Sensitive kids group

[DaisyBee]

I am exhausted and I'm going to vent...

Today was thanksgiving at my inlaws. We were one of the first to get there. They had some snacks out including crackers and cheese and dh would get her a bit but she was obviously very hungry and I had to keep pestering him to get her more. I was stuck behind a table and was feeding Jordan her food and wasn't able to just leave her to go help Megan. People started showing up. Megan was shy and quiet. She didn't act hyper at all today. She acted happy but also I think she felt left out. She kept coming back to me or dh and would cuddle us and then go try to talk to the kids. She usually doesnt come back to us for reassurance like that. She was the calmest kid in the whole house. There is no way what she has going on is ADHD. And yes polaris, I'm totally against medicating her. Even if she would have ADHD I would do anything and everything else first and not let them medicate her. I do worry that if mil thinks it maybe teachers won't understand her and will suggest it as well. The other kids know each other better. They are closer related and see each other often. Megan hasnt seen these kids much lately. The other kids were very very very aggressive. Dh asked if I noticed how mean they all were to each other. I was shocked. My kids are not agressive and not mean at all. It was so obvious to me how different my kids are from those kids. Megan would pause and check, watch first before joining in. She wanted to be included but didn't know how to let them include her. The one boy was so loud and crazy and almost out of control. I was thinking that megans energy - well I think she is just busy and has energy. But I don't think she is out of control at all. Unless she is overstimulated and wired. Even today though she was overstimulated but she wasn't hyper.
I asked dh to take her outside for a walk, the whole place was so loud and chaos. I felt crazy and I hated being there, I can't believe the girls handled it as well as they did! Mil expected Jordan to nap in a bedroom on the same floor where everyone was at. and I had left a white noise machine at there house ( I asked them if I could and they had said yes) well now they don't remember that and couldn't find it. I ended up using sil's iPad but she couldn't find real white noise, just a fan noise. I ended up getting dh to put the portacrib ( which mil obviously let's the dogs sleep in ) in sil's room downstairs so it wasn't quite so loud. But it wasn't pitch dark and she could still hear the loud kids and loud dogs that were put into a different room. So Jordan couldn't sleep. I eventually got her up. And then no one could understand why she started getting a bit fussy. I couldn't believe how well she did, I was shocked she wasn't melting down, but others thought she should be laughing and giggly and in a great mood. She held her own, but was obviously not herself. Later Megan was starting to get close to meltdown and I mentioned it to mil. Who didnt understand but offered to take her out for another walk. So she took Megan outside again. Then everyone decided that the kids should all go downstairs and watch a movie. My sil had picked wall-e for them. Well I went down to see how Megan was doing before it started and she looked not very comfortable. The kids were all on the couch and it was like she felt like she should try to sit with them but I don't think she really wanted to. I was talking to my mil about the movie and she kept reassuring me oh it's just a Disney movie, sil is there with them, bla bla bla. Well I left Megan down there and I KNEW I shouldn't have. I KNEW she wouldn't handle it. I was thinking of how she is so sad or scared about so much lately. Well dh went down there after a bit and everyone but Megan was goofing off, wasn't even watching the movie. He said megan was staring intently on the screen and she was upset. They came upstairs and she was crying. She was so upset as "he was hot" she was upset about wall-e being hot. Like very very upset about it. She couldn't get over it. And I think for the first time ever mil might have seen what the heck I've been trying to tell her. She was saying that wow, Megan is so deep, and how did she even understand that's what was happening on the movie, etc etc.

Earlier when dh and Megan went on the walk I was telling mil and fils sister that Megan is very sensitive. The aunt was like oh does she cry a lot. people don't understand what it means to be sensitive. They think it means her feelings get hurt easily. And then mil was like oh yes sil was sensitive as a kid. Well no she wasn't and isn't as an adult either. Sil has ADHD and was a very hyper kid. Its a big reason mil tries to label Megan as such. When Megan gets overstimulated and gets hyper mil thinks that is the exact same as sil was at that age. I don't agree at all.

Then we were leaving as Jordan was starting to get fussy from being tired and Megan was so upset about the movie. I had brought her weighted blanket but it had been put out of sight when we arrived by mil with the coats and so it got brought out then. Everyone was asking about it. 2 of the cousins are physical therapists and I was talking to them about ot and the weighted blanket. The one said that they have had a group of kids doing sensory things for help with food and things at her place of work and they have had great success.

Anyway, I am so mad at myself that I let Megan watch any of the movie. She didn't even see much of it, but it was too much for her. It was exhausting today. Megan wasn't like the other kids. But honestly I don't want her to be. One of the 2 year old boys came up and yelled in jordans face when she was laying on the ground. She froze in total fear. The look on her face... She was so afraid. And she didn't move a muscle. Dh was closer to her and I told him to pick her up right now! That same boy hit her jordans hand on purpose once and kept trying to poke and bug her, not in a curious way but in a mean way.

On the way home dh said Megan is going to be eaten alive in kindergarden. He said she is so different from other kids. He was saying that she has to get used to movies and he is going to stop protecting her and she needs to get used to things. that isn't going to help her to show her movies that make her sad or scared!!!! I talked to him a bit after we were home and hoping he understands. I just think he wants to help her, but I don't think freaking her out is going to help her.

Megan has no issues with getting messy. She actually loves getting messy. She seeks it out. Her favorite activites are messy. She loves finger painting, play dough, water play. I made sensory boxes for her with split peas, rice, beans, etc and she loves them. She plays in her sandbox all the time and gets all sandy from head to toe and loves it. But if she does too much of it or too long she gets overstimulated. And if she is already overstimulated when giving her some messy play she just freaks out, she has just thrown beans all over the rug type thing vs playing nice with them. So I have to be careful when I let her do messy things.

 

[DaisyBee]

Hi girls, I apologize in advance because I haven't read the past several pages of posts, but I had to get on here and vent quickly. We are staying at MIL's for Thanksgiving - we drove here yesterday (5 hr trip) and neither DD slept in the car, despite our leaving at naptime, and they were up way past bedtime b/c we are one time zone over and MIL always plans evening activities. So of course today Christina was overtired and overstimulated (lots of people in her face, even though she clearly doesn't like it), so tonight at bedtime (also an hour later than usual), she had a massive meltdown over not wanting to put her PJs on. I managed to calm her several times but she still refused to put her PJs on. After about an hour, we managed to get her PJs on and get her in bed, but MIL has spent the past 2 hours going on about how we need to see a child psychologist because this behavior (the hour-long tantrum) really is unacceptable and if she gets to school behaving like this then she will be labeled as emotionally conflicted and isolated from the other children and essentially be on a bad path for life. MIL is criticizing our parenting methods and scolding us for not leaving Christina alone for hours in an unfamiliar, un-babyproofed room until she complied. I have already been struggling with determining the appropriate discipline while respecting her spirit/self-esteem, so this criticism has thrown me over the edge. I really just want to go home now, but we're stuck for another 2 whole days.

I promise I'll come back and catch up on the other posts tomorrow.

It's so ridiculous to make an assessment of a child's behaviour based on how they act on a holiday or festive occasion when they are over-tired and over-stimulated and out of routine. Can you imagine going in to see a child psychologist and them asking you "how does she behave on Thanksgiving when she hasn't had any sleep?", it's just not going to happen. I would be very annoyed by your MIL's comments to be honest. I think she is really out of line in criticizing your parenting methods and judging your child's behaviour completely out-of-context. My MIL is quite difficult and has said some dreadful things over the years so you have my full sympathy and understanding.

Lol I laughed out loud at this polaris - a child psychologist asking how she behaves on thanksgiving on no sleep. Haha that's so true. I think it's hard for others to realize that they aren't seeing our kids at their best. Especially these kids that do best at home, not around strangers, those that get overstimuated or overtired easily, etc.

I too think your mil is out of line cutie. It's so hard to hear these things thought isn't it? I think when mil says anything it bugs me way more than if someone else would say it. It's like they think they know everything and yet they clearly don't!

 

[cutie4evr01]

Please excuse my long post - I'm catching up from several days away. Thank you all for your support with my MIL situation; I knew you would understand! I'm feeling much better today as I've decided that her opinions are ridiculous. Christina is only 2 years old, tantrums are normal, and the circumstances were stacked against her that night. We put her in bed at her normal time tonight and she did fine, it just meant that MIL missed out on her evening activities with the kids. Maybe now she'll believe me when I tell her that routine and structure are essential for her. Anyway, I've decided to try to just let her comments go in one ear and out the other, because I know Christina is an exceptional child who is destined for great things, and it's my job now to protect her, build her self-esteem, and help her learn to deal with her emotions and sensitivity, regardless of what other people think.

I will write a full description of Christina's sensitivities later, but now I'll just touch on a few points you all have been discussing recently. Christina loves going to look at public toilets, but rarely will use them, usually she says "it's too dirty" haha. One thing that has helped is that I bought some stick-on Dora toilet seat covers that I keep in my bag, so she's more willing to sit on the toilet with one of those covers on. She also doesn't like automatic flush or automatic hand dryers, so I try to avoid those or at least warn her about them before she starts using the toilet.

Polaris, how is Thomas feeling lately? Did the doctor find anything?

Saying sorry has been an issue in our house as well. We generally make Christina say sorry when she does something intentionally, and if she refuses, she goes to her room for a few minutes (our time out method, although I'm considering other methods since that doesn't seem to be good for her). If she hurts one of us by accident, we ask her to say sorry but we don't force her to. We just do our best to explain that even if she didn't mean to, she did hurt someone, and it's polite to say you're sorry to make that person feel better. She's actually gotten pretty good at it, so maybe some of that has worked.

We don't really go to toddler groups here (I work 3 days/wk), but we do attend a dance class once a week. Christina does really well with that, she follows the teacher's instructions and is really well-behaved compared to the other toddlers (often someone is running around, someone else crying, someone else wanting to be held by their mom, etc.). I think as polaris said, it's probably because it's very structured. We often go to the park, and when other kids come up to try to play with her, she generally either acts shy and wants me to talk to them for her, or else ignores them and goes off the other way, so I don't think she mixes that well with other kids in unstructured situations. She has a few close friends at her daycare that she plays well with, and she's always excited to see her friends at church and play with them, so I think her socialization is fine with kids she knows.

Christina will only play alone for short periods of time (maybe 15 minutes at most), and prefers to be in the same room as we are. She does struggle with separation anxiety, and has since infancy. She has been going to the same daycare since she was 10 weeks old, and she cried every single morning on drop off from 6 months old until she was well past 2 years old, literally every day. It broke my heart, but we knew she was having fun there and her daycare provider told me she got over it quickly, but it was much worse than the typical separation anxiety. Even now some days I can see her lips trembling and she's doing all she can to hold back the tears when I drop her off, but then when we pick her up she's going on and on about all the fun she had.

She also has 2 imaginary friends also that have been around for a couple months. Do any of your LOs have imaginary friends? She is quite a creative kid, from this thread it seems creativity may be a trait of sensitive kids - would you say so?

Christina was very alert as a baby, it was the first thing people commented on. Also, she had to be swaddled (or held) to sleep, although she fought it and was always trying to escape the swaddle. I don't think we gave up the swaddle until she was about 6 months old or so (well past the age when she was rolling). We had to give it up earlier with Caitlyn because she learned from about 4 months old how to roll over while she was swaddled, so she'd be stuck face down without her arms free to help her roll back over.

Omarsmum and Tacey, so nice to see you here!

I don't think I'd be classed as a young mom or an older mom, sort of in the middle - I'm 29 now, and was 26 when Christina was born. It took us a year to conceive her, so I was worried I'd be an older mom even though not by choice, but thankfully we didn't have to wait too long. I feel a little bit older though as our friends with kids our age are older than us, and our friends our ago do not have kids yet, so we tend to mix better with people 5-10 years older than us.

Daisybee, I'm so sorry to hear about how overwhelming it was at your MIL's. It sounds like they did really great and I'm proud of both of them for holding their own even in such overwhelming circumstances. Christina also gets sad and scared at movies (we fast forward the scary parts) so I imagine she would have reacted similarly. And unfortunately my DH has also made comments about how we need ot let her deal with certain things so she will be prepared for school/life/etc., essentially saying we need to "toughen her up" although he doesn't use those words. I have tried to stress to him that she still has 3 years before she will go to school and that we need to be her security and make sure she has a strong self-esteem so that she can better handle things later, not force her into uncomfortable situations she's not ready for because then she won't have any safe place/people to turn to. She already is doing better with her emotions and can handle overwhelming situations better than she could when she was younger, so I'm confident that when she goes to school in 3 years time she will be able to deal with unexpected/sad/scary situations even better.

 

[DaisyBee]

Daisybee - I agree that 1 p.m. is a silly time to eat. Your MIL sounds well-meaning but quite hard work. I have a huge issue with extended family members "diagnosing" children based on snippets of their behaviour. I would be really wary about the ADHD label as with the diagnosis there comes a huge pressure to medicate and I am really extremely sceptical that this would be helpful to a child like Megan. I have read some very worrying research about long-term consequences of psychiatric medications for children and I am pretty certain that I would not medicate my own children even if they did meet ADHD criteria. For anyone who is interested in the less positive aspects of psychiatric medications in general there is an excellent but frightening book by Robert Whitaker called Anatomy of an Epidemic in which he convincingly argues that psychiatric medications have actually paradoxically led to higher levels of psychiatric disability and chronic illness in both adults and children. (I work in mental health services as a psychologist so this is a topic close to my heart!)

That's interesting to hear about that book. I personally believe that medication is overused. I think Megan has a lot going on with her. But I really don't think overstimulation can be called ADHD. My brother had what was then called add. He didn't know it until he was in college and then he personally decided to go on meds at that time and stayed on them only long enough to get through his classes and he said as an engineer he has been totally fine without them. He got through most of his schooling without it. He was not ever hyper. Just hard time concentrating type thing. Sil that has ADHD was a very very hyper kid. Dh says she would just run circles all the time. She never stopped. And none of it was busy with a purpose. She just acted crazy. I feel like megans is busy with a purpose. Dh said his sister would never sit still long enough to read a book or watch a tv show. Megan sits still for an hour at a time reading books with us. She sits still at times playing with play dough for 1/2 hr, or coloring, etc. I do think some things bore her easily. And she is distracted easily but it's because she is so aware of everything. I think she can focus and I'm hoping she handles school ok. She did great this summer at the early literacy class in the park. They did lots of activities - singing songs, dancing to songs that you did certain actions like stomping at certain times, etc., parachute, finger plays, then they listened to one book, then had a snack, and then coloring, some playing with puzzles, water play, etc. It was 1 1/2 hr class and 45-60 minutes was kids alone with the teacher and aide. She did great. Very focused. Loved the whole thing. She was excited and loved learning new songs. She acted like she was in her element. She wasn't overstimulated, not bored. It was perfect.

At home she is a busy girl but not crazy, not hyper at all. She is either busy doing something or thinking about something. When we go places like our local very small library she acts hyper. But church ( which we haven't been to much recently) she doesn't usually act hyper. So I think she is just sensitive to her environment. She won't sit at all for story time at the library. The other day I asked her if she wanted to go to story time at the libary and she was very sure of her answer and it was "no!". She was ok with the idea of going later to get some books, but she was already getting overexcited after only 10 minutes and I was then rushing to get her out of there. We then went home and she played outside with a 7 year old neighbor boy and no overexcitement she was totally fine and really liked that.

 

[DaisyBee]

Happy thanksgiving US ladies

Polaris this is interesting. I will take a look at the book.

Daisybee- as you mentioned, it's still too early to diagnose Megan with ADHD. My brother was the same, he was too smart but always on the go. We thought he will cause chaos when he goes to school, my mum even held on sending him to school until he was over 5 yrs. he had few meltdowns & tantrums during the 1st week, but he was so well behaved & was one of those kids who never left their chair

We went to our classes today, Omar was fine & he enjoyed the class. But it seems that I'm not the only one who's concerned about his social issues.

At the mess lab class the teachers kept the 4 kids occupied with playdoh & some dinosaurs, & they spent the last 15 mins asking to me. (I'm the only parent who attend the 3+ classes )

She told me that she had a long talk about Omar with their manager before she left (they have a new manager now), & she asked her to talk to me. She told me clearly not to agree on skipping classes if the school he will go to offers it. She told me that he's way advanced for his age but he's socially delayed & by skipping a class & going to school with older kids he will feel lost & left out, she told me that the best for Omar is a school environment with less structure as he takes things seriously.

If he goes to a grades structured school, he will end up concentrating on getting high grades (as he's a perfectionist), & he will end up loosing balance between studying & having fun & socializing (which is more important for his development at this stage)

Sometimes I feel lost, I'm really struggling with finding what's best for Omar.

He's doing much better when it comes to socializing, but he's still the "different" kid. Today he refused to jump on the tumble bridge although he loves to jump, & he didn't go on the swing. He made excuses like "I can't do it", "it's not allowed" & so on. In the mess lab class, when the teacher asked him about the colour of the bowl she was holding he told her "I don't know"

He is difficult to deal with but I don't want him to have this attitude when he goes to school

He touched the lentils in the sensory box in class which is a progress. & yesterday we made some playdoh at home & he helped by mixing the ingredients with his hands to make the dough. So I think he's getting better with touching different textures.

I understand that feeling of feeling lost when trying to figure out how best to help them. I feel the same way. I feel like everyone has different ideas on what's best for our kids. It seems like you had different answers from everyone on Omar. From that dr that you saw, then that school that you took him out of, etc. It makes it really confusing when trying to follow what our gut says if everyone has different opinions that they tell us.

What exactly is Omar doing that they consider socially delayed? I'm confused about that part.


Some of dh's family today was saying that Megan will change as she gets older. And I said that no it was who she is, it's her personality. They looked at me like I was weird for saying that. I do think they will learn how to handle things and do things but her core personality won't change. I was very quiet in school, I never felt comfortable. I was a chatterbox at home and with my few close friends. That never changed, even as I got older. I talk with adults now in real life. But in a big group of people I'm not a big talker. I hang back or talk to just someone near me with small talk. Like today one of the men was talking so loud in order for lots of people to hear him talk about nonsense. He is clearly an extrovert. He loved all the attention and would get louder in order to get more attention or talk above someone else. Dh and I would talk in a smaller group to one or 2 people at a time. And we both said a thank goodness once we got home.

 

[DaisyBee]

Cutie - I would consider Megan very creative. She has a huge imagination and is coming up with random things all of the time. She likes to make up songs and sings them throughout the day. She has acted like she has imaginary friends but it's not been a constant thing. And I wonder if it's random people vs the same friend. She seems to have an internal world going on sometimes in her head and she doesn't always let us in on everything. I will catch her saying something or doing something that makes me feel like she is talking to someone or something that isn't there. But she doesn't really respond when i have asked her about it.

I had an imaginary friend at age 2 named goepkers according to my mom.

I asked dh more about the movie today and he said that the robots eyes got smaller or something and then his eyebrows changed and then he got smaller and went into a bookcase or something. Megan interpreted that to mean that he was sad and that was a major part of what seemed to be bothering her. She was too upset about it all to tell me what was making her so upset. She was just in such tears and just sobbing. She kept mentioning it until she went to bed.

 

[OmarsMum]

Polaris- Omar is the same, he has no issues with one-to-one conversations, he answers all questions in a very polite way. He likes the attention. But when it comes to group activities, he struggles, & he needs me around.

Daisybee- I'm sorry Megan had to go through all this at your MIL's. but it sounds you both handled it well. I agree overwhelming is totally different that ADHD, Omar gets overwhelmed easily but he's not into moving nonstop, & his focus & concentration are amazing. I also don't understand why they should "toughen up". It's more difficult when you have a boy due to social stereotyping. He's also similar to Megan when it comes to messy play, he gets overwhelmed at a certain point & he starts to throw things around while laughing hysterically then he ends up with a meltdown saying that he's dirty & he needs a bath!

As for his social delays, he doesn't join in, he ignores kids in classes, he doesn't show interest in them & he clings to me. He "thinks" kids his age are babies, this is why he ignores them, he seeks the attention of older kids as he can hold a proper conversation with them while playing.

Cutie- Christina sounds like Omar when it comes to clinginess & separation anxiety. He's still in my bed, he wakes up at night looking for me & saying mama, I have to be around 24/7. He doesn't play alone for more than 15 mins & I have to be in the same room, if I'm occupied with something he gets irritated.

Today is going to be challenging, we have this Friday family gathering at our place, Omar didn't sleep well, he didn't go to bed until almost 2 am, but he woke up at 9 am & he refused to go back to bed. Now he's so whiney & he doesn't know what he wants. I don't know how I'm going to cook for 8 adults & 2 kids! They will be here at around 4 pm. My nephew is also coming, I told my mum clearly that SIL & nephew are not welcomed if she is going to his her son a dummy around Omar.

The weather is amazing, I'm thinking of taking Omar for a walk downstairs by the lagoon as I need some fresh air. I cried in the morning when I was talking to my mum, I feel lost. Yesterday was so overwhelming for me, with all this talk with his teachers.

Sometimes I feel that I don't want advise about Omar's temperaments anymore, I'm exhausted from over analyzing his behaviour, I want him to live like a normal kid, I want him to be happy, but I feel that I'm always failing

 

[Tacey]

Hello again! Looks like I have missed a lot. I have read through, but have lost track, so just all round! It sounds like there's a common theme with most of us having to deal with other people and their preconceptions of what sensitivity is and isn't, and how children 'should' behave. It's not easy to be outside of the box.

Omarsmum - I am totally with you on feeling you don't want advice any more. I'm currently having problems with anxiety and depression, and I'm sure a big factor in that is my worry about Alice. I've decided to just stop analysing so much, and just enjoy her for who she is without trying to change anything. It's made everyone happier so far.

Very big step today. Alice is at the childminders! I feel a bit ridiculous, as I'm a SAHM, but I really have needed the time away from her. I just got a text saying Alice is really enjoying herself. In somewhat bad timing, we also have a party to go to this afternoon. It will be interesting to see how she copes.

One thing I've realised recently is how as parents, I think we often look at the negative side of sensitivity. We worry about the future, and how they'll cope. We try and imagine them as adults and are desperate to make their paths easier. I have found it really helpful to look at all the positives that sensitivity brings. As long as our children know they are loved and that they have us on their side, they'll be able to stand up to anything the world throws at them. They may be sensitive, but sensitivity can be a strength. It's hard to see day to day, but important to remember.

 

[OmarsMum]

Tracey - so sorry you're going through a tough time. Glad Alice is having a good time, I'm with you about over analyzing things. When Omar will go to the daycare next month, I will not tell them anything about his behaviour, I'll just leave them to figure it out. When they ask questions I will answer them. You never know he might behave differently if I'm not around.

I really wish I can be relaxed & go with the flow, I don't even know why I keep worrying, he has more positives than negatives, but I can't stop myself from worrying

 

[polaris]

Thomas doesn't have an imaginary friend but he treats some of his toys like imaginary friends and has long conversations with them and tells me what they are saying. Also he is always pretending to be something or somebody at the moment. He loves making up stories too. I think he is quite creative. I am not a very creative person (more practical) but OH is very creative and I think Thomas takes after him in that regard.

 

[DaisyBee]

Omarsmum - good for you for standing up for Omar with the dummy in regards to his cousin! Megan woke at 4am today and I was so glad that we don't have anything going on today. I feel for you! Hopefully everything will come together easily. If Omar is more mature than the other kids, I think it's natural for him to feel like the others are more babyish. I have noticed that with our neighbor kids. There is a boy 4 months younger than Megan and she totally ignores him but talks nonstop to the older kids. And honestly there is a huge difference between that other boy and Megan. As an adult perspective hearing both of them talking to the others in the group Megan acts much older. I was hoping she would become friends with this boy, but so far no.

As far as him clinging to you.. That sensitive boy in my daycare that I've referred to before. He was very clingy to his mom when she was there. He had horrible separations anxiety and cried almost every single time she left. And yet he loved daycare. The crying never lasted long, it was how he handled the transition. If she stayed and waited around he was very clingy to her until she left. Once gone though he was fine. Omar might be very similar.

Tacey thank you for that reminder. I do think sometimes in the day to day it gets hard to think of the big picture. I think all of our kids are very unique and special. I have noticed that I do have a problem just enjoying Megan and I think it hasn't been helping me either. I too have been dealing with some anxiety and depression so big hugs. I think I've been overwhelmed with the girls. A lot of mine i think is from trying to juggle both of their needs and dealing with Megan daily. I had a much better week last week and realized what a huge thing it was to have a day away from Megan. Megan doesn't go off and play for hours, I see her intensity and sensitivity all day long. I am hoping to one day get to a place where she can be herself and yet I'm not so exhausted by her. The sleep problems, the meltdowns, the overstimulation when anything happens - I feel like I'm constantly managing every day because any time I haven't things are worse which affects everyone. When she doesn't sleep we both suffer. I worry about how she is going to cope with school if she can't sleep at night. I actually don't worry at all about her as an adult. I think the sensitivity trait is a great thing, but harder to cope with in kids. I feel like once she is an adult she will understand herself better and know what she needs to do to help herself through things. A lot of what I talked to dh about last night is how great this trait is, and how special Megan is. I told him my goal isn't to change her, it's to be a good enough mom to help her succeed and cope in the world until she is old enough to handle it herself. And to not screw her up in the meantime. I think I take my job as mom more seriously as what I do affects her so greatly.

It's nice to have others to talk to about things that understand. People yesterday acted like Megan was the oddball for not handling the movie and being "oversensitive". I don't feel that way at all, I just wanted to help her stop being upset about it. It got suggested to me to call the rehab dept at the big clinic near us to get her seen and get her some help. I felt like that meant others thought she has a problem and needs change. I feel like we are both learning and growing together, but I'm not sure either of us wants to handle the stress of outside help right now. If it's needed in the future, fine we will deal with that then.

 

[Tacey]

Omarsmum - I think that's a good point about not mentioning anything to daycare beforehand. I've got a tendency to micromanage, and I'm trying to learn to back off a bit. It doesn't come easily to me!

Polaris - It's lovely that Thomas is so imaginative. We're the reverse here. I was constantly pretending to be people when I was little, but Alice is absurdly literal. She told me we couldn't fly to the moon, because the ceiling was in the way . She finds others' imaginary play hard to understand.

DaisyBee - to you too! I'm not surprised you're exhausted. I am, and I get long periods without even seeing Alice. It sounds like a heck of a time you've had seeing family. It's very hard to deal with other people telling you there's something 'wrong' with your child. Megan sounds like a lovely girl, and you're doing an amazing job. Our children certainly make us work hard though, don't they?!

The childminder was a huge success. The other littl girl is lovely, not a pushover, so she can stand up to Alice, but not aggressive at all. Alice mentioned her in passing earlier, which is a big deal for us. Usually she acts like she's not seen other children at all. The party was a bit of a step too far unfortunately. She spent most of her time under a work surface, before getting hysterical when balloons popped. She ran out, and refused to come back in to the hall. Not surprising though after such a busy morning. Both of us are exhausted now. I'm going to get her to bed in a minute.

Actually, that was something I wanted to ask. I know Omar is a night owl, but does anyone have a very early sleeper? I get Alice in bed by 5, and she sleeps until 5.30-6am. This does seem ridiculous, but if I put her to bed later, she wakes earlier...

 

[DaisyBee]

Tacey - daycare sounds great for Alice, I think the environment of a home daycare is great for sensitive kids. The kids in my daycare were all very close friends. Sounds like it was a good start if she already is talking about a girl there! That's too bad about the party, it must have been a very big day for Alice

Does everyone have time away from their kids? I really feel like Megan and I both would benefit from more time away from each other.

My girls were both in bed by 6 last night with no afternoon nap ( Jordan had a 5 minute nap in the car on the way home). Megan woke at 4am and Jordan woke at 6:15.

Typically Megan is napping again now for 1/2-1 hr. She wasn't coping well on no nap. Without the nap she still acted overtired and was going to bed by 6pm. It was hard to get her there any sooner and even at 6 I felt really rushed. She didn't have enough down time. She was waking more at night and acting tired and out of it all day. With the short nap she is going to bed around 8 and falling asleep between 9-10 and wakes around 7.

 

[OmarsMum]

Tacey- I'm the same, I don't stop talking about Omar's traits , this is why care givers in classes, nurseries etc find it challenging to deal with him. This time I don't want to say much. I know as his mum I over analyze everything, & as he's my 1st & I'm always around I notice minor details in his behaviour that seem like big issues, but for those who are not with him on daily bases, those behaviours are common toddler's behaviours,

Omar sleeps better when he goes to bed earlier, I noticed it when we started to put him in bed at 8-9 pm when he started nursery last month. But his routine went out of the window when we weaned him off the dummy. He still can't figure out how to settle at bedtime, this is why we"re leaving him until he gets really tired & falls asleep, it's not ideal, but I'm rally hoping once we start going to the daycare he will go back to sleeping at an earlier time.

Daisybee I know the feeling of having the "odd" kid, it's not easy.

Polaris- Omar has a great imagination, he makes up scenarios & he asks me to join in. Today I asked him if he's ready to go to school alone without mummy. He told me no he wants mummy with him, but he will not go to the school of Foxy Loxy. I asked him who's Foxy Loxy, he said "miss Roxy". Miss Roxy is the principle who locked him in her office when he went to the nursery last month , for him she's cunning like Foxy Loxy in Chicken Licken story

 

[polaris]

Wow this thread is fast moving now, I have to say that I am always delighted when I see new posts on this thread, it's so nice sharing experiences and ideas with each other and having somewhere to vent when necessary!

Tacey, I think you are so right about looking for the positive side rather than just seeing the difficulties/potential pitfalls. I love Thomas with all my heart and I wouldn't change anything about him, but I do worry about him and whether he will fit in with other children and whether he will cope emotionally with childhood and teenage years. I think it's because as parents it is heart breaking to think of our children being unhappy or being rejected by other people. But I think it is definitely so important to remind ourselves daily of all the positives that go with sensitivity, that it's not a bad thing, it's a good thing. Omarsmum, I agree that there is an expectation that boys will behave in a particular way and Thomas and Omar do not fit that stereotype at all. This makes things harder than they should be I think.

Daisybee - I do get some time away from Thomas. My OH does shift work so he is around quite a lot during the day and he is usually able to take Thomas out a couple of mornings or afternoons a week. I really notice the difference in my attitude and ability to cope when I haven't had a break away from him. Even short breaks of one to two hours make a huge difference in my experience.

Tacey, that is great that Alice settled in well at the childminder's and that's fantastic that she was already talking a little bit about the other child there. Thomas doesn't tend to talk about other children much but this is improving a little bit as he gets older and he will mention the children he knows very well in passing sometimes.

Omarsmum- I wonder if the reason people are making an issue about Omar being socially delayed is that he is so advanced in other areas? So he is delayed socially relative to his abilities in other areas. Because I'm not sure that he is particularly socially delayed relative to other children of his age. Not outside the normal range anyway, I would say. Thomas is very similar in that he ignores other children unless he knows them well, he won't join in with group activities (although he watches carefully and will often want to do whatever it was with me later), and he is also quite clingy to me. I know that he does not have very well-developed social skills but I wouldn't really consider him socially delayed. I think it's too early to say that. If he is still the same when he is starting school, then I would say that is delayed. But he has another couple of years and a lot can change in that time.

In relation to sleep, when Thomas was younger he always needed to go to bed early, we were often stretching him to get to 6.30 p.m. Now he goes to bed later because he still has the nap. I have moved his bedtime up to 8 p.m. and it seems about right for him as he is falling asleep generally by about 8.30 p.m. When he was going to bed at 7.30 it was actually taking him longer to fall asleep, maybe because he just wasn't tired enough. I am really happy with his sleep at the moment, he is napping for between one and two hours between 1 and 3 and then sleeping from 8.30 p.m. until about 7.30 or 8 a.m.

 

[polaris]

Healthwise, Thomas is much much better this week. We saw improvements as soon as I took him to the doctor, typical! Monday evening after the doctor appointment he was full of energy and jumping up on the couches and running around the house, which he just hadn't been doing at all for the past few weeks. We got the blood tests done anyway on Wednesday morning but I haven't had results yet. However, I'm pretty sure he's fine, I think it just seems to take him ages to get back to himself after illness.

Also, we have had some success with the balance bike! He got it for his birthday but after initial enthusiasm he just didn't want to go near it. I had a chat with him at the weekend and told him that he had to practice to get good at it and that it was difficult for everyone at first. He told me that it hurts his legs and his bottom and that he can't do it. I told him that if he practices every day that it won't hurt anymore because he'll get used to it and he'll learn how to do it. So I suggested that he could practice going just up as far as the end of our road every day if it's not raining - to which he said in horror "I'm not going on the road though, the cars might squash me" LOL - I clarified that he could go on the pavement and he agreed. So the first couple of days I had to really encourage him to go and bribe him with desired activities ("we can do XXX after you go out on your bike), and it was a real struggle to get him as far as the end of the road and back. But this evening he was beginning to get the hang of it and was lifting his feet off the ground a bit and coasting along just for a moment. And he asked to go further when we got to the end of the road and when we got home he told daddy that it doesn't hurt his bottom anymore! I was so proud of him. It is a big step for Thomas to do something that he isn't immediately able to do and has to work at.

 

[polaris]

Polaris- Omar has a great imagination, he makes up scenarios & he asks me to join in. Today I asked him if he's ready to go to school alone without mummy. He told me no he wants mummy with him, but he will not go to the school of Foxy Loxy. I asked him who's Foxy Loxy, he said "miss Roxy". Miss Roxy is the principle who locked him in her office when he went to the nursery last month , for him she's cunning like Foxy Loxy in Chicken Licken story

This is brilliant! I just love the way their minds work. Omar is so clever and perceptive!

 

[OmarsMum]

Polaris- glad Thomas health is getting better

I also bribe Omar to get him to use his balance bike , I'm so happy Thomas is finally getting over his fear & he's finally using his balance bike, sounds like a great progress. Omar rode on his yesterday for two seconds & he took 1 step forward, then he went down.

I don't think Omar is so delayed socially, well he improved a lot recently, but as you said, as he's way so advanced in other areas, people look at him as an older kid, & they forget that he's only 3!

I'm kind of glad he's average when it comes to his size & he doesn't look older. When he throws a tantrum in public it doesn't look odd as he doesn't look older than 2.5- 3 yrs, but when he talks he looks like a tiny 5 yrs old

When my aunt compares him to her kids, she doesn't compare him to her 3 yrs old, she compares him to her 6 yrs old!

 

[cutie4evr01]

Omarsmum, I agree with polaris in that he doesn't sound socially delayed to me, just that his social skills aren't as advanced as his other skills. I do think when kids act/look older, people expect more of them. Christina looks like a 4-yr-old, and is quite well-behaved and mature, as well as pretty bright, so I think people are surprised when they do see her tantrums (mainly family as she rarely tantrums in public). DH and I are guilty of this ourselves, and I wonder if it's in part due to having another baby, but we sometimes have to step back and remind ourselves that she's only 2 after all.

I agree Tacey about focusing on positives and I think we do a good job of that. We are constantly amazed by her perception and empathy, and at this age she is learning so many new things all the time, so we are really enjoying that.

Way to go on the balance bike, Thomas!

I think I mentioned this before, but I work 3 days/wk, so I do get time away from Christina. TBH, although I enjoy my work, I really struggle with the time away from my girls. I often wish I was a SAHM, but my DH thinks if I was I would miss working, and in my field (biomedical engineering) it would be difficult to have a years-long break. He's probably right, so I'm doing my best to work hard when I'm at work and make the most of my time with them.

My girls are early birds, but doesn't sound quite as early as yours. We generally do baths around 6:15/6:30 and they are in bed by 7. Christina falls asleep anywhere between 7:30 and 9 and generally wakes up around 5, but we have a sleep training cow clock in her room so she doesn't come out of her room (except to potty) until the cow wakes up at 6 am. Caitlyn goes right to sleep at 7 (sometimes 6:30) and sleeps until about 6 or 6:30 am. When Christina was small, we often put her in bed by 6 pm. My family thought we were crazy, but she really needed it. If we keep her up any later, she's up earlier in the morning. We think she takes after my DH, who just doesn't sleep much.

Thanks for the links to the chewy toys DaisyBee; Christina has asked Santa to bring her a Dora backpack and a chew toy - poor Santa looked so confused

 

[DaisyBee]

Lol cutie - do you think Santa had ever heard another kid ask for a chew toy before?? Haha! Is christina napping yet?

Megan was in bed by 6 as a baby. By 13 months she was in bed and asleep by 7. And as she has gotten older she seems to be getting later and later. Do the other kids in this group have a hard time falling asleep sometimes? Megan has a very tough time sometimes. Anytime fun like if we had a bday party or people over or even if we go to the park too late in the afternoon. Things that seem pretty average even can seem to make it hard for her to fall asleep. If she starts thinking too much about something before bed she will stay awake and think or talk to herself about it. And I think her imagination runs wild after the lights turn out. Tonight she wanted me to come cuddle with her after she had been in bed a while. She was trying to settle down but having trouble. She was telling me about a cat in her bed ( there wasn't really one) and that he was sleeping and kept talking about this cat. Then she was saying that the fan ( her ceiling fan) was going to come down and join us. ( One of her books has a bear that wants the clouds to come down and join him. He wants to dance with the moon, and the clouds, etc. ) So her mind was obviously not shutting off. Lol She has a long wind down time and we can't go outside at all after dinner or she will be awake all night.

I think that I am going to find a babysitter to come be with one of the girls sometimes, maybe after school for a few hours and I can do something with the other one. Like leave Jordan here with a sitter and take Megan out somewhere. And also use the same sitter for some date nights with dh. Dh had been taking megan a few times for an hour or so but now when he has been busier with work it hasn't been happening at all. Mil has said that if Megan is ok with no nap that she could take her some on Monday's ( mil doesn't work on Monday's ) so I'm thinking maybe no nap wouldn't hurt one day a week once in a while.

Polaris - it must be a relief that thomas is finally feeling better. so glad to hear that! And yay for him on his bike! That's great that you could convince him to try a bit.

Mil called tonight and talked to dh and asked how Megan was last night. She was talking to him about megans emotional depth. I'm so glad that she maybe "gets it" a bit. Maybe she will be more understanding?

Omarsmum- I don't think Omar sounds delayed either with social. The group that Megan did this summer was 2-5 year olds and really none of them interacted much. They didn't really know each other and none of them made any effort that I saw. And the toddler class this fall of 2 year olds, the kids weren't playing together or talking together.
And if he is willing to talk to older kids and adults - that is being social. Just in a different way. I think it's hard to expect him to always behave like other kids if he clearly in other ways not behaving like them.