Sensitive kids group

[polaris]

Hi everyone.
Sorry I don't have energy to post too much at the moment. Clara is still sleeping really badly and has been awake sometimes every two hours or sometimes every hour for the past few weeks. She then goes for a solid three hour nap in the morning but that's obviously Thomas's most active time so I don't get the chance to rest then! Really hope this phase passes quickly!

Daisybee, thanks for posting the links. I found the physiotherapy suggestions for increasing physical skills really interesting, because this is basically very similar to what we did with Thomas in helping him to learn to ride the balance bike. For example I made a point of helping him to notice his muscles getting tired and explaining that is how they get stronger and he really responded well to that. Myself and OH were just talking today about how his success at mastering the bike has really increased his overall physical fitness and made him more willing to try other physical activities like running, skipping, jumping, etc. that he really wasn't keen on before.

Regarding the end of the holidays - we don't take the Christmas tree down until the 6th January but I think Thomas is really looking forward to taking it down now. He keeps asking me every day if we can take it down yet and put the decorations in the attic. He also told me the other day not to sing Christmas songs because Christmas is over now! I actually think he is secretly glad to be back to normal too! I have been looking into a few more classes to put a bit more structure on our week. I've found a singing class/group on Mondays at 11.30 that I think we will check out, I think Thomas will hopefully enjoy that. Then we have the art class on Tuesday mornings. I have a free trial for a gymnastics class on Thursday mornings but I'm not sure how that will go because Thomas would have to do the class independently and I don't know whether or not he would manage that. Then I think I will have Clara's swimming class hopefully on Friday morning and Thomas's swimming class on Sunday morning. So that leaves Wednesday and Saturdays free which I think is fine. I really am not sure about the gymnastics class though, I will try it and see if he likes it but I probably won't push it if he doesn't take to it (as it is quite expensive as well and a bit of a drive to get there).

JC - I agree with Daisybee about the huge impact of sensitivity. But also I think it's important to remember that we really see our own children at their worst. Children almost always behave better in a daycare/school setting than they do at home. They will always push the boundaries more with parents than with teachers/carers. However I totally know that feeling of stress and exhaustion where everything just seems negative. I can really relate to the getting off the bus story as Thomas can be quite similar in relation to ending activities - the only thing that works for me is to literally tell him when it's going to be ending throughout the whole activity, which always seems like a shame as I'd prefer him to just relax and enjoy it but then he just doesn't cope with transitioning out of it. It must be very hard to deal with her being mean to Tommy although I guess that sort of sibling rivalry is probably pretty standard.

Shady, I was just thinking about your post about Arad's sleep. Thomas would be absolutely impossible if he was getting so little sleep, he is so sensitive to over-tiredness. I do understand your reluctance to give melatonin though, I would be similarly reluctant. I think sleep is such a huge issue for our kids, and it can really make such a huge difference when they are sleeping well compared to when they are not sleeping well. Thomas doesn't reverse pronouns by the way, you are right that this can be a marker for ASD/PDD but if he's only using pronouns for a couple of months I would wait and see how he progresses with it before getting too concerned.

Daisybee - Thomas went through a stage of freaking out about his sleeves getting tangled up under jumpers/jackets - I have recently taught him how to hold on to his inner sleeve when putting on his jumper/coat to stop it from getting caught up. I'm sure you've already tried this but just thought I'd mention it.

 

[shady567]

Thank you all for the wonderful feedback on Arad's development. Visiting this thread and reading your comments have been so comforting. I always thought my son was the only cranky baby, and now a terrible sleeper but reading your posts gives me hope and above all immense strength to carry on.

Today was a specially poor day in our life. Arad is running a fever since last night which led to a disastrous night followed by an even worse day. He managed to sleep total of 5 hours in the last 24 hour period. I'm so distraught that I'm about to call social services! What's worse is that I've to constantly hold him or rock him. Soon as I put him down, he is up and calling for me. In hindsight, I often wonder if my stress is not contributing to his lack of sleep

Tacey - Arad is 3 months shy of turning 3. And yes indeed, coming to this thread has been an eye opening experience for me. Arad was always an overstimulated baby, cried everywhere we went.

Polaris - Yes, that's what the speech language pathologist had said. She mentioned it's not uncommon for kids to reverse pronouns and to give him another 6 months or so. He seems pretty advanced in this arena, he speaks like an adult and is already on to learning his second language without having much exposure to it. I've been looking into preschool as I have been wanting to go back to work for quite some time. Unfortunately though, don't think Arad can handle a daycare or preschool setting yet. Would love to hear your suggestions/advice on this.?

 

[Jchihuahua]

Thank you so much for the advice about Daisy's behaviour yesterday. I was really upset and and pretty much at the end of my tether by the time she'd gone to bed. It had been a relentlessly bad day. I read something saying a good way to keep calm is to imagine the interactions between us being videoed and Daisy sitting down with me to watch them when she's an adult herself. I tried this and it did help me to stay calmer when her behaviour is at its worst. She is much better this morning and when she is like this she is such a pleasure to be around and so much fun. I know she CAN be like this which makes me more hopeful.

I had applied to a nursery for Daisy to start her 15 free hours after Christmas. I applied in April and heard nothing so I presumed she didn't have a place. I decided that I would put starting nursery off until Easter so I wasn't that bothered that I hadn't heard and din't apply anywhere else and then this morning a letter has come offering her a place for next term, 8:30-11:30am, 5 mornings a week. I am a bit torn really. I don't know what to do about it. She loves toddler group but we've never left her anywhere without us before. I have no friends with children her age living anywhere near and mty family are all far away so she doesn't get to socialise as much as I'd like. She loves other children so I think she'd enjoy being around them more. I think we might try and if she is unhappy we can always take her out for a few months but she might love it and seeing other children use the toilet might help with the potty training. It will also be interesting to see how she behaves for people other than me and her dad.

She has been doing quite well actually with the potty training, but very slow progress. We have to remind her to sit on the potty regularly but she's had no accidents in the house for about 4 days. She doesn't ask to go yet and still doesn't seem very aware that she needs to go. She has still had nappies on for bed and to go out though but I do feel that progress is being made, slowly but surely.

I've read back through the posts so hope I haven't missed too much to respond to. It is difficult getting time to sit down and respond because I don't like going on the laptop when they are around but they are pretty much always around until the evening then last night I went to bed at 8:30pm !

Daisybee: You mentioned about Megan being very particular about her bed and her blankets. Daisy is like this too. She sometimes won't go to sleep if she doesn't like her pillow case. I have to prepare her in advance if I am going to change her bedding and she will only have a few different sets of bedding. I had to take the soft toys out of her room too, as she wouldn't settle with them in there.

Tacey: Alice did great at the party! Pass the parcel is hard for little ones at the best of times. There are always a couple who still get really upset when they don't win by the time they are in Reception so it sounds like she did very well indeed.

Shady: I think the pronoun thing is pretty common when speech is still quite new to them. Daisy's speech is advanced but she also sometimes gets her pronouns mixed up, or she'll sometimes say things like 'My want to do it' instead of 'I want to do it' and however many times I correct her she still gets mixed up with it. I'm so sorry to hear that you've had a bad day. I hope Arad is feeling better soon and I hope you both get some sleep . I'm glad you are finding this thread a support. I am too.

Polaris: Sorry to hear that Clara is sleeping badly. I can empathise because Daisy slept 2 hours then was awake 2 hours 24 hours a day until she was 13 months. I was like a zombie and had physical symptoms of sleep deprivation. It was awful. I hope Clara's sleeping pattern settles down soon and you can get some rest.

I agree with what you said about children often behaving better for teachers/carers than for the parents. At parents evenings I always have pretty much all the parents saying that I must be talking about a different child because their child doesn't behave that well at home. Its strange though as the majority of children generally do behave so well at school and it is hard to imagine them behaving like Daisy does at home!

I hope everyone is enjoying the weekend.

 

[alaskagrown]

Why didn't I know about this thread sooner!!?

If anyone hasn't read about my daughter Lilly, here is the thread I wrote a couple of weeks ago:
https://babyandbump.momtastic.com/baby-club/1624087-high-needs-baby-wearing-me-thin.html

I'm so glad there are others out there who deal with babies like mine.


OH, and somebody made a comment on Facebook this morning on my friend's post that just totally PISSED me off regarding fussy babies. I just checked back to copy and paste it, but it looks like she deleted it.

My friend wrote something along the lines of how lucky she is to have such an easy baby, she never spits up,...etc. One of her friends I do not know commented saying that she had an easy baby too and it she believes it's all in the way you parent. Her brother and her sister's babies are nightmares, they're always sick, they always cry and scream, and they can not be left to play independently. If she has 10 more kids she is confident the rest will be as easy as her first because she knows the importance of making her babies independent and knows how to parent well.

....

....

....

This is what I wrote:

I disagree ^^^ I think babies born with different temperaments. Some have easy going babies while others have high-needs babies, no matter who you are or what you do with them. Some really aren't capable of being independent (after all, they are babies!) and go through separation anxiety starting around 4-5 months which is actually a totally normal instinctive human process relating to predator fear, while other babies skip this phase. I've talked to a mom who has parented both her children the same way - her first was great and her second was a nightmare. Sleep can also take a sudden turn for the worse no matter how great you think you parent. Lilly slept through the night since 6 weeks old, but within the last month or so she has started waking up screaming several times throughout the night. I haven't changed my parenting tactics in the slightest.


Now for the sake of avoid FB drama, I totally filtered out how insensitive and rude I thought her comment was and how ANGRY I was that she insinuated that fussy babies = bad parenting. ARRGH!!

 

[DaisyBee]

Lol - so this is another book by me....

Totally agree as well for kids behaving better for others than parents. It shocked all the daycare parents I had how well behaved their kids were for me. I got them to sit and participate in story time ( one little boy refused to sit at home to read a book with them... But daycare had no problems sitting through very long story times, sometimes multiple a day), they ate foods they wouldn't eat at home, they cleaned up their toys better without asking, they took naps better for me than at home. Parents ( especially mom) showed up and kids started whining, crying, meltdowns, etc.

We went to mil's today to see if Megan would be willing to let her wash her hair. She hasn't even let me comb it in a week. I've been trying to work with her, be very reassuring, not be stressed about it, mostly leaving it alone and not even bringing up the subject. I have a larger pick comb for curly hair and she won't even let me try that. She has refused bath all together all week, where as before she just didn't want to wash hair. She seemed excited for grandma to wash her hair. My fil sat in the chair and they showed her how grandma does it, and no water gets in your face. I held her while we watched and she was so stiff, I could tell she was nervous. She sat in the seat, mil went to lean the chair back, and megan freaked out. Mil said "don't you trust me?" and other things along those lines that I wished she wouldnt have said. It was obvious it wasn't going to happen so I suggested grandma using the squirt bottle and combing her hair. As for me that would be progress! So she was willing to do that!!! Grandma got her hair wet and combed. She put her under the dryer and Megan hated that. But instead of freaking out she kept telling granda I don't like this, turn it off, etc. Mil distracted her with a magazine and sat right beside her and Megan did it!! Mil then babysat Jordan while dh, Megan, and I went out for dinner and grocery shopping. She loved being out with us.

Before we had gone to mil's I was trying to get megans clothes changed. She was still in her pjs from the night before. I handnt made her change as she has been completely freaking out over it. I got her pj top ( which was a size too big as was trying to help her get over this fear) and put a sweater that zips up the front on her. I brought her to her bed and layed down with her, put her weighted blanket over us and started being very very silly and we made jokes about how it would be so silly to wear pajamas at the restaurant, would the waiter bring us a pillow? Would we sleep on the table? At the store would we sleep with the apples and oranges? She got to giggling and calmed right down. So I think silliness and distraction is the key. So for bedtime I got her singing a goofy song and I started singing and she got her shirt on no problem and didn't even realize it was on until it was over. dh and I are wondering about starting a reward chart for these specific things if distraction doesn't work long term. My hope is to get enough good experiences under her belt again, and the fear will go away.

We stayed out too late as got distracted at the store. Jordan started crying at mil's and was sobbing crying when we got there 10 minutes later. I felt so horrible. She was saying mama over and over and just crying. Broke my heart.


Shady - Megan is a different child when she is overtired. Last summer she was sleeping horribly. And really since 18 monhs it hadnt been good. And she wasnt a good sleeper all of baby days either. It wasn't unusual for her to get 6-7 hrs of sleep multiple days in a row last summer. Once overtired she gets insomnia basically. One night of bad sleep can throw her off for a week. She is a light sleeper and if ( when ) Jordan woke at 3 am for a bottle it would wake Megan up and she couldnt get back to sleep, although she was trying to. One night she was so overtired that she didn't sleep all night. Not one minute! And its not exaggerating. And then the next day we kept her up until nap and she was so overtired again that she didn't nap. She didn't fall asleep until 6 pm that night. I've never even heard of a child doing that! I think that her weighted blanket and chewing on the chewy toys before bed helps relax her - weve found both earlier this fall. I found that if I rushed at all at bedtime, or seemed stressed that she wasn't sleeping, it would make it worse. This fall we bought her a full size bed. Megan doesn't cosleep well at all, and doesn't fall asleep in our bed, but if she is in her bed, I can lay with her and I sing her lullabies ( they can't be played on a cd, only me singing them) and I do a relaxation thing where I talk very softly and slowly about how her toes are sleepy and relaxed, etc, etc and work my way up her body. I would tell her that it's time to shut your brain off and I would say click your brain is shut off. It's sleepy time, etc etc. And it helps her!! Those nights when she just can't get settled it seems to help.

Jc - potty training sounds like its going very well!! Yay!! That is a great idea too about imagining things being videotaped. Funny that we were both posting about preschool! And yes I think extra time with the younger kids is a great bonus to it. I'm worried most about getting overstimulated. Dh is worried about her hating it ( which he hasn't seen her at any of the classes we've done and I have... And I know she wont hate it).

Alaska - :wave: I was wondering if you would find us! I'm glad you have! Peoples comments piss me off quite often. Lol even my mil was claiming that megans fears are what every child goes through, as she doesn't understand at all it feels like. And i get the impression a lot that she thinks some of megans issue is me and the way I parent.

Polaris - the link i found quite interesting. And it really made sense to me for how Megan is dealing with these fears of hers. I think even the being afraid of noises - she acts the same with the smoke detectors and even dh mentioned a few weeks ago that they may go off. She still freaked out big time, and nothing had happened, and never did. Her reaction to these fears is very physical. These are very very real to her. They are getting worse all of a sudden and I'm hoping not to make it worse for her.
The other 2 links I posted because many of us in this group have talked about some things on those lists. I think because of megans temperament she has become anxious. And I makes a lot of sense. Does anyone else relate to some of the things on those lists?

 

[DaisyBee]

Shady - Also realized I never talked about the empathy. I honestly have no idea what is normal anymore. Haha I feel like everthing I used to do and know is just gone and out the window. I'm so in our own little world and trying to deal with the girls that it's hard to remember what other kids are like sometimes.

Megan is very empathetic. And she is very interested and tuned in to emotions. She will cry if she thinks someone looks sad. She will say things like they miss their mommy, where is their mommy? Or where is their baby if it is a grownup or larger looking animal. She is very aware of everyone else's mood and comments on it, reacts to it, and it can totally change her mood.
If dh or I have an "ouchy" she will be very concerned and want to kiss it, want to get us a bandaid. She doesn't seem sad though, but very very concerned. If she has accidentally hurt us ( like running into us, something she had hit us, etc.) She feels horrible and says sorry right away and gets very concerned eyes and kisses wherever we got hurt and gives us a big hug. She will comfort Jordan and tell her "it's ok Jordan, you'll be all right, I love you" and give her kisses on her head.

During Xmas season she heard the rudolph the red nose reindeer song and she cried and was very upset that rudolph didn't have friends, and they werent nice to Rudolph. We won't be watching the movie anytime soon, I can't imagine how much that would upset her between the misfit toys, the dentist who is sad, rudolph gets made fun of, and the scary monster. All those things would upset her a lot.

If a character in a book looks upset then she will cry and want to help them. If she sees people in the grocery store that look happy she comments. After thanksgiving with my family, if we mentioned one of my brothers, she would always say that he was grumpy. The amazing thing was that he was going through LOTS of stuff around that time, and at the time I thought it was funny, because I thought well yes maybe he always looks a bit grumpy. But you know, I think she really picked up on his true mood. He was having issues with things that most of it, I didn't even find out til recently. So I think she really had just tuned in to the fact that yes, he was grumpy on thanksgiving. She saw a picture of him on Facebook after that and he was smiling really big, and she was so happy and saying "he is happy! He isn't grumpy anymore!" and Xmas time she didn't say anything about him being grumpy, where as she had been talking about that for weeks.

She gets very scared easily about tv shows, peoples tone of voice ( suspenseful), books, etc. We really limit what she can see on tv, anything sad, scary' or suspenseful we've been avoiding.

 

[OmarsMum]

Sorry ladies I'm very busy & things aren't going well

Omar has been suffering from night terrors he's been waking up screaming for 30 mins for the past 3 nights & he's not sleeping well.

I took him yesterday to the park & it went really well, 2 kids approached him (4 &6) he played & interacted with them, I was so proud of him. He also played with a 13 months girl, she was throwing the balls from her stroller & he was getting the balls to her & smiling at her, it's the 1st time he interacts with a baby.

Thanks Daisybee for the links, I took a quick look, in the evening I will take a better look.

No more business, I will post later about it.

Have to go now, we have a class after an hour xx

 

[OmarsMum]

Hi Alaska - hope you find this thread useful I avoid discussing anything that's baby related on FB, I even deactivated my account recently.

JC- we all have similar days when they're over stimulated. Today we went for shoe shopping again! I dread everytime he needs new shoes he threw a huge tantrum as he didn't want the new shoes, he's been wearing the same shoes for months! He doesn't agree to wear any of the other shoes he has. So I decided not to give him choice at the shop, I chose the shoes, I put it on his feet, I wasn't bothered with the tantrum & I told him that he's wearing the new shoes. Then I gave him a cuddle, told him that the new shoes look amazing, blah, blah, blah, I acted cheerfully, until he was fine. It was exhausting!

He also started to scream when I tried to brush his teeth, I can't find Colgate tooth paste anymore! I tried all brands, but most of them are too sweet, adults toothpaste is too strong for him, I finally found a minty kids tooth paste, but as the tooth brush is pink he claimed that it tastes like strawberry without even tasting the toothpaste! I forced him to brush his teeth, then he was fine after tasting it. Today I felt so worn out, he's very stubborn, he doesn't cope with a minor change

As I mentioned earlier, he doesn't have a comforter, he doesn't sleep with anything in bed other than pillows & his comforter/ blanket, he will not use another cover & all pillow cases should be white.

At the class, the 1st one didn't go well, so I asked the housekeeper to go in with him for the gym class, he did great! He behaves much better when I'm not around, he cooperates & joins in group activities. I feel bad about it, sometimes I feel that I have bad influence on him when I'm around as he's onto whiney when he sees me & he refuses to listen

Daisybee- thanks for the links Hun, very interesting. We've been encouraging more physical activities & Omar is getting much better, he's loosing his cautiousness slowly which is a great step. I will post more about the lists as I need to check them from PC (too small for me on iPad)

As for the business, it wasn't going well, my DH was handling all the paper works which is a real headache. We need a local sponsor, DH's sponsor was happy to sponsor our business, the girls asked us to go for our sponsor as he charges much less than their husbands sponsor. Yesterday I was shocked when they asked me to change the sponsor & go with theirs! It didn't sound right. I felt that they're making excuses, so today I told them that I can't go further with the business. I was a bit disappointed as they weren't straight forward.

 

[DaisyBee]

Omarsmum I'm sorry youve been having a rough time! From the night terrors, and your business! Do you think something has triggered the night terrors?

I related to the first link I posted just as in general fear vs more physical. Megan isn't really afraid of doing physical things like that.... She isn't as good at them and doesn't try as hard with them, but not terrified like she is with hair washing, getting dressed, etc. So I was interpreting it a bit different. The 2nd too links are when I was looking more into anxiety in young kids. I think it's a big deal for her, and I think I need to talk to her dr about it. My mil keeps saying oh it's so normal in 3 year olds. Well, I honestly don't think megans strong reaction to putting a shirt on is normal.

We had a horrible night last night. The girls had a bath, I convinced megan to get in. As soon as she saw me washing jordans hair she started panicking and wanting to get out. I got her calmed down and took Jordan out, and she started panicking again. I asked if she wanted me to get in with her. And she did, so I had dh come in to get Jordan dressed and I got in with Megan. Megan started screaming and dh got really upset. Jordan was fussing and whining, Megan screaming, and dh just lost it. He was yelling at Megan and yelling at me to just make her do it, how we have no control over her and how she is going to be disfunctional her whole life because of this. I was trying just to get her hair wet and it resulted in this huge horrible ordeal. I ended up pushing her more than I should have because of dh being all upset, and the whole thing was just not good. I spent the rest of the evening comforting Megan as she wanted me to stay with her. I felt so guilty, and dh felt horrible. He called this morning to see how Megan was doing. I told him he can't ever say things like that in front of her again. It really opened my eyes up to how he is truly taking all of this. It's been very stressful when she acts so terrified. Dh worries that there is something actually mentally wrong with her. I told him if someone was scared to death of spiders you wouldn't stick them in a room with them. She is scared, not being defiant. Totally different. she is acting fine today. But it's still really bothering me.

 

[polaris]

Big hugs for everyone who needs them today. It sounds like a few people are going through stressful times at the moment.

Daisybee, that sounds so stressful, I would find that situation very upsetting too. And obviously totally counter-productive from the point of view of desensitizing her to the hair washing - now she has another bad experience associated to hair washing so it's only increasing her avoidance of it. It sounds like your DH is really affected by how Megan is and even from that point of view I would definitely consider speaking to her doctor about it - it would be great if your DH could go to that appointment too so that he could express his worries and hear what the doctor has to say about it.

Omarsmum - I'm so sorry that the business isn't working out, that is a big disappointment. But better that you find out now rather than later on if that is the way that the other people are going to behave. Sorry you had a stressful day with Omar too.

Alaska, welcome to the thread, looking forward to chatting more and getting to know you better. I read through the thread that you linked and it definitely sounds like you will fit in here.

JC - glad that things were a bit better after your horrible day. I love the idea of imagining that the interaction is being videotaped, I'm definitely going to use that myself when I feel like I'm losing it. That's good news about the preschool place, when would she be starting if you decide to take it? Would you have to send her every morning or is it flexible?

Everything is good here. Thomas coped well with taking down the Christmas decorations although we were not able to take down any of the homemade decorations/Xmas pictures because he totally freaked out about it and I realized that I hadn't made it clear that they would all have to be taken down too. So we will have a few decorations up for a while but at least the tree is down! Clara is teething badly today so that is taking up most of my energy.

 

[Jchihuahua]

Daisybee: That sounds like a really horrid and stressful situation. Sometimes with Daisy I feel a bit like your OH was when she just won't cooperate, but my husband is the one telling me to calm down. It just seems to get to a point where it spirals out of control with her behaviour and her needs sometimes so I can kind of understand where your OH was coming from. Daisy is very difficult with getting her hair washed but I do manage to do it so I don't think she is as upset by it as Megan gets but it is traumatic every time we have to do it.

Omars Mum: I'm sorry to hear he's having night terrors. Daisy has had them on a few occasions and they are really upsetting for everyone. The shoe incident is very familiar to me. We have to get her feet measured this weekend and I know it is going to be awful. Sorry to hear of the problems with the business too.

 

[Jchihuahua]

Hi Polaris. I'm glad Thomas did well with the tree. Daisy has refused to have her advent calendar thrown away and also insists on a Santa snow globe being left out so we also have a few things around the place! Has Clara got any teeth yet or are these her first ones cutting through?

I rang the preschool today and she is going for a settling in session with hubby next Monday and then another one next Thursday and then she'll start the following Monday. They said we can take her settling in it as slowly as we like. I'm really scared but I do think she'll enjoy it.

 

[polaris]

Daisybee - in relation to the links you posted. I think the reason that I focused in on the physical side of things in the first link is because I hadn't really thought about Thomas's reluctance with physical activity in that way before. I sort of thought he was just a low-energy child. But actually now that he is becoming more physical he does have plenty of energy but he just wasn't able to use it in a physical way until now. I got Thomas a book that shows the basics of the inside of the body for Xmas, like skeleton, muscles, digestive system, heart, etc. and on one of the pages the book suggests to put your hand on your chest to feel your heart beating and Thomas totally refuses to do it. So I was linking that to the article too in relation to interpreting internal bodily sensations negatively because they are maybe linked to fear/anxiety.

I read through the questionnaire about worries/fears and my first thought when I opened it was that it wouldn't apply to Thomas because I really don't consider him a fearful child, despite his caution and general sensitivities. But actually when I read down through it and answered the questions, quite a lot of them do apply to him. Mainly in relation to social anxieties. Then some of the other situations, I wouldn't consider him to be fearful about them but he would definitely be cautious about them. For example, he is not afraid of heights but he would be very aware of the dangers and not going too close to the edge, he is not afraid of dogs but would be very careful around them and would never approach a dog unless I told him it was friendly. So cautious rather than fearful.

 

[polaris]

Hi Polaris. I'm glad Thomas did well with the tree. Daisy has refused to have her advent calendar thrown away and also insists on a Santa snow globe being left out so we also have a few things around the place! Has Clara got any teeth yet or are these her first ones cutting through?

I rang the preschool today and she is going for a settling in session with hubby next Monday and then another one next Thursday and then she'll start the following Monday. They said we can take her settling in it as slowly as we like. I'm really scared but I do think she'll enjoy it.

At the beginning of advent Thomas wanted me to bring out last years advent calendar to use again this year, so you'd better keep that advent calendar somewhere safe! (We only really got round that one because he got a new one from my mum who is pretty much his favourite person in the world).

Exciting news about starting preschool. Is Daisy excited about it?

No teeth yet but her bottom gum feels quite raw today and she's inconsolable. I'm not sure if it's actually going to break through or just moving around inside the gum, but she's definitely in pain. Poor thing. Thomas never really suffered too badly with teeth. It's bad timing because I had just started working on trying to get her to fall asleep without being fed to sleep but that has all had to go on hold because obviously all she wants is the comfort of nursing.

 

[shady567]

Hi Daisybee, Polaris - My apologies for not dropping in sooner to thank you for your perspective on things. Words cannot express how grateful I am to you Daisybee and to everybody on this thread who has taken the time to respond to my endless questions Arad's schedule is so out of whack that everything else in life has taken a backseat.

Daisybee - Megan sounds really cute! How wonderful of her to think of everybody and their feelings! She sounds truly special.

As for Arad, I think he gets emotions but of course he isn't trying to comfort anyone other than his stuffed animal. Last night I was trying to drill it into him sort of, and elaborated on how the puppy was hurt etc. Finally he's like "Ok, puppy .. gives puppy kisses and hugs". That did take a bit of cajoling on my part! He seems to pick up on our emotions very well. He gets very irritated When I am about to burst into tears, and will ask me not to cry. The doctor who did the evaluation thought it could be a big deal that he ain't showing sympathy yet, hence I'm worried. When I read stuff on the internet though, it doesn't really say anywhere that children his age must be demonstrating so and so amount of sympathy .. you know! So again I am at a loss. He gets terrified when an adult cries out in pain, and he hates it when a fictional character is crying from pain/distress. He insists the character isn't crying. Honestly, I don't know what to make of this behavior.

As for self help skills, Arad won't feed himself or put himself to sleep (or I should say cannot) without help. He is a picky eater so he'll only feed himself the foods of his choice (which consists of chips, fries and pears ..haha). On the other hand, he manged to learn to use the potty, probably because of his dire need to stay clean and dry

I agree physical and particularly outdoor activity can go a long way. Arad definitely slept better in summer when he got more fresh air . Here in Toronto, it's cold year round (or so it seems...lol). I'm sure Daisybee you'll be able to relate to this - I spent a good portion of my life in MN.

Anyhow, again thank you all for your great comments.

 

[OmarsMum]

Daisybee - in relation to the links you posted. I think the reason that I focused in on the physical side of things in the first link is because I hadn't really thought about Thomas's reluctance with physical activity in that way before. I sort of thought he was just a low-energy child. But actually now that he is becoming more physical he does have plenty of energy but he just wasn't able to use it in a physical way until now. I got Thomas a book that shows the basics of the inside of the body for Xmas, like skeleton, muscles, digestive system, heart, etc. and on one of the pages the book suggests to put your hand on your chest to feel your heart beating and Thomas totally refuses to do it. So I was linking that to the article too in relation to interpreting internal bodily sensations negatively because they are maybe linked to fear/anxiety.

I read through the questionnaire about worries/fears and my first thought when I opened it was that it wouldn't apply to Thomas because I really don't consider him a fearful child, despite his caution and general sensitivities. But actually when I read down through it and answered the questions, quite a lot of them do apply to him. Mainly in relation to social anxieties. Then some of the other situations, I wouldn't consider him to be fearful about them but he would definitely be cautious about them. For example, he is not afraid of heights but he would be very aware of the dangers and not going too close to the edge, he is not afraid of dogs but would be very careful around them and would never approach a dog unless I told him it was friendly. So cautious rather than fearful.

This describes Omar. He's not fearful but he's cautious. Even in social situations, he's not scared from people or strangers, he loves the attention but he takes some time to loosen up as he needs to build a view about the person, he looks for trust I guess.

H's also not scared of pets or animals, when we went to the zoo, he was cautious, but he didn't show any reaction. He likes cats & he follows them when he sees one in the park, he's not scared of dogs, but he will not touch a dog until we tell him it's ok.

The same with physical activities, I also thought he didn't have energy, but those days he's very physical. I think as we were always focusing on floor play, writing & reading, he didn't have a clue how to use his energy in physical play. Those days we can go out & spend a whole day in the park playing & running around without a meltdown, he needs a small break but he doesn't ask to go back home anymore.

I noticed that in classes, he started to prefer physical classes more than arts & sensory classes. I think as we are concentrating on physical activities those days, he started to know how to use his energy & he's more in control about his movements & physical skills.

Omar is fine when I touch him, he asks for it, he still asks for massages, & he enjoys it. I introduced the heart & it's function few months back, & he was fascinated when he was able to hear my heart beat, when he's overwhelmed, he asks me to put my hand on his chest to listen to s heart beats, it seems that it soothes him. Last night we had a very good sleep as I slept cuddling him, I think as the weather is cold those days, he needed the closeness to stay warm.

 

[OmarsMum]

Shady- Omar is the same with self care, he's still very dependent. But he's getting much better. He learned how to put on his shoes, now he do it on his own. Yesterday, a mum was helping her 3.5 yrs daughter in putting on her shoes, he went too close to them then he started to wear his shoes on his own to show the girl that he can do it on his own

We don't have a potty, he uses the toilet, those days he uses his stool to climb up the toilet, he still holds me for support but he refuses my help, he also likes to wash his hands alone & now he's asking to wash his hair when he's taking a bath.

As for self feeding, he gave me a list of the food he will eat on his own (popcorn, crisps, chicken nuggets, cheese sandwich, apple, cashew nuts & French fries) he also started recently to drink his milk from an open cup on his own which is a great progress. If he doesn't master a thing, he will not try to do it. He still refuses to eat in his own using a spoon, he will not use his hands so I have to spoon feed him or he end up refusing to eat his meal. He's fine with a fork but the food he eats that need a fork are limited.

He still doesn't self settle at bedtime, he needs cuddles, now a days, he will only sleep in the car.

 

[OmarsMum]

JC- I really hope Daisy settles fine at the pre-school , it's a huge step. A friend of mine told me that her son settled much better when his dad used to drop him, but he used to throw a tantrum every time his mum was around. He's also highly sensitive.

 

[DaisyBee]

So I reread the link...and I didn't focus on the physical because Megan is more high energy child. I think that is a big difference ( at least before ) is that Thomas and Omar seemed more laid back and lower energy. Megan isn't as coordinated as other kids, but she is very active. She was behind other kids for physical skills when younger.

For the link...everything about the fussy baby, reacting strongly to being undressed, not liking strangers, etc. Was very much her as a baby. It mentions an area of the brain that are alert and reactive... Well that is Megan in general. I wonder if it's why she gets overestimulated more by new things? Or doesn't like change? Why change is so hard... If her body is trying to react like it's threatening.

The paragraph where it talks about "if a child perceives The situation To be threatening... Fight or flight response. it's what we deal with when she is going to need to get her hair washed. She gets upset physically before anything is even happening. Talking about the smoke detector going off... She has the same reaction physically as if it did actually go off. It's her perception of the event, vs the actual event. And she does have very strong emotional responses to everything, so part makes sense as well.

"The memory of the previous experience evokes the same body responses as before" It's why she was fine with using public toilet for forever. But automatic flushers, loud hand dryers and a very very loud bath fan combined with a radio station at thankgiving have made it very scary for her. She was peeing in public toilets before she was potty trained. Whenever I changed her diaper as a toddler, or I would go potty, she would want to go too. We've washed her hair for years now, and just in the past months she has been afraid... After she got soapy water all down her face.

She was physically behind other kids her age. It was obvious when we were at the park. She wasn't able to climb as fast, she didn't have as much coordination. But we felt like she was catching up. She has always loved and been great at running. She didn't take steps til 14 months but by 2 weeks later wouldn't crawl. She would run across the field at our house, she loved it. She likes playing with balls (throwing, kicking, catching). But she has a friend who can hit a tball last summer, and she can't. But she can kick a soccer ball very well. She was going down slides at the park as long as we were at the bottom to catch her. Then while at an indoor play place she fell off the bottom of one as it didn't end right at the ground but a foot above the padding. It really scared her. And ever since then she refuses to go on slides at the park. Even at the waterpark this fall, it was hard to convince her to try the waterpark slides - she only did a couple with sitting on dh's lap. And then she refused to do anymore. There were 12 month olds going down those slides by themselves. No one even catching them let alone sliding with them. Her cautiousness in the water was making it more dangerous just the way she was walking in the water and way she would do things. Other kids would just go, she would always pause, even just a bit of hesitation.
She used to go on the swings at the park, but after she got knocked to the ground as she walked in front of a swing... She wouldn't go on a swing at the park anymore. We got her swing set this summer for the backyard as we hoped it would help her. ( and we were stuck at home more with Jordan needing to nap here). She loves her swing in the backyard. It has a glider rocker swing, a baby type swing that she sits in the bucket, and a big kid swing with just the rubber part to sit on and she loves all 3. It has a ladder you climb up to the little fort and then slide down the slide. She does all of that without help at home and loves it. So she can do them, she chooses not to at the park.

She had a really good day yesterday. She went to soft play and shopping with grandma and her great uncle. She was more willing to change her clothes and only got scared after her arm was stuck inside the shirt ( she goes too fast now that it scares her and it makes it worse, she is more likely to have trouble getting her arms in the arm holes ) as she was so excited about going to grandmas. Mil said she was very social with the other kids. Would grab other kids hands and say come on.. They were playing tag and hide and seek together. Mil said Megan was laying her head on top of an older boy when we was laying on the ground. She hadn't napped, and wasn't acting grumpy or melting down. She was very happy when she came home, and we had no issues at all during dinner or bedtime routine. She looked scared but didn't freak out when it came time to pjs, I was being silly and was singing and it distracted her and she did great. She slept all night.

 

[DaisyBee]

And the anxiety links... The first one the wording... Doesn't seem so much like megan, but the last one some of them apply.