of what the alternative is. I'm a strong believer in the idea that children who feel bad behave badly. I think there's more danger in being too firm than too relaxed.

For us, Christmas itself was pretty good, but Boxing Day was really difficult as more family came for lunch at my parents'. They don't get sensitivity at all and kept talking to Alice and winding her up. I had to take her away at one point as her behaviour really went downhill, and she had a huge meltdown. It's SO much harder when you have people judging how you're parenting.

Our other issue at the moment is that Arthur is crawling quickly now, and is into everything. Alice was fantastic with him when she could keep things separate, but now he's getting toys, and 'messing up' her very specific games, she's getting very frustrated. I don't want to keep them away from each other all the time, but she just gets so cross with him. I guess this is a standard thing, regardless of sensitivity though!

 

[DaisyBee]

I feel bad that I've been hard on Megan. Dh and I were watching videos of her and realizing she is only 3. Seeing how she has been changing but yet a little kid still. We think that we expect too much from her. And things like what happened on Xmas with dh's cousin don't help. Expectations from others seem so crazy high, and I just want her to enjoy being a kid. She is too intense as it is, and worries about things way too much. The last thing I want is to put pressure on her. And yes tacey that makes so much sense about it being better to be more relaxed and if she feels good she will behave better. I always try to work with her and figure out why she is behahaving the way she is. I'm more likely to give her the benefit of the doubt if she is misbehaving. We always talk about it and talk about what we should do instead and I'm hoping that she is learning that way. I've heard from so many people that talk about other peoples kids, how they get by with everything and don't discipline and how obvious it is. I don't want that sort of talk about my kids. As the kids they are talking about are more out of control, not respecting others, etc. So I'm trying to figure out how to teach her things without real punishing things. She is still getting time outs at times. AND she has started hitting!!! Me and dh when she is upset with us and not getting her way. I'm shocked as when that thread in toddler club about hitting, I really thought she wouldn't hit. I still don't think she would hit others, but she is having problems expressing herself when she is getting really mad. She is able to tell me she is sad, but mad she just wants to lash out.

Megan spent the morning melting down. I asked her about it while we were reading books and she was trying to calm down. I gave her some ideas of what could have done it, and she said " no, it was the play dough" omg!! She knew exactly what made her feel overstimulated! And after thinking about it, it made total sense. She started throwing the play dough at the end and being naughty with it. At the beginning she was doing so well with it. We used her rolling pin and made dh, her, and I ( like an oval head ) and then we added eyes, nose, etc. She kept picking pieces of play dough and adding it to the side of the head, ears first, but then toes, legs, fingers, lol. So it's another example of sensory play making her overstimulated. I can't figure it out, if it's timing of it, or what? We had just been playing at home before then. She had breakfast, no tv, nothing crazy happened.

Tacey - I can see Megan getting annoyed with jordan once she is mobile. Im curious to see how she handles it. Jordan still isn't crawling which really is starting to make her upset. I'm trying to figure out what toys of megans need to be put away, as Megan will bring things all over the house and I don't want Jordan finding something tiny, as she puts EVERYTHING in her mouth. Lol

 

[cutie4evr01]

JC, I think Daisy sounds quite a bit like Christina! Christina's not a fussy eater, and she likes to be picked up a lot (by me anyway) and not left alone, but a lot of the rest of your description sounds familiar. Hopefully this thread will be a help for you. Christina liked sitting on the potty for ages the first day - I just let her do it and offered her books - she soon got bored of that though.

Polaris, we have been dealing with strong parental preference for a couple years now. Firstly, , I know it's difficult to deal with, and FWIW, Christina is gradually becoming more accepting of Daddy lately, so I have hope that it does pass. Hers has been extreme for a very long time, often saying "me no like Daddy" when she was younger, and having a screaming fit anytime Daddy tried to do anything for her, such as pick her up, get her dinner, give her a bath, pull the wagon, etc. etc. She has now progressed to "I like Daddy sometimes, not every day" haha. It did used to hurt DH's feelings quite a bit, but then it became so commonplace that I suppose we got used to it. We struggled for a while with whether we should "give in" and me just do everything for her, or whether we should force her to do things with DH. After a few nights of bedtime gone horribly wrong due to Daddy putting her down, for the most part we just give in and I do everything for her. It got a little bit better when Caitlyn was born as I was nursing often so she had to let Daddy do things for her, then she regressed and now she's slowly improving again. Sometimes we make a compromise with her, such as "Mommy will hold you until we get to that green building ahead, and then Daddy will hold you or you'll need to walk because Mommy's arms are tired". She recently does ok with that. Also, nearly all of the fun activities she does, such as soft play, chuck-e-cheese (a kid arcade place), ice cream shop, etc., she does with Daddy. She usually will say she wants to go with Mommy, but when the choice is to go with Daddy or not go at all, she always chooses to go, and then has a great time. Just today she had the option of riding with Daddy to the airport to pick up his dad who is coming to visit or coming home with me from church. We wanted her to ride with him so I could clean up a bit, so we said "If you ride with Daddy you can have a snack in the car and take your nap later today; if you ride with Mommy we are going home to have lunch and take a nap". She's only ever been allowed to eat in the car once before, so having a snack in the car was a real treat for her, so she chose to go with Daddy. We honestly don't know why her mommy preference is so strong, but I stay home with them part-time, so maybe it's because she has been around me more. DH used to be frustrated and hurt by it, but once he relaxed about it we have just accepted it as part of our life for now. I'm sure when she's a teenager she won't be crying for Mommy anymore. DH does want her to be more flexible and "toughen up", but he understands she's only little still and there is time for that later. We do encourage her into situations she's uncomfortable in, but don't force her anymore. I think your opinion about making things predictable is good for him, and I wish I had advice on how to make your DH listen. Maybe just reassure your OH that this is a normal phase and to try not to take it personally, but to keep reaching out to Thomas. Good luck!

Daisybee, we too struggle with whether we are letting Christina get away with too much because of her sensitivity. We discipline, but sometimes it seems like she has too much control, and I think that's down to me being afraid to punish her too harshly because I know it will affect her so deeply and she will remember for a long time. For now, we mostly cater to her, but I don't want her to become bratty in the future. I sympathize with you dealing with a meltdown in the middle of the parking lot with both of them - it's so tough, isn't it? Christina has done that before, stopping in the middle of the street, and generally I just have to pick her up despite her screaming/flailing and get her out of harm's way - really tough when I have Caitlyn too. Christina once had a meltdown at the library when I had them both, before Caitlyn was walking but after she had outgrown her carrier. So I was holding Caitlyn in one arm but I had to scoop Christina up under my other arm and carry her out like that - I was so embarrassed.

I sympathize with the sibling issues and battles to come - I feel like a mediator all the time! They always want the toy the other one has, and Caitlyn is into everything! She always messes up Christina's puzzles or puts her toys in the wrong place. Christina was always pretty cautious so I didn't worry to much about leaving her in a room for a couple seconds while I went to another room, but Caitlyn will eat or destroy anything in sight, climb up the stairs quick as a flash if I leave the gate off, she even climbs in and out of the bath herself! Christina's actually really good about helping us watch her - she tells us when Caitlyn has something small in her hand/mouth or if Caitlyn goes into the bathroom, etc. They have tons of sweet moments and now that Caitlyn's older can even play together some, so that makes up for the hard times.

 

[DaisyBee]

Megan has come down with a cold now again and we are thinking that was probably a big part of her having issues yesterday. We had made plans for mil to come babysit and dh and I go out to dinner and we decided we should still go. So she got wired with playing and reading with grandma and we got home early ( around 9) and she was then coughing and wide awake( but in bed) . She didn't get to sleep til after midnight. So now tired today.
It's my moms bday today and they are coming to town. My mom has dr visits tomorrow so they are staying over. They are shopping this afternoon and then we are all going out to dinner. Hoping Megan will handle it with being sick and low sleep -she is close to meltdown. She is napping now, and fx that will help.
I've decided I can't use the carrier anymore for jordan. It would have been easier carrying her on my hip. I had debated that day as it had just snowed and was icy. I was worrying about having Megan walking on the ice and me carrying Jordan and not being able to set her down if I needed. We are thinking it's time for her new carseat anyway. As she is now just over 20 lbs and her seat only goes to 22 lbs I think. Wndering about getting Megan a new one that can work as a booster eventually and putting Jordan in hers.

I think Jordan is close to getting mobile, she only slept 30 minutes this morning which isn't like her, and instead kept trying to get on all 4s instead in her crib. She has a hard time getting her knees down, and ends up on hands and feet instead. She is determined to get somewhere now though... For forever she didn't care and didn't try at all.

Jordan keeps getting very small toys Megan has brought out, and some things I've put somewhere I thought Megan wouldn't get to them. how have any of you handled tiny pieces? Did you put some things away for a while or have you taught the older one to keep certain things only in their room or what?

 

[cutie4evr01]

We have certain toys that are only out while Caitlyn is asleep. Aside from that, we just watch Caitlyn like a hawk. For any toys/games/puzzles with small pieces, all the little pieces are stored in plastic ziploc bags, so that deterred Caitlyn for a while, but now she knows how to get the bags open. Even though we don't have any small pieces out regularly, Christina sometimes comes home from daycare or from an outing with Daddy with something with small pieces, so we always put them up high. Caitlyn also finds small pieces of trash or small sticks/rocks/nuts outside, so we have to watch her constantly. Christina has heard "Don't let Caitlyn have that" about a million times. Maybe it was easier for us because Christina wasn't that attached to anything with small pieces when we started putting them away probably a year ago. Since then anytime she gets something with little pieces we tell her right away that we can't play with it when Caitlyn is awake. Just recently I've started letting her play with some of those toys at the kitchen table while I have Caitlyn in another room (this is also what we do for paint and playdough). Christina will tell us right away if Caitlyn gets hold of something she shouldn't have and I didn't notice.

 

[DaisyBee]

https://www.amazon.com/Internationa...r=8-10&keywords=Building+toy+with+screwdriver this that Megan got for her bday... She loves it. But I've found pieces of it in different places after I thought it was all put away back in the box, including in a little makeup case she has that she puts her chapstick in ( again another thing she loves that Jordan can't have).
With daycare I just never had any of the little toys... Certain things were played with only at the table, but it was never really an issue.
Jordan screams at us when we take things away from her. If she finds a speck of food or dirt on the floor she wants to eat it, and she gets SOO upset when we take it away, haha it is so funny.
Megans tool bench has lots of little pieces and those are going to have to go up for a while, Megan is going to be very disappointed. But it's a toy thats always out and she plays with daily. We will leave the actual bench and the bigger pieces, but not the bolts, etc.

 

[polaris]

Hi everyone.

Thank you for the comments and advice on the parental preference situation. It's reassuring to hear that this is quite common, and cutie, it's particularly good to hear that Christina seems to be mellowing a little bit with time!

I had a long conversation/argument with OH yesterday, mainly about him pulling his weight with housework and childcare and also about staying up very late and not getting up in the mornings. I pointed out that I can't choose to go to bed late to spend more time with him because I have to be up in the morning, whereas he can choose to go to bed earlier and get up earlier - and that if he chooses instead to stay up most of the night and sleep until midday, that at some level it feels like he is avoiding spending time with us. He really hates those types of conversations and he will do everything to avoid them. But I think it has cleared the air a bit - and he went to bed at 2.30 last night which is relatively early for him and he also cleaned the bathroom today! So I think some of it must have got through! Hopefully it will last. My part of it is to stop trying to micro-manage everything that goes on in the house and to let OH use his own initiative and autonomy more. OH pointed out that when I try to control everything and seem to be dismissive of all of his suggestions (usually because I've spent more time researching whatever it is so I believe my point of view is more informed - which OH did acknowledge to be true), the impact of that is that it lets him off the hook from having to really get involved and that I can't have it both ways, which made a lot of sense but it's something that I will really have to work on.

 

[moomoo]

Hi ladies, sorry I've not been about much... Things have been super hectic this end! Just about to catch up on previous posts from you all! Hope you all had a great Xmas??

Christmas was awful this year for us. Reggie at the moment is just horrendous to be around. He literally will not do anything for himself, he won't play with toys, won't try and peel off stickers without wailing and whining at me. Paper chains he just screwed up after watching me do 3 and helping glue a couple. He is hitting out badly at the moment, he kicks, hits and throws. Mostly ending up in me or Flo being injured. He makes me soooo angry sometimes, especially when I've got a bleeding nose for the 3rd time in a day I find it very hard to keep my cool if I'm honest.

Christmas day he was snatching toys off his cousins, scrapping with them and was generally a let down. I actually hated the day, it was embarrassing and so stressful. He's already broken countless presents because he smashes, stamps and launches things

Today I just felt like running away, and I HATE thinking like that as I adore my children but I'm really struggling at the moment. Flo is starting to get a little stubborn and tantrummy now too (normal I think) but sooo much harder to deal with with Reggie on top.

Not sure if I mentioned on here before, but Reggies key worker at preschool had a lengthy discussion with me the other day and told me he was showing typical signs of ADHD. She said to keep a diary of what he's like now as he's way too young to diagnose yet. Her son has ADHD so she's pretty clued up x

 

[polaris]

Moomoo That sounds so stressful, it must be such hard work trying to manage Reggie's behaviour and cope with a young toddler too.

One thing I would say to you just to think about - I wouldn't get too caught up in a possible diagnosis of ADHD just yet. The reason that he is too young for them to make a formal diagnosis is that a lot of children will show symptoms that are similar to ADHD at Reggie's age but will grow out of them completely as they get older. Of course that is not always the case but that's why there's really no point in looking for a diagnosis at this age. I think one of the downsides with diagnosis is that it can become a bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy because you start to see the child through the lens of the diagnosis and you end up minimizing or ignoring all the times that the child is behaving appropriately. So if you do keep a diary of how Reggie is, I would really really suggest that you make a note of the positive stuff, things that work well with him, successes and achievements, as well as just the problematic stuff. I have done parenting courses for parents of children with ADHD in the past and the very first session we are trying to get them to stop seeing their child just in the light of the diagnosis and start noticing and encouraging all of the positive aspects of the child. When you start paying more attention to the positive things your child is doing, then you begin to feel more positively about them, and this helps them to feel more positively about themselves. Whereas when you focus on all the possible "symptoms" it can all too easily lead you to see your child as a "problem" to be solved and this can inadvertently be quite damaging for the child's self-esteem and lead to further cycles of bad behaviour. I'm not saying that you have fallen into this pattern obviously, but I do know from experience that it's a very common family dynamic when a child has a diagnosis of ADHD so it's just something to think over and bear in mind. Hugs again, it does sound difficult. If it would help, feel free to discuss specific examples or situations because the ladies on this thread are a fantastic resource!

If you are struggling to feel positive about Reggie at the moment, maybe it would help a bit to tell us about the good things about him and the things that you love about him?